Confused about break up

[Jey02]

Hello all who will find this post and will be interested to read about my situation.

 

I have been friends with my ex for about 4 years before we had a relationship this year. I never had any feelings for him, more than a friendly feelings, but we always got along and he helped me on one occasion. At the beginning of this year when I met him on a party I felt that I was curious in him more than just a friend. He always was attracted to me more than I was to him, but I never considered to start anything more than just friendship. It is really hard to be friends with some guys.

 

Later this year, due to few circumstances we met again, and started to hang out and I understood where it was going. I admit that somehow I fell in love with him, probably because when people spend more time together or constantly keeping in touch it is more likely to develop attraction.

 

I was quite serious about him and he was the same, we spent very good time together and discovered that we are very accepting towards each others differences and really click on all levels, showing care for one another and interest in each others life.

 

He was interested to be introduced to my mother and one day it happened. My mother acted as a polite woman, but in reality she disliked or almost hated him the first moment she saw him. Unfortunately she didn't like the fact that he didn't bring any gift to her and she didn't like the way he looks. It is very unreasonable, I know, but unfortunately I live under same roof with her due to certain circumstances and she continuously argued with me about the fact that I got together with a wrong guy. I don't consider him such. I could not stand the everyday arguments with her on a daily basis because of this and it was draining me emotionally. Unfortunately at present I can not leave the household to conduct an independent life due to certain circumstances. Unfortunately I can not go to live with him either because he lives in a shared house and he got a better offer for a job which is miles away from where I live. He is planning to coming back for weekends only and conduct majority of living in the new place. Then again if I spend time with him and come back home, after it becomes unbearable to be calm due to arguments of my over controlling and narcissistic mother as she is. Furthermore I am undergoing through several changes in my career life and I am looking for professional opportunities to help out my situation financially, which requires me effort and time to accomplish and pursue ( alongside with two jobs that I currently have ). I can also add that I have couple of health problems that might have developed after an intercourse, but I am not 100% sure about it, but it is possible. All this felt too much on my shoulders to bear.

 

Due to all these unpleasant and overwhelming circumstances and facts I just couldn't help myself but to take a distance from him on a mutual good terms, with major understanding from his side. I just couldn't see this relationship develop any further to be honest. I can not say that it is impossible in the future, but at present we agreed to remain friends and keep in touch. My friends tell me I have to have an independent life from my mother in first place and I 100% agree and want that to happen, but at present it is not possible due to financial circumstances. Some say that she needs professional help, but she is completely reluctant to it.

 

I didn't want to break up with him, because there's nothing in him that I dislike, but I just feel overwhelmed by everything that was happening all together, including him leaving for another job, which I absolutely understand and encouraged him as well to take more prosperous opportunity. He proposed me to live in his room, but unfortunately it is not an option for me either. I took a decision that it is better to not be together in a relationship to avoid him and me being hurt. Me because of my mum arguments and him leaving, and him to not be saddened with overall situation and inability to be together. I think it is a difficult decision and he thinks I am being pessimistic, but I can't help it at present. Maybe there will be a possibility to be together in the future, but not at present. And this is the decision that I made. From one side I think it is a right decision to avoid conflicts and save my nerves from arguments and distance heart ache, from another side I feel it's a stupid decision to make because we really had great and beautiful feelings for one another and now it seems all shattered, although we both care for each other and decided to be there for one another if we need help or someone to talk to.

 

Sorry for all this rant, but I really needed to voice this out and if there is anyone who can share an opinion, I would love to hear back.

 

All the best. J.

[DanZee]

Well, your writing is a bit vague about specific details, but I think it's time for you to move away from your mother. You're using your "financial circumstances" and "health problems" as excuses. If you look through Craigslist or roommate ads you should be able to find someone who already has an apartment and you can just move in. You have two jobs and even if you don't have a lot of money, you should be able to afford a roommate situation. You've got to stop leaning on your mother, listening to her argue, and obviously your boyfriend isn't reliable. Get away from your mother and you can further develop your own life. You can date whomever you like and do whatever you want whenever you want. I think you have already figured all this out. Now you've got to do it.

[Jey02]

Thank you very much.

I do have all this figured out. I just need a little bit of confidence.