FallingStar85 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 So I've posted here recently asking for advice about my current situation with my ex. All of the advice that I was given pretty much came to the same to the same consensus, I need to move on. And, though I still love him very much, I do agree that that is the best thing for me to do. Before I even came upon this site, I read that keeping a journal through your breakup can help the healing process, and I have seen other posters start their own threads chronicling their journeys and I decided to do the same. You may follow along, add any thoughts or advice you may have, but please try to not pass too harsh of judgement as everyone's situation is different and what may be right for you might not be right for me. So, without further ado... Day one, I have decided that it is finally time to let go of the fantasy of us ever getting back together. Yes, I still love him. Yes, I may always still love him. But, the fact of the matter is, he is leaving. I can keep rationalizing that he is leaving because he is bettering his life by taking a great job offer and it has nothing to do with me, but he is still leaving and not giving me a second thought. He told me that maybe after some time passed and I "made some changes and bettered myself" that maybe we could try again. At first I was all happy that he was entertaining the idea of getting back together in the future, but after posting on here it really opened my eyes. First of all, even if I did make said changes, he's moving 6 1/2 hours away, so I'm not sure how we'd make that work. More importantly though, the fact that he says that I need to make changes at all. I was too starry eyed in the moment to see how much of a slap in the face that was, especially coming from him. Yes, I agree, I do have issues that I need to work on (don't we all) and I think my relationship with him opened my eyes to a lot of them, but he had quite a few issues himself, one big one being a severe drinking problem. The difference between him and I though, was that I was willing to stay with him and stay by his side and try to help him work on those issues, not leave him and tell him that I don't want to be with him until he changes them. There were many times I thought about leaving him because of his drinking, but I couldn't abandon him, especially when I felt he needed me. My feelings of longing for him are almost starting to turn to resentment. On a side note, me being the curious person that I am looked today at the dating site that he and I originally met on, I searched for guys in the zip code that he's moving to and his profile came up. So, he's already looking for a girl there and he hasn't even moved yet. So, on the bright side, he's making it easier and easier to let him go lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Falling star....have a mod put this in the section called Journals. Its on the right side (well...I'm on a desktop...not phone...so don't know if it's the same) at the very bottom of the categories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 Falling star....have a mod put this in the section called Journals. Its on the right side (well...I'm on a desktop...not phone...so don't know if it's the same) at the very bottom of the categories. How do I do that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 How do I do that? I've moved it to Journals forum for you. You can find your thread here: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 I've moved it to Journals forum for you. You can find your thread here: ] Thank you Capricorn3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 Ironically enough Realitynut, your location is where my ex is moving to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 Day 2 I'm still bothered by the fact that he's already looking for girls in the city he's moving to. He's not leaving for a couple weeks. I know he has every right to do it. We're not together anymore, we're not getting back together, and even if there were a possibility of it the likelyhood of it working would be slim to none considering the distance. I guess part of what bothers me is, one that it has been less than three months since we broke up and he's already trying to replace me, and two that he's already making it a priority to find someone there when he hasn't even gotten there yet. Honestly, I am glad I looked though. I'm glad I know that this is where his mind is at. After the conversation we had, I thought we really had a chance of getting back together, despite the distance. I thought he had been thinking about me, not other girls. Now I'm realizing though, that yes, he does still care about me, his actions have proven that, but only as a friend. All he will ever see me as is a friend and that isn't enough for me. When we first broke up, I agreed that I wanted to remain friends, and maybe later once I've healed, I can, but not now. That's how I know he's over me, he's perfectly fine with being friends. He wants to hang out before he leaves. I was excited about it before because I thought it would be a good way to establish a connection, and maybe even leave him wanting more, but now I know that that's not how he sees me, I'm not really sure how to tell him I no longer want to without telling him I was snooping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larkin Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 I have no skin in the game, of course, but I'd be bothered more by what you say is his severe drinking problem. In my eyes, you're dodging a large caliber bullet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Ironically enough Realitynut, your location is where my ex is moving to hey....he waits only 3 months? Sheesh my on again, off again guy....goes silent on me...and is on the dating sites 2 days later. He does this almost every month. I use to be shattered...now I just laugh...and think....typical. So he's moving to the Quad-Cities??? Weird. What's his age group....You can pm me and I'll look him up on the dating sites. hahaha...don't worry about me...I'm almost 63 I'm leaving tomorrow for Florida. For the winter. Fresh scenery and new lease on life. (albeit, lonely) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 26, 2017 Author Share Posted November 26, 2017 I have no skin in the game, of course, but I'd be bothered more by what you say is his severe drinking problem. In my eyes, you're dodging a large caliber bullet. I agree, I was always bothered very much by his drinking. If I would have known about his problem earlier in the relationship I probably would've ended things before we got serious in all honesty. As much as I loved him, the drinking was always an issue. We fought about it quite a bit and though he got a handle on it for a while, as soon as he feel off the wagon again, that's when we started seeing problems in the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 26, 2017 Author Share Posted November 26, 2017 hey....he waits only 3 months? Sheesh my on again, off again guy....goes silent on me...and is on the dating sites 2 days later. He does this almost every month. I use to be shattered...now I just laugh...and think....typical. So he's moving to the Quad-Cities??? Weird. What's his age group....You can pm me and I'll look him up on the dating sites. hahaha...don't worry about me...I'm almost 63 I'm leaving tomorrow for Florida. For the winter. Fresh scenery and new lease on life. (albeit, lonely) He didn't wait 3 months actually, only to look in the area he's moving to. About three weeks after we broke up, I saw that he had a profile on there looking for girls here, and he was hanging out with a girl he worked with that he always assured me he had no interest in while we were together. Yeah, he's moving to the Quad-cities, I believe Davenport is where he'll be. I'll message pm you. Good luck on your adventure to Florida 😀 Sometimes a change of scenery can be a good thing. A step in the right direction. Especially going to Florida for the winter lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 26, 2017 Author Share Posted November 26, 2017 Day 3 So this is my third day of posting. I took a few days off because I've been busy with Thanksgiving, plus work and school work. I've been good about not initiating contact with him. I went all day Wednesday. On Thursday I had no plans to message him and he ended up messaging me and wishing me a happy Thanksgiving. We talked back and forth for a bit, nothing major. It's now Saturday night and I haven't heard from him since. I ran into an old friend of mine at work the other night and she was with a male friend of hers. The next day he added me on Facebook, which I thought was kind of odd. Well tonight she messaged me and said that he was asking about me and that she wants to set us up. He seems like a nice guy, I just don't know if I'm ready to start dating yet. This is the second person who had tried to set me up with someone in the last couple of weeks, and I feel like it's too much pressure. Like, I don't want to miss the opportunity to meet a great guy, but my heart is not fully healed yet. And I think deep down I know it's time to let go of "him" but there's still that little piece of me that can't. Also, this guy that my friend wants to hook me up with is a professor at my college and it just so happens that I'm signed up for one of his classes next semester (something I don't think either she nor he are aware of) so I don't think it would be the best idea to date him even if I was ready... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallingStar85 Posted November 28, 2017 Author Share Posted November 28, 2017 Day 4 It's funny, he said that he wanted to get together and hang out before he left. I ended up being so conflicted over whether or not I should. When he first said it I really wanted to, thought it would be a change to build a stronger connection before he left, until I find out that wasn't his intention. I honestly don't even know why he suggested it. Maybe he thought it would make me feel better to hang out with him one last time before he leaves. The funny thing is, it's been over a week and a half since he said that he wanted to, he leaves in a week, and he hasn't even bothered to make plans. I should've known better. I should've known that it wasn't something he really wanted to do (if he did, he would've made an effort to actually do it by now). But why even bring the idea up and make it seem like he wanted to? I didn't ask him to. He was always good for that though. Lying to me and telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. I guess I should've known better this time. His best one was always when he'd tell me he "wasn't going anywhere" or he'd "never leave me". At this point I should take anything he says to me at face value. If he could lie to me when we were together, it's got to be even easier now that we're not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.