Carus Posted March 20, 2018 Author Share Posted March 20, 2018 Hi Family and welcome to our new 'siblings' :) That foundation is such a wonderful project to be involved with. Can I follow it's progress anywhere? It speaks volumes about you and really helps put all our respective heartbreaks in perspective I guess.. Dear Sputnik* ~ I will forward you some details once we get a bit more set up. And yes, when you see the struggles of the people over there it truly is humbling, and gives you some semblance of purpose to help in whatever way you can* Hi Carus, Just wanted to say I've been silently following your thread from the beginning for many days now (classic lurker :) ), and rooting for your recovery.... Hi Nina* ~ Thankyou for your kind words and I do hope my thread has helped you in some way. I've come to accept that my recovery is going to take a long, long time....and why is that? Well, aside from the fact I lost my family and my property and got dragged along under the bus for a while which caused further trauma, I'm doing everything suggested in every book or video out there yet I still hurt..... I have bad days, and some not so bad days....The last 4 days were nastee, but I seem to be pulling up a bit now...and that's how it goes until you get to the other side.... It is better to accept that than struggle against it which seems to make it worse...and you want to heal the wound properly, not just paste over it only to have it spring open again later down the road* Your videos and reading recommendations have also helped, especially the Healing heart & mouth of the ape channels on youtube. YouTube has been one of the greatest tool to help me through this. I still go to sleep listening to it..... Although I've gone from Get Your Ex Back videos to now more meditational/healing stuff.... I actually did a week coaching with Ape. It wasn't bad but I felt like he was just running off stuff that he applies to all his clients rather than looking into my personal situation.... I hope you will push through and recover from this very soon. Me too...Results are...inconclusive...at this stage...But I've made it through another day, and that's all it is at the moment...Understand? :) Your last post really spoke to me tonight as I'm beginning to worry about my mental condition. I feel like I'm all over the place, and I can no longer speak to any family or friends because I'm afraid to break down (i.e. cry), and they'll think I'm going crazy. I know in their minds I should have gotten over this already, or at least should not be crying. Yes, I can tell you're in Hell right now and I wish I could reach in and pull that pain right out of you.... Have you seen the Healing Heart video on 'Harmful Platitudes'...? Here is the link: I've lost a lot of friends over this breakup...Friends that I had on her side but also those that are 'there for you' for about a week.... But all you really need is ONE or 2 or 3 good friends who you can ask directly if they will help you through this....Those that can will and those that can't wont... A lot of people just don't understand or relate to what we go through and just don't know what to say or how to react.... I'm concerned because yesterday I was doing better, as the day progressed, which was a first for a Sunday. This morning I was a mess, and feeling very ill, weak, my body ached and felt very tense (still now), and was cranky at work too. Maybe I caught a cold, combined with heartbreak and mental anxiety/exhaustion. Yes, the good ol' roller coaster....I wish it was linear but it's not....In fact I wish it just 'wasn't' at all :-/ Please try to relax a bit. Get plenty of rest and nurture your body. It is going to need good rest and fuel to deal with this* I've tried being out, but literally anything will remind me of him and us. I can be walking over the bridge to work with beautiful bay views, and remember when we walked together...my head hurts, I'm so tired, I just want to remove every memory. I do not want to make my friends be around me in this state, I'm truly not ready to socialize either as I dont know what will trigger me. And at the same time, the loneliness is quite crushing. Seems like a catch 22 right now but maybe just having a bad day. The memories have been the lingering and hardest thing for me. We had so, so many amazing adventures during our 5 years including the best wedding I'd ever been to! But at this stage don't try too hard to NOT think about it....Your brain needs to process what has happened and it's not good to suppress it too much right now. In some ways the more you try to NOT think about it, the more you will...Thought Stopping can come a bit later.... Now I admire you even more with your finding of a higher cause to give to, focusing on helping other people who are truly in distress out of their control. It puts things into perspective doesn't it. It sure does...Helping others has long been known to help with healing your heart and give some sense of something to live for.... There are some amazing people on ENA who have been here a long time still helping....Sadly I'm one of them lol I got here in 2009 after a bad breakup back then....I really thought I had it this time around but here we are again :) Love to everyone, have a peaceful night or day. Much Love to you my Sistah* Been reading this thread off and on for the last 3 months. 3 and half month into a break up 2 months of NC until yesterday when I got an out of the blue happy bday text and all them memories flowed back, thought I was doing well till then. Sigh thanks Carus for this thread has been helpful to say the least. I guess what does not kill you makes you stronger. Welcome PillowSham* ~ I'm so glad this thread has helped you...I guess if anything it shows that yes, even though most of us crave contact from the ex because of the separation anxiety, it can actually set us back more than anything....as what we really crave is the ex back... In my case I think she was having trouble letting go and I helped her with that every time the Hope had me crawling back for nothing... Once she was comforted she could move on further and further until she finally went..... Maybe I could have done things differently, maybe not, but it is what it is and I must focus on going this way..>>>>> So be careful of the interactions you have with your ex....Hopefully you may have better luck than me* My ex contacted me three times in one week! OMG. Dear oh dear...WTH is going on there darling?? I guess the good thing is that is has helped you to become more indifferent to him....I'd take that over the screaming silence right now.... Just like how we find each other here, and post, mucking up Carus' journal, lol! (I love you Carus!) xxx I love you too SweetGirl* ~ You want Indian food for dinner tonight...? xx And there's no journal to muck up anymore....Now that my ex has gone, the House of Carus has now become a place of rest for weary pilgrims. I never expected it to become what it has but I'm so glad it has.... I'll thank my ex for her part in it one day a long time in the future* K, I'm shutting up now that's three posts in a row here I'm a thread hog lol Only 3...?? lol hehe xx Don't you ever dare 'shut up' Amorez* ~ I still need you as much as I ever did....You're shining the torch up ahead and I can see it* ================================================================================================= The last 4 days were really bad but I seem to be pulling up a bit now....although it is night time and I'm home from work. The routine is still the same. Brutal mornings slowly lifting over the day...although the last 4 days were just bad all round....I just couldn't shift it.... I went to my GP today and have relented to try some meds for a while....Including Temazepam which is hopefully going to keep me asleep for longer...Not getting enough sleep is really not good for emotional healing.... One of my caregivers who has basically kept me alive for the last couple of months has contracted some sort of hell virus...We think it might be Ross River, but she's in a bit of pain... She has 2 young kids...so today I went over to her place and did 2 loads of washing, took some rubbish out for her and swept and tidied her back porch...* Ironically, as we heal, sometimes the pain is the last thing we hang onto because it's still a link to the ex....But I have to admit that is IS slowly, ever so slowly getting a bit lighter.... For instance, no meltdown today :) Today I am so grateful for this: We have massive bush fires on the East coast at the moment. No lives have been lost but over 70 homes have been totally destroyed! Can you imagine...? I'll leave some drinks in the fridge and some foods on the table. Help yourselves :) Love n Light* Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 *Carus, This journal is remarkable. Your musings capture the full spectrum of emotions for us and it's so damn readable. There is such heart, pain, humour and compassion in bucketloads.. it's quite the masterpiece! The new additions to your squad will make it slightly easier for those slowly being able to drift away to pastures new, knowing that this is still a safe haven... the "House of Carus" "Weary Pilgrims" - I absolutely love this, says pilgrim #2 :) Your place of acceptance is good.. all you need to do is ride out the rodeo, but you have a great understanding of who you are and where you need to be. A few people seem to be on a downer the last week or so.. I wonder what this could be? Sleep is a powerful weapon my friend.. do whatever you need to help get this sorted. "Ironically, as we heal, sometimes the pain is the last thing we hang onto because it's still a link to the ex....But I have to admit that is IS slowly, ever so slowly getting a bit lighter...." -Insightful and exactly where I am right now. Keep the gratitude points coming.. adding the crucial sense of *perspective helps drive us all on :) Thanks for leaving the refreshments out for us, gratefully received! I hope you have a lovely, sunny day.. (the strange big yellow object in the sky has made a rare appearance here today!) Dearest Sweets - you have NEVER had Indian food? Wow, you need to get yourself over to the U.K sharpish.. it's almost our national dish! ;p lol "What you said about friends is true. You find out who your true friends really are when you're going thru difficult times". - This is so true.. if someone isn't truly with you during the dark days, they don't deserve you when the sun is shining. Take care all xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Sputnik.....there's literally one Indian restaurant here that I know of. Italian and Chinese places are found on nearly every corner lol. It's funny how no one here ever suggests Indian. Not one person I've ever been out with. Hmmmmmm. Soooooo..........booking flights to AUSTRALIA and then the UK as we speak (right! I wish!) lol :) Hope everyone has a good day! Getting snowed in here..........again. And Spring started yesterday. Sure doesn't feel like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Checking in the House of Carus :) Sputnik is right, Indian food is amazing. It's full of flavour! There are so many Indian restaurants to choose from here in Australia so I end up having it frequently. You should try Sweets! Great to see how Carus is a giving human being. It certainly helps put things into perspective and help with the healing. I've been good, been using Carus' swiping technique. Every time I think of my ex I just think that I'm just swiping her out of my thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else. It works! It is a kind of brain training and it's really helping me. I think reality finally sank in that it was a ridiculously short fling and being a rebound showed it didn't have any future anyway. I'm a bit ashamed that it took me 6 months after a 3 months relationship, but it is what it is. Lucklily I was functioning throught all of the time and it didn't affect much my work and social life. Not hoping to get contacted as I was before. Not sure what good could come out of it. I'm slowly becoming more confident and making more friends so I definitely don't need the friendship of someone who used me as an emotional crutch. She can go live her life and I'll live mine! I hope you're all making progress even when it doesn't feel like. I still have a bad day here or there. I think the bad and good days are equally important in moving on. Also, the other day I saw a study tha showed our brains change after a therapy session and this was related to speaking out what is making us suffer. So I think journalling here and/or talking to friends/family about it or even just recording an audio to yourself about what is going on can help lots! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 What's up good people?? Everyone's so quiet! Must all be doing good ?? Hopefully Dreamed of the ex last night, my goodness it felt so real. Strange dream, full of emotion and for some reason he had a tattoo on his face lol but that makes sense because even though he has none, I was flirting with this really cute guy last night until I realized he was wayyyyyyyy young but he had a geometric heart(actual shape of the human heart) on his inner elbow which intrigued me. That led to our conversation because I'll talk to just about anyone, I have no filter lol. Anyway, so then I wake up, there's a drunken text from my guy BFF at 1:30 am. Weird. Carus, et all, hope this day finds you well. Hugs, love, and happiness to you all :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 It's funny you asked, Sweets... Cause the answer is no hahaha, not doing good I was on FB today, a bit bored, scrolling down the list of people who are 'interested' in an event nearby and saw the ex on the list with a new profile picture. And she is just incredibly gorgeous in the photo. Reminded me that she is the prettiest I've ever been with. We're not FB friends anymore but obviously I ended up starring at her profile picture for a few seconds (was it minutes? lol). The power this woman has over me is something beyond understanding. She became this divine entity in my mind. It's even funny. And I know it refers just to infatuation and no true feelings. The profile says she is still single, but who knows, who cares. Doesn't change my situation at all. I actually preferred that she was married or something like that... Or that she just moved to another continent. But no, we work at the same place and live a couple of blocks apart from each other lol... :welcoming: It's not a huge setback but it just made lots of memories surface. Sweets, those dreams fit well with the topic's title haha... The thing about dreams (and nightmares) is that they almost define the rest of your day. It's like a vivid memory, different from just thinking about something or someone. I feel lucky that I think I only dreamed with the ex once and didn't remember much when I woke up. Well, anyway, cheers to all the flirting only the single people can do :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 Hi Lovely People* ~ Dear SweetGirl* Still checking up on us even though you are through the tunnel. So compassionate xx Sadly, the last two weeks saw me backslide quite badly. The pain was brutal. The thoughts, dark....And what triggered it? Those damn Dreams and Nightmares! I've had them the last 3 mornings. God I hope I don't have any tonight coz as Morello says, it makes it a hard start to the day :-@ The pattern is still the same. Feeling ok now late at night after work, and then wake up to crushing pain...It's horrible. It makes me not want to actually go to sleep coz the relief from the pain in this last part of the day is so, so good.... But that is one of my problems. I go to sleep ok, but still wake up too early. So I'm only getting 4-5 hours a night which is just not enough. If I could somehow sort that out I think I would start feeling a lot better instead of fatigued the whole day. I went to a quiz night last night as I start to free up more nights off. It was a lot of fun and it was to raise money for the people in Rwanda. Absolutely terrible what those people have been through, and still going through! A couple on our table (who I know) asked if I could give them a lift home on my way home...I said sure.... You know where they live? On the same street as my ex, a few houses up!! grrrrr What are the odds.>!? Needless to say there are 2 entries into that street so I dropped them off and then drove out again the same way so I didn't have to drive past my old house. Not that it bothers me that much but I just don't want to see the inevitable...I'm just not quite ready for that yet..... Similar to you Morello* I 'almost' wish my ex had jumped into a rebound as it seems that is one of the most common and promising things that make an ex come back is if and when that rebound fails.... But no, she's done it on her own and done it well too.... Well not completely on her own....She had me there comforting and helping her along the way coz I'm such a sap! sigh* Anyway, let's keep it moving good people! You are all beautiful and caring people and the world needs people like us. I hope to hear from SoNotBroken* I hope she is doing ok. Makeit* too... And I know Sputnik* will read this ~ How you going buddy? Will check in again in the next couple of days.... Oh and SweetGirl* ~ You know you have free accomodation when you get down here ;-) x Love n Light Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piaresssss Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Sucks you are still having trouble sleeping Carus. I found my sleep was badly thrown off for ages. I still wake up almost every night. It is only for a few minutes but I know that it is tied to my ex. Im hoping you bounce back soon. I know you will eventually but it hurts me seeing you still in pain when you deserve to be happy. Glad you had a good time at the quiz. I love a good quiz night gives ne a chance to rattle off all the useless knowledge I have in the brain. Keep getting out on those rare free nights im sure you will go from strength to strength. As for the couple living on the exs street. Aint that always the way. Just feels like the universe is giving you a lovely little slap. I found out my ex is on the same flight as me tomorrow but luckily sitting nowhere near me. That would be killer. I wouldn't call you a sap. You are a caring and compassionate guy and that makes you a diamond and what ever your future holds you arw gonna be happy 😁 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Knock knock.. I've come to chill at The House of Carus for a while ;) Hello friends, Yes, sleep is sooo damned integral to our well-being and such an important tool, as we all know here.. I've been sleeping generally O.K, apart from a few random dreams recently. I can't remember them clearly now, but one involved an ex from over 10 years ago! I have been quite busy with the boy and work, immersed in life, so sleep finds me, rather than the other way round! Would it perhaps be too outlandish to switch work pattern to work days and have nights off? Even if cream-crackered (*knackered) I would struggle to sleep in daytime hours. This would also help with the work vs social life balance? Food for thought I guess... The quiz is wonderful idea, like brother P, it's right up my street too! We could form quite the "Enotalone team"! ;) I can relate to the close proximity to the ex's when you are out and about.. god is teasing me by having not one, but two, of the ex's close relatives working at my son's school, believe it or not! Your ex wants you to have this hope that you cling on to buddy.. she is not quite ready to cut the cord for good yet.. stay alert, and on here.. The ongoing compassionate presence that you have maintain here, along with your selfless work elsewhere, has done so much good to people. This will never be forgotten. I pray you find good rest brother. S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Sweeeeeeeets, You know I'm been in militant NC.. Please, please, please delete all trace of this bozo! Change your number, go off the grid, find the man of your dreams... That is what you deserve :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacks44 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I was having an awful time sleeping too. I think we all have the dreams and nightmares. It might not be for everyone, but I went the medicine route. I've always had horrible chronic insomnia, and have always used benadryl as a daily sleep aid. Benadryl stopped being effective on its own since the split, so I went to see the doctor. A combination of zoloft (antidepressant) and trazadone (sleep aid, also with antidepressant effects) have put me back on a decent sleep schedule. It's given me the ability to start most days on the right foot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Hi Carus, sorry to hear what you're going through. Like the others said, perhaps it would be nice if you could change this pattern in some way. I know some things cannot be changed, but some can. Work on those! I find that I obsess about my ex much more when I'm not socialising with friends or doing fun things. Even watching movies help when there's nothing else. Yes, it feels kind of weird when our exes decide to be on their own instead of jumping to another relationship. We can't help to think they prefer to be alone than to be with us, but thas's life. I have made similar decisions in the past, so be it. We just need to move on, there's nothing for us with the exes... Sweets, I hope this reent event doesn't set you back much. Perhaps it's what you needed to block all sorts of communication and just move on too. Being ignored is a terrible thing. Trust me, I know! hahaha :cool: It's all about the power, you know that. NC is also about showing ourselves that we don't need to contact the ex to be happy. But you can also change the narrative and say to yourself that it's not just because you messaged him that it means he's important in your life. It was just a stumble. With me... the new girl (who is not exactly new as we dated briefly last year after my ex broke up with me) is complicated. She just broke up with a guy she was with for 6 months. She was never fully invested in him and kept telling me she made a bad decision and wanted to be with me throughout this time. But she still strung the guy along for 6 months. Now the guy is very sad, had a seizure recently, etc. She feels guilty. Which is exactly how my ex felt when we dated, she felt guilty for having dumped a boyfriend who was then depressed because of it. The situation is different, but I'm afraid this new girl is not telling me the whole story and I could be setting myself up for failure again. She said she wants to start as friends with no expectations and see how we go, but she is already inviting me to dance nights, etc. I know how this ends. I made an excuse not to go out with her this weekend but if she insists I'll probably just tell her to just get a coffee or something as we haven't seen each other in 3 months. Not sure I'm in for hanging out more than that at this time. I feel that my romantic life is such a mess right now that I'm not very excited about her or anyone else, especially those goind through emotional turmoil. I think I just need someone new or to stay single for longer. To be honest I'm actually enjoying being able not to have to accomodate dates into my schedule and just doing my own thing. I need to be excited about dates for them to work. Otherwise they just feel empty. I would mind to be introduced to a hottie though! So whenever you visit Carus you can always pay me a visit too hahaha. Maybe we can set each other up with someone at a night out Sputs and Piares seem to be ahead in the race! Well done you guys, it's nice to read about you getting better cause it gives us a good perspective for the future. Stay strong everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 You should definitely come over, Sweets. Aim for summer time if possible. It's a great country to travel. What do you mean by 'not asking anymore'? What did you ask him? I know you're waiting for a magical connection, but being there and available is probably making him too comfortable. You know you should go NC with him, even though you still care about him. Perhaps you should tell him that and go NC. Maybe if/when you meet again in the future something can happen. At this point it looks unikely based on what you say. He's probably sensing you're investing too much in this emotionally and is hesitant to go on a date with you. On the other hand, you do want to get involved emotionally so that is that. Again, I think NC should do it, especially if you communicate with him that you care about him but since you are on different pages, you should just move on and for that NC is necessary. I think the best thing about NC is how it makes us powerful. Everytime we give in and contact our exes, we get rid of our power. We see ourselves as weaker and unworthy, especially if the ex ignores or doesn't give us the kind of answer we want. I spent quite some time thinking I should reach out to my ex, with the sole purpose of going back to speaking terms, since we work together and live close. But I know I'll either be ignored or receive a cold answer. She doesn't care about me anymore, or maybe never did. Therefore I shouldn't contact. If she cared, she'd have contacted by now. It's hard to accept that someone we were intimate with and still care about can write us off their lives like that but it's the reality. Sad but true. Thanks for the advice about my new girl. In the end it may not go anywhere beyond friendship. We'll see. I'm not fully healed from my break-up but I'm getting there. I don't wanna be played again and will only make a move when it becomes clear where this is going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 You should definitely come over, Sweets. Aim for summer time if possible. It's a great country to travel. What do you mean by 'not asking anymore'? What did you ask him? I know you're waiting for a magical connection, but being there and available is probably making him too comfortable. You know you should go NC with him, even though you still care about him. Perhaps you should tell him that and go NC. Maybe if/when you meet again in the future something can happen. At this point it looks unikely based on what you say. He's probably sensing you're investing too much in this emotionally and is hesitant to go on a date with you. On the other hand, you do want to get involved emotionally so that is that. Again, I think NC should do it, especially if you communicate with him that you care about him but since you are on different pages, you should just move on and for that NC is necessary. I think the best thing about NC is how it makes us powerful. Everytime we give in and contact our exes, we get rid of our power. We see ourselves as weaker and unworthy, especially if the ex ignores or doesn't give us the kind of answer we want. I spent quite some time thinking I should reach out to my ex, with the sole purpose of going back to speaking terms, since we work together and live close. But I know I'll either be ignored or receive a cold answer. She doesn't care about me anymore, or maybe never did. Therefore I shouldn't contact. If she cared, she'd have contacted by now. It's hard to accept that someone we were intimate with and still care about can write us off their lives like that but it's the reality. Sad but true. Thanks for the advice about my new girl. In the end it may not go anywhere beyond friendship. We'll see. I'm not fully healed from my break-up but I'm getting there. I don't wanna be played again and will only make a move when it becomes clear where this is going. But that's the thing. I don't initiate. Idk, I had that dream the night before, I asked him to hang out, he ignored it four hours then replies with excuses and says "oh I missed out" like he waited until it was too late to reply, you know? I do reply when he contacts but I'm not wanting him, not as what we had. Because honestly he can't give me what I want. And furthermore, he's actually the worst person I've been with as far as being what someone should be. Yes he was caring and affectionate but that's where it ended. He's selfish, he's non emotional, he's disconnected. We women need to be loved not seen as an option. We had fun but that's all in the past and will stay there. It wasn't a date, but yeah I do think you're right because he did say he was afraid I'd get hurt again a few weeks ago when we talked about the fwb situation. I can tell you his mindset. We hang out, he thinks I'll expect it, and then he feels he loses his ability to date. But that's not true. I don't want him. If I can find the guy with who to have an amazing connection, I'm on it, trust me. I have options, they just aren't what I want and I'm not a person to waste time just to have someone. Anyway I'm going to seek out a sex only situation (again whyyyyyy did I let they hot guy go who wanted that?? Lol) because last night hanging out with a guy friend who I didn't see myself attracted to at all, well he kissed me and damn can he light a fire ! I mean he was pressed up on me and I never ever thought he'd turn me on like he did, but now I know to give guys a chance who I might not be that physically attracted to because they might have some skills! Lol And you're right about the contact/no contact. I'm okay talking to him, it's just when I ask to hang its rejection like the break up all over again. I'll tell you I've gone years without really truly being loved. Came from severe emotional/mental abuse and sex being withheld as a hurtful tactic to destroy my confidence and self esteem, and those scars resurface when I feel rejected again. Not just by him, but by anyone who does that to me. I've lost a lot of people in my life too over the past year so it's hard not to let it hurt but I get down for that moment and them I'm back to my IDGAF attitude, which is where I'm at today again lol. I mean there's no magic pill or any amount of therapy that can make the rejection not hurt. I've had a lot of betrayal. Let go of two long term friendships because his drunken ass decided to kiss them and they reciprocated. We were broken up but still no respect, you know? He's 53 for Christ's sakes. Grow up already. He knows I ended those friendships, doesn't even apologize. I'll be honest I was really nothing more than a pure sex object, thats why he called me his personal porn star. Yes I'm very sexually adventurous but honestly go bother someone else . He's going to use women and keep doing this until his d*** stops working. It's normal to have feelings. Can you imagine if we never felt anything? We'd all be robots lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacks44 Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Sweetgirl why do you even want a FWB relationship with him? From the few posts I've seen you make about him (especially that one about the concerts) I'd never want to speak to him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Hi Sweets, I'm having trouble understanding why you're still asking him out too. I mean, from an emotional perspective I do understand and I'd be probably doing the same if still in speaking terms with my ex. But you know you should just go NC. He's only interested in sex and at least he is clear about it. That is not what you want (not with him at least) so maybe it's best just to back off. Anyway, easier said than done. Hope you find the strength to just let this one go. A FWB relationship can be what you're looking for right now, but he is probably not the right one to give you that. When there ara emotions involved, it's impossible to be just FWB without getting hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 27, 2018 Share Posted March 27, 2018 Just makes me wonder... Does contact from an ex is EVER good? In the rare cases when both the dumpee and the dumper want reconciliation, then yes. This is probably 5% or less of the cases... I mean, I'd take a FWB arrangement with my ex straight away, but in the end I'd feel diminished for not being thought as relationship material. So I guess you're right with this one, Sweets. But now you just have to stick with your plan. I can guarantee you that my FWB arrangements in the past included quite fun activities too and not just bed time. I think the build up is also great. I think you're right to expect that :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 27, 2018 Share Posted March 27, 2018 Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Carus! Sorry to mess this place up, lol. I hope today finds you well. Xxxxxxxxxx :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 27, 2018 Author Share Posted March 27, 2018 I hope today finds you well. Xxxxxxxxxx :) Hi All* - Another long day at work and it's almost 3am...but just quickly wanted to say that although I'm still suffering quite badly, today was actually the best day I've had in probably 2-3 weeks! It's kinda weird because up until even yesterday it was pretty ugly..and then just woke up today feeling....ok* Maybe it's the meds kicking in, or maybe it's just a good day on the roller coaster...but whatever it is, I'll take it..! I'm not fooled though. I know I still have a long way to go..and I'm coming to accept that. This is not worth speculating about but I just want to note it here: My ex has almost completely disappeared from FB. I don't see her posts and I don't look at her page but she's just stopped commenting or liking any posts from close friends that she normally would. Even when her son posts a new profile picture. Again it's nothing but just something I've noticed... And to Morellos comment about contact from the ex... Well you've followed my thread and seen where it got me! lol Nowhere except backwards! Well, I'll see how I wake up tomorrow. It would be soooo great to have TWO good days in a row! Wow! I can't even imagine...! I'm so grateful for: Today. And my wonderful ENA family* Love n Light* Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Great to hear from you, Carus, especially on a good day for you. Hopefully you wake up today feeling good again. The social media thing... It would be better if you just had her blocked, but I understand if you don't. It's hard to just block someone we care about. I'm not feeling very well today. I've been in touch with the new girl (one I dated briefly last year), we've been talking to start as friends and see how it goes. Today I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she told me that doctors found abnormal cells in various parts of her body and she will go through 2 surgeries soon. She doesn't know how serious it is but it doesn't look good. She said she'd still like to catch up as friends (for now) as she is to stressed to start dating. I'm totally fine with it as I didn't want to start dating for now either. So we're going to have dinner tomorrow night. Life keep throwing curveballs... Just trying to remain strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Hello brother, I'm glad had had a good day and I hope today was every better :) The family is right here for you.. don't forget that! Just going back to the point a couple of days ago that I may be further along in healing.. perhaps so, but I think that is primarily down to the complete lack of "hope" (I know, I know, that word again!) in reconciliation.. I mean, even if she reached out again, she would be getting short shrift in return, in all honesty. Having my son with me full-time has helped me in keeping true perspective, but also limited my capabilities somewhat in getting out there and having meaningful interaction, especially dating. I am now at the point where, despite the lingering (usually) dull pain, I am ready to confront what comes next and to potentially let people in, properly. I do believe the only way I could have reached this point is through the strict No Contact, which remains unbroken. If I am to be thrust back into the melting pot of the ex's world, after over 5 months, I still don't know what will happen. What I do consider now though, is that for the last few weeks, she has felt remarkably distant. Keep on the ride buddy, stay strapped in. A smoother path lies ahead. S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacks44 Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I had a dream last night that my ex and I were in the same place, and we were part of a large group of people, all strangers. We had to walk from point A to point B. I kept trying to get her to walk with me and talk, but she kept vanishing. I would look for her, find her, catch her attention and try again, only to have it repeat. I woke up anxious today and I've been feeling down as a result. I'm still in love with her and missing her deeply, and all I can think about is how she found a new boyfriend a month after breaking up with me and everyone loves to volunteer how happy she looks when they see me after seeing her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Hey Stacks, Am with you buddy... I was also reliably informed back in the day of new FB status "how happy she now looks".. it's just what people say. Keep moving it forward, it's the only direction! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacks44 Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I guess what's worsening it is I don't really have any new prospects either. I'm feeling the rejection from both sides today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 28, 2018 Author Share Posted March 28, 2018 Sorry to hear Stacks* The Dreams and Nightmares are a nasty part of the whole scenario and really can set the tone of the day. We're not rejecting you though. I'm right there with you* Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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