Seetheugly2 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I'm in a ltr with my boyfriend of 4 years. During arguments and lectures he calls me horrible names, like idiot and stupid! Yesterday he smarted off and said "your worse than a dog". I said thanks. It slowly progressively getting worse. Should I just forgive it or should I dump him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I do not tolerate verbal abuse. Therefore, I would end it and find someone who is respectful and resolves conflict like an adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClumsyGuy Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 What comes first, respect or love? For me, it's respect. Talk to him about it. If he's willing to change, great. Though, I have experienced that respect can't be taught to someone, it's an internal quality. Just my two cents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glitterfingers Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I would tell him point blank that I find it completely unacceptable and if he continues to fight dirty, I will have no choice but to leave. I would explain that I am only interested in being with someone who wants to discuss disagreements in a mature and sensible manner It is verbal abuse, but it doesn't sound like extreme and malicious verbal abuse (swearing/screaming). Sometimes this kind of behaviour can be a bad habit they picked up from their parents' arguments and they might not even see how much it hurts you because to them it feels normal. Tell him calmly that you find it offensive and give him an opportunity to understand what he's doing and change the behaviour. If he can't change, dump him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 lectures ? He wouldn't get to the end of the first sentence and I would be off . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felance Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Name calling is control...it is putting you down and it will grind you down in time. It is a favourite ploy of narcissists. I would dump him and move on. The more you let him the more he will take advantage of you. Please find someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshmellow12 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Do you call him names? My husband calls me names sometimes when we argue, but in all fairness I also call him names sometimes. It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. And I’m by no means proud of it, but we just get caught up in the moment at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Speaking only for myself, I wouldn't be anywhere near someone who spoke to me that way, much less involved in a relationship with him. Raise your bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 deal breaker! I remember dating a guy once. We had a disagreement over something and decided to drive over to a park to talk, seeing my son was at home at the time. We are on the freeway and I am driving. He turns to me and starts in aggressively and with the profanity. I calmly pulled over to the side of freeway, turned to him and told him the ground rules - That if he couldn't tell me what was on his mind in a mature, calm way, without profanity then he could get out of the car and walk home. I set that precedence early. Apparently, his way was what he was accustomed to but was able to turn it around pretty well. It sounds like your guy has done it and continues to do so with frequency and severity. What are you going to do about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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