I've screwed up big time. (insulting a girl and her knowing im inexperienced)

[figureitout23]

I never manipulated her besides this one event. I treated her like i treated any other girl besides this event. I mention her being promiscuous because i could be a turn off. I treated her like a normal person. I just was dumb and listened to someone's advice.

 

Please see my last response.

[pippy longstocking]

I ended up just leaving it at "I'm sorry. All the best".

 

That's good enough ... don't spend a lifetime worrying over this mate , we all do sh1t .

[rosephase]

OP, stop beating yourself up over one stupid comment, that was intended as a joke, a tease, NOT to be taken seriously.

 

I mean seriously who in their right mind would actually say something like that and be serious about it?

 

Bantering can be fun, but next time follow with a wink or Xd. So she KNOWS you're just teasing her.

 

Teasing can be fun when executed properly.

 

Due to your inexperience, you executed this poorly, but nevertheless, if she had been into you from the get-go, you may have gotten a different result.

 

In my opinion, she wasn't "insulted" she knew it was a joke. She is just not interested and never was.

 

Teasing is a hard thing to do well. It actually takes a lot of social awareness. This wasn't teasing. This was PUA b*llsh*t. It was a "neg". It was so clearly a neg that if she knows anything about PUA or RedPill she would be running for the hills. Negging someone is meant to make them question if you like them, it's meant to bring down the person you are supposedly flirting with. It's MEANT to make the other person feel insecure and like they need to step up to please the other person. It isn't teasing. It's an awful way to treat someone.

 

I love teasing. I tease people I flirt with. There is a long difference between teasing and negging. I don't think the OP knows that. I don't think he meant it as badly as it came off. But it wasn't teasing. It was poor treatment intended to make her feel bad so she will try and please him more. That is gross. Like in a deep societal way.

[katrina1980]

I absolutely disagree that "it was poor treatment 'intended' to make her feel bad so she will try to please him."

 

Where are you getting that?

 

Agree that much of that PUA stuff is geared towards that, but I don't think that is what is happening here.

 

He likes her, I think he intended it as a joke, a tease, but did not execute it properly. Just my take on it, based on his posts and admitted inexperience.

 

Speaking personally, I would never take a comment like that seriously!

 

If there had been a wink after it, I would have taken it as his attempt to joke banter tease, and tossed one back.

 

Assuming I liked him, was attracted, felt a click during initial meet.

 

I respect that you feel differently.

[rosephase]

I'm not saying he meant to be insulting. I don't think the OP understood what he was doing. But he was using a tactic that is harmful and meant to hurt the person he's talking to. That is what negging is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Negging is harmful. The OP was using a harmful tactic from RedPill which is pretty clear about just how much respect they feel women deserve. I think it's important that he understands that tactic is super disrespectful. If he wants a chance to make a real connection with another person he can't play these intentionally hurtful head games.

[katrina1980]

Fair enough but IF she had been insulted, do you really think she would have responded with her own tease back?

 

She responded by saying "lmao, not taking care of a person who's drunk too much sorry."

 

The "lmao" indicates THAT was also a tease, a joke, banter, and I hardly think had she been "insulted," she would have responded that way.

 

I'm not her so can't say for sure but it does not add up.

 

Again agree that much of that Redpill and PUA stuff is harmful and any man who reads and attempts to execute needs to be very very careful so as to avoid coming off like a total DB.

[rosephase]

Yeah that's where we disagree. I take her text to mean "yeah, I don't want to go out with you again." with a jab at his drinking and his ability to take care of himself. It wasn't flirting. It was her reacting to having her feelings hurt and telling him he can f*ck right off.

[katrina1980]

Yeah that's where we disagree. I take her text to mean "yeah, I don't want to go out with you again." with a jab at his drinking and his ability to take care of himself. It wasn't flirting. It was her reacting to having her feelings hurt and telling him he can f*ck right off.

 

Yeah okay, it's possible.

 

Just going by how I personally would have interpreted the comment, and responded, again I just don't think a man who seriously felt that way would have said it.

 

TBH, I can be a bit of a smartass myself sometimes, so I can relate. I rather enjoy that type of banter. The guy I am dating now and I have that type of rapport. It's all meant in good fun.

 

But with someone new, it really depends on our prior interaction and the type of rapport we had established.

 

I have had men say some stupid shyt though, so I do understand what you're saying too. It's all so ambiguous.

 

And again, jmo but a simple wink or Xd can make the world of difference when it comes to teasing, bantering via text, email or any other form of written communique.

[10023711]

Sorry to bump this thread, but should imention how the kiss was actually good? If i had to, i would not want to message her any more, as ive sent about 5 that she hasnt reapond to hours ago.

 

-

I just feel really bad if it actually did hurt her confidence. Like if she feels more self conscious after this. I dont want to message her, bc it will hurt my chances since she'll think im doing it out of desperation, but i feel like maybe she feels bad. I did mention in the original text that "thats not what i think". Idk if she will understand what i meant. Would you? I just dont want her to be harmed by what i said.

[mustlovedogs]

Stop sending her messages. 5 with no response is honestly approaching creepy. Take this as a lesson and move on.

[10023711]

Stop sending her messages. 5 with no response is honestly approaching creepy. Take this as a lesson and move on.

 

It will be extremely creepy. I just don't know if it will mess with her mentally from this point on. I don't want it to. If she can get over it, then its fine left as is. I wouldn't mind being seen as a little creepy. I don't want it over my head. I may just hold out though, if its no big deal.

 

I ended up telling her in a previous message that "Thats not what i think". .. .So hopefully she gets the point?

[Pleasedonot5]

It will not mess with her head that you said what you said. You need to stop over thinking this. Each message you send is another bullet in the foot.

 

Again, do NOT send more messages.

[Jibralta]

I ended up telling her in a previous message that "Thats not what i think". .. .So hopefully she gets the point?

 

I'm sure she knows exactly what is going on. I think she will get over it just fine. You made yourself look really dumb. It's better for both of you if you stop contacting her. Next time, you will (hopefully) know better.

[Unreasonable]

Let it go man and chalk it up as a learning experience. You went on ONE "date." You're trying so hard to get with this girl reeks of desperation and she would sense that anyway.

[TheRawTruth]

First off, who the hell is RedPill? Is he a pick up artist, or is that an advice website, or what?

 

Secondly, she has no interest in dealing with you anymore. Get some more experience and try not to make that mistake in the future. And before you say you CAN'T get experienced with other girls, yes you can. The same way you got this girl to agree to hang out with you, other girls will too. Just don't screw it up again.

[TheRawTruth]

Sorry to bump this thread, but should imention how the kiss was actually good? If i had to, i would not want to message her any more, as ive sent about 5 that she hasnt reapond to hours ago.

 

-

I just feel really bad if it actually did hurt her confidence. Like if she feels more self conscious after this. I dont want to message her, bc it will hurt my chances since she'll think im doing it out of desperation, but i feel like maybe she feels bad. I did mention in the original text that "thats not what i think". Idk if she will understand what i meant. Would you? I just dont want her to be harmed by what i said.

 

I don't think your opinion matters enough to her to shatter her confidence. And if it DID affect her, I'm sure she'll be practicing on other guys that ARE NOT YOU. If you haven't said everything you wanted to say in the 5 texts she ignored, just drop it now. You had 5 texts to say all this stuff. Why didn't you? Hell, you could've just been a man and said "Hey. I was a d**che. Can we start over?" But you didn't.

[MissCanuck]

It will be extremely creepy. I just don't know if it will mess with her mentally from this point on. I don't want it to. If she can get over it, then its fine left as is. I wouldn't mind being seen as a little creepy. I don't want it over my head. I may just hold out though, if its no big deal.

 

I ended up telling her in a previous message that "Thats not what i think". .. .So hopefully she gets the point?

 

I think you're really overestimating your influence here, OP.

 

She clearly doesn't want to talk to you, but I don't think she's going to be scarred for life. She is just not interested in re-visiting things with you.

 

It's time to leave her alone now.

[Unreasonable]

What you did is known as "negging" and most women are well aware of that technique by now.

[10023711]

I don't think your opinion matters enough to her to shatter her confidence. And if it DID affect her, I'm sure she'll be practicing on other guys that ARE NOT YOU. If you haven't said everything you wanted to say in the 5 texts she ignored, just drop it now. You had 5 texts to say all this stuff. Why didn't you? Hell, you could've just been a man and said "Hey. I was a d**che. Can we start over?" But you didn't.

 

 

 

That same night when i was at the bar:

 

"jokes jokes you were the 2nd girl i've ever kissed"

 

 

The next morning:

 

"wow, i was drunk. That's not what I think. I still interested in seeing you. Just let me know"

 

 

"My friend was like "this would be funny. We were both drunk." (Not really a lie, someone suggested i'd say it)

 

"I'm sorry. All the best"

 

 

And that was it. I want to apologize in real life or if I don't see her maybe in 1-2 weeks via text. And then call it quits. I acted out of neediness

[mustlovedogs]

That same night when i was at the bar:

 

"jokes jokes you were the 2nd girl i've ever kissed"

 

 

The next morning:

 

"wow, i was drunk. That's not what I think. I still interested in seeing you. Just let me know"

 

 

"My friend was like "this would be funny. We were both drunk." (Not really a lie, someone suggested i'd say it)

 

"I'm sorry. All the best"

 

 

And that was it. I want to apologize in real life or if I don't see her maybe in 1-2 weeks via text. And then call it quits. I acted out of neediness

 

Ugh. GAG.

 

Your texts are terrible.

 

Jokes jokes? That's how you play your awful text off?

 

Then you blame it on being drunk?

 

Then you do it AGAIN and blame your friend?

 

Then you do a half a**ed apology?

 

No. Nothing about what you sent feels sincere or genuine.

[10023711]

Ugh. GAG.

 

Your texts are terrible.

 

Jokes jokes? That's how you play your awful text off?

 

Then you blame it on being drunk?

 

Then you do it AGAIN and blame your friend?

 

Then you do a half a**ed apology?

 

No. Nothing about what you sent feels sincere or genuine.

 

So i should just apologize in real life I guess? Based on these texts, i'm guessing i've f**ed up for good? No fixing it ?

 

Honestly i'm starting to feel like i deserve to be single. I don't feel like a real man.

[mustlovedogs]

So i should just apologize in real life I guess? Based on these texts, i'm guessing i've f**ed up for good? No fixing it ?

 

Bro, it was over before I saw these texts. No, leave her alone. Bothering her even once more is over the top.

[10023711]

Bro, it was over before I saw these texts. No, leave her alone. Bothering her even once more is over the top.

 

Idk, i like her and she seemed to like me, so i may just do it in real life when i run into her. Just one last time. It's worth it than to just give up after one incident imo. I'm not going to text her though.

[MissCanuck]

OP, you are going to annoy the absolute carp out of her if you haven't already. She doesn't want to hear your apology.

 

Just stop. Part of being a "real man" (which you say you want) is to know when the game is up and walk away. Learn from this.

[10023711]

OP, you are going to annoy the absolute carp out of her if you haven't already. She doesn't want to hear your apology.

 

Just stop. Part of being a "real man" (which you say you want) is to know when the game is up and walk away. Learn from this.

 

I agree and the game is up after i do that. That's when I'll move on. When i see her in real life rather than determining whether its over via text. Maybe she was just mad in that moment and wants me to feel it. She seemed really interested in me.