losoxokape Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I went over to my now-ex's house a few days back to break things off with her. We weren't together long, but my gut feeling told me something was right. I thought perhaps I wasn't ready for a relationship, and I was open to the idea of conciliation down the road after I'd figured out what was up with me. We ended up talking for a while and whilst we were both emotional, for the most part we kept our cool. But then I couldn't leave. She's self-harmed in the past, and implied doing it when I left. I didn't just want to leave the property for fear of her harming herself, but I wanted to leave for my own safety. Eventually I did. She's been online the last few days so I know she's okay. But it's shaken me up a little. I've got the entire event audio recorded so I'd like to think I'm protected from any repercussions, but still...not a pleasant experience. I haven't exactly had a great track record with women, so it's hard to keep my head up about future romantic prospects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 It is never nice to see or hear of someone hurting themselves , especially worse if you feel you take some blame for it , so let me assure you this is her problem not yours . You ending it was your right to do so and for her she has to now get herself together and cope . Let me give you one piece of advice though ....talking about reconciling down the line is probably the worst thing anyone can do , it keeps the person who has being dumped in a place of hope and they do not move on , it simply isn't fair , same as keeping someone you just dumped as a friend ...they are only reciprocating the friendship because it keeps the door open in the hope of a recon . End it and walk away with no promises of anything is my advice to anyone who is about to end a relationship . If further down the line you do feel you/anyone made a mistake then it is up to you to reach out . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losoxokape Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 It is never nice to see or hear of someone hurting themselves , especially worse if you feel you take some blame for it , so let me assure you this is her problem not yours . You ending it was your right to do so and for her she has to now get herself together and cope . Let me give you one piece of advice though ....talking about reconciling down the line is probably the worst thing anyone can do , it keeps the person who has being dumped in a place of hope and they do not move on , it simply isn't fair , same as keeping someone you just dumped as a friend ...they are only reciprocating the friendship because it keeps the door open in the hope of a recon . End it and walk away with no promises of anything is my advice to anyone who is about to end a relationship . If further down the line you do feel you/anyone made a mistake then it is up to you to reach out . I'm trying to avoid putting too much information out there so sorry for not being clear; I didn't make any promises and made her aware it was a break-up. I said I needed the time to myself, and it felt wrong being with someone I couldn't put 100% towards. I did say however that after some time apart maybe we could reach out but that was the only "confirmation" I gave her. I wouldn't want to lead her on. But yes, I understand. I just feel incredibly guilty because this could have perhaps been avoided if I'd recognized sooner I wasn't ready. Truthfully I didn't know until it became official. I know I had to do this to find myself again, but I'm still angry with myself for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I'm trying to avoid putting too much information out there so sorry for not being clear; I didn't make any promises and made her aware it was a break-up. I said I needed the time to myself, and it felt wrong being with someone I couldn't put 100% towards. I did say however that after some time apart maybe we could reach out but that was the only "confirmation" I gave her. I wouldn't want to lead her on. But yes, I understand. I just feel incredibly guilty because this could have perhaps been avoided if I'd recognized sooner I wasn't ready. Truthfully I didn't know until it became official. I know I had to do this to find myself again, but I'm still angry with myself for it. I don't see any reason for you to beat yourself up , although to be fair , any of us would feel a little upset , it was actually very wrong of her to insinuate that she was going to do it and put it on you in that way . However I don't want to be cruel to her , she has issues , she has mental health issues , as I do , and sometimes emotions take over to such a degree you find yourself saying and doing stuff that afterwards you wish you hadn't , or wish you could stop etc etc ....But for you , you saw it wasn't working and you acted in the right way , you ended it . So please don't beat yourself up . It is very common you know , many people come on here worried an ex will hurt themselves , it is just raw emotion that then usually settles down . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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