katrina1980 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I would not say "beware of dating doctors". That's really not fair because I know some wonderful husbands and fathers who are doctors. I would say "beware of dating anyone with poor relationship boundaries. Beware of anyone who tries to gaslight you into thinking you're at fault". Bolded, agree, and I do too! I made that comment (initially made by another member) facetiously and in jest, as we (the OP and I) are currently going through similar situations with doctors, but I don't really believe it to be true. The gaslighting thing - definite next! The boundaries thing - yellow flag or red flag depending on how severe. In my case, yellow flag, and not worth causing more drama over, but will definitely be keeping a watch out going forward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Whether or not he cheated wouldn't be the issue for me. He has warped boundaries, and he tried to make YOU feel bad about that. I wouldn't even argue with the guy, I'd just walk on. You dodged a bullet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rozhni Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I’m surprised he told you they slept in the same bed. When I slept in the same bed with my friend who happened to be a girl, I never told my girlfriend. That’s just not smart to do and will start drama. I was attracted to my friend who happened to be a girl, but we didn’t do anything. I respected my relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabrina918 Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Thanks all! I am backing off and letting his silence do all the talking. I apologized for overreacting but his response and playing it down was out of line. He didn't really care and was still defensive and you know what, that means our values willl never be aligned. I don't want to have spend years wondering every single time he's traveling with her or at the office. Adios to him!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 He's got poor boundaries and he knows it. He's not dumb or naive. He knows this looks bad and reflects poorly on him. One can be a brilliant doctor, teacher, astrophysicist, dog-trainer - but it doesn't necessarily mean squat when it comes to relationship skills. That's a different ball of wax. This is not someone with whom I would continue a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 this all became my fault and that I am not hospitable and I should've been more understanding His view is that sharing one's bed with guests is the way to be hospitable? Would he expect you to do this too, invite male friends to visit and share your bed? How would he feel? What about other guests, parents, grandparents, friends of the same sex? Is his bed open to all? His "shoulding" you when you express your feelings could be a red flag as well. Shoulding each other leads to defensiveness and furthers any division. He may be a great guy in many ways and well educated, and still be a mismatch for the kind of partnership you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imho Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I'm incredibly upset with how careless and immature he's being and not to mention disrespectful to me and what we have (I genuinely don't think she knows about me) and would love your opinions!! Thank you. You stated you don't think she knows about you. There is a way to remedy that situation while watching his reaction. Did he outright tell you that this woman slept in the bed with him? If he was set on having them stay there he could have given the women the bed and slept on the couch. Something is not right here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Strike one, sleeping with a coworker. I can't think of any coworker I'd share my bed with. Strike two and probably most importantly, not respecting your feelings about. He not only did he minimized it, he flipped the script and makes you out to be the bad guy. So where so you go from here when your own bf can't respect this glaring boundary for the sake of his relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 You shouldn't be sleeping with ppl of the opp sex when ur in a relationship regardless of whether anything happens. -_- I’m surprised he told you they slept in the same bed. When I slept in the same bed with my friend who happened to be a girl, I never told my girlfriend. That’s just not smart to do and will start drama. I was attracted to my friend who happened to be a girl, but we didn’t do anything. I respected my relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figureitout23 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 How would she not know about you? That's odd to me, she gave up so much to move to work for him, she's comfortable sleeping in his bed so she must be more than an aquaintance, most friends knownabout one another dating situation. Why do you believe she is unaware? Is this his MO? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Op, how did you find out that they slept in the same bed together? How did it come up? This is one of those situations where I don't see how he cannot see this as inappropriate. Further to that, he doesn't even seem to be trying to see it from your point of view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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