buchy95 Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 Hey, So I'm in a massive pickle at the moment. During my gap year after school, I dated this girl overseas and fell head over heels in love with her. We broke up because we both lived in different countries. Getting over her was a struggle, and even after 3 years, she still crosses my mind every day. We don't speak anymore, but when we did break up we stayed in contact for over a year and we fought heaps over that time, which lead me into a deep and long depression. In a couple of weeks, she is visiting where I live (for work reasons) and I'm really nervous. I really don't want anything to have to do with her and I know at some point I will have to see her or bump into her along the way. The point is, I don't want all those old feelings I had for her to reignite, especially knowing that she is well and truly over me. Having said that, I really don't like her either and I don't plan on ever getting back with her even if for some far fetched reason, she wanted me back. She hurt me so much I could never bring myself to do it. I have a new girlfriend with whom I like very much, but I can't shake off the thought of my ex coming. What on earth do I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 Why do you *have * to bump into her? You live in another country right? I live the next town over from my first boyfriend and we have NEVER run into eachother over the many years after our brief relationship. Not even once. Not even "i saw him in the distance, so crossed the street". zip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchy95 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 It's a good point you raise however she's essentially coming to my city/suburb and she has a lot of mutual friends with me. It would be almost impossible to avoid her unless I decided not to rock up to events or places where I suspected she would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 It's a good point you raise however she's essentially coming to my city/suburb and she has a lot of mutual friends with me. It would be almost impossible to avoid her unless I decided not to rock up to events or places where I suspected she would be. Then don't make plans to see your mutual friends during that time unless one on one and make it clear to them that you don't want to see her or do not want them reporting back to you about her. Do stuff with your girlfriend. Your city is a big place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchy95 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 What you're saying is exactly what my gut instinct is telling me to do. The other issue with adopting this approach is that she + other people will realise that I'm still upset by her and I don't want all that attention drawn to me. I know that I mustn't care what other people think of me but it's very hard not to in this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 What you're saying is exactly what my gut instinct is telling me to do. The other issue with adopting this approach is that she + other people will realise that I'm still upset by her and I don't want all that attention drawn to me. I know that I mustn't care what other people think of me but it's very hard not to in this situation. You are overthinking this. I am not "upset" about my ex from long ago. i just don't care to see him/i have nothing to say to him. So don't make a big deal. Just don't make plans with these mutual friends and if they invite you out to see her, tell them you won't be joining them. If they are true friends they won't expect you to want to see your ex. They won't think anything either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchy95 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 thank you for your help, sometimes all it takes is to hear from another person what your instincts are telling you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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