Will this feeling ever end?

[sputnik123]

Hey Bee,

 

I hope you got some plans for the weekend

 

Yes, overall, I think the worst aspect of my b/up was the thinking, then knowing, I was instantly "replaced". This is a truly horrible feeling, there is no doubt. Especially if there was dishonesty about it too.

This is when you need to fall off their world, not to have to put yourself through seeing it. In saying this though, ensure you are still living your life, as best you can. Then in time you will find yourself being happier and happier without this person in your life. You can remember the times you had together, sure, but keep looking in the present and the future.

As I said to you when you initially came on here, it is still valid. Hardly any relationship will last forever (especially these days, it seems). People more often than not do split up (for whatever reason) and then become involved with other people. This is the way I look at it when I have dark moments. It's just part of life and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

All you need to remember is that you are one hell of a catch, and tell yourself that every day you wake up

 

x

[Bumblebee093]

Hey guys,

 

Thank you for the kind words. Always feels better to come on here knowing I can just ramble out all my thoughts. Today was a little better, I saw him again in his car and I could feel my face flush and my stomach churn, the only way I can describe it is like adrenaline but like a really bad kind. I just carried on walking, hoping he didn't see me. I'm sure he didn't cause I know he would have texted me - Which in a way i'm thankful for because I don't know how strong I am right now to ignore it.

 

I think its all the run up to valentines day, all the hotel, restaurant, jewellery adverts plastered around. Including the match.com adverts, it's terrible. I wish there was some adverts for the singletons on valentines day xD.

 

I'm plodding through the thick mud of it all now. There are days I wake up and just wish I could see him and be that strong woman who just walks straight past him with a smile on my face like nothing is wrong, that i'm happy without him. I know it's not the right thing to do but in my head I want to be that person and one day I will get there but i'm pretty inpatient haha.

 

It's sad to see more and more people break up. I, for one am quite a traditional romantic kind of person, I like to be with that person and work through all the crap times, all the really really rough times. Ok if the relationship is really not working like one person cheated or one person is abusive then thats different. I'd like to hope that I can find someone who shares those thoughts too. I can understand why some people jump straight into relationships but I can't understand why they think it's a good idea. I know for one, why my ex did it. He doesn't know how to be alone, I was his first serious relationship too and all he knows is how to be in a relationship but he doesn't know how to not be in one, He doesn't know how to be alone. It's sad and worrying to see cause he will forever be hoping from girl to girl. I'll never know if he's with her or not unless he tells me. I don't want to know either way. I was thinking about this earlier and what piares said, If he honestly texted me now trying to get back I don't think I could, No matter how much I love him and miss him. The fact I was chosen over, replaced so easily and then when it goes to dust he wants me back how is that going to look on me? How could I trust him again? Why should I be with someone who didn't even want to give it a second chance?. It's so heartbreaking to say and think it but it's the truth.

 

The words keep replaying in my head every now and then of his friends commenting on his new status 'nice one lad ' 'get in there' and heres little old me sat here just a state. I know that they are just words but it can sometimes stab u hard when you are vulnerable. When I think of it now, doesn't bother me too much, just a little pang.

 

I've just got to keep on moving forward even if I sidestep every now and then. I've got work tomorrow so it's something to keep my Saturday occupied.

 

I hope everyone is having a great day.

 

x

[Bumblebee093]

I feel like I was doing so well and now I’m

Taking step backwards the past few days have been really hard. I’ve been getting out there and meeting new people but in my head, no one will ever match up to him. I know it’s probably because I need more time but it’s what I always think about even if I’m not meeting people.

 

The dreams settled but they have started up again, I’ve been waking up either scared or really upset. It’s so hard to let go on someone you care for so deeply. It’s like that last little bit of love being sucked out from you and leaving you dry

 

Every year we go away to the coast for my birthday. me, my family and him. My mum brought it up and when are we gonna book it and I can’t even think about it. We’ve been going to this place since I was a kid and when me and him got together we shared a love for this place as he used to go there too. I’ve celebrated birthdays there, our anniversary, Valentine’s. Now everytime

I see the name or the place I wish I was there but the memories burden me. Every road, every beach, every arcade, every town is just him... everywhere. It’s so tempting to reach out but I know it’s not in my interest to do so.

[Carus]

Hi BB*

It’s so hard to let go on someone you care for so deeply.

Oh God...have you read my thread..!? lol

 

Yes it will go up and down...This is where it gets frustrating...Oh the good days are so good, so refreshing...but then "Noooo! Don't go away!"....

 

But as the good days pass, so will the bad ones....

 

It's ok to be out meeting people, and who knows what will happen, but just do it as part of your healing project, not to find his replacement straight away. You may get lucky but anything else can actually make you feel worse....That time will come soon*

 

Oh Man. No wonder you're having a relapse...That coast trip is a HUGE trigger...!

It’s so tempting to reach out but I know it’s not in my interest to do so.

Go back and read the last 3 pages of my thread....Hopefully that will be a reminder not to yes.

 

We're here BB*. You'll get through this. Keep posting. Keep well*

 

Carus*

[sputnik123]

Hey Bee,

 

Sorry to hear you've had a rough time.

 

As the main man *Carus rightly says, this will happen, and for quite a while. You just need to ride it out, as best you can. We are all here for you.

 

"I think its all the run up to valentines day, all the hotel, restaurant, jewellery adverts plastered around. Including the match.com adverts, it's terrible. I wish there was some adverts for the singletons on valentines day xD. "

 

- Remember, it's only a complete non-entity of a day!

 

"The words keep replaying in my head every now and then of his friends commenting on his new status 'nice one lad ' 'get in there' and heres little old me sat here just a state. I know that they are just words but it can sometimes stab u hard when you are vulnerable. When I think of it now, doesn't bother me too much, just a little pang".

 

- I hear you loud and clear.. I had all that too.. Remember, it's not called "Fakebook" for nothing!

 

Trust me, one day, not now, but one day, you WILL meet someone and you may want to thank your ex for doing you the biggest favour ever but when that happens, you won't want to contact him anyway...

 

Please make sure you keep NC.. reaching out in your scenario halts progress no end.

 

Stay strong. x

[Bumblebee093]

I broke today. I did something I know I shouldn't have done. All the pent up anger and frustration just all came out.

 

He text me... He texted me a lot. He texted me stuff that intended to hurt me I guess. I told him not to talk to me but he carried on, he pushed my buttons, he flipped everything onto how he feels, dismissed what I was feeling and telling him. It was all my fault. I never did this, I never did that, He was the one sat there alone at the xmas party, single, being asked about me and him but yet wasn't listening to how I was feeling too.. each message I felt myself getting angrier and angrier at his responses, I tried to hard to ignore them but they kept flooding in until he really struck a nerve and told me what his family used to say about me... This really set me off and I let loose. I think I broke the text up into 8 single messages cause I was getting so frustrated and angry and ARGH! After I sent them... instant regret. I was so civil to start with. So caring, So understand, I listened, I agreed I was polite. This is how I am to everyone. I hate hurting people.

 

But this, this made me kinda black out to the point where I was so worked up nothing could stop me or talk me out of it. I probably gave him what he wanted, A reason to not be with me, A reason to show his family and friends why he walked away, That i'm this crazy ex and I'll admit, Probably looked like it even though i'm not.

 

I feel so guilty and again beating myself up over it! This isn't me, This isn't who I am or what I wanted to do!

 

i've now actually blocked his number so if he does contact me I won't see it! Should have done this from the start but we all have to learn one way or another. I just chose the hard way...

[sputnik123]

Hey Bee,

Don't feel bad about it. You are right, he was clearly doing it to get a response as some sort of warped justification.

Take this as further evidence that you are far too good for him.

Delete any way of contacting him and ignore anything that comes in. Broadcast it here first and we will help you

All in it together. Never alone

Head high.

S x

[Bumblebee093]

Hey S!

 

Thanks. The last text I sent was me basically saying that this is this. This is the last time he will hear from me and this is the last time I want to hear from him. I told him he basically needs to stop telling me to move on to be happy, stop getting involved in my life and let me move on when I WANT TOO. He isn't part of my life anymore so act like it.

 

I know he was trying to twirl me round his finger with some of the things he was hinting at - he's not over me, he still cares, its still hard for him. idc. It's not gonna work this time. If anything I felt intense anger, very very intense anger and still do. I kinda got exhausted of being a doormat and being spoken too like that so I snapped and stood my ground for the first time in a while, I'm normally quite a shy, reserved person which can end up with me being treated like a doormat x)

 

B x

[Carus]

I kinda got exhausted of being a doormat and being spoken too like that so I snapped and stood my ground for the first time in a while, I'm normally quite a shy, reserved person which can end up with me being treated like a doormat

Well actually I think that's a positive*

 

I too have a lot of trouble with conflict and feeling anger...but sometimes we should..!

 

It's also an important tool in getting past the breakup.

 

Hope you're feeling better now?

 

Carus*

[Makeit]

Hey B. Just skimmed over your post. I feel for you. I found myself upset because my ex hasnt reached out to me at all but after reading your post maybe I am lucky mine isnt stringing my emotions along. I can imagine every moment of contact with him is like starting over in the healing process.

 

Good for you to stand up for yourself. I still wish my ex contacts me so I can tell her off. Or atleast throw some of this pain her way. I Know they say it isnt good but whatever. I think its good for us to speak our mind. They get off easy breaking our hearts and putting us thru this torture and having us never express ourselves to them again which has been my case so far.

[Morello]

Hi Bumblebee, don't beat yourself up in guilt and regret about how you reacted. Some people unfortunatey act in a manipulative way, trying to get a reaction from us and when we react, we are deemed as the crazy ones. We're human beings and have reactions, it's completely normal. It's not the end of the world to lose your cool in a situation like that.

 

Obviously, we need to try to improve our emotional control but we're not gonna be able to always control ourselves in every kind of sitatuion. We're not robots...

 

In any case, most times it's better to say what we wanna say and act how we wanna act instead of just keeping everything inside. We do need to exercise our emotional control but we cannot let people say what they want and do what they want without being called out for it.

[Bumblebee093]

Hey guys, thank you.

 

I do too tell myself that I am only human! People, expesh my ex used to be able to talk to me like I was nothing and basically put blames on me for a lot of things when all he had to do was see how hard I was trying to make it work and when I showed him he just comes out with “well clearly you didn’t have a good time geez” He wants to move on as friends which I declined, i can’t do that if I still hold a candle for him. It’s not fair on him and his realtionship (him talking to his ex fiancé who still loves him) and it’s not fair on me as it will play with my emotions and I’ll never really heal! I really want to stop loving him. I really want to be able to not see him and feel pain. I want to be able to be with other guys and kiss them without him on my mind. I can’t wait for that day!

 

I know that sometimes we need to stand up for ourselves. I did go into all the times where I wished he was more considerate which I shouldn’t have done. I spoke mainly of his friends and how upset I was when one of them told him how I don’t deserve my ex, all cause I couldn’t make it to their bbq???? And my ex texted me this to tell me what they said and that he agrees (we was together at this point) or how his friends said he would give my little sister something (she was 18 but still little to me and I can’t repeat it’s vile) and my ex just laughed and said yeah to which I lost it at his friend and told him to leave my house. Ok I’m rambling but I’m talking without a filter today. There’s so many negatives I went into about how he made me feel and certain situations but he just ignores them and comes out with. Well I have a huge list for all the you’ve done. Mature.

 

I haven’t had a very good time with men. Even though I met him when I was 14! From them backwards I haven’t had the most amazing introduction to guys. From

My dad leaving for another woman to assault from a friend it wasn’t great and meeting my ex my thoughts and feelings changed towards guys. So it’s hard to be on my own again and have to go through a long period of time where I can trust someone that much again, where I won’t fear them.

[Carus]

You are showing great self reflection BB*. One of the positives to come out of times like this...You will grow from this I have no doubt*

 

Keep going through what you're going through....This is going to really turn into a great story I can tell.

 

I can't wait to see this caterpillar emerge from this cocoon a beautiful butterfly*

 

Won't be long x

 

I have pretty nice update for you tonight so I'll head over there now and post.

 

Carus*

[Bumblebee093]

Thank you so much C!

 

I’m hoping this story will be something I can learn from and grow from as well as helping anyone else! Stories make life interesting. I used to love listening to my nana stories about past lovers. Hehe

 

I’ve just read your update and I’m

So happy for you! Like I said I’m sending you all the love and happiness x

 

B

[Carus]

I’m hoping this story will be something I can learn from and grow from...

I know it may not feel like it right now but you already are... I can see it from here*

 

Patience. The answers will come*

I used to love listening to my nana stories about past lovers. Hehe

Heh. So sweet...

I’ve just read your update and I’m

So happy for you! Like I said I’m sending you all the love and happiness x

Thankyou. It means a lot. We'll see what happens. I did send a txt a little while ago just saying thanks for a fun day, this is my number and look forward to talking to you soon.

 

She replied... She thinks I have a 'spectacular' name lol. If that's not high interest level l don't know what is! :)

 

I'm still not 100% healed as you know so I need to just relax and continue focusing on that.

 

And you too ok! *wagging finger* lol

 

C*

[sputnik123]

Well, he is named after a Roman Emporer, after all

 

Bee, I do like your outlook on things. You are wise beyond your years (please take that as compliment!).

 

It's great that we can share in each others good news, as well as support through the rubbish

 

Any exciting weekend plans, or do you have to work?

 

S x

[Carus]

Well, he is named after a Roman Emporer, after all

I do love a well knowledged person ;-)

[Bumblebee093]

Hehe. Well it sounds very promising at the moment so I’m hoping, for you, it grows and flourishes into something beautiful!

 

Heh I’ve been told this before S! I’ve alwas taken it as a compliment. Got my head screwed on hehe. I’m working tomorrow but off Sunday! I don’t mind working tomorrow keeps my mind busy and I’m starting to enjoy some aspects of work a lot more than usual hah. What about yourself?

 

B x

[sputnik123]

Hey Bee,

 

I hope wasn't too bad yesterday.

 

Dare I ask about the better aspects of the work? ;)

 

Fairly chilled this weekend, with a family do later this evening.

 

Maybe nursing a sore head tomorrow!

 

A few strange dreams lately have jolted me, but getting there..

 

I hope you have a lovely weekend.

 

S x

[Bumblebee093]

Hey S!

 

It was actually very busy yesterday so it kept me running around and my mind focus, in quiet moments I had thoughts about him but nothing too major. Over the very very busy christmas period my job role was fluid, so I never actually was able to do my job description but now that it is quiet I am able to sit down and do the things i'm meant to. I have a lovely team that I work with and was recently given some lovely feedback by one of them saying that I don't get enough credit for what I do as a supervisor and that I'm a huge support to the team. Made me feel very validated :) Then was also a few little gifts, Because of that i'm really enjoy going in knowing that what i'm doing IS good enough, if that makes any sense? haha It's a refreshing feeling after feeling so worthless.

 

I hope you had fun with your family and your head isn't too sore haha! Just keep yourself hydrated and give yourself a good ol' hearty english fry up NOM! I'm really hoping your dreams haven't thrown you too off your path to happiness! My dreams are a still a bit all over the place too, some don't even make sense and some involve him. I try and read up about my dreams and see the 'meaning' behind them, Some make perfect sense and give me some sort of feeling as to why i'm feeling the way I do? and I also keep a dream diary as well, just a little notebook beside my bed and everytime I wake up and remember my dream I write it down with the date. I don't know how much help it is but it sure does push it out my mind x)

 

Enjoy your lovely Sunday, I'm planning on lounging in bed ALL DAY hehe.

 

 

B x

[Carus]

Thanks for the update.

 

You're doin' great BB*

 

Whilst it's great to get that external validation, you know you're gorgeous and intelligent even if that has been a bit dented at the moment.

 

You also care about things and people...otherwise you wouldn't be here*

 

Carus*

[sputnik123]

Hey Bee,

 

*Carus is spot on, as ever.

 

The ego obviously takes a little hit post break-up, but it actually has zero negative reflection on you.

 

You have so much going for you and you will come out of this stronger, wiser and happier, for sure.

 

It's great that you are enjoying work and are feeling appreciated there. Not alot of people have that, trust me!

 

Yes, looked after myself (and son) today.. we ate well and he beat me at board games all day! I would say I let him win.. but I need to be truthful.. ;)

 

Will pick a film now and bed down for the night!

 

Hope your day was lovely x

[Bumblebee093]

thanks guys! Xx

 

Haha I get super competitive at games. What was you playing? I’ll probably beat you all at them! Haha

 

What film did you end up watching?

 

My day was super relaxing, chilled out watching lord of the rings, bit of Netflix - been watching Grimm a lot! Had a little bit of a cry but I feel better after it

 

B x

[sputnik123]

Hey lovely bee,

 

Hope you had a great day..were you at work? :)

 

I watched the Prestige.. I absolutely love that film!

 

We played Junior Cluedo, opened our new Monopoly - Ultimate banking (it's good as it's quicker version!) and Frustration!

 

Crying is good if you can do it.. always feel abit better afterwards.. Only cried 4 or 5 times since break-up, but it definitely helps.

 

S x

[Bumblebee093]

Hey hey hey,

 

It’s been a very busy day! Yes I was indeed at work :)

 

I have never seen that film or heard of it ... I don’t think! I need to up my film game. I’ve slacked recently hah

 

Oh my god, frustration. That was my favourite game as a kid and still kinda is. That is the one with the dice in the middle that you pop? With your coloured pegs? Haha. I’m a winner at that

 

I’ve cried a lot haha lost count but I am a very emotional person and feel like I could cry over how cute something is >.

 

B xx