lukasm Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I intend to send this letter to my ex of 5 years whom broke up with me a little over a month ago. I don't expect anything in return from this letter. But I want my feelings at this point to be heard. [********] , I’d have prefered to call you and tell you this from my own voice but I wasn’t sure if you would pick up my call. All this time I have not stopped thinking about you, about my failures as a man and how I lost everything that day i saw you walk out of that apartment. I will always love you, and I want you to receive this video as sign of my love. As a sign that I deeply care about you and that I want to show you my change and my progress. I want you to know, that i am truly sorry, for everything, for all the things that I did and that i said. And i want you to know that I never did any of those things out of malice. I never wanted to hurt you. I was immature and arrogant and i didn't know how to handle my emotions, and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. This situation showed me that I really needed to change, and once I realized that, I started to change, and I wish you could see that. It took a lot of soul searching and countless hours of reading and learning until i finally started finding myself again. I’d found the guy that you once feel in love with, and that once I accepted my mistakes, I changed a lot things, and I changed a lot of things that you wanted me to change. Right now, it feels like I cannot be happy without you, but this is about what you need. If you need me out of your life, if this is what makes you happy, I will do that so you can be happy. But I hope that one day you realize that I'm worth so much more than my errors, I am so much more than that guy who used to get angry at anything, that I’m capable of so much love for you, and that my heart will always be open for you. I’d like you to give Whisky a good lick on my behalf and tell him i love him too. For last, I know that you always wanted me to sing for you, so I made this for you. I hope you can hear it. (she always wanted me to sing to her, so I recorded my own version of the reason by hoobastank) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I think you should leave her be for a good long while, and let her reach out to you if she chooses to do so. You have already apologized according to your first post here. If you are truly concerned about what's in her best interest then leaving her to heal from that relationship is what you should do. I think you should continue therapy and make getting well your top priority. Write all the letters you want but don't send them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glitterfingers Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Okay, first of all.. No. You do NOT want to send that. I repeat. YOU do NOT want to SEND that. How are you going to feel when she doesn't respond? Because you're pouring your heart out and making yourself vulnerable and she's trying to move on... she doesn't want to hear that stuff and it will either make her annoyed, uncomfortable or somewhat disgusted. Sorry if that's harsh, but there is a very, very low likelihood that you will get a response out of this, and if you do I am almost certain it won't be what you're hoping for That's just going to burn and humiliate you, and add to your feelings of rejection I had an ex do something like this to me once. He wrote me a letter and stuck it in my childhood photo album for me to find "eventually". I found it after a few weeks and literally tore it to shreds and put it in the trash If she's ended the relationship, you don't want to dig up those past negative feelings by heaping your emotions on her Just...improve as a person the way you're claiming to in your post here and let the results speak for themselves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominique Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Don't send her that. Lasting change takes more than a month. You promised to change before and didn't. Let her heal from your abuse. If you really love her, you won't reopen the wound for her. This is what this letter will do. You are missing a serious point ---She already gave you the chance you asked for and you blew it. Move on. Get better. Get help. Let her live her life. Go get better. Take time off from dating and beggin her to come back and after you have spent ALOT of time working on yourself, start over with someone else. I told my ex husband after he came to my job crying saying many of the things you are saying here.... After I have him chance after chance to change...after countless heartfelt pleas from him over the years promising he would change but he didn't .... I said to him: Take a plate and smash it on the floor. Now say "I'm sorry" to the plate. Did that fix it? No. Her heart is the smashed plate. You can't say anything to fix it now. Leave her alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herbie123 Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Trust me when I say. Do not contact her. Fake it untill you make it. see friends, keep busy, start a new hobby! For me putting myself on a dating website had him texting me within 20 minutes. And calling the rest of the evening asking if we could talk. Unfortunately as caring as we are, and all the lovely things we have to say mean nothing to them at this point. It’s seeing you moving on and building a life for yourself that shocks them. Give yourself time. Heal yourself first. Start enjoying life again. It will get easier in time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Do not send it. Leave her alone. Or, you will be disrespecting and pushing yourself on her, once again. I do not know how you could make a change in a month's time, especially with your serious anger issues. Have you taken anger management classes? The knife in the table is scary! "Living together was a bliss, we were in love, but more often that not, she would do little things that annoyed me. Like tapping on my shoulder when I was focused on something. Eventually this turned into me throwing doors, punching walls and at some point she asked me to seek help on anger management. I was arrogant and selfish and said I would deal with it by myself. This turned into more fights, more abusive language, more yelling, but she stayed with me" She should have left sooner. Get professional help for your anger! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 If you really want to do something for her, leave her alone. You were violent, why would she want to get this letter and a song? It won't work unless she's very beat down by your violence. In which case, help her. By paying for the therapy she needs to heal from the damage you did. Been there, done that. You abuse, you lose. Plain and simple. Work on your anger and don't bring it into any more relationships. No one deserves to have to live thru this, much less forgive the abuser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 If you really want to do something for her, leave her alone. You were violent, why would she want to get this letter and a song? It won't work unless she's very beat down by your violence. In which case, help her. By paying for the therapy she needs to heal from the damage you did. Been there, done that. You abuse, you lose. Plain and simple. Work on your anger and don't bring it into any more relationships. No one deserves to have to live thru this, much less forgive the abuser. He is still trying to control the situation. Reaching out when she does not want it, is clear disrespect. Nothing has changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I gave my ex a letter about 2 months after the split. In it i told her what i was up to said what i wanted but also let her know that if she didnt feel the same i would leave her life. She thanked me for the letter but it did not bring her back. I do not regret showing her as it made me feel better about myself as i apologized for my behaviour. I would say do not send your letter. You need to be the change you want to see not write it down. Just focus on you. If she sees it great if not your a better person for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I agree with Piaresssss... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lukasm Posted December 4, 2017 Author Share Posted December 4, 2017 I do not know how you could make a change in a month's time, especially with your serious anger issues. Have you taken anger management classes? The knife in the table is scary! Get professional help for your anger! I have been seen a therapist since we broke up. I have been educating myself about abuse, reading stories and learning about tools too control my anger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 He is still trying to control the situation. Reaching out when she does not want it, is clear disrespect. Nothing has changed. I didn't tell him to reach out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lukasm Posted December 4, 2017 Author Share Posted December 4, 2017 He is still trying to control the situation. Reaching out when she does not want it, is clear disrespect. Nothing has changed. I didn't really think this would be seen as controlling. I had talked it over with my therapist and she told me that after a while it would have been okay to send her some last words so I could get some closure and see where we were both at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I didn't tell him to reach out I realize that. I was enforcing your message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 When my ex reached out to me months later, it only angered me - I did not pick up the phone. Considering that your relationship was abusive, is even more reason to leave her alone. Glad that you are really tackling this. As you know, this will take much time to change dangerous behaviors. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I realize that. I was enforcing your message. Oh, lol. I'm sorry It's hard to interpret the context of the written words sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfan Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Do not send this. Leave her alone. If you truly care for her, you will let her heal. This letter is about YOU. It's about YOUR feelings. It's about YOUR need to pour your heart out. If you truly care for her, you will think of her first. LEAVE. HER. BE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominique Posted December 5, 2017 Share Posted December 5, 2017 Again.... As someone who went through this .... You can't change this in a month. Don't send that letter. She listened and gave you chances previously that you didn't take advantage of. This letter is your selfish need to reach out. I promise you, SHE DOESNT WANT THIS LETTER. Leave her alone. If you really mean what you say, you will leave her alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner501 Posted December 5, 2017 Share Posted December 5, 2017 Letters ALWAYS make matters worse, not better. The letter is for you, to feel better yourself, not her. She does not want to hear from you. LET IT GO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominique Posted December 5, 2017 Share Posted December 5, 2017 Letters ALWAYS make matters worse, not better. The letter is for you, to feel better yourself, not her. She does not want to hear from you. LET IT GO. Agree 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted December 5, 2017 Share Posted December 5, 2017 Oh, lol. I'm sorry It's hard to interpret the context of the written words sometimes. Sorry. I can totally see how it would be misunderstood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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