Piaresssss Posted December 12, 2017 Author Share Posted December 12, 2017 She may have made it clear that she didn't miss you when you spoke last but just as your moods change and you go through this process, so do hers. She may miss you from time to time, hence the bread crumbs. It doesn't mean she wants you back. She just wants to get a quick fix and continue on. It's typical. But you have to see it for what it is. Even if she out right expresses she misses you it doesn't matter. It's not enough. Keep on your path. You're doing well. Time really does heal. I agree with what you have said. Last time i initiated contact about a month ago, i made it clear that i did not want to talk to her till im ready and she has messaged me twice since then. Once i caved the second time i didnt. I also told her to figure out how she felt because she was adamant she did not know what she wanted. So i said figure that out and stop misleading me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsox22 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Good for you for setting boundaries and sticking to them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 12, 2017 Author Share Posted December 12, 2017 My life is confusion. Im sick of feeling like this I just want to be hole again Just needed to vent a bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 13, 2017 Author Share Posted December 13, 2017 My new clothes are arriving today. Ive lost like another 4lbs so had to buy new jeans. I got into my old jeans again too so go me. Im feeling confused. I know each day is going to be different. I feel like my growth has stagnated. I need to keep bettering myself. I cannot become complacent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 Feeling a little down today at work. I know she is not thinking of me so why am i thinking of her. I can only control me. Going to see star wars tonight. Looking forward to it. Im at work at the moment and it is dragging on. Have to work more due to christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 Back from star wars and i enjoyed it. I had a good night but find myseld overwhelmed with sadness and feelings of missing my ex. Its very hard to get over her. I dont want to feel like this any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 Im really sad today. I feel as if i am going backwards. I have let my gym slip because u cant get there because of work. I need to try and get therr as much as i can. I need to re-read my self help book. I have to keep moving forward with ny life. I want to be the best version of me. One because it will make me feel great about myself and two if my ex does cone back i will be in a place to handle it in the correct way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 Came home from the gym and my ex had text my mum she had dropped my stuff round. For some reqson it gave me that feeling in my gut. I think now i should start to move on. I feel like it is 100% done now. No chance of reconciliation. I love her but i have to let her go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insideoutch Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 Came home from the gym and my ex had text my mum she had dropped my stuff round. For some reqson it gave me that feeling in my gut. I think now i should start to move on. I feel like it is 100% done now. No chance of reconciliation. I love her but i have to let her go.Sorry Piaressss. I also received a text from my ex earlier wanting to know if he can drop off my things. I am feeling all sorts of emotions and sh***y is topping the chart so far. Just want to let you know that you're not going through this alone, I'm here with ya. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Sorry Piaressss. I also received a text from my ex earlier wanting to know if he can drop off my things. I am feeling all sorts of emotions and sh***y is topping the chart so far. Just want to let you know that you're not going through this alone, I'm here with ya. Stay strong! Thank you I had a think on it and im okay now. Only reason she didnt do it earlier was because she didnt know i had it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 My head is crazy. I really dont know how i feel about anything. Im in such a strange place i have never been in before. It really feels like my ex doesn't care how i am feeling. To be fair she does not really have to consider how i feel at this point in time. I know i care about her though. I really wish my head was clear. I just want an answer of her. How does she feel. She said she might kniw by the holiday but if she knows before then i want her to tell me. Even if it is not something i want to hear it will be something that i need to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Had a lovely nap today. Im sitting on the sofa wrapped in my blanket. I have plans but am cash low and dont really feel like going out. It is freezing. Its my exs birthday tomorrow. Its gonna be hard but im not going to reach out. I need to get myself back and think rationally before i even think about talking to her. A key point would be yesterday. Her just dropping things at mine threw me for a loop. I said to my gym buddy i may not be going on the holiday. It depends how things turn out. He said that he hopes i come but gets why i might not. I also said if i do i might just do my own thing out there. Ill end on a positive note. My mums friends son and his ex broke up six months ago. She even moved in with a new boyfriend. Last week he got a call and they are back together. I asked what happened and he said she just reached out. Goes to show anything can happen but you just gotta live your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 17, 2017 Author Share Posted December 17, 2017 Out to dinner for my nans birthday. Feel really proud of mysel today. One of my best mates phoned me last night to tell me he was at my exs birthday. I felt good that he considered my feelings on the matter but what made me feel good was how i delt with the situation. I told him that we are both his friends and he should not have to make a choice. I also wanted her to have a good time. She is a wonderful person and deserves to be happy. That has really shown a growth in me. The old me would have made a big deal about it and told my mate he could not be friends with both of us but not the new me. It made me think about something my ex told me when we split. She said there was a lot of good in me and im starting to feel like ahe was right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 17, 2017 Author Share Posted December 17, 2017 Enjoyed my nans birthday dinner. Lots of compliments about how good im looking. I find myself feeling sad again. I know i have to let go and move on if i have any hope of reconciliation but i dont know how. Im gonna keep plodding along on my path of improving myself and then we will see what the future holds for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 18, 2017 Author Share Posted December 18, 2017 So im at work and you know what, i actually feel okay almost good. Im just thinking about stuff and how i am growing as a person and that makes me feel good. When i do contact my ex again, which i will have to do because of our holiday i am going to approach it as if i am meeting someone new. That i have to get to know her again and she will have to get to know me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 19, 2017 Author Share Posted December 19, 2017 So she came into where i work again today. Thats two days in a row. She returned what she bought but also returned something i got her and she kept the money. This upset me and dan was not nice about it. When he got over his ex dumping him any sympathy from him has disappeared. Again this filled me with the feeling that it is 100% over between me and her and i just gotta move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 20, 2017 Author Share Posted December 20, 2017 Feeling okay today. Got staff work party later. Gonna try and have a good time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 21, 2017 Author Share Posted December 21, 2017 Almost didnt journal today. Not because i forgot but because i didnt feel the need to. I have been using it as an outlet for my heart ache but it seems okay at the moment. Im going to continue journal just because i enjoy the outlet. To sum up, im feeling good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 22, 2017 Author Share Posted December 22, 2017 So i had a really good day today. Spent the entire day at work flirting with my co worker. Made me feel good about myself. Im on the mend. I still want my ex back but i certainly do not need her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 23, 2017 Author Share Posted December 23, 2017 Another good day at work. In doing an 11 hour shift and they get super dull. I am definitely on the mend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 Merry Christmas everyone. Didnt journal yesterday because i got so drunk. First time i have been drunk in a very long time. Actuqlly felt good to go put and have a bit of fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 28, 2017 Author Share Posted December 28, 2017 I haven't journaled in a few days but im back. I finally have some answers from my ex on reconciliation and it is a no. I am sas it was a no but happy i have my answer. She said lets be friends and i said no to which she cried but said in time she would accept it. Seeing her unhappy really got to me so i said we could try a friendship. In the past few days i have realised it will not work. Im meeting her tomorrow to hang out but im hoing to tell her that we cannot be friends at this point of in time. She told me why we could not be together because when she thought of thr good the bad would always creep in. I have to give the gift of missing me. Im trying to view it as 100% over and after tomorrow am going no contact again. I will be asking her to stop using all the services i pay for so i can completely remove myself from her life. Im supposed to be going on holiday with her at the end of march with some friends but i think i may not go. I feel like i am going through the break up all over again. Im not back at square one and will bounce back again but time is what i need to heel. Time is my friend. Who knows what the future holds for me or my ed but as of tomorrow we are nothing to one another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 So i met up with her today. I wont write down here what happened. It all in another thread. Im gonna move my daily journaling to said thread as its in the healing after breakup section. Feels more appropriate there. Im all about the healing now. None of this 30 nc to bring them back. I feel like im in linbo at the moment. I will recover but i need more time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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