Ozone Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 This is a song im planning on sharing with a band I may be joining. I would like some feedback on it before I put it out on the table. Critisism and comments welcome. Sometimes I lie and wonder Wonder where you are No your not here But your never very far I shut my eyes and dream Dream of the days When you were still my girl Before you gave yourself away Those days are gone forever And your so lost to me I'll hold you tight tonight But only in my dreams What we are is What we'll never be It was real But it doesn't matter To me Loving Gazes Hesitation Lonley Nights Imagination Thats all All that I have now I picture all the moments Moments in my head That we should have spent together But we were miles apart instead I'll never forgive myself For leaving you there We could have had a future A lifetime of love to share So I think that I'll stay here Alone in my bed Thinking of your beautiful smile And things I should have said C/W A. Curtis 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neva_black_n_white Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Sometimes I lie and wonder Wonder where you are No your not here But your never very far I shut my eyes and dream Dream of the days When you were still my girl Before you gave yourself away Those days are gone forever And your so lost to me I'll hold you tight tonight But only in my dreams would all of this be put together as one verse if you know what i mean, only it feels as if there should be a split, as in a duration left between when being sung. i would have split it so that Those days are gone forever And your so lost to me I'll hold you tight tonight But only in my dreams stoud alone to give more emphasis but then again im not sure on how it would be sung, thats the only issue. so far im thinking its really good, youve got emotion in and i think you can feel the piece so i like it. to me i reckon its creative but im just a stranger in the crowd so youll need other opinions. What we are is What we'll never be It was real But it doesn't matter To me Loving Gazes Hesitation Lonley Nights Imagination Thats all All that I have now right, so this isnt repeated? call me old fashioned but im used to a chorus, my boyfriend is in a band and produces things, im used to seeing a chorus thats all. the song alone sounds great but i would have thought what i quoted was to be the chorus. is it meant to perform the role with the repeting of it? sorry shouldnt compare to my blokes bands, just ive got loads of mates in bands and im used to it...your original i like it. whats the style? whats the main and strong feature of your band? instrument etc? top notch in my eyes just thought id have a go at analysing Kel. C/W A. Curtis 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_need_a_miracle Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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