Anxiety about the future

[rubys]

My ex and I broke up two months ago. We’d been together for 3 years, both late 20s.

 

I’d decided to wait for him to get his ‘dream job’ for a couple of years, while he was freelancing, which meant him travelling away constantly. Eventually this all got too much. He was ending up at home for about a week a month with no signs of it ending. He loved his touring lifestyle, where as i felt like my life was on hold until he came home.

 

If there was a month tour to Asia, he’d be jumping for joy, where as I’d be dreading it and thinking ‘another month on my own’.

 

So we decided to part ways. It was evident his career and lifestyle came before his love for me unfortunately. I don’t doubt he loved me as much as he could - I think his priorities and passions in his life right now are different to mine. I’m settled in my job, own my own home etc, where as he is happy to live from a suitcase at the moment.

 

I still feel heartbroken, but understand it’s the best for me for the future.

 

My problem is, I own the house we lived in. I moved out for a month to live with a friend, but now I’m back there and I’m PETRIFIED of being there alone. All the feelings of the break up, my love for him and fear of being single hit me.

 

How can I be happy in my home and not feel so lonely? Any advice much appreciated.

[DancingFool]

Redecorate and make the house yours again and your home. Doesn't have to be expensive either. Simple things like rearranging furniture, changing up a rug or different pillows, changing up some decorative items on the walls and around the house can make a huge difference in how it looks and feels. Plus it will keep you occupied thinking about things other than your ex.

[firelily]

Thank you for your posts here, Rubys. It's helpful to me to know somebody else has been through that. I've spent years with a boyfriend who works in oil industry - not his life passion, but the first job his family found for him, and he had no other ideas what to do with his life. First it was supposed to be 5 years, then after that he was still talking about 5 years... and I realized all that vision that we're gonna be together seriously is only my dream. I felt miserable when I waited for him, more miserable when he would come back and I had to cancel my plans with friends... And I felt like he prioritized money over being with me. I had to break up though it was such a painful thing to do, and it came as a complete shock to him because he thought I "got used to" this lifestyle And my parents judge me for letting go of such a nice guy they considered a part of the family now... Eh... Hope you have a bit more support. Cause it was not an easy thing at all, but you did the right thing for yourself. The only thing that can make you happy in the long term. This house is empty now, but your walls surround this free woman that is on the right track. These walls are no longer witnesses to your crying, loneliness and feeling trapped without real hope for future with your boyfriend. That is a better house than would be otherwise.

 

If nothing helps, you can always switch the places and buy something else for yourself, depending on the real estate market at your place. But DancingFool's advice could be a good start. Also try to fill your house with other memories. Invite friends over to live with you from time to time, make parties with your girlfriends, movie nights and pyjama parties. The space that he left could be filled with some creative projects, scrapbooking, dioramas, whatever interests you - either alone or done with your friends every Saturday morning. Light candles on the evening and put on some nice music. Adopt an animal, if you can take care of one - they can fill your life with comfort and joy. Fill your house with beauty, joy and love. And also spend some time away from it, to find your inner peace again.

[rubys]

Thank you so much for your reply. Sometimes it’s just great to hear others have been in the same predicament. Some times you really just had to decide that it’s not the lifestyle you want, however much you love the other person.