Makeit Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 What do you think I've been doing all day...? lol Wish I had of revisited them before this happened....But even then I probably would have not listened :-/ Take it as a blessing....truly* Carus* One thing I have noticed is when I watch or read good info im highley motivated after. But then as days go by and i start to miss them or get down about things I tend to fall out of that strong clear mindset on how to handle a situation that could arise. That leaves us vulnerable to do the wrong things. As we know until we heal completely this is such a battle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sobroken Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Hello everyone, I have been reading this thread for months and I just want to say ALL OF YOU are such strong people. I admire each and everyone of you for picking yourself up every time you fall. My situation is a bit different because I've been married for over 30 years but emotionally and physically it ended years ago. The story is long and and I would give anything to be able to find someone who loves me for me. I'm so lonely and sad and everything that comes along with it. The year I decided to end it I had an injury, lost my job and insurance and pretty much my life. I cannot financially take care of myself, I feel so trapped and I'm drowning in it. Quite a few people have always told me I'm attractive and don't look my age. So I wouldn't have a problem finding someone. But that's not the point. I feel so BROKEN because I have nothing to offer anyone. I cannot work or enjoy so many things that a normal relationship needs, wants and requires. And to ALL of the men posting, this is the first time I see how much you all suffer through these break ups. I always felt like there are so many that move on to the next person without so much as batting an eye. But as I have read many posts I see there are so many good men out there. I will never understand why women leave good men or vice versa. I know we aren't perfect, but in my case just as Carus has mentioned before, I too feel I've been a good wife. I raised 2 children, always kept our home clean, including outside since he always worked out of town. Made sure all his clothes was ironed and cooked all the time for him when he came home cuz I knew he got tired of eating out when he was away. But it was never enough. He's been a good father and provider but it ends there. I just want to say thank you to all of you for sharing your stories, especially today because today you all literally saved a life. Hugs to every one of you. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 2, 2018 Author Share Posted March 2, 2018 Nightmares are really very bad. They sure are...and they don't set a good tone for the day... And keeping with the theme of this week I had a dream about us yesterday morning...It was nice. We were making love...and then I woke up... It made me feel pretty heavy for most of the day...Thankfully I don't seem to have them very often any more.... Hello everyone, I have been reading this thread for months and I just want to say ALL OF YOU are such strong people. I admire each and everyone of you for picking yourself up every time you fall. Dear SoBroken* ~ I'm truly humbled by your post and if my thread has helped you at all, I'm glad* And yes, it's full of A~mazing people....It's been a major help in my healing process.... My situation is a bit different because I've been married for over 30 years but emotionally and physically it ended years ago. 30 years...! I can't even imagine...My marriage at 5 years was my longest ever relationship.... I've often wondered, which would be worse...Breaking up with someone after such an immense amount of time....or having your heart smashed over and over in that same amount of time...? In the 30 years you were with this one person I have had my heart ripped out no less than 10 times...and this last one has been the worst ever..... In either case, the pain we share now in this moment is the same.... I'm so lonely and sad and everything that comes along with it. Yes...It's such a huge adjustment to make...You just have to hang in there whilst the process does it's thing....There will be life after this, for both of us* The year I decided to end it I had an injury, lost my job and insurance and pretty much my life. I cannot financially take care of myself, I feel so trapped and I'm drowning in it. Feel free to post here or start your own journal...It does help to write stuff out... You'll just have to get through each day as it comes....and break that down into hour by hour when it gets bad.... Feeling trapped is the worst...Are you able to work? Get income somehow...? Step by Step is the way to rebuild.... Quite a few people have always told me I'm attractive and don't look my age. So I wouldn't have a problem finding someone. But that's not the point. I feel so BROKEN because I have nothing to offer anyone. Just by posting on my thread you have shown that you do indeed have a LOT to offer* You have empathy and connection...And by being here and looking for answers shows you are moving into a more solution based mindset.... And take a look at this: I know we aren't perfect, but in my case just as Carus has mentioned before, I too feel I've been a good wife. I raised 2 children, always kept our home clean, including outside since he always worked out of town. Made sure all his clothes was ironed and cooked all the time for him when he came home cuz I knew he got tired of eating out when he was away. Just because he became complacent with the relationship doesn't mean 100,000 other men wouldn't be so appreciative of having that in his life.... I know I certainly would. And to ALL of the men posting, this is the first time I see how much you all suffer through these break ups. I always felt like there are so many that move on to the next person without so much as batting an eye. Well, girls will do it too.... I've come to learn it's more of a 'Dumper v Dumpee' kinda thing rather than a M v F thing.... And I'll say this: In Aus, over 70% of divorces are filed by women. Women tend to have great support in their grieving through friends and family whilst men tend to isolate and feel they can't show their grief to anyone.... However, when it goes deep enough, it's next to impossible to NOT show it....For me, I was so distraught there was no hiding it or suppressing it .... Men certainly suffer but a lot of the time they do it in silence... Not ALL men...and not all women either...Depends on who left who and the persons 'Attachment Style'... I will never understand why women leave good men or vice versa. I'm left scratching my head again about this....But I guess it says more about them than us... I hope you don't carry any guilt about how you acted in your marriage...I certainly don't.... Give good love...Be the best you can be....That makes it that bit harder for them to go out and find that again* I just want to say thank you to all of you for sharing your stories, especially today because today you all literally saved a life. I teared up when I read that....I've been to the edge a few times over the last couple of months and somehow stepped back every time.... Why is it that the distress we feel after a relationship ends that we feel we don't want to live anymore...? The question most counselors will ask is "Did you actually want to die or did you just want the pain to stop?".... Generally the answer is the latter.... The pain is almost unbearable....almost.... In fact we can say it's 'barely bearable' and that seems to help carry it.... I've learned to lean into the pain...accept it rather than try and fight it...That just seems to make it worse...Like a fly struggling to escape a spiders web but just get's more tangled up.... Also consider: Despite the devastation to those left behind, only 1 in 30 or 40 people who attempt suicide actually manage to pull it off....The rest are left to carry the shame of trying it and in a lot of cases, horrendous physical injuries from the failed attempt.... But it's not the way home.... Healing will happen. The pain will go away....Just gotta hang in there....Walk through the fire.... Sending you Healing Energy* ============================================================================================================================ I've just waded through another week...Life flashes by like looking out the car window...I'm existing... Just keep the business ticking over...keep the wolves from the door.... The anger has subsided but I haven't gone back as far as I've been....I'll take that as a step forward... I went into town for dinner tonight....Life was happening around me...People were walking around...I feel like I'm existing on a different plane to everyone else. Living in a fog. Wading through a thick sludge... I feel numb....But I'll take numb over the pain.... Love To All Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sobroken Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Carus, you have such an eloquent way of expressing yourself. You mentioned you have had your heart broken at least 10 times while I've been in a 34 year marriage. I'm truly sorry for that. It's been a difficult marriage and I stayed for so many reasons hoping and wishing it would get better. It never did. The injury I suffered when I had planned to finally get out turned my life upside down. I had a job I loved but lost it all because I was unable to go back to work. Not being able to financially take care of myself leaves me trapped. I have had a lot of death in my family so most of them are gone. When I read you STILL have your mom that made me so happy for you. I lost mine when she was 52 and I was 32. I basically just have my 2 kids and I refuse to be a burden to either of them. I had a failed back surgery so the pain I'm in daily including other health problems prevent me from being able to hold a job. I force myself everyday to get up and still do my housework. I was used to taking care of my home and all the finances and did my best not to ever burden my husband when he was out of town so I managed most of the time to solve problems that involved the kids or other things. I feel I got the short end of the stick but I don't carry any guilt over any of that cuz I know I did my best. But despite all of that I'm left with so much emptiness and helplessness and no way out. You are correct about the suicide, I truly believe that when that comes to mind it's not because you don't want to stop living, you just want the pain to end and you know that's one way of ending the pain forever. I feel like I'm just in a dark deep place and cannot climb out of it. I try to think of the good which are my kids. And that I'm not homeless etc. I just don't know how much longer this road is. And I've yet to see the light at the end of tunnel and if I ever do get to see that light I sure hope it's not an incoming train. 💔 I appreciate your reply and I will keep you in my prayers.... All of you!!!! May tomorrow be a better day for us all cuz lately all I've been doing is crying and I NEED it to stop. Take care and have a goodnight or good day wherever you all may be. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sobroken Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Carus, you have such an eloquent way of expressing yourself. You mentioned you have had your heart broken at least 10 times while I've been in a 34 year marriage. I'm truly sorry for that. It's been a difficult marriage and I stayed for so many reasons hoping and wishing it would get better. It never did. The injury I suffered when I had planned to finally get out turned my life upside down. I had a job I loved but lost it all because I was unable to go back to work. Not being able to financially take care of myself leaves me trapped. I have had a lot of death in my family so most of them are gone. When I read you STILL have your mom that made me so happy for you. I lost mine when she was 52 and I was 32. I basically just have my 2 kids and I refuse to be a burden to either of them. I had a failed back surgery so the pain I'm in daily including other health problems prevent me from being able to hold a job. I force myself everyday to get up and still do my housework. I was used to taking care of my home and all the finances and did my best not to ever burden my husband when he was out of town so I managed most of the time to solve problems that involved the kids or other things. I feel I got the short end of the stick but I don't carry any guilt over any of that cuz I know I did my best. But despite all of that I'm left with so much emptiness and helplessness and no way out. You are correct about the suicide, I truly believe that when that comes to mind it's not because you don't want to stop living, you just want the pain to end and you know that's one way of ending the pain forever. I feel like I'm just in a dark deep place and cannot climb out of it. I try to think of the good which are my kids. And that I'm not homeless etc. I just don't know how much longer this road is. And I've yet to see the light at the end of tunnel and if I ever do get to see that light I sure hope it's not an incoming train. 💔 I appreciate your reply and I will keep you in my prayers.... All of you!!!! May tomorrow be a better day for us all cuz lately all I've been doing is crying and I NEED it to stop. Take care and have a goodnight or good day wherever you all may be. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makeit Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Another day another victory Carus. In the healing process you/we are making progress everyday of NC even if we cant see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 SoBroken* - I'm surprised you got that name coz pretty much everyone who lands in this section of the forum is in that place. Please keep posting. I know where you're at and it's important to know that you're not alone* I cried and screamed multiple times a day for 3 months straight..! I can feel it coming on again but it's not everyday now. So be patient with yourself ok. As dear Makeit* says, we ARE going forward even though it doesn't feel like it.... Sending you Strength Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Hiiiiiiiiii Carus!!!! Hiss my favorite Aussie?? I'm sending you love, light, peace, happiness, and easier days ahead. Hope you're okay, I know NC is hard but the end result will be worth it. ((((hugs)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Love to you SweetGirl* - Thanks for being You...* Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sobroken Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Sweetgirl, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I'm sorry you're ex is stalking you. What makes it worse is when you have a child that will always tie you to that person. 🙄 It makes me happy when you get to the point to where you don't care cause that's progress, even if you break the NC I still feel like you do such a great job. And you sound like such a great mom. I hope you can get rid of his stalking soon. You deserve to be happy. I hope the feelings you have about not caring continue cuz I feel that's one of the ways we can finally let go and move on. You are so right about feeling like this physical pain has stolen my will to go on. It's SO difficult to be positive and see and be grateful for what you have when you are in so much pain. Not only physical but emotionally. Not to mention depression is the devil👿. I pray we can heal soon because I feel I'm walking backwards and have no one to catch me at this point. You all are the best and I wish you a restful night and a better day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sobroken Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Carus, thank you for encouraging me to keep posting. I think I need to do this to save myself somehow. This whole week has been so bad that both my physical and emotional pain have been at a 9. I know you understand the deep pain. And understand the constant crying and screaming even if the screaming can only be let out in your head depending on where you're at, at the moment. I have cried so much this week that I feel my heart and head cannot do this anymore. I looked up the suicide hotline at one point because I got that far in my thinking. I didn't call them. I kept thinking of my kids. All I want is to get rid of this pain and be productive. I'm 51 and I feel like my life got sucked out of me. I see no solutions. At this point I just want a man to hold me and tell me that I matter. Cause on top of it all this loneliness is more than brutal. I'm having so much trouble eating, so nauseated. I'm down to 120. I just feel so sick inside and out. This back surgery has affected my left leg and foot so the constant pain doesn't let me rest. And being in this relationship is too stressful. I try to do a lot of reading and keep up with what I can, get out and make myself walk what I can manage. I had so many goals before all this mess. I had enrolled to become a massage therapist, I was working advising juniors and seniors at the University. I went to the gym most everyday. Had a second job as a tax preparer besides everything else we just take care of when you're a family. And it's ALL GONE. I'm sorry for going on and on..... I pray your crying spells and pain level are quite low. I pray you wake up without that monster on your chest and that your anxiety level will not rear its ugly head so you can have a peaceful night and day. Sending you hugs and healing vibes to you and everyone here❤️. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Dear SoNotBroken* - Yes I know exactly what you're going through and I'm not 100% out of the darkness yet either. I cried every day for 3 months straight and one day for 10 hours. I didn't even know that was possible! But l can gladly say that it seems to be slowwwwwly getting better. As you've touched on above it's not just the person we aren't with now but all the other associated losses.... I too lost everything. When I moved into this apartment I had to buy knives, forks, bowls, fridge, everything. All I had was my bed.... How are we expected to cope with that? Somehow we do. Some people lose a lot in fires, tornadoes, wars etc...and somehow push on. All you need to do right now is breathe, sleep and eat best you can... even packaged soups. You're body is going to need good fuel to get through this... YouTube has been a big part of my recovery. Here's a quick vid for you to watch: Back Later Carus* x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Sweetgirl, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I'm sorry you're ex is stalking you. What makes it worse is when you have a child that will always tie you to that person. 🙄 It makes me happy when you get to the point to where you don't care cause that's progress, even if you break the NC I still feel like you do such a great job. And you sound like such a great mom. I hope you can get rid of his stalking soon. You deserve to be happy. I hope the feelings you have about not caring continue cuz I feel that's one of the ways we can finally let go and move on. You are so right about feeling like this physical pain has stolen my will to go on. It's SO difficult to be positive and see and be grateful for what you have when you are in so much pain. Not only physical but emotionally. Not to mention depression is the devil👿. I pray we can heal soon because I feel I'm walking backwards and have no one to catch me at this point. You all are the best and I wish you a restful night and a better day. Thanks :) but no he won't ever stop. He's a diagnosed narcissist, he is calculating, manipulative, and truly unhinged. At least my daughter is only living with me, so that makes it a lot easier. And she's 14, so he can't even take her from me. But he does many terrible things to me, even follows me out of state when I go. True loser. Gonna be hard for any guy to date me putting up with that bs. Can't even arrest him because it's in public so I'm told he has the right to be where he wants. What a joke, honestly. It's always been a mess, but I did break free of being with him, so I don't listen to that demeaning insulting awful mouth of his run 24/7 lol You will get through, you just need to take one day at a time. Baby steps. Trying to force the healing never works, so even a little progress mixed in with a little setback still gets you forward. Only time heals you. There really is no other fix other than temporary band aids to aid you. Just make a list of all your good qualities and what you deserve, and let it remind you that you do, can, and will find someone to value you again. Even if you choose to stay single, you still have the reminder of your own self worth, and that's important. Don't ever let anyone rob you of that :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Carus!!!! Hiiiiiiii love!!!!! Hope today finds you feeling more positive :love-struck: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Carus!!!! Hiiiiiiii love!!!!! Hope today finds you feeling more positive :love-struck: :love-struck: Yes not a bad day....Still got the steel blade lodged in my chest but the memories and images are fading.... Everything else is going ok though and that helps... How bout an update on your situation? I'll make some hot chocolate :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Brother Carus, Glad to hear all other business is going well.. be thankful for that :) Been 5 months for me today and it would have been much worse without the support, guidance and patience, you, and others, have shown me. I will always be grateful for that. The invaluable help you are now providing to others also shows the measure of the man you are. I hope you fully heal from this soon and find true happiness, with the sun on your back too! ;) Speak soon. S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 With all the setbacks and hiccups, it does appear that we're moving on... The fact we're spending less time here shows it. In my case, the terrible days have become terrible part of days so it's a win. They're less frequent too. In fact, after almost 6 months from the actual break up, I'm feeling close to 70 or 80% healed. I do think I need to keep working on some personal insecurities too, so it's not just the break up. It's the whole attachment thing that I need to work on. It's funny how I'm looking at her now as she came to my life to play this very specific role that was to make me realise I was going in the wrong direction. I can't say I'm a completely new man, but I can say I changed a lot of things, including how I see life and the importance I give to what I lost and will lose in life. I'm trying to be more relaxed about the outcome of things, especially those that already happend and I have no control over anymore. I still feel a bit embarrassed for having acted the way I did being 33 years old. Playing the rebound role without knowing. Showering her with affection too early when she was probably still thinking about her ex. Thinking she was the one when we had dated for only a few months. I know some of that was in reaction to how she acted (in a similar way, lovebombing, etc.). But then she droped out and left me there feeling like a complete idiot. But it's never too late to learn... unless we're dead lol I think the whole embarrassment thing is what makes me hold a bit to hope that she contacts me one day. I don't even think about a relationship anymore, I just wanted to show how I'm not that clingy and needy person of the break up that acted a bit crazy. But then again, why should I even care about what she thinks... I think this is the 30% that is left of healing and it may take longer. I decided to not actively chase a new partner. I'll just keep trying to improve my life, focus on work and friends, hobbies, etc. I'm hoping a new love can come naturally when it's the right time. Again, grateful for all of you and Carus for setting up this thread that helped and is helping so many of us :) After every storm, there is a rainbow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 Glad to hear all other business is going well.. be thankful for that :) Oh I am...I even say it out loud :) Been 5 months for me today and it would have been much worse without the support, guidance and patience, you, and others, have shown me. I will always be grateful for that. Despite still feeling a bit maudlin over the breakup, you've done so well Brother....You never cracked once and you can be damn proud of that. NC is one of the hardest most traumatic things we can go through and not everyone can handle it... I hope you fully heal from this soon and find true happiness, with the sun on your back too! It won't be soon, but yes I hope for that too Brother* Despite still lingering hope and wanting to hang on, I AM slowly getting there......wherever 'there' is :) I have taken the high road of complete self respect and not engaging... So you're not doing the FWB now...? Mi amor SweetGirl* ~ You're on a bit of an emotional seesaw aren't you....? You are lucky you have that fire...that anger....I wish I could tap into it more.... I've had it here and there....Had it for 2 days after last weekend, but it soon fades away.... Which is sad....We need anger to push us through to the next level.... But IF I ever do hear from her again, I really need to not be so accommodating.... I wish I didn't find it so hard...It's that damn Hope, and the fact that I did (do) love her to my core :-/ With all the setbacks and hiccups, it does appear that we're moving on... The fact we're spending less time here shows it. Thanks for your post Morello* ~ I'm at a stage now where I'm almost shamed to admit I'm nowhere near over it...So it helps to hear there are others right there alongside me... Although like the Shaman said "In the scheme of things it hasn't been that long....It hasn't even been the length of a pregnancy"...lol In my case, the terrible days have become terrible part of days so it's a win. I'll go with that....My pattern seems to be 'extremely bad mornings with mood lifting as I spend the day fighting it off'....So the first part of the day is brutal, and the second part slightly better.... I had a dream this morning where I was hanging out and hugging my youngest stepson...I really miss that little guy* I'm feeling close to 70 or 80% healed. Good numbers fratello* ~ I'm about 5% in the mornings rising up to anywhere around 60% in the evenings.... I'm going to try and force myself out of bed from here on and try not to lay in bed dwelling on stuff. I try to go back to sleep but just can't.... This will probably make me pretty fatigued for work but I feel I need to change something about the mornings... It's funny how I'm looking at her now as she came to my life to play this very specific role that was to make me realise I was going in the wrong direction. I can't say I'm a completely new man, but I can say I changed a lot of things, including how I see life and the importance I give to what I lost and will lose in life. Right there with you on this one ~ And I've changed in ways that she seemed to want while we were together.... Problem I'm having is recurring thoughts of "If only she would let go of the past and get to know me now" etc... But that is one of the major factors that keeps us apart now....She can not let go of the past.... Again, grateful for all of you and Carus for setting up this thread that helped and is helping so many of us :) After every storm, there is a rainbow... I never expected this thread to go where it has and I'm so grateful for everyone that has posted here or even viewed it without posting... I'm humbled that it has also helped so many people.... I think part of the thanks goes out to my ex who fueled it with Hope every now and then....Hope is probably the biggest thing we all come here looking for.... Success stories are so few and far between and perhaps we all thought this was going to be one.... Unfortunately I kinda knew what was going to happen just going by the 900 other breakups I've been through.... Anyway, we can now use it as a place of writing out thoughts, solidarity...and healing* I just can't wait til I don't have this steel blade lodged in my chest...I get on with what needs doing but it gets weary carrying that pain every day. I do what I can, I tell myself all the platitudes like "I choose to be happy now" and "I'm choosing not to be upset about this anymore" etc etc.....if only it was that easy huh? :-/ Let's keep it moving family* Carus* PS: SoNotBroken* ~ Report in please* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makeit Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Hey Guys been reading this thread from time to time. Hope everyone is doing well. Ive been doing I guess good. 60-70 days of NC I have accepted things are over and have been keeping busy with work and hobbies. I find myself sleeping through the night most nights and looking forward to things I have planned for the next day ect. I still think about her everyday but only a handful of times and I tell myself to stop and move on. I feel that altho NC is the tool to help us move on acceptance is really the piece that makes it happen and it is a biproduct of NC. I suppose I could have another setback if I really get in a bad position or see her ect but I am not worrying about that. Hang in there, Keep yourself busy and try and let go of your situation in your mind. Hope everyone is doing well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 Dear SweetGirl* and all, I'm doin' ok I guess. Just pushing on with what needs to be done. Things are swinging along ok... In fact, if I didn't have this damn pain in my chest I'd be lovin' life right now...! I've got a very good friend of 30 something years staying over for a couple of days which is great. He lives 5 hours away so we don't actually see each other that much, but he's on the phone to me constantly as I work my way through this.... Over the years we've witnessed and supported each other through tremendous heartbreak and upheavals so he knows and understands exactly where I'm at... I am grateful for him* Yes this thread has slowed down as my ex has moved on, and as we're all doing I guess.... I think a couple of us might be here for a while yet though albeit at a reduced pace...(Hoping to hear from SoNotBroken*, Sputnik* and Makeit* soon). I feel quite lonely and isolated so I still do log in every day and still really appreciate people dropping by. The pain is still quite sharp and the mornings still floor me but the meltdowns are getting further and further apart. I also have a good appetite and my nervous system seems to be calming down a bit. Well SweetGirl* - I'm glad you're dating again at least. And if it's any consolation, you're showing me that perhaps good men really are hard to find and 'someone' might come to regret their decision one day ;-) I send everyone peace, love and good health* Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 hey Carus, I know you are still hurting brother, which is completely normal and perfectly understandable. Would be more worried if you weren't, in all honesty. You seem to be getting by O.K, doing what needs to be done, as you say. That's all we can do. "Control the controllables". That sounds great to have that company for a couple of days. I have a few close friends that I barely ever see, but once we meet up it's like there has never been the time and distance between us! (hopefully the opposite of an ex-gf sighting! lol) Enjoy it mate.. you should definitely take wonderful *Sweets up on her idea.. go and practise a little.. I am confident they will come a flockin' ;) I'm not sure your ex has fully moved on, in fact, I highly doubt it, but she is learning to cope without you as a partner. Once you have both totally healed, there may be a strong friendship there, if you wanted one, that is. Sputnik will still be orbiting this forum for a little while longer.. there are still some dreadful moments amongst the gradual parting of these clouds.. I can relate to the loneliness and isolation.. not by being alone as such, but not being able to tell anyone in the "real world" about my post break-up thoughts, emotions and attempts to fully heal..I can guess that's where you are coming from too.. "I also have a good appetite and my nervous system seems to be calming down a bit. " - That's a big positive! My appetite is definitely better than a couple of months ago.. Just making sure I run that bit further and walk that bit faster! lol I have a strong thought recurring in my head at the moment..we just NEVER know what people are actually thinking, we only ever know what they tell us. There is just soooo much left unsaid. I hope you get some decent rest and the morning is bright. Take that swim ;) S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Well SweetGirl* - I'm glad you're dating again at least. And if it's any consolation, you're showing me that perhaps good men really are hard to find and 'someone' might come to regret their decision one day ;-) Carus* This right here is probably the source of your pain. Hope... The problem is we can't just switch off the hope button, can we. Perhaps you'd be in a better place if she had told you to just move on and that you'd never be together again. That's why I think she's a bit guilty of how you're feeling. She's stringing you along by asking you to have coffee every now and then, and stuff like that. Keeping the flame alive. In reality, perhaps you should think why you'd want someone like this in the first place. Ok, you had a nice past, but her current version is not that nice, is it? She could be just clear to you, you gave her chances to do so. Also, might be a good idea to have a good luck at yourself and ask if you're sad because you miss her or because you feel alone and want to feel that way again (with anyone). Chances are happiness is most likely to show up again when you find someone NEW than if you go back to her. I'm feeling a bit sad today. These dark moments come without notice. It's the 'what if' thing... What if things had been different? But then I go back to acknowledging how acceptance is important for all aspects in life. The more we fight what IS, the more we're in pain. Hope you keep getting better my friend. You and everyone else here. It's not easy but I guess we're all up for the challenge :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makeit Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Good to hear from you brother! I too still check in everyday but with nothing to report other then feeling more like myself again piece by piece day by day. I mostly just wanna see how you and the gang are doing. Its funny how we all seem to be in a different place then we were. I no longer have the dark stupid thoughts I used to. NC is doing its thing. If I had to put a percentage on my recovery Id say I am at a 70%. Light years ahead of where I was 30 days ago. Morello is right. The hope is def hindering your recovery . And thats just something youll naturally let go of as NC continues. The universe will do its thing with us however it is meant to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sobroken Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 My dear Carus, Thank you for caring about me. I've had some pretty horrific days. My physical pain has been so bad that I could barely walk. My failed back surgery has affected my left side so much and it's beginning to affect my hips. I literally wanted to die. My pain gets so intense despite being on synthetic heroin that is prescribed. I had 2 morphine injections plus a steroid injection and a vitamin b dx injection yesterday. I'm diabetic so the steroids raise my sugar big time. It was close to 400. And this whole mess, messes with me emotionally BIG TIME. See why I feel so trapped in this relationship? Who the hell wants to deal with a sick woman. I do my best to deal with my pain on my own. I don't want to be the dripping faucet. Despite my kids telling me I'm attractive, a good person in good shape outwardly if you saw me. Losing more weight cuz I'm so sick and nauseated from this pain. None of that matters. I want to feel loved and needed and appreciated and I want to work so I can just be independent. I HATE this emotional roller coaster. And yet when I'm in this pain I just want to end it all. I have cried so much everyday for the past week that I thought it would never end. Sweetgirl is right, you need to go out. There has to be a good woman out there. You're a good man. And I'm so sorry you still have that steel blade stuck in your chest. But I pray it slides out very soon. I'm glad you are having better days and so happy your friend is coming to visit you. That's AWESOME ❤️. Thank you for sharing that YouTube video with me. I just want to take away all of y'all's pain away and make it all better. I wish we all lived close by so we could get together and share a meal and just hang out. I'm happy I found this thread because like I said in my first post...... You literally saved a life that day and I'll never forget that. I love you guys ❤️ Prayers to all of you that tomorrow is an easier and better day 🙏. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sobroken Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Sweetgirl, You have so much determination I wish I had. Don't give up, there has to be a man out there with less baggage. I don't know how old you are but I swore I would never marry another man much older than me. At this point I just want to be able to function though. But don't give up. I bet that when you least expect it he will come to you 😉. You seem like a fun person to be around with. Just got caught up with the wrong people that didn't know how to appreciate a good woman. That's their loss. I'm happy you have your daughter.❤️ It's always nice to hear from you guys, it means a lot to me. Like I told Carus, being able to read this thread has made a big difference for me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories. I truly respect all of you for coming here. Prayers to all of you and for better days ahead 🙏❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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