OllieB123 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Pretty much at Rock Bottom here guys as well. Think I have eaten a total of 1k calories in the past 3 days. Not sure why I have relapsed so hard but I think Im the lowest Ive been since the BU. Goin on 40 days now. I should be feeling better. I think it's all about time mate, I'm 48 days post BU. And there are the occasional moments where I briefly fall into that black hole. I've just learnt to deal with it by gyming harder than my usual gym session and keep remembering to appreciate what/who are around me. But try your hardest to get your calorie intake up. Nothing worse than damaging your own body! take it steady man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 He actually apologized yesterday, without prompting. It took months. I could hear the sincerity, he was feeling emotional and I can tell he's missing me. Oh SweetGirl* - I'm so sorry this is going on for you.... I'm both envious and not envious of your situation. I'm dealing with the finality and the withdrawals and it's bad, but perhaps your ex is coming around... ? I think you're being stronger than you give yourself credit for and it will pay off one way or the other.... I can also see why you had so much hope for my story. If my ex was doing what yours is, I would too... Try get some rest ok* Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Hey Sweets, Remember your value.. pleaaaaase! You have such a loving, caring nature...it pains me that your ex is taking advantage of that and you are suffering. Sleep is the most valuable weapon in your arsenal, remember ;) Please know that we are all here for you, no matter how long it takes. The apology, after all this time, is another way of trying to reel you back in. I will have the tequila on standby.. you are always more than welcome! I'm in the finality and withdrawal hideaway with *Carus.. it's the place of ultimate healing ;) Never give up the hope *for ourselves and each other*! I wish everyone a better week than the last. S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Hi Sweets, it must be hard to deal with that. After all, I remember you mentioning a few times here that he hadn't apologised. Now he has, so it must be confusing. I know you always say here that when you're done, you're done, but are you considering going back to him in any way? Because the long conversations or even the low contact are definitely not helping if this is what you want. Maybe this apology will mark the end point of this chapter so you can move on. Personally I'm in a weird situation. Having to deal with my break up (getting better, slowly) and now with an ex from a few years ago in the picture, coming strong to get back together, including sending letters, crying when we met, etc. And now I'm in the position to break her heart because I'm not interested. At least I'm trying to be very clear and respectful with her so she can move on more easily. But life is ironic, isn't it... I'd love to have my recent ex to be in touch, even if just for some finality. We ended in a bad note and never really talked after that. I don't have that, but have to break my previous ex's heart. Timing has never seen be a big friend of mine, lol... Sending strenght to all of you and glad to hear we're all making progress, some way or the other (even if it doesn't look like it). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Morello, Always great to hear from you! I am in EXACTLY the same boat re "previous" ex.. it's crazy, isn't it. Stay strong brother. S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Ah Morello* - Yet another one of 'those' cases..! So with your previous ex, who broke up with who, how were you after that one, how long were you out of contact, and what's been the way she has come back? Sorry for all the questions. Guess I'm still holding on to some sort of vein hope... :-/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Morello, Always great to hear from you! I am in EXACTLY the same boat re "previous" ex.. it's crazy, isn't it. Stay strong brother. S x Thanks buddy. Life is a bit crazy sometimes indeed... it just adds to the whole emotional turmoil. But trying to keep moving, one day after another... Ah Morello* - Yet another one of 'those' cases..! So with your previous ex, who broke up with who, how were you after that one, how long were you out of contact, and what's been the way she has come back? Sorry for all the questions. Guess I'm still holding on to some sort of vein hope... :-/ Hi Carus, good to hear from you mate. I wouldn't say my example would give you any hope, since we were basically in no contact for almost 4.5 years after she dumped me. I was sad when it happened, but honestly it wasn't one of the most relevant break ups in my life. I was very keen to date her seriously back then, but I guess after the BU I had more urgent issues in my like to take care of. Only at the end of last year she contacted by FB and when she moved she invited to meet up. It just goes together with the recurring point: people move on and then might revisit the thought of being together, further down the track. Some act on it, some don't. Some wait a lifetime. The only way out is to move on, try to forget the thought of being with that person. What we want is not available so it would be irrational to dwell on it anyway. It could change in the future, but most likely after moving on things will be different and it's hard to go back to your old feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Hi Sweets, it must be hard to deal with that. After all, I remember you mentioning a few times here that he hadn't apologised. Now he has, so it must be confusing. I know you always say here that when you're done, you're done, but are you considering going back to him in any way? Because the long conversations or even the low contact are definitely not helping if this is what you want. Maybe this apology will mark the end point of this chapter so you can move on. Personally I'm in a weird situation. Having to deal with my break up (getting better, slowly) and now with an ex from a few years ago in the picture, coming strong to get back together, including sending letters, crying when we met, etc. And now I'm in the position to break her heart because I'm not interested. At least I'm trying to be very clear and respectful with her so she can move on more easily. But life is ironic, isn't it... I'd love to have my recent ex to be in touch, even if just for some finality. We ended in a bad note and never really talked after that. I don't have that, but have to break my previous ex's heart. Timing has never seen be a big friend of mine, lol... Sending strenght to all of you and glad to hear we're all making progress, some way or the other (even if it doesn't look like it). I know! I was so good, done!! My f*** it attitude was strong! Thing is I love this man, always will. He was by my side through a really hard time with my ex and I can't forget that. It made me safe, secure, a feeling I hadn't had in years but hey , I'm alone now and standing up to my other ex even though I do fear him, so I can do it alone. I don't initiate, but I do always reply because he's admitted prior that he sucks and I deserve more(I was ready for commitment and him he's just a damn mess non trusting and hurt). Just never had apologized. I'm not going back, I don't like uncertainty. But I may meet up a time or two just because I feel like I need to . But that might be not so good . That's sad about your ex :( but when the attraction is gone, it's gone, right? You have to tell us more about her and that situation. An ex almost always reappears, the thing is with time passing, the other can truly get over it and not want anything anymore. They may think of you from time to time, but wanting to be together vs friendly chit chat every so often are very different. Maybe you feel this way because you're hurt over your recent ex?? Ending on a bad note leaves so much hurt and unresolved feelings, and questions. Mine did that to me, and I hurt like I never had since my first heartache at 22. I would have rather been in labor with my daughter again than feel that pain. Leaving on a bad note leaves a great deal of mistrust even if you get in contact again. And it takes time to try and rebuild that trust, even if just for friendship. Like mine, I don't trust him, and he knows that. I trust I'd be safe with him, but I don't trust him to not suck me in so deep and then set me free. That's why I keep my distance. It would be my own fault if he did because I know how he is but I'm so unbelievably affectionate and caring that I can get blinded. That's where my f*** it attitude comes into play. Be tough, don't care, and voila! No attachment lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Ah Morello* - Yet another one of 'those' cases..! So with your previous ex, who broke up with who, how were you after that one, how long were you out of contact, and what's been the way she has come back? Sorry for all the questions. Guess I'm still holding on to some sort of vein hope... :-/ I'm sorry for hijacking, and Carus, yours still isn't done forever. Might be friendship a year or three down the line, but she's not going to disappear forever from your life. No true love(and it seems it was) ever walks away completely. I told you my first love and I still have contact, after we both married and divorced others, and we'd be together if he wasn't on the other side of the US. He moved there many years ago, but had he stayed, we would have married no doubt. We loved each other and that's why I say that love changes over time as years pass, but it doesn't end. If it does, there wasn't any real love there to begin with. I think people who say "oh I can't talk to so and so anymore because I'm with someone new and it's not fair to them" don't understand you'll never take away a person's past and bonds they've made, so asking anyone to give up an ex who shared life prior with that person is selfish and non trusting and non caring. Just my opinion. If an ex was awful and is causing trouble in the relationship, that's a different story. Not enough people have faith and trust anymore. It's sad really :( That bond shared will bring that person back, not in the way you want always, but they will be around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makeit Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Looks like a lot has happened with the breakup gang overnight! I feel for everyone of you and hope your unique situations all work out. I had a decent day yesterday but back to work today and those days are always the worst. I always fear I am going to hear something and have a setback which always crushes me. Praying to the universe I have a trouble free day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Morello* ~ Thanks for sharing...You see, I've never had any exes try to come back to me so it's a foreign yet intriguing topic for me....I've read enough stories over the years to see that it does indeed happen* Carus, I have to tell you that your thought about your ex is exactly what I was thinking as I was lying awake thinking about mine. I'm holding back, and she is too. I think, but could be wrong, that your ex hopes you reach out to show sincerity, but I could be wrong. SweeeeeetGirrrrrl...! Are you trying to kill me..? Don't you remember what happened last time I reached out to her...?? lol I don't think she's holding back....I think she has moved on..... Looking at a couple of differences between our situations: With your ex who you are talking to now, he broke up with you right? Then there was a few months of NC yes? And then, HE was the one who contacted you right....? I'm still not ready to contact her again (and my psychologist almost begged me not to lol), if she slips away in this time of healing then that is how it's meant to be..... IF you are right and she does still have feelings for me and thinks about me, then she will get to the point that your ex now has.....I'm hoping to see the Shaman again this Friday and I have to say, after last time and the weeks since I'm becoming more of a believer! If you remember, last time the Shaman said that my ex would be back around in 4-6 months and try to fix things.... Sadly it was only 2-3 weeks so it caught me off guard and when she said 'fix things' I thought she meant get back together, when actually it was my ex making things right so she could fully move on.... Still, she was still right even though it wasn't when or what I thought it was* Hang in there, I hope each day leads you closer to clarity and peace within :) Hangin' in there....! The mornings and the first part of the day are still pretty bad for me, so I am starting a strict meditation process to retrain my brain to think about something else rather than going straight to her and 'that movie'...... It seems to be helping a bit already.... The pain in my chest is back to about a 2 today which is ok...I've come to live with that.....Man, when the heart breaks it really does break like a bone huh...!? But we must lean into the pain...accept it...not resist against it...That only makes it worse.... Love n Light* Carus* PS: A Meditation for Mornings: Close your eyes and imagine a river of liquid light flowing above you. Then tap into that liquid light and pull a strand down to the top of your head. Then slowly let it flow down over your head, shoulders, chest and on down to your feet until you are fully covered in light...And hold it there for as long as you like... It still takes me real focus to go through that entire process but I achieve the full body suit of light quite well now and it's really great...And I'm not thinking about you know who :) Peace* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Oooh , I forgot..........I loooooooooove you Carus!! Xxxxoooo :love-struck:: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 I'm back to my f it attitude, can you tell? :) Yes and it's turning me on! :-/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Yes and it's turning me on! :-/ Haha! That's the spicy , fiery Italian side of me! If that turns you on, you should see me talk with my hands!! Lol :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Heyyy, get a room you two! ;p That would be sweet, sweet music! lol Right, I am determined that this week will be better than last!!! It seems a cloud has come over this board and we need some positivity :) Glad to hear you had a decent day *Makeit and I wouldn't wish working with an ex on anyone, so sending you immortal strength your way! I have faith. *Carus, as I informed you earlier... there is no need to reach out to the ex, I am pretty sure she will do in her own sweet time, but what comes of it, who the hell knows... "But we must lean into the pain...accept it...not resist against it...That only makes it worse...." - Wow, that really is so true! Going to try this meditation thing of yours and feed back how I get on.. willing to try anything to finally rid myself of those who don't deserve to be renting this space in my head! Really hope that you manage to catch some serious zee's! Love to all xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Haha! That's the spicy , fiery Italian side of me! If that turns you on, you should see me talk with my hands!! Lol :) Its uncanny how some of us naturally flirt (playfully, I mean) with others of us. Personalities matter! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Its uncanny how some of us naturally flirt (playfully, I mean) with others of us. Personalities matter! :) Lol! My personality is huuuuuge! I also talk.....a lot. It's a curse I tell ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 To reach out or not to reach out... I go with the 'don't reach out' team, although I can totally see where Sweets is coming from. And she may be right. I just think Carus has already exposed himself enough, he pretty much told her everything she would need to hear to rekindle the relationship. She would be very secure knowing that he would take her back in case she contacted him. There's no risk for her, still, she doesn't make a move. Not even a message. I think it's pretty clear she doesn't wanna get back together now. That could change in the future, but I wouldn't get my hopes too high because that would be completely counterproductive in moving on. Carus, I guess you can completely let go of that hope and assume she is not coming back. You'd have heard from her already if that was her intention. She might WANT to get back, but maybe there are other variables involved. Like trying to grow and become a better person before potentially trying again. It's hard to actually change in just a few months. What I'm learning from my bizarre situation is that we have very little control over how life will present itself to us. I'm still attached to what I thinks is the right thing to happen: to get back together. I think we're all like that. We all have a wish and think that is the only way things should be. Life is so complex and there's so many things acting simultaneously that all we can do is be ourselves, live the life we want to live and let things happen. Let it be, people... The more we keep fighting in hour minds and being reluctant to accept the way things are, the more hurt we will be and the longer our recovery will take. Sweets, remember: having your ex coming back and apologising gives some of the power back to you. It even puts you in a more powerful position than him. I know the rationale of who has the power is wrong, but a lot of the pain some people here feel is related to feeling a bit humiliated by the way we acted and from the rejection, feeling unwanted. So you can definitely have a tequila to celebrate that! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 To reach out or not to reach out... I go with the 'don't reach out' team, although I can totally see where Sweets is coming from. And she may be right. I just think Carus has already exposed himself enough, he pretty much told her everything she would need to hear to rekindle the relationship. She would be very secure knowing that he would take her back in case she contacted him. There's no risk for her, still, she doesn't make a move. Not even a message. I think it's pretty clear she doesn't wanna get back together now. That could change in the future, but I wouldn't get my hopes too high because that would be completely counterproductive in moving on. Carus, I guess you can completely let go of that hope and assume she is not coming back. You'd have heard from her already if that was her intention. She might WANT to get back, but maybe there are other variables involved. Like trying to grow and become a better person before potentially trying again. It's hard to actually change in just a few months. What I'm learning from my bizarre situation is that we have very little control over how life will present itself to us. I'm still attached to what I thinks is the right thing to happen: to get back together. I think we're all like that. We all have a wish and think that is the only way things should be. Life is so complex and there's so many things acting simultaneously that all we can do is be ourselves, live the life we want to live and let things happen. Let it be, people... The more we keep fighting in hour minds and being reluctant to accept the way things are, the more hurt we will be and the longer our recovery will take. Sweets, remember: having your ex coming back and apologising gives some of the power back to you. It even puts you in a more powerful position than him. I know the rationale of who has the power is wrong, but a lot of the pain some people here feel is related to feeling a bit humiliated by the way we acted and from the rejection, feeling unwanted. So you can definitely have a tequila to celebrate that! :) Thanks, but he can kiss my sweet a** right now. I'm feeling like an idiot but I did it to myself to test where he is. Whatever. He can contact me but no more long conversations or sexting or anything. I'm cutting that off now. Hey, what's new? End of conversation. And yes Carus should not reach out. Time needs to pass and she needs to move on and realize what she lost. And if he wasn't in Australia, I'd snatch him up from her! Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 So guys and gals, here I am to tell all of you.......... stay NC. Sure it hurts, but believe me as much as I thought I could handle this, I just had my heart shredded again. My own fault. So he just lost me forever. No more contact. Here's to all of us, leaving the past where it belongs, and finding partners who WANt to be with us. Dont let an ex tug your heart strings. Take those strings away from their reach. Don't worry about lining up the shot glasses, I'm drinking straight out the bottle lol Tomorrow. New day. New opportunities. I gave him up for Lent, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Tough one, hey? Hard with no contact. Harder with contact. I keep wishing my ex to contact me but I certainly can't deal with any more heartbreak at this point... Just the thought of going back to how I was feeling last year gives me shiverings. I'm having some ok days but when the hard day comes, it comes hard. Crippling. I miss her so much. I miss the idea of her that I created in my head, which is probably much better than her. Hope you heal from this recent event soon, Sweets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 So guys and gals, here I am to tell all of you.......... stay NC. Sure it hurts, but believe me as much as I thought I could handle this, I just had my heart shredded again. My own fault. So he just lost me forever. No more contact. So sorry SweetGirl* ~ It's making me cringe about my situation a few weeks ago...I'd like to know more about what was said if you don't mind sharing...But I hope you can carry on from here....Please let us know what happens ok..? xx Tough one, hey? Hard with no contact. Harder with contact. I keep wishing my ex to contact me but I certainly can't deal with any more heartbreak at this point... I'm in the same boat and have to remind myself of this^ Like I said, after mopping up the last mess my psychologist almost begged me not to contact her again.... Maybe sometime in the future, but not now... I'm having some ok days but when the hard day comes, it comes hard. Crippling. I miss her so much. I miss the idea of her that I created in my head, which is probably much better than her. I have a little 20 min video for you Morello* (and anyone else who is constantly thinking about their ex)... The link is: Hope this helps....It helped me. The pain level is at it's default level of 2 today, so I'll take that. Hope everyone is eating good food* Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian4996 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Sweetgirl, I'm not so sure I'd see that as a bad thing. I did something similar with my ex this weekend (I asked her to something, giving her ample opportunity to say yes) and got the same sort of 'meh' response that you got. But for me, this 'meh' response has really helped me say to myself 'this girl is a waste of my time' and has kind of taken her down a bit off the pedestal that I had her on in my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 Dear SweetGirl* - Just for the record I think you're doing the right thing. Yes you created that opportunity and I think it brought you some more clarity...same as Ians did.... And you saw me go through a similar thing a few weeks ago...and since then her silence tells me everything I need to know. The finality and final withdrawals have been brutal in those weeks but I guess I would say I'm slowwwwly getting a bit better. The contact coming in from your ex is definitely ego based and I would just like to thank my ex.... She was a great wife and now she's the perfect ex :) Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 "She was a great wife and now she's the perfect ex :)" I like it.. you should get these memoirs published one day brother ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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