SweetGirl28 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Hey guys, I am beginning to "dream" of a *Carus and *Sweetgirl union ;) the ULTIMATE COMBO! S x Hahahahahaha! I dream of you on one side of me, and Carus on the other! One for each arm, or hand, or....whatever lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Carus!! Oooooooooooh that text would have scared me off! Lol But I'm not so quick to trust anyone so my issues have issues all their own! Shows your personality though, which I personally have come to adore. Can't wait to hear if she replies to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian4996 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 I'm also checking this thread twice a day for Jessica updates! Haha! Personally, I'd go less is more on the texting. Leave it a day or so to reply, make her miss you and think 'why's he not texted me back?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Carus, my friend! That message almost seemed like auto-sabotage. You're internalising that she's unresponsive and not that interested (which may or not be true) and therefore you kind of decided to test her with that message. If her interest levels were high she'd be probably be googling everything right now to answer you back. But it doesn't seem like the interest level is very high - very common in the initial stages - so she probably saw it as a bit too much. Not that it's a bad message, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. In the end it's always about the interest levels... you can say the same thing and get very different reactions. You know what Corey Wayne would say about that message :) And I have been guilty of doing a very similar thing before and scaring the girl away... My quiz was way less knowledgeable though :-D Again, it's obviously easier to point out mistakes of others than our own mistakes. Try to make it light and simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chattygirl Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Carus, I totally get the vibe you were going for in the text you sent to Jessica. And while I simply adore you and admire your style, I have to say, that text would have scared me off. Not in a feeling threatened or "oh my god, this guy is out of his gourd" way, but I would have felt somewhat uncomfortable. I'm so sorry because I know your intent is good and sincere. But we women are weird lol. I sure do hope she sees you are well-meaning and gives things a chance. She seems like a nice person and you two would have a lot of fun together. Sending you good wishes and lots of love. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 2, 2018 Author Share Posted February 2, 2018 Yeh. Suffering regret now but that's ok. I need to stay centered and focus on my healing anyway. Crisis at work too so I'm really on the edge at the moment. Thankyou for your well wishes* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morello Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Don't worry too much... If there's interest, she will reply. Might take long and might be a bit playing 'not interested', but she will and you will be able to try to arrange a date. Try to keep messages to a minimum and just use them to get your date with her. If there's not enough interest, she probably won't reply, but what would be the point anyway... I don't think your message was good or bad enough to change the final outcome of your interaction with her. What's meant to be... you know the rest. And good luck with your job situation. I'm having an incredibly tough day today too. Everytime I go to the toilet I need to pretty much avoid looking inside my ex's office. Might bump into her anytime. I'm having a gut feeling that even after all this time she still has a negative vibe about me, which makes everything really hard. Not very productive today but hopefully today will pass (lie every other bad day) and tomorrow will be good again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 I hope your day gets better. No worries for today, okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Good morning *Carus (or evening for you, brother!), "Part of me questioned doing this. Some people and theories would say perhaps it's too much too soon...but whatever. It's who I am and if it chases her away then so be it and it wasn't meant to go any further..... If anything, this will test her interest level that's for sure...." ^Whatever happens from this, find solace in that you were being you...that is the absolute key^ There are many people here who have been deceived and crushed by their loves one recently. Self-deception is even worse. You have full acknowledgement and appreciation of who you are. I hope today was better than yesterday. S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Carus, where are you? Hope you're feeling okay luv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Don't worry too much... If there's interest, she will reply. Might take long and might be a bit playing 'not interested', but she will and you will be able to try to arrange a date. Try to keep messages to a minimum and just use them to get your date with her. If there's not enough interest, she probably won't reply, but what would be the point anyway... I don't think your message was good or bad enough to change the final outcome of your interaction with her. What's meant to be... you know the rest. And good luck with your job situation. I'm having an incredibly tough day today too. Everytime I go to the toilet I need to pretty much avoid looking inside my ex's office. Might bump into her anytime. I'm having a gut feeling that even after all this time she still has a negative vibe about me, which makes everything really hard. Not very productive today but hopefully today will pass (lie every other bad day) and tomorrow will be good again. I think she has been scared off by the references to physical contact when you haven't even been on a date. A lot of women would have read that text as someone looking for a quick hook-up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 Hii SweetGirl* Thanks for checking in. I'm not very well and just licking my wounds* I think she has been scared off by the references to physical contact when you haven't even been on a date. A lot of women would have read that text as someone looking for a quick hook-up. Yes I know. I don't know why I did that but what's done is done. Ive sent her an apology and will now continue to try my best to move forward. I hope you are all doing ok. Carus* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makeit Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Hii SweetGirl* Thanks for checking in. I'm not very well and just licking my wounds* Yes I know. I don't know why I did that but what's done is done. Ive sent her an apology and will now continue to try my best to move forward. I hope you are all doing ok. Carus* Dont sweat it Carus. I think ultimately you were just looking for a rebound of sorts with her. Trust me on the age difference thing I know from experience! It wasnt worth your effort! Take it from me! Plenty of positives to take out of this and hardly any negatives. You showed you found some interest in someone new. Thats the biggy. No woman seems attractive to me right now so. You hardly invested anything into this new girl. Like you tell everyone else CHIN UP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian4996 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Don't worry about it pal. It's just one of those things and when you're just getting back into dating, something like texting is a re-learning experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Hi Carus, I'm sorry:upset: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You really didn't owe her an apology text, but it shows you are a genuine person, so that's an admirable quality to have. Don't let this set you back or get you down, she was making excuses anyway and you felt something was off with her taking a while to reply. I hope you have better days ahead. This too shall pass, my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 My break-up brother in arms, I know that you are on a "down" at the moment, on your beautiful journey to salvation. Let me tell you something.. over the last couple of days I have revisited the commencement of your inspirational D and N thread. It may not currently feel like it, but the progress you have made over the last 10 weeks is actually remarkable. It is evident that you were truly plumbing the depths at times over those dark November days. Just try and recall everything that you have done since then! Remarkable openness, intelligence and honesty all the way through, whilst also showing immense compassion to others in similar situations. To think you even put yourself out there, physically and more importantly, emotionally, not once, but twice, to meet your ex-wife, knowing that it is likely to cause you incredible sadness and pain. Forget the Jessica thing for a moment.. any relatively "minor" setback you are experiencing now is exacerbating the real issue, that you are still heartbroken over the love of your life. That is completely understandable. I don't have any magic words, but please remember that you have a loving family for you here, rooting for your ultimate and lasting happiness. Always. S x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makeit Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Sputnick speaks the truth^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beebs82 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Hi Carus, I'm sorry:upset: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You really didn't owe her an apology text, but it shows you are a genuine person, so that's an admirable quality to have. Don't let this set you back or get you down, she was making excuses anyway and you felt something was off with her taking a while to reply. I hope you have better days ahead. This too shall pass, my friend. Agreed and never apologize for who you are :))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 You are all so wonderful... Plenty of positives to take out of this and hardly any negatives. You showed you found some interest in someone new. Thats the biggy. Don't worry about it pal. It's just one of those things and when you're just getting back into dating, something like texting is a re-learning experience. ....she was making excuses anyway and you felt something was off with her taking a while to reply. I hope you have better days ahead. This too shall pass, my friend. You all show immense compassion. It's definitely a big showing of the people we all are...Not just the compassion but the patience.... Most people can show compassion but for how long....? An hour? A day? A week?...... But people who have true compassion also have patience..... The fact that you are still supporting me with such gentleness is such a bright light in this world* And yeh SweetGirl*, the day I met Jessica on the beach was magical and easy....but since then it's just been stressing me out....That's nothing to do with her, just where I'm at....Under normal circumstances it probably would have flowed a lot better..... I know that you are on a "down" at the moment, on your beautiful journey to salvation. You know me well....The last 48 hours have basically been back to square one....3 healthy meltdowns a day....*sigh* I have had to admit to myself today that my grief has now become depression and as much as I hate it, I may have to look into getting some meds for a couple of months. I know a lot about depression and antidepressants through my studies and experience and whilst I don't like to endorse those pills, they can serve a purpose when needed. I just don't want to spend the first part of everyday thinking the extremely dark thoughts I am having. AntiDs should definitely be looked at as a short term aid. They do not 'fix' the core problems but can alleviate the symptoms. I've had people come to my clinic saying "I've been on AntiDs for 5 years and I'm still depressed...!".....Nuff said. There is a stage or emotion I feel that is not included in the Stages of Grief...Shame. Why do I feel shame? Expectations. Expectations from the people who knew me and loved who I was and desperately want that person back. And expectations on myself by myself with those same wants. I 'should' be over it by now. I 'shouldn't' still be so wrecked.....etc We all know where that wrong line of thinking comes from....and it is wrong. It may not currently feel like it, but the progress you have made over the last 10 weeks is actually remarkable. Thankyou Sputnik* ~ It doesn't feel much like it and I couldn't go back and read that stuff right now so thankyou for pointing it out. To think you even put yourself out there, physically and more importantly, emotionally, not once, but twice, to meet your ex-wife, knowing that it is likely to cause you incredible sadness and pain. Yeh don't remind me lol.....Lesson learned! Forget the Jessica thing for a moment.. any relatively "minor" setback you are experiencing now is exacerbating the real issue, that you are still heartbroken over the love of your life. That is completely understandable. Yeh don't worry....I think I did enough to close that door pretty quickly :-/ But as some of you have said, it wasn't all bad and it was just me being me....and if that scares her off then so be it. She mustn't be the one I'm looking for* And yes...The "love of my life"... True love, does it ever really die? Now that my exwife has moved on I am expected to just 'Move on! Forget about her! etc'..... Does my love for her have an expiration date? Am I supposed to just turn it off like a cold water tap....? When it comes to deep grief I think society needs to not say 'Move on'....But 'Move with and move through it'...... When all you hear is 'Get over it. Move on.", it can be quite isolating....and that's when things get nastee.... When someone dies, it is very sad and they are gone for everyone..... When your relationship dies, they are only gone from you....Everyone else still gets to see them and be with them.....More isolation* To end on a positive I seem to have fixed that crisis at work and I'm back online....Hopefully the Universe will let me rest up a bit now* Carus* Grateful for: A) My dry bed. B) My hot shower. C) The food in my belly. D) ENA. PS: I think it's important to say here too that my emotional and mental state right now is not just about my marriage breaking down, there are other forces at play. Things that I have not talked about in this thread.....Perhaps I will do a post sometime on some of that but I just want to clarify that :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Hey brother, I'm glad that you have kept the "grateful list" in the post.. what else could you need than those 4 essentials? ;) Also good news that work has been sorted out.. it at least makes your life a little easier! If you want/ need to elaborate on any other issues working against you at present, we are all here for you and care about you.. I don't think true love ever really dies.. but I also believe you can live more than 1 person. At the end of the day, we were born alone and die "alone", it's how we are as a person and how others remember us, that is important. The notion of healing from death vs break-up is also very interesting.. death has a finality the requires dealing with..with a break-up, there is the uncertainty, variables, and yes... hope! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 True love, does it ever really die? Now that my exwife has moved on I am expected to just 'Move on! Forget about her! etc'..... To answer your question.....NO. True love never dies. Sometimes we need to learn to live life minus the one we love, but true love will remain forever. And that's okay. We can keep a special place within our hearts but we need to allow ourselves the opportunity to love again. On that note, had a dream of my ex last night that felt so real, I canceled out on a date I had with another man today. As I was getting ready I had this feeling of immense guilt overcome me. I just didn't feel right to go. Why?? Because I still love the ex. Ahhhhh.......I know I can go to him and maybe I will soon, but right now I'm being too cautious. I don't want to feelthat immense pain of losing him ever again. I would have gone today with the other man but since the ex contacted me a few days ago and we talked for three hours, it gave me a little setback. This thing called love brings joy and pain. Those we fall in love with can impact us so deeply, it's hard to see beyond them sometimes. Keep the faith that you will find love again, it's just not meant to be right now. Know that your ex does love you though, and one day that love will reunite you in some capacity. Might not be together, but you will be in one another's lives again. It happens. True love on both sides, which you had, will never be gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sputnik123 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Beautiful, Sweets :) x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makeit Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 As maybe the token angry/blunt guy of this bunch Id just like to say after thinking about my ex all day. And what Ive given in Love and how we all seem to have given. And reading Carus’s words and knowing EXACTLY the PAIN and thoughts he is having and we are having I just wanna say......you know this is some Bull S! We all deserve better! We all deserve better in Love. Its a gosh damn shame that the universe or the higher power or gods or god or whatever you believe in puts us through this when we could give so much to the goodness of humanity with someone. Aint right when there are some many A holes and dirtbags and crappy people roaming this earth that we get treated like this and dealt these cards. Pisses me off! No GOOD person should have to go through what we are going through for weeks and months on end!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 Beautiful, Sweets :) x Thanks lol, as I sit here crying kicking myself in the ass for what I did today. I hate love! I should have gone on that date, but nooooo ex had to set me back, ugh. My own fault. I'm done melting at the sign of his communication. No more. I'm jumping on the NC boat and going far out to sea. How one goes from contacting me and talking for three hours to not replying to a song I sent him makes me so angry at myself. It was "The Ones Who Like Me" by Brantley Gilbert. I sent it and said it reminds me of him. I didn't think it was a mushy thing at all, but it obviously triggered the no response button. Ughhhh. But it does remind me of him, I wasn't saying me, I was saying people in his life see him that way. I feel like a fool :( No turning back, this man just hurts my heart. I cannot allow it anymore. The worst part, my 14 year old daughter said " yeah mommy because he doesn't want anything with you anymore" as the reason he didn't reply to my song. She knows the song well. I said"but it's not mushy" and she replied "it doesn't matter, he's playing with you. This proved it". 14 and tells me this, how smart is she? Smarter than me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 As maybe the token angry/blunt guy of this bunch Id just like to say after thinking about my ex all day. And what Ive given in Love and how we all seem to have given. And reading Carus’s words and knowing EXACTLY the PAIN and thoughts he is having and we are having I just wanna say......you know this is some Bull S! We all deserve better! We all deserve better in Love. Its a gosh damn shame that the universe or the higher power or gods or god or whatever you believe in puts us through this when we could give so much to the goodness of humanity with someone. Aint right when there are some many A holes and dirtbags and crappy people roaming this earth that we get treated like this and dealt these cards. Pisses me off! No GOOD person should have to go through what we are going through for weeks and months on end!!!!! Amen! And I'm the angry girl! Lol We all need to grab reality by the balls, stop this hurt because some of it we are causing ourselves, and get the hell out there and connect with someone who WANTS us, who VALUES us, who SHOWS us they care. It's time to break the chains of love and free our hearts and minds! I so wish we could all meet up and have shots and a bonfire and music and bury all this pain in the sand. Not even let it wash away, cuz it might find its way back to shore! Bury it! F the exe's. They are an ex for a reason! Let's so, remember that and know we deserve better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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