Helpmesavethis Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 Mine is actually 6 weeks today but maybe the reason I'm not half as good as you is because I've been holding out to talk to him and we have had messages of exchange etc re his father etc Also I find the shock of it very bbad as I didn't expect it so sometimes I still nearly drive over to his house and forget I'm no longer with him. I still think of him most of the time and cry every day and everything reminds me of him . I improving . I just hope this call doesn't set me back hugely as I don't want to go back to those days when I couldn't leave my house . I'm hoping I won't though as no matter what he says on call it's not going to be as devastating as the initial breakup which wiped me completely Gosh I don't know then... I've been NC for 6 weeks Thursday... I messaged him but he didn't respond as you know, so no texts, no calls, nothing for 6 weeks from him... It has proven to me that NC works for healing..... I've been saying all along that I don't see how people talk here and there to their ex's. You'll never get over them if you keep going back and forth... At least not in my opinion... So maybe it is just best to try and continue moving on for you?? I wouldn't want to go back to square one for sure... But then again.... It may be what you need to be able to move on... I really don't have the right answer for you. It I'll support you either way. I do think if you're going to reach out to him, do it and get it over with rather than lingering on whether you should or not... You've got to set your mind one way or the other and either move on with or without him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 Mine is actually 6 weeks today but maybe the reason I'm not half as good as you is because I've been holding out to talk to him and we have had messages of exchange etc re his father etc Also I find the shock of it very bbad as I didn't expect it so sometimes I still nearly drive over to his house and forget I'm no longer with him. I still think of him most of the time and cry every day and everything reminds me of him . I improving . I just hope this call doesn't set me back hugely as I don't want to go back to those days when I couldn't leave my house . I'm hoping I won't though as no matter what he says on call it's not going to be as devastating as the initial breakup which wiped me completely Gosh I don't know then... I've been NC for 6 weeks Thursday... I messaged him but he didn't respond as you know, so no texts, no calls, nothing for 6 weeks from him... It has proven to me that NC works for healing..... I've been saying all along that I don't see how people talk here and there to their ex's. You'll never get over them if you keep going back and forth... At least not in my opinion... So maybe it is just best to try and continue moving on for you?? I wouldn't want to go back to square one for sure... But then again.... It may be what you need to be able to move on... I really don't have the right answer for you. It I'll support you either way. I do think if you're going to reach out to him, do it and get it over with rather than lingering on whether you should or not... You've got to set your mind one way or the other and either move on with or without him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnugget Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Gosh I don't know then... I've been NC for 6 weeks Thursday... I messaged him but he didn't respond as you know, so no texts, no calls, nothing for 6 weeks from him... It has proven to me that NC works for healing..... I've been saying all along that I don't see how people talk here and there to their ex's. You'll never get over them if you keep going back and forth... At least not in my opinion... So maybe it is just best to try and continue moving on for you?? I wouldn't want to go back to square one for sure... But then again.... It may be what you need to be able to move on... I really don't have the right answer for you. It I'll support you either way. I do think if you're going to reach out to him, do it and get it over with rather than lingering on whether you should or not... You've got to set your mind one way or the other and either move on with or without him.... I also reached out to my ex and didn't get a response. It stung, but I'm glad that I got it over with. I still have a desire to reach out again in a week or two. Only you know what is best for you. In my case, I weighted the options and decided that being rejected couldn't be any worse than the pain of not talking to him. It helped relieve some anxiety. Know that you will have our support whatever decision you make. I've been keeping busy. Volunteering, going to amusement parks, traveling, going to concerts, doing outdoor activities, spending time with family and friends. I've been posting on social media so I'm sure that he has seen that I am out and about living my life and smiling. His family has been commenting and liking all of my photos. He hasn't been posting at all so I don't have the slightest clue what he has been up to. I really want to reach out to him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 I also reached out to my ex and didn't get a response. It stung, but I'm glad that I got it over with. I still have a desire to reach out again in a week or two. Only you know what is best for you. In my case, I weighted the options and decided that being rejected couldn't be any worse than the pain of not talking to him. It helped relieve some anxiety. Know that you will have our support whatever decision you make. I've been keeping busy. Volunteering, going to amusement parks, traveling, going to concerts, doing outdoor activities, spending time with family and friends. I've been posting on social media so I'm sure that he has seen that I am out and about living my life and smiling. His family has been commenting and liking all of my photos. He hasn't been posting at all so I don't have the slightest clue what he has been up to. I really want to reach out to him again. See, to me, all of his family liking, commenting, etc. Wouldn't let me move on... I had to get rid of them all and him... it wasn't because I wanted to... It was what was in my best interest. I had to lookout for myself, not them. You need to figure out what you think will help you specifically heal. Is it reaching out again or going NC. If you continue like you are, I dont see progress happening.. just speaking from my own experience. But like you said, it's different for everyone and what works for me might not for you. It just sucks period and we're all here for support and it has tremendously helped me get thru this having all of you to vent and talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnugget Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 See, to me, all of his family liking, commenting, etc. Wouldn't let me move on... I had to get rid of them all and him... it wasn't because I wanted to... It was what was in my best interest. I had to lookout for myself, not them. You need to figure out what you think will help you specifically heal. Is it reaching out again or going NC. If you continue like you are, I dont see progress happening.. just speaking from my own experience. But like you said, it's different for everyone and what works for me might not for you. It just sucks period and we're all here for support and it has tremendously helped me get thru this having all of you to vent and talk to. I guess I don't really want to move on... I want to be with him. Maybe that's the biggest problem. I really want to get him back and moving on is I guess what will come with time if that doesn't happen. I've never had a breakup that was so final. I've also never had a relationship I was so sure was going to end in marriage. It's very odd to go from discussing our wedding to never speaking again like a switch just flipped. We just went on a trip to celebrate our anniversary in July. Apparently, right after that trip his ex who completely scarred him and really messed with his ability to accept love contacted him with some sob story about her relationship (this woman is terrible and clearly sensed him moving on and wanted to keep him on the hook) so being the white knight that he is he started trying to convince her not to go through with her engagement. She started texting him flirtatiously about football and all sorts of things. Shockingly, he was suddenly confused about our relationship when I became angry with him about bachelor party weekends and where we were going. I don't know if he will realize his mistake or if he has completely shut off for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 3, 2017 Author Share Posted October 3, 2017 I guess I don't really want to move on... I want to be with him. Maybe that's the biggest problem. I really want to get him back and moving on is I guess what will come with time if that doesn't happen. I've never had a breakup that was so final. I've also never had a relationship I was so sure was going to end in marriage. It's very odd to go from discussing our wedding to never speaking again like a switch just flipped. We just went on a trip to celebrate our anniversary in July. Apparently, right after that trip his ex who completely scarred him and really messed with his ability to accept love contacted him with some sob story about her relationship (this woman is terrible and clearly sensed him moving on and wanted to keep him on the hook) so being the white knight that he is he started trying to convince her not to go through with her engagement. She started texting him flirtatiously about football and all sorts of things. Shockingly, he was suddenly confused about our relationship when I became angry with him about bachelor party weekends and where we were going. I don't know if he will realize his mistake or if he has completely shut off for good. Well I can't lie, I still want mine back but have just come to the reality that it isn't likely... I'm worth more than the pain he's put me through etc. So are you. I'm accepting things as they are. If he comes back, I'll be thrilled to death but, I'll also be stronger and not a doormat for him to walk on because I have made myself work thru all of this. 2/3 weeks plus ago, I would have been like I'll do whatever you want me to if he called.. and that's not right or fair to me... Or you or anyone else hurting and wanting their relationship to work out. We're human. We all make mistakes so I can forgive but I won't forget... So sit yourself down and think about what he's put you thru and if he cared and loved you as much as you need and want him to, he wouldn't be putting you thru that... it hurts like hell but it also helps to realize you're worth more than that!! Push thru it. You can do it and you'll come out so much stronger and better in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woah93 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Hey guys, not sure if some of you remember me but me and my ex have gotten back together now and things are looking very good. I just dialed down my expectations to zero and we talked and a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings became apparent, and it feels safe and comfortable between us again. NC was the best thing ever in the end. We are still taking it very slow, but things are looking very good. I really hope you are all feeling better since I spoke with you, I have thought about the people in this thread and wondered how you are doing... Contemplating how this happened I must say that for me, things went better when I started moving on, and yet allow the love I feel for her to be there, without HAVING to be with her, which allowed me to actually just talk to her with total honesty without fearing if she'd leave. It's easy to fall into the mind games and the 'strategies' but I learned that a relationship should be embedded in truth, even the painful truths, and when I was able to receive what she was telling me I understood her a lot better too. Been through so much pain these past few months, but it really makes you motivated to turn your life around... Never change yourself for another person, state what you want, do not fear losing them by expressing your true self, things will fall into place... Love ya all, I wish you all the best with the healing process and if you don't get them back, you'll find someone better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 I guess I don't really want to move on... I want to be with him. Maybe that's the biggest problem. I really want to get him back and moving on is I guess what will come with time if that doesn't happen. I've never had a breakup that was so final. I've also never had a relationship I was so sure was going to end in marriage. It's very odd to go from discussing our wedding to never speaking again like a switch just flipped. We just went on a trip to celebrate our anniversary in July. Apparently, right after that trip his ex who completely scarred him and really messed with his ability to accept love contacted him with some sob story about her relationship (this woman is terrible and clearly sensed him moving on and wanted to keep him on the hook) so being the white knight that he is he started trying to convince her not to go through with her engagement. She started texting him flirtatiously about football and all sorts of things. Shockingly, he was suddenly confused about our relationship when I became angry with him about bachelor party weekends and where we were going. I don't know if he will realize his mistake or if he has completely shut off for good. It's interesting you say that you don't want to move on . That's very honest of you to say and I guess that is the frame of mind you are in at this phase of the breakup. I think part of me is there as well. While we have the pain and the hope and in your case the likes on Facebook we still have some part of him or so we think in our heads. Whereas the day we wake up and we don't think of him first thing he is gone forever . Im reaching out to mine this week but if he ignores my message that is it . I'm not going to keep putting myself through that and I don't want him to think I'm sitting here waiting and he has all the time in the world to think has he made a mistake . In any case if he ignored your last message he may do so again in a few weeks so each time you do that it may help you move forward in the process so that eventually you accept whatever the reality is. I think part of the reason we don't want to let go is that in both our cases the end of the relationship came as a shock so our body hasn't fully proceeded the reality or doesn't want to . Looking back on it I can safely say for the first 2 weeks afterwards I was in a complete state of shock . It is only now it is setting in . I guess everyone goes through a different process and deals with it whatever way they think best for them . There are no hard fast rules so as long as you aren't doing anything that is hurting you even worse then go for it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 3, 2017 Author Share Posted October 3, 2017 Hey guys, not sure if some of you remember me but me and my ex have gotten back together now and things are looking very good. I just dialed down my expectations to zero and we talked and a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings became apparent, and it feels safe and comfortable between us again. NC was the best thing ever in the end. We are still taking it very slow, but things are looking very good. I really hope you are all feeling better since I spoke with you, I have thought about the people in this thread and wondered how you are doing... Contemplating how this happened I must say that for me, things went better when I started moving on, and yet allow the love I feel for her to be there, without HAVING to be with her, which allowed me to actually just talk to her with total honesty without fearing if she'd leave. It's easy to fall into the mind games and the 'strategies' but I learned that a relationship should be embedded in truth, even the painful truths, and when I was able to receive what she was telling me I understood her a lot better too. Been through so much pain these past few months, but it really makes you motivated to turn your life around... Never change yourself for another person, state what you want, do not fear losing them by expressing your true self, things will fall into place... Love ya all, I wish you all the best with the healing process and if you don't get them back, you'll find someone better... That is great for you!!! So tell is how you got back together..... And I wish you both nothing but the very best!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Gosh I don't know then... I've been NC for 6 weeks Thursday... I messaged him but he didn't respond as you know, so no texts, no calls, nothing for 6 weeks from him... It has proven to me that NC works for healing..... I've been saying all along that I don't see how people talk here and there to their ex's. You'll never get over them if you keep going back and forth... At least not in my opinion... So maybe it is just best to try and continue moving on for you?? I wouldn't want to go back to square one for sure... But then again.... It may be what you need to be able to move on... I really don't have the right answer for you. It I'll support you either way. I do think if you're going to reach out to him, do it and get it over with rather than lingering on whether you should or not... You've got to set your mind one way or the other and either move on with or without him.... Yes I'm doing it this Wednesday. That works best in terms of the time and I know he is not working then as well so I wouldn't be getting him at a bad time . This time next week I will know one way or the other whether he is willing to speak to me or not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Hey guys, not sure if some of you remember me but me and my ex have gotten back together now and things are looking very good. I just dialed down my expectations to zero and we talked and a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings became apparent, and it feels safe and comfortable between us again. NC was the best thing ever in the end. We are still taking it very slow, but things are looking very good. I really hope you are all feeling better since I spoke with you, I have thought about the people in this thread and wondered how you are doing... Contemplating how this happened I must say that for me, things went better when I started moving on, and yet allow the love I feel for her to be there, without HAVING to be with her, which allowed me to actually just talk to her with total honesty without fearing if she'd leave. It's easy to fall into the mind games and the 'strategies' but I learned that a relationship should be embedded in truth, even the painful truths, and when I was able to receive what she was telling me I understood her a lot better too. Been through so much pain these past few months, but it really makes you motivated to turn your life around... Never change yourself for another person, state what you want, do not fear losing them by expressing your true self, things will fall into place... Love ya all, I wish you all the best with the healing process and if you don't get them back, you'll find someone better... This is a lovely message to see . Sounds like you were both able to openly communicate and neither of you had shut down . I always believe people can successfully get back together if they are able to talk and open up and it sounds like in this case you were . I'm delighted for you and hope all works out . Out of interest how long were you in no contact for ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schockobaerin Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Well I can't lie, I still want mine back but have just come to the reality that it isn't likely... I'm worth more than the pain he's put me through etc. So are you. I'm accepting things as they are. If he comes back, I'll be thrilled to death but, I'll also be stronger and not a doormat for him to walk on because I have made myself work thru all of this. 2/3 weeks plus ago, I would have been like I'll do whatever you want me to if he called.. and that's not right or fair to me... Or you or anyone else hurting and wanting their relationship to work out. We're human. We all make mistakes so I can forgive but I won't forget... So sit yourself down and think about what he's put you thru and if he cared and loved you as much as you need and want him to, he wouldn't be putting you thru that... it hurts like hell but it also helps to realize you're worth more than that!! Push thru it. You can do it and you'll come out so much stronger and better in the end. Hello! Well Im in your same situation, but slowly he is dying and Im antagonizing him, because let be truthful, he hurt me a lot and is not even sorry about it, you are right, NC is the best, I have been crying these last 7 weeks, but yesterday a very good friend just went away (she went back to her country) and that made me realize that I should stop being sorry about myself, and see the negatives and the bad and stop idealizing him, and I didnt like what I saw, and for sure I dont want this kind of relationship. He hasnt contacted me since 4 weeks ago, in part because I asked him not to, and then I realized that he called me for using me, because he wanted to go to travel and ask my friend to guide him, and he wanted to make sure that "we were ok". Im just dissapointed because he never apologized for "using me" and "hurting me", and not only that he didnt believe in me, and confused my uprightness and my capacity to forgive for "weakness, submission" and "stupidity", and at the same time he treated me like a doormat and was very selfish. It took me more than one year to see this, but I think Im finally waking up and sincerely Im very tired of being depressed, I have more important things to worry about that a stupid manchild that is too blind/selfish to see what a wonderful woman I am. I cannot lie and tell you I still dont want a reconciliation, BUT as you both have said, Im not prepared to come back to the "doormat" status, time is healing everything, but this time, I just dont want to forget and using my energy in something productive. And I think it is not too much to ask to get what you are prepared to offer. My story is more or less exactly like yours, lets see what the future has to offer to us, this experience just makes us grow and love ourselves, because if I dont love myself who is going to do it? Funny I got the support I was craving and needing from strangers and friends I did not expect.. What a funny world but I feel very blessed Good day to everyone and yeah the sun is going to come back, slowly but sure, and lets see what happens, just positive energy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schockobaerin Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Hey guys, not sure if some of you remember me but me and my ex have gotten back together now and things are looking very good. I just dialed down my expectations to zero and we talked and a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings became apparent, and it feels safe and comfortable between us again. NC was the best thing ever in the end. We are still taking it very slow, but things are looking very good. I really hope you are all feeling better since I spoke with you, I have thought about the people in this thread and wondered how you are doing... Contemplating how this happened I must say that for me, things went better when I started moving on, and yet allow the love I feel for her to be there, without HAVING to be with her, which allowed me to actually just talk to her with total honesty without fearing if she'd leave. It's easy to fall into the mind games and the 'strategies' but I learned that a relationship should be embedded in truth, even the painful truths, and when I was able to receive what she was telling me I understood her a lot better too. Been through so much pain these past few months, but it really makes you motivated to turn your life around... Never change yourself for another person, state what you want, do not fear losing them by expressing your true self, things will fall into place... Love ya all, I wish you all the best with the healing process and if you don't get them back, you'll find someone better... Of course I remember you, and Im very happy to hear that you are patching thing up with your gf, just a tip, take things very slow, Im talking from experience, I did this mistake and got my heart broken again.. But believe in love but dont forget to LOVE YOURSELF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schockobaerin Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 I guess I don't really want to move on... I want to be with him. Maybe that's the biggest problem. I really want to get him back and moving on is I guess what will come with time if that doesn't happen. I've never had a breakup that was so final. I've also never had a relationship I was so sure was going to end in marriage. It's very odd to go from discussing our wedding to never speaking again like a switch just flipped. We just went on a trip to celebrate our anniversary in July. Apparently, right after that trip his ex who completely scarred him and really messed with his ability to accept love contacted him with some sob story about her relationship (this woman is terrible and clearly sensed him moving on and wanted to keep him on the hook) so being the white knight that he is he started trying to convince her not to go through with her engagement. She started texting him flirtatiously about football and all sorts of things. Shockingly, he was suddenly confused about our relationship when I became angry with him about bachelor party weekends and where we were going. I don't know if he will realize his mistake or if he has completely shut off for good. Do you know what have helped me? See the negatives, that was a wake up call, Forget the idealization and look the selfishness that he showed you hurting you... It is not too much to ask for a little loyalty and let the time do the rest.... I know its not easy but is the only way... LAw of attraction, you must shine to attract light Just dont look behind! only foward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 3, 2017 Author Share Posted October 3, 2017 Hello! Well Im in your same situation, but slowly he is dying and Im antagonizing him, because let be truthful, he hurt me a lot and is not even sorry about it, you are right, NC is the best, I have been crying these last 7 weeks, but yesterday a very good friend just went away (she went back to her country) and that made me realize that I should stop being sorry about myself, and see the negatives and the bad and stop idealizing him, and I didnt like what I saw, and for sure I dont want this kind of relationship. He hasnt contacted me since 4 weeks ago, in part because I asked him not to, and then I realized that he called me for using me, because he wanted to go to travel and ask my friend to guide him, and he wanted to make sure that "we were ok". Im just dissapointed because he never apologized for "using me" and "hurting me", and not only that he didnt believe in me, and confused my uprightness and my capacity to forgive for "weakness, submission" and "stupidity", and at the same time he treated me like a doormat and was very selfish. It took me more than one year to see this, but I think Im finally waking up and sincerely Im very tired of being depressed, I have more important things to worry about that a stupid manchild that is too blind/selfish to see what a wonderful woman I am. I cannot lie and tell you I still dont want a reconciliation, BUT as you both have said, Im not prepared to come back to the "doormat" status, time is healing everything, but this time, I just dont want to forget and using my energy in something productive. And I think it is not too much to ask to get what you are prepared to offer. My story is more or less exactly like yours, lets see what the future has to offer to us, this experience just makes us grow and love ourselves, because if I dont love myself who is going to do it? Funny I got the support I was craving and needing from strangers and friends I did not expect.. What a funny world but I feel very blessed Good day to everyone and yeah the sun is going to come back, slowly but sure, and lets see what happens, just positive energy It has not been an easy battle with myself. I had to force myself to get out of bed, take showers and fix myself up. Leave the house. I could go on and on. But once I made myself do those things, it got easier to do and the better I felt. It takes time and lots of strength but it is possible! I'm glad you're realizing your worth and pushing forward. 4 weeks is still all fairly recent... Thinking back 2 weeks ago for me, I wasn't near as strong as I am today. So there is hope in sight for you!! Keep focusing on yourself and your worth and how you deserve so much more than the pain he's putting you through. You'll get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schockobaerin Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 It has not been an easy battle with myself. I had to force myself to get out of bed, take showers and fix myself up. Leave the house. I could go on and on. But once I made myself do those things, it got easier to do and the better I felt. It takes time and lots of strength but it is possible! I'm glad you're realizing your worth and pushing forward. 4 weeks is still all fairly recent... Thinking back 2 weeks ago for me, I wasn't near as strong as I am today. So there is hope in sight for you!! Keep focusing on yourself and your worth and how you deserve so much more than the pain he's putting you through. You'll get there. 4 weeks NC but 7 weeks since BU, I had the same experience as you with the force myself to do things, I had been depressed these last 7 weeks, today is the first day I didnt cry, I think I just dont have any tears left on myself, I just want to get better, nothing more Its going to be still a long way, but as I said, time will tell what is going to happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 It has not been an easy battle with myself. I had to force myself to get out of bed, take showers and fix myself up. Leave the house. I could go on and on. But once I made myself do those things, it got easier to do and the better I felt. It takes time and lots of strength but it is possible! I'm glad you're realizing your worth and pushing forward. 4 weeks is still all fairly recent... Thinking back 2 weeks ago for me, I wasn't near as strong as I am today. So there is hope in sight for you!! Keep focusing on yourself and your worth and how you deserve so much more than the pain he's putting you through. You'll get there. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to your progress but at times I panic that I'm not on the road to recovery and I think I will never forget him and part of me if I'm honest doesn't want to forget him or give up hope. One of the things we spoke about before was that while with us both of our guys treated us really well and respectfully etc This has been one of my main barriers as I can't think of all the negatives as they weren't any significant ones there there . Of course I can say it is a huge negative that he left me and I'm going through this pain but in the end a man isn't a bad person or character just because they leave you . they can't just stay with you so not to hurt your feelings . So I can't even feel anyway hostile towards him about this . Just wondering how your thoughts around this changed or how you moved past this line of thinking??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 4 weeks NC but 7 weeks since BU, I had the same experience as you with the force myself to do things, I had been depressed these last 7 weeks, today is the first day I didnt cry, I think I just dont have any tears left on myself, I just want to get better, nothing more Its going to be still a long way, but as I said, time will tell what is going to happen I'm about the same . It's 6 weeks since mine . I know what you mean about no tears left . I'm tired from crying and at some stage I think like you I will just have to stop . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 3, 2017 Author Share Posted October 3, 2017 I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to your progress but at times I panic that I'm not on the road to recovery and I think I will never forget him and part of me if I'm honest doesn't want to forget him or give up hope. One of the things we spoke about before was that while with us both of our guys treated us really well and respectfully etc This has been one of my main barriers as I can't think of all the negatives as they weren't any significant ones there there . Of course I can say it is a huge negative that he left me and I'm going through this pain but in the end a man isn't a bad person or character just because they leave you . they can't just stay with you so not to hurt your feelings . So I can't even feel anyway hostile towards him about this . Just wondering how your thoughts around this changed or how you moved past this line of thinking??? I don't want to give up hope either, but what choice do I have?!?! I can't just sit around always hoping and thinking he might possibly come back. I'd go crazy. I still think about him a lot but not like I was. And no, he's not a bad guy at all. If anything, he's a great guy. He has a fear of commitment and I'm the one paying for it.. it's not technically his fault but it isn't mine either.... I don't feel hostile towards him. I don't hate him. I don't wish bad things upon him etc. I guess with time I've just made myself accept that everything happens for a reason and if he were the one for me, he would be with me. If I'm not worth it in his eyes to work thru his issues, then I deserve someone else, who sees my worth. If he truly cared about me, he wouldn't be putting me thru this pain. It's just little things like that I keep reminding myself of and I'm starting to believe them. I'm not fully healed by any means but I'm well on my way and have made huge strides from 6 weeks ago. If he contacts me, I'd take him back, I know I would but again, I'm strong enough not to be a door mat as I would have been just a few short weeks ago. You just gave to keep pushing yourself. That's really all I know to tell you. I keep myself busy. I've let myself cry and cry and cry some more. I have let things out here and to my friend's. It all helps.. and yes, you've been broke up for 7 weeks but only NC for a few. NC is key!!! I'm interested to see how he reacts when you contact him... and I hope either way, you get what you need to move on one way or the other. Good luck!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 I don't want to give up hope either, but what choice do I have?!?! I can't just sit around always hoping and thinking he might possibly come back. I'd go crazy. I still think about him a lot but not like I was. And no, he's not a bad guy at all. If anything, he's a great guy. He has a fear of commitment and I'm the one paying for it.. it's not technically his fault but it isn't mine either.... I don't feel hostile towards him. I don't hate him. I don't wish bad things upon him etc. I guess with time I've just made myself accept that everything happens for a reason and if he were the one for me, he would be with me. If I'm not worth it in his eyes to work thru his issues, then I deserve someone else, who sees my worth. If he truly cared about me, he wouldn't be putting me thru this pain. It's just little things like that I keep reminding myself of and I'm starting to believe them. I'm not fully healed by any means but I'm well on my way and have made huge strides from 6 weeks ago. If he contacts me, I'd take him back, I know I would but again, I'm strong enough not to be a door mat as I would have been just a few short weeks ago. You just gave to keep pushing yourself. That's really all I know to tell you. I keep myself busy. I've let myself cry and cry and cry some more. I have let things out here and to my friend's. It all helps.. and yes, you've been broke up for 7 weeks but only NC for a few. NC is key!!! I'm interested to see how he reacts when you contact him... and I hope either way, you get what you need to move on one way or the other. Good luck!!! That all makes real since to me in particular the bit where you say if they thought we truely worth it they would work through their issues with us and again if they truely thought so much of us they wouldn't put us through this irrespective of any commitment issues they. Have . Yes tomorrow I am making contact so I think that has me a bit off today as I'm nervous but still think I need to do it for me . Yes you are right nc is the key and while we haven't been in touch lots we still had the odd text or 2 and nc means nothing at all if it is truely to work . Thanks for your support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schockobaerin Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Hi guys, how are you doing today? Im fine but missing the guy, but I know I cannot contact him whatever it takes me. I know he is a good man, but he did mistakes with me, and was very SELFISH, I just dont deserve this. I hope sooner rather than later Im going to heal 100%, because after 2 months and the 5 months from the previous BU Im just tired of crying over him. Just one word: TIRED, Im just tired of the drama and of feeling sad, numb and incomplete. The sun is going to come out again, hopefully soon. I know I just be doing this, but Im asking myself if he misses me or not, who knows anyway, I know I cannot reach to him, that was my mistake last time and Im not repeating it again. Good day to everybody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 Hi guys, how are you doing today? Im fine but missing the guy, but I know I cannot contact him whatever it takes me. I know he is a good man, but he did mistakes with me, and was very SELFISH, I just dont deserve this. I hope sooner rather than later Im going to heal 100%, because after 2 months and the 5 months from the previous BU Im just tired of crying over him. Just one word: TIRED, Im just tired of the drama and of feeling sad, numb and incomplete. The sun is going to come out again, hopefully soon. I know I just be doing this, but Im asking myself if he misses me or not, who knows anyway, I know I cannot reach to him, that was my mistake last time and Im not repeating it again. Good day to everybody The sun will come out again. Slowly but surely, it's peaking thru already. I have my moments but they are few and far between. You'll get there with more time. And no, you cannot reach out to him and be a door mat. I'm sure they all miss us but they aren't doing anything about it so we shouldn't either... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 That all makes real since to me in particular the bit where you say if they thought we truely worth it they would work through their issues with us and again if they truely thought so much of us they wouldn't put us through this irrespective of any commitment issues they. Have . Yes tomorrow I am making contact so I think that has me a bit off today as I'm nervous but still think I need to do it for me . Yes you are right nc is the key and while we haven't been in touch lots we still had the odd text or 2 and nc means nothing at all if it is truely to work . Thanks for your support Anxiously waiting to hear how your day goes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thainara Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Hello! Well Im in your same situation, but slowly he is dying and Im antagonizing him, because let be truthful, he hurt me a lot and is not even sorry about it, you are right, NC is the best, I have been crying these last 7 weeks, but yesterday a very good friend just went away (she went back to her country) and that made me realize that I should stop being sorry about myself, and see the negatives and the bad and stop idealizing him, and I didnt like what I saw, and for sure I dont want this kind of relationship. He hasnt contacted me since 4 weeks ago, in part because I asked him not to, and then I realized that he called me for using me, because he wanted to go to travel and ask my friend to guide him, and he wanted to make sure that "we were ok". Im just dissapointed because he never apologized for "using me" and "hurting me", and not only that he didnt believe in me, and confused my uprightness and my capacity to forgive for "weakness, submission" and "stupidity", and at the same time he treated me like a doormat and was very selfish. It took me more than one year to see this, but I think Im finally waking up and sincerely Im very tired of being depressed, I have more important things to worry about that a stupid manchild that is too blind/selfish to see what a wonderful woman I am. I cannot lie and tell you I still dont want a reconciliation, BUT as you both have said, Im not prepared to come back to the "doormat" status, time is healing everything, but this time, I just dont want to forget and using my energy in something productive. And I think it is not too much to ask to get what you are prepared to offer. My story is more or less exactly like yours, lets see what the future has to offer to us, this experience just makes us grow and love ourselves, because if I dont love myself who is going to do it? Funny I got the support I was craving and needing from strangers and friends I did not expect.. What a funny world but I feel very blessed Good day to everyone and yeah the sun is going to come back, slowly but sure, and lets see what happens, just positive energy There you go! Same here. I realized the guy I was dying for was emotionally unbalanced, was irresponsible with my feelings, didn't value me as I deserve and most likely had a drinking problem... the perfect guy was only in my mind therefore he never existed. I stopped hurting right away. I also started dating again, not seriously, just to go out a bit as I don't have many friends here yet, and it's been fun. It's good to get all dressed up and dine out in a nice restaurant. So the memory of him is vanishing each day more. He's not my first thought in the morning anymore and I go long ours without thinking of him and when I do it doesn't hurt anymore... and I even say "go away douch*bag" hahaha. I'm doing my daily stuff, Sunday I'm going to a concert with my son and I'm super excited. And no, I don't want him back. I deserve better than that and I never got back with an ex in my whole life (and many asked for another try Yay!). But my first move to start moving on was to talk to myself and tell myself IT IS OVER AND I DON'T WANT HIM BACK just because he doesn't deserve me and he hurt me so much by playing with my most true feelings. So screw him! I'm more important than any man in the world and I will not lose my health and happiness for someone who was not caring about my feeling and could not appreciate what I was offering him. The bottom line is: he's not the person I thought he was so I was in love with a ghost. The ghost is fading away... please girls, chin up and love and value yourselves. Put an end on it in your minds and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Anxiously waiting to hear how your day goes... Thank you for thinking of me . I've been quite strong all day at work and quite positive so I'm happy so far. I'm just home now from work and meeting a friend for dinner to distract me. I'm ringing him when I arrive home . I'm not expecting an answer and he may even have the children tonight so it wouldn't suit . I will send a text afterwards friendly and not anyway confrontational and just saying it would be great if he could ring back . Then I'm going to sit back and the ball is in his court. If he doesn't return my call in one way it will make me realise how cold he is that he didn't think I deserved some sort of explanation or a goodbye at least . I've debated long and hard about contacting him but I know it's the right thing for me and will give me some sort of closure either way. I will keep you posted . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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