Viewcart Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Just a little update so I can look back at this in the future. Also I want to read about what you guys think. Quick background: Ex broke up with me in June due to inability to close the distance in our long distance relationship. I went full no contact. He called me a month ago wanting to talk but I told him I didn't want to hear from him unless he wanted to make our relationship work again. He said we would get married after I graduate in 2 years but obviously that might just be his way to let me down easily because what do you know.... He has a new girlfriend now. My mistake, I shouldn't have creeped on his social media, lesson learned. I did not expect to feel so much pain because I thought I was over him as I have been keeping myself happy with dating and school. Who am I fooling, seeing him with another woman kissing, hugging, and traveling felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. What's creepy is that all the activities they did in the pictures were things that him and I use to do. I'm not going to overthink but he seems to be trying to re-live what would have been if we were still together. I feel betrayed and disgusted mainly because I think he can do much better. She's not as educated nor as physically attractive as I am. I mean if he was going to replace me, at least upgrade. Now I can't help but think lowly of him. Yes, I am bitter but I have the right to be at a time like this. Also, he knows I'm dating other guys, he can feel it, so maybe he's just trying to get back at me for causing jealousy. Whatever, I have deleted him from my life. I'm also in shock because I never thought he would get into a relationship so quickly and being so public about it too. He's the type of man who wouldn't get in a committed relationship with anyone unless he wanted to marry her. Only a month ago I was on his mind, how could he move on so quickly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzprepro Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I completely understand what you are feeling right now. Sometimes the person who initiates the break-up tends to recover at a much faster pace simply because they were the one who decides to end it. It gives them a sense of closure and allow them to move on. You should avoid checking his facebook and social media sites, in fact, I think it would be better if you unfriend/un-follow him so you could detach yourself completely from him. I also think that he's not trying to get back at you at all, because if he would, he would have tagged you in it and made sure that you know all about it. Allow yourself to have time to detox him from your life. Over time, you will feel much better and he would not be in your mind anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeptic76 Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 For what it's worth I jumped WAY deep into a relationship WAY too fast in a foolish effort to "move on" from an ex who also left me due to distance. I'm here to share that now I'm feeling really dumb and also irresponsible toward this new woman's feelings because there is no way I'm ready for what I got myself into. I'm embarrassed at my attempt to simultaneously: "show my ex how little I was hurt," avoid looking at my true feelings from the breakup and get validation by winning a new woman's affection. Who can say if your ex is also feeling in over his head and a bit dumb for rushing into something- but there's a good chance that he's still stuck on you and in denial or delusion about it if he's anything like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 Lot's of dumpers behave like your ex. An ex of mine did such things at 1.5 months. Introduced her to his family and friends and played "our" song to woo her. The moral of the story is one: social media can be an evil instrument of self-torture at times like this. Stay away. As you now know, you shouldn't have looked. Whatever he does after the break up is not about you even though it feels like it. It's about him doing whatever makes himself feel better. Yet your mind will work overtime analyzing all kinds of depressing scenarios and whispering to you all kinds of negative stories. That is why you should avoid learning any new info about him like the plague. P.S. It is not important whether he downgraded or not. It would have hurt either way. In fact, if he had upgraded it would probably have hurt even worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 It appears he moved on quickly because he'd already emotionally detached enough from you to break up with you. Dumpers are typically much further along the grieving the process of a break-up because they were the ones who wanted out. So while it feels very fast to you, his emotions were already in a different place than yours by the time it ended. Yes, he contacted you a month ago. But you already know it wasn't to reconcile, unfortunately. He probably felt a little bored or lonely, but if he'd wanted to get back together, well, you'd have heard from him again. The silver lining in discovering he has a new girlfriend is that you really begin to let go too. It sounds like you've been trying your best, but perhaps you needed to know this news in order to truly put him in your past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viewcart Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 I completely understand what you are feeling right now. Sometimes the person who initiates the break-up tends to recover at a much faster pace simply because they were the one who decides to end it. It gives them a sense of closure and allow them to move on. You should avoid checking his facebook and social media sites, in fact, I think it would be better if you unfriend/un-follow him so you could detach yourself completely from him. I also think that he's not trying to get back at you at all, because if he would, he would have tagged you in it and made sure that you know all about it. Allow yourself to have time to detox him from your life. Over time, you will feel much better and he would not be in your mind anymore. I don't think anyone would be so blunt as to tag their ex on new pics...that would just ridiculously petty lol. But yes we already deleted each other off of everything because we agreed that neither of us wanted to see each other with new mates in the future as it would be too painful. However, as I was scrolling through my chat log, I saw that he changed his profile so the rest is history. Now i've deleted our chat so that I can't even see his profile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viewcart Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 Lot's of dumpers behave like your ex. An ex of mine did such things at 1.5 months. Introduced her to his family and friends and played "our" song to woo her. The moral of the story is one: social media can be an evil instrument of self-torture at times like this. Stay away. As you now know, you shouldn't have looked. Whatever he does after the break up is not about you even though it feels like it. It's about him doing whatever makes himself feel better. Yet your mind will work overtime analyzing all kinds of depressing scenarios and whispering to you all kinds of negative stories. That is why you should avoid learning any new info about him like the plague. P.S. It is not important whether he downgraded or not. It would have hurt either way. In fact, if he had upgraded it would probably have hurt even worse. Did your ex's fast relationship work out in the long run? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viewcart Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 It appears he moved on quickly because he'd already emotionally detached enough from you to break up with you. Dumpers are typically much further along the grieving the process of a break-up because they were the ones who wanted out. So while it feels very fast to you, his emotions were already in a different place than yours by the time it ended. Yes, he contacted you a month ago. But you already know it wasn't to reconcile, unfortunately. He probably felt a little bored or lonely, but if he'd wanted to get back together, well, you'd have heard from him again. The silver lining in discovering he has a new girlfriend is that you really begin to let go too. It sounds like you've been trying your best, but perhaps you needed to know this news in order to truly put him in your past. Honestly, I think subconsciously I wanted to see something to help kill my hope. Although I was slowly accepting the break up, a part of me was still hoping he would come back in the future, playing out ideas on how I would respond or do the next time he reaches out to me. But now that I see him moving on happily, I can now let go completely and give 100% attention to the right man for me. You're right, after a few days of ruminating, I am no longer angry. I know that he couldn't have known this girl for more than a month or two at the most. I hope he chose the right girl because even though we are history, I still wish him nothing but the best. He's a good guy and deserves a good girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 You will find someone better suited for you, absolutely. My own long-term ex and I ended a few years ago. We were certainly drifting apart and it ended amicably. I learned that he was with someone else very soon after the break-up, and I actually knew her too. But rather than feeling angry, I thought: that match makes more sense. I had largely lost interest in keeping our relationship going, and his attention had obviously been diverted by this other woman. But looking back, I am glad he and I didn't stay together as we were headed in very different directions. I am with someone now who is a much better partner for me, for many reasons. Though I would have appreciated more honesty from my ex in the months leading up to the split (it was obvious he'd become distant and distracted) I have no regrets about it ending. You'll get there too, when your heart and mind are ready for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Did your ex's fast relationship work out in the long run? They got married after 3 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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