high maintenance, self centered, “me first” women

[itsallgrand]

She just sounds like a young woman who isn't ready for a serious relationship at this point in her life. I wouldn't hang around hoping she'd change. It's take it or leave it.

[Rozhni]

I get that. But does she? After 7 dates you don't truly know that .

 

For instance since I was 14 years old I want to be a mom . I didn't become one until I was almost 31 . Life happens. You have no clue how your life will turn out really . All you can do is work towards what you want and find someone who wants the same things that you do.'

 

Obviously I’m not going to talk to her about being the mother of my child after 7 dates lol. Like I said, I’m just wanting some input from women.

[mustlovedogs]

What do you believe the perfect wife would be like?

[Rozhni]

So, if she'd rather get her nails done or spend time alone, does that make her self centered, high maintenance and not really that into you?

Sorry. But I just have to point out that you still have some knee jerk negative views about women. Or at the very least, negative views about this one.

I could be wrong, but there seems to be a pattern here.

 

No I don’t see anything wrong with her spending money and time on herself every chance she gets. I was actually talking to my friend who is a girl and she feels like the girl I’m dating shops too much and is into herself. Sooo that’s coming from another female... she’s the one who asked me if I’d marry a girl like that and brought up the question “how would she treat her child when she isn’t happy with herself?”

[Seraphim]

Obviously I’m not going to talk to her about being the mother of my child after 7 dates lol. Like I said, I’m just wanting some input from women.

 

Well, like we told you, some do some don't . That's as good as it gets.

[Rozhni]

What do you believe the perfect wife would be like?

 

I would want my wife’s happiness to come from her family not herself., puts her children first, then her husbands needs. Husband does the same. Takes care of her needs and wants. The both of them do everything they can for the children first and then for one another because they want to make eachother happy. I’d prefer my wife to stay at home and raise the kids especially early on in their lives. (I wouldn’t mind staying home if she wanted to work.) if getting her nails and hair done is priority over kids then that’s offputting. I can’t see myself marrying someone like that. I’m not saying that’s what I think she’ll be like.

[Seraphim]

Everyone's happiness should come from inside themselves .

[mustlovedogs]

I don’t have kids. But I would never want my happiness to derive only from my kids or my spouse. I want to be happy individually and independently.

 

I also would never want a spouse to put MY happiness ahead of their own. That’s codependent.

[Seraphim]

If you are not happy within yourself and know how to be happy you can't teach your children how to be happy. A mother's identity doesn't just come from being a mother or a wife . We are not two dimensional .

[Rozhni]

If you are not happy within yourself and know how to be happy you can't teach your children how to be happy. A mother's identity doesn't just come from being a mother or a wife . We are not two dimensional .

 

I guess I’m a happy individual so I don’t realize that. Maybe others have more trouble being happy with themselves. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Give me air in my lungs, sunshine in my day, a roof over my head, food in my stomach and I’ll smile away.

[figureitout23]

My personal take, based on your past couple of posts is that youre looking for problems. Maybe some insecurities here? I mean you do go on and on about her being a model a lot. Are you maybe trying to guard your heart? You know reject her before she rejects you? You're 23 why all the obsessive thoughts about dating? There's something going on here that you're not telling us....

[Rozhni]

I don’t have kids. But I would never want my happiness to derive only from my kids or my spouse. I want to be happy individually and independently.

 

I also would never want a spouse to put MY happiness ahead of their own. That’s codependent.

 

That is true. I wouldn’t marry someone who isn’t a happy person. She seems happy. But I’m not sure what she’ll be like as a wife. Wives HAVE to make their husbands happy and husbands HAVE to make their wives happy. There’s really no point if you only take care of your children and then go do things separately that make you happy... I want a wife who will make my life even better than it was when I was alone.

[Seraphim]

I guess I’m a happy individual so I don’t realize that. Maybe others have more trouble being happy with themselves. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Give me air in my lungs, sunshine in my day, a roof over my head, food in my stomach and I’ll smile away.

 

Then your happiness doesn't come from being a husband or father. Correct? But from inate gratefulness.

[Rozhni]

My personal take, based on your past couple of posts is that youre looking for problems. Maybe some insecurities here? I mean you do go on and on about her being a model a lot. Are you maybe trying to guard your heart? You know reject her before she rejects you? You're 23 why all the obsessive thoughts about dating? There's something going on here that you're not telling us....

 

There’s a lot that I’m probably not mentioning. I guess the only “problem” I have with her is that I don’t see her enough because of how busy she is with work. She had the same problem with her ex and that led to him cheating. I’m constantly telling myself that if she really liked me she’d want to see me more. Usually girls do. She actually told me randomly that she’s going to start seeing me more starting next week but we’ll just have to wait and see. If I only get to see her twice a month I’ll most likely call it off because it’s not enough.

[Rozhni]

Then your happiness doesn't come from being a husband or father. Correct? But from inate gratefulness.

 

Why is it that whenever I needed to motivate myself to finish college I thought about a family? I wanted to be successful for a family I didn’t even have. If I knew I’d never have a family I’d probably fail in life. That’s kinda weird thinking about it. Family is everything to me. I can’t be alone. I’ve always been close with family and it’s important to me.

[Seraphim]

Why is it that whenever I needed to motivate myself to finish college I thought about a family? I wanted to be successful for a family I didn’t even have. If I knew I’d never have a family I’d probably fail in life. That’s kinda weird thinking about it. Family is everything to me. I can’t be alone. I’ve always been close with family and it’s important to me.

It still doesn't mean it will be your only source of happiness .

[Rozhni]

It still doesn't mean it will be your only source of happiness .

 

I Agree with that

[annie24]

I think what you have to do is get to know her better and spend more time with her - years, before you marry her. If you've only been on 7 dates, then you know nothing about her at this stage. It takes time to get to know a person. Lately, I've been watching these real life crime dramas, where the couple falls in love and gets married after 3, 4 months and then finds out that they married a stalker/abuser/child molester/alcoholic, etc.... Granted, my parents married after 6 weeks and both were pretty normal, but you just don't know early on, you're taking a gamble.

 

I think if you want to know what kind of mother she will be, look how she treats animals and other children, maybe nieces and nephews. Does she dote on them? Though you really never know. My cousin has always been very cerebral and an intellectual (always at the top of her class, has a PhD in engineering). When she had children, I (as well as her mom!) were surprised as to how much of a loving and doting mother she is with her children because she was never baby-crazy before. But she was always a very responsible person, so I guess that carries into how she cares for her children.

[figureitout23]

There’s a lot that I’m probably not mentioning. I guess the only “problem” I have with her is that I don’t see her enough because of how busy she is with work. She had the same problem with her ex and that led to him cheating. I’m constantly telling myself that if she really liked me she’d want to see me more. Usually girls do. She actually told me randomly that she’s going to start seeing me more starting next week but we’ll just have to wait and see. If I only get to see her twice a month I’ll most likely call it off because it’s not enough.

 

So to get a bit more insight I read some of your old posts about her. It seems you've been kinda chasing her for a while, even through her being in other relationships.

 

I do think you are at risk of the dreaded friend zone but not because of anything you've done. It always confuses me when men treat the friend zone as something that can be strategically avoided if they just made the right moves. I can't speak for every woman but myself and my close friends - we know super early on which 'zone' we want you to be in, were the same as men in that respect, you know very early on whether or not you're interested in a woman romantically, the only difference is men will screw a woman he sees nothing with and women will keep ya around as a friend.

 

I think deep down you know whether or not things are progressing, if she's not matching your level of interest and feel you need more, find someone willing to give you more, just because she's hot doesn't mean she's your match.

[Rozhni]

I think what you have to do is get to know her better and spend more time with her - years, before you marry her. If you've only been on 7 dates, then you know nothing about her at this stage. It takes time to get to know a person. Lately, I've been watching these real life crime dramas, where the couple falls in love and gets married after 3, 4 months and then finds out that they married a stalker/abuser/child molester/alcoholic, etc.... Granted, my parents married after 6 weeks and both were pretty normal, but you just don't know early on, you're taking a gamble.

 

I think if you want to know what kind of mother she will be, look how she treats animals and other children, maybe nieces and nephews. Does she dote on them? Though you really never know. My cousin has always been very cerebral and an intellectual (always at the top of her class, has a PhD in engineering). When she had children, I (as well as her mom!) were surprised as to how much of a loving and doting mother she is with her children because she was never baby-crazy before. But she was always a very responsible person, so I guess that carries into how she cares for her children.

 

thank you! Yeah 7 dates is too soon to tell I just can’t help but wonder.

[Rozhni]

So to get a bit more insight I read some of your old posts about her. It seems you've been kinda chasing her for a while, even through her being in other relationships.

 

I do think you are at risk of the dreaded friend zone but not because of anything you've done. It always confuses me when men treat the friend zone as something that can be strategically avoided if they just made the right moves. I can't speak for every woman but myself and my close friends - we know super early on which 'zone' we want you to be in, were the same as men in that respect, you know very early on whether or not you're interested in a woman romantically, the only difference is men will screw a woman he sees nothing with and women will keep ya around as a friend.

 

I think deep down you know whether or not things are progressing, if she's not matching your level of interest and feel you need more, find someone willing to give you more, just because she's hot doesn't mean she's your match.

 

I understand what you’re saying. Thank you for reading up on my previous posts. The thing is she came to me and asked me out the first 3 times for a drink and I kinda took it as a ehh whatever she probably just wants to go out with someone. When we went out she showed EVERY sign that she’s into me. She laughed at everything I said, seemed a bit shy, blushed, would put her hands on my chest or arm when she laughed. After the night was over she texted me telling me how much fun she had and that her and I are soulmates and she’s never connected with someone like that. I asked her out the 4th time and I ended up holding her hand and had my arm around her for a few minutes. The 4th date was the best one yet because things had progressed well and I felt like she was definitely into me. On the 5th date she asked me out to go to a pumpkin patch.. we went out, I was a bit quiet, she noticed, she was more quiet, the day was still good though. When I got home I told her I was starting to really like her and realized how great of a connection we have and she told me she agrees. She didn’t say much and I never replied. After about 3 failed attempts Of me trying to ask her on a 6th date I just gave up. I stopped texting her too. She started texting me about random things (basically starting a convo) I started treating her like a friend and wasn’t as into talking to her because I was so confused at what she wanted. THEN after like a day she randomly texted me telling me she had an intimate dream about me.. I thought “why would she tell me that?” Friends don’t say that to each other even if it really happened.. I asked her out again and we ended up going out. We went to a bar and it was about 29 days that I saw her so I wasn’t as comfortable and I was confused so I never kissed her. That was the last time I saw her. Haven’t kissed her yet. I’ve continued to kinda refrain myself from talking to her as much and she’s now texting me more often about her days and she’s really ingaging when we text. It’s me who cuts the convos short because I don’t want to waste my time. She knows I like her. If she’s seriously playing games with me (I really don’t think she is) I’d never talk to her again. I was fine with being “just friends” but she kept showing me mixed signals. A few days ago she texted me asking me what I was doing for New Years and asked me to come to a night club with her when the ball drops. I’m definitely going to go in for the kiss. If she denies it at this point I will most likely be finished with her. I doubt she’ll deny me though. Everything I have told you has been through negative glasses. I did not make anything look better than it was. I actually left out more obvious signs that she’s into me but at this point those don’t matter. It’s direct action that matters. She has been trying to talk to me and see me more than ever the past 2 weeks especially but I’ve been really sick (still am) and told her I couldn’t. But I should be better by New Years.

[Rozhni]

So to get a bit more insight I read some of your old posts about her. It seems you've been kinda chasing her for a while, even through her being in other relationships.

 

I do think you are at risk of the dreaded friend zone but not because of anything you've done. It always confuses me when men treat the friend zone as something that can be strategically avoided if they just made the right moves. I can't speak for every woman but myself and my close friends - we know super early on which 'zone' we want you to be in, were the same as men in that respect, you know very early on whether or not you're interested in a woman romantically, the only difference is men will screw a woman he sees nothing with and women will keep ya around as a friend.

 

I think deep down you know whether or not things are progressing, if she's not matching your level of interest and feel you need more, find someone willing to give you more, just because she's hot doesn't mean she's your match.

 

She told me we’d see each other more often in 2018. Maybe she wants to start a new year with me? Idk. She’s that kind of girl so I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what it was. If I still don’t see her trying to see me often in January I’ll move along.

[figureitout23]

When was your last date?

[Rozhni]

When was your last date?

 

2 weekends ago. She’s been out of state for work and for the holidays the past week. The last time we hung out she texted me “i feel like it’s hard to hangout with you.” But I fell asleep and didn’t see the text until the next morning and she never told me and somehow the subject changed lol I have no idea what she meant by that. She used to only text me every 3-4 days and would take hours to respond but now it’s daily and always within an hour. I realized when I stopped chasing and started moving on she seemed to try harder to stay in touch and asked me out to the New Years thing.

[katrina1980]

2 weekends ago. She’s been out of state for work and for the holidays the past week. The last time we hung out she texted me “i feel like it’s hard to hangout with you.” But I fell asleep and didn’t see the text until the next morning and she never told me and somehow the subject changed lol I have no idea what she meant by that. She used to only text me every 3-4 days and would take hours to respond but now it’s daily and always within an hour. I realized when I stopped chasing and started moving on she seemed to try harder to stay in touch and asked me out to the New Years thing.

 

Why not just go out with her on NYE and play it out?

 

When the ball drops, kiss her or if the timing is right before then, kiss her then!

 

All this speculation and over-thinking isn't getting you anywhere but more confused.

 

Also, now you know what she responds to. Your keeping your distance somewhat..

 

So maintain that status quo and just see how it plays out NYE.