Pto29538 Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Had a good cry there for about a half hour . Amazing how you can spend a whole day thinking what improvements you have made only to be thrown back into the middle of it again. It hits you again in case you had forgotten about it !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thainara Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 Had a good cry there for about a half hour . Amazing how you can spend a whole day thinking what improvements you have made only to be thrown back into the middle of it again. It hits you again in case you had forgotten about it !!!! Crying is good and is part of the healing process. It doesn't mean at all you are stepping back. Go to the internet and see what they say... you healed a little bit more today. Keep going! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 Had a good cry there for about a half hour . Amazing how you can spend a whole day thinking what improvements you have made only to be thrown back into the middle of it again. It hits you again in case you had forgotten about it !!!! I have those days/moments as well. It's all normal and to be expected... Pretty much at some point daily I cry... It may be teary eyes or it may be a good bawling session but I do usually feel better after letting it all out... So let it out.... Don't feel bad for it... As Thainara said, it's just part of the healing process.. you've got this!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 I have those days/moments as well. It's all normal and to be expected... Pretty much at some point daily I cry... It may be teary eyes or it may be a good bawling session but I do usually feel better after letting it all out... So let it out.... Don't feel bad for it... As Thainara said, it's just part of the healing process.. you've got this!!!! I know you are right . I hate coming into the weekend as that's when I miss him most . I've a work thing on today so have to get dressed up hair makeup etc . I haven't done that properly in weeks . I avoid all eye makeup as you never know when I need to cry . I'm really not looking forward to it but I need to push myself to go . Next week was the week I planned to contact him as his father will be buried then a little while so it's not completely insensitive of me . Some of my friends say I should just walk away without any closure or explanation as I know myself it was his fears as he had already spoken of them a few weeks prior to the breakup . For me I think I still need that final conversation and need to hear it from him that it is over with no going back. While that will hurt like hell next week and I'm opening up a wound I do think I need it . He may refuse to talk to me and if he does the lack of consideration for my feelings should be another thing to help propel me forward . I think I'm getting nervous though as this may be the last time we ever interact and the finality of that is heart breaking but probably the clarity that I need Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 I know you are right . I hate coming into the weekend as that's when I miss him most . I've a work thing on today so have to get dressed up hair makeup etc . I haven't done that properly in weeks . I avoid all eye makeup as you never know when I need to cry . I'm really not looking forward to it but I need to push myself to go . Next week was the week I planned to contact him as his father will be buried then a little while so it's not completely insensitive of me . Some of my friends say I should just walk away without any closure or explanation as I know myself it was his fears as he had already spoken of them a few weeks prior to the breakup . For me I think I still need that final conversation and need to hear it from him that it is over with no going back. While that will hurt like hell next week and I'm opening up a wound I do think I need it . He may refuse to talk to me and if he does the lack of consideration for my feelings should be another thing to help propel me forward . I think I'm getting nervous though as this may be the last time we ever interact and the finality of that is heart breaking but probably the clarity that I need I messaged my ex after 2 1/2 weeks NC against everyone's advice... He chose to ignore me... It's what it took for me to kick myself in the butt and say time to work on healing and moving on... Which I know I've already told you this but I'm telling you again.. if messaging him is what you think it'll take for you to move forward, then by all means, do it. You'll either get the closure you need verbally from him or from his actions of ignoring you if that's what he chooses to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 I texted one of my ex's close friends today to wish her happy birthday. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was well, but still missing the ex. She said he was flawed and I would find someone better. When things were first happening she was very shocked at our breakup and thought we would work things out. She did not have any of that encouragement left. It sounded like she maybe knew things that I didn't. I know that everyone says I must move on, but I still just can't stop thinking about getting back together. As desperate as it is, I would do pretty much anything to get him back. He won't even speak to me. Ok, so it doesn't pertain to my most recent ex but... I did have an ex that I thought I was willing to do anything over to get back.... BIG MISTAKE!! I contacted him after 10 days of NC... We met up, slept together, then he was like we need to take it slow blah blah blah. I was like then why did you just make love to me etc... For 2 months, I kissed this guy's rear. I did everything to be this amazing girlfriend that any man could possibly want (more like I was a slave, a bank, a taxi cab, etc). He did nothing but use me for those 2 months... I had a wake up call and ended it for good and never looked back. I hated myself for putting me thru that but.. I got over him quickly because he was such a jerk and used me like that after being together for 11 months..... Point is, don't do that to yourself... As much as I'd like to contact my guy (which he'd probably just ignore), I won't because I won't do that to myself again.... If he wants to be with me, he's going to work for it... Your guy should too otherwise you'll just be a door mat for him to walk on if you go groveling back yo him..... Why this just came to me, I'm not sure but thought of you and wanted to share... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 I think what bothers me the most about my ex going on this 2 month trip across Canada so much is the fact that she doesn't really have the financial situation to be doing this. Quitting her job and throwing away all financial responsibility seems so out of reach. Id estimate she probably had at max 2 grand saved.. Which includes the money I gave her and the furniture that she ended up selling. What worries me is once the trip is over.. What will she come back to. Maybe I'm just over thinking.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnugget Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 Ok, so it doesn't pertain to my most recent ex but... I did have an ex that I thought I was willing to do anything over to get back.... BIG MISTAKE!! I contacted him after 10 days of NC... We met up, slept together, then he was like we need to take it slow blah blah blah. I was like then why did you just make love to me etc... For 2 months, I kissed this guy's rear. I did everything to be this amazing girlfriend that any man could possibly want (more like I was a slave, a bank, a taxi cab, etc). He did nothing but use me for those 2 months... I had a wake up call and ended it for good and never looked back. I hated myself for putting me thru that but.. I got over him quickly because he was such a jerk and used me like that after being together for 11 months..... Point is, don't do that to yourself... As much as I'd like to contact my guy (which he'd probably just ignore), I won't because I won't do that to myself again.... If he wants to be with me, he's going to work for it... Your guy should too otherwise you'll just be a door mat for him to walk on if you go groveling back yo him..... Why this just came to me, I'm not sure but thought of you and wanted to share... Thank you for sharing. I contacted my ex a week ago and got no response. I know that should be enough for me, but for some reason it isn't. I still keep waking up in the night blaming myself. I don't even want to move on, which I know isn't healthy. I just want to find a way back. I have never felt this way before. I have been in longer relationships, but this is just very different. I really feel like I overreacted and backed him into a corner. I was hurt and scared and kind of initiated the breakup even though it wasn't what I wanted. I think he reacted out of his own fear and we ended up in a very bad place. Now he has shut down completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 So I totally just made the mistake of going to my ex's Facebook page because I saw he "liked" a friend's post....... Most everything is private but I have a feeling he's seeing someone else... only because she has "loved" everything he has posted and put a heart on his new profile picture... She would "love" things when we were dating too and I always wondered but now.... I think I know.. and it's ok but WHY did I do this to myself..... Ugh... Oh well. Maybe it'll help me move on more... Kicking myself in the rear. I think I'm just going to block him so I don't see it anymore... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 So I totally just made the mistake of going to my ex's Facebook page because I saw he "liked" a friend's post....... Most everything is private but I have a feeling he's seeing someone else... only because she has "loved" everything he has posted and put a heart on his new profile picture... She would "love" things when we were dating too and I always wondered but now.... I think I know.. and it's ok but WHY did I do this to myself..... Ugh... Oh well. Maybe it'll help me move on more... Kicking myself in the rear. I think I'm just going to block him so I don't see it anymore... Hammer that block button! This is for you and your healing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 I think what bothers me the most about my ex going on this 2 month trip across Canada so much is the fact that she doesn't really have the financial situation to be doing this. Quitting her job and throwing away all financial responsibility seems so out of reach. Id estimate she probably had at max 2 grand saved.. Which includes the money I gave her and the furniture that she ended up selling. What worries me is once the trip is over.. What will she come back to. Maybe I'm just over thinking.. Hopefully she doesn't come back and expect you to support her. I know it's so much easier said than done, but not your problem so don't worry about it. I'm the queen of over thinking... And have the hardest time letting anything go... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 Thank you for sharing. I contacted my ex a week ago and got no response. I know that should be enough for me, but for some reason it isn't. I still keep waking up in the night blaming myself. I don't even want to move on, which I know isn't healthy. I just want to find a way back. I have never felt this way before. I have been in longer relationships, but this is just very different. I really feel like I overreacted and backed him into a corner. I was hurt and scared and kind of initiated the breakup even though it wasn't what I wanted. I think he reacted out of his own fear and we ended up in a very bad place. Now he has shut down completely. Don't blame yourself. We all do it !!!! If you overreacted and backed him into a corner as you put he should have been able to communicate and discuss with you and come through it . In the end I overreacted with my ex over something not that important and he used it as the opportunity to shut down but in the end he took it as the opportunity he was looking for to get out . If your man hadn't it in his head already then no matter what you over reacted about he would have discussed with you and you would have come out the other side like other normal relationships that are working . It's not one thing that causes men to split up with us so that one situation where you think you over reacted is probably irrelevant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 I messaged my ex after 2 1/2 weeks NC against everyone's advice... He chose to ignore me... It's what it took for me to kick myself in the butt and say time to work on healing and moving on... Which I know I've already told you this but I'm telling you again.. if messaging him is what you think it'll take for you to move forward, then by all means, do it. You'll either get the closure you need verbally from him or from his actions of ignoring you if that's what he chooses to do... Thanks so much for your message and I know you are telling me again. Quite often with this I find it is the same thoughts going over and over in my head again. It's crazy !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 Hammer that block button! This is for you and your healing! It didn't really bother me to see him and be on his page... I actually don't like his profile picture so that helped. Hahahaha. I'm ok.... I think it helps to think he has moved on... That leaves me not wondering if there's a chance for us... It makes me think he's definitely not going to reach out to me ever...... So maybe I did the right thing.... Who knows. Shew.. I just want him out of my head for good... I'm slowly getting there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 I'll be out of town all weekend at a horse show so super occupied. I'll try to check in but if I'm unable to, I hope everyone stays strong and has a great weekend!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 So I totally just made the mistake of going to my ex's Facebook page because I saw he "liked" a friend's post....... Most everything is private but I have a feeling he's seeing someone else... only because she has "loved" everything he has posted and put a heart on his new profile picture... She would "love" things when we were dating too and I always wondered but now.... I think I know.. and it's ok but WHY did I do this to myself..... Ugh... Oh well. Maybe it'll help me move on more... Kicking myself in the rear. I think I'm just going to block him so I don't see it anymore... Oh that's hurtful to see aliright. I don't know the situation but if you was always loving and hearting stuff on Facebook even when you were together then maybe she is just one of those people on Facebook that are all into that . She isn't someone new that has just appeared so you may be reading into it as sometimes we look for things to make ourselves feel even worse . In any case take your own advice and don't look again but I do honestly believe social media to be very misleading and I always find the lesser of my friends are nearly the ones that put hearts on my posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 I'll be out of town all weekend at a horse show so super occupied. I'll try to check in but if I'm unable to, I hope everyone stays strong and has a great weekend!!! Hope you have a wonderful weekend getting your new horse . Thanks for all your support the last few weeks . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnugget Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 Don't blame yourself. We all do it !!!! If you overreacted and backed him into a corner as you put he should have been able to communicate and discuss with you and come through it . In the end I overreacted with my ex over something not that important and he used it as the opportunity to shut down but in the end he took it as the opportunity he was looking for to get out . If your man hadn't it in his head already then no matter what you over reacted about he would have discussed with you and you would have come out the other side like other normal relationships that are working . It's not one thing that causes men to split up with us so that one situation where you think you over reacted is probably irrelevant Thank you for your words. I just can't help blaming myself. We were really so happy and it all tumbled very quickly. I have had chest pain and anxiety since our breakup. I still can't sleep and have trouble eating. I cry every day and it's been a month now. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and then I wake at about 3 or 4am because I dream of our breakup and how I could have done things differently. It's like groundhog day. If I had just done a few things differently, we would still be together. I wish I could get through to him. I wonder if he misses me. I haven't been seeing him on Facebook or Instagram. I have no idea what he's up to and maybe that's good. I just keep hoping he will reach out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 Thank you for your words. I just can't help blaming myself. We were really so happy and it all tumbled very quickly. I have had chest pain and anxiety since our breakup. I still can't sleep and have trouble eating. I cry every day and it's been a month now. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and then I wake at about 3 or 4am because I dream of our breakup and how I could have done things differently. It's like groundhog day. If I had just done a few things differently, we would still be together. I wish I could get through to him. I wonder if he misses me. I haven't been seeing him on Facebook or Instagram. I have no idea what he's up to and maybe that's good. I just keep hoping he will reach out. The one part you can work on is stop blaming yourself. It is natural to do it as we think by analysing everything we said or did we can go back and fix the situation. I don't know fully your story but I don't think anything you did was totally unforgivable or would warrant a breakup. They are men that even stay with their girlfriends when they cheat on them . So I really don't think doing a few small things differently would have changed the outcome and if it would have then your boyfriend should have spelled those things out so you got a chance to work on them . Any man that just leaves in middle of a small argument or been backed into a corner as you put it was looking for an avenue to leave anyways for whatever reason . You say things were going really well so perhaps he isn't emotionally capable and the better it was the more he wasn't able to handle it . That can happen with where they can only take the relationship to a certain level . I had those chest pains for several weeks and there is nothing worse. I'm sleeping a bit better now but still cry every day and have still a hope he will come back . It does get better with time and be proud of yourself each day you come through Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 Hey all! Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I've had a great weekend and he's not been on my mind near as much... Unfortunately still is some but making progress. Baby steps... Just wanted to check in. Stay strong!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 Hey all! Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I've had a great weekend and he's not been on my mind near as much... Unfortunately still is some but making progress. Baby steps... Just wanted to check in. Stay strong!! Sounds like you are doing really well and had a great weekend . I went to a meditation relaxing event for the weekend . It was nice and relaxing and kept me occupied although I came home each evening and cried . It is this week I had decided to reach out to him but now that it's here I'm very upset. I think part of me prefers to live with the hope we are just on a break and he will come back. Some of my friends say you need to ring him to get explanation and closure and get rid of hope . Others say you are just opening a healing wound and nothing he can say will make you feel better. I spend the last few weeks wanting closure and just giving him space because his dad died but now I'm wondering can I move on without it even if this hope will still live inside me. I blame myself at times even though rationally I don't think this was anything down to me only his fears of moving on and falling for someone so quick after divorce. However I wonder if a conversation would help me stop blaming myself . I'm not going to decide tonight and I know in the end it's a decision I have to make . I need to think what is best for me in the long terms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 Sounds like you are doing really well and had a great weekend . I went to a meditation relaxing event for the weekend . It was nice and relaxing and kept me occupied although I came home each evening and cried . It is this week I had decided to reach out to him but now that it's here I'm very upset. I think part of me prefers to live with the hope we are just on a break and he will come back. Some of my friends say you need to ring him to get explanation and closure and get rid of hope . Others say you are just opening a healing wound and nothing he can say will make you feel better. I spend the last few weeks wanting closure and just giving him space because his dad died but now I'm wondering can I move on without it even if this hope will still live inside me. I blame myself at times even though rationally I don't think this was anything down to me only his fears of moving on and falling for someone so quick after divorce. However I wonder if a conversation would help me stop blaming myself . I'm not going to decide tonight and I know in the end it's a decision I have to make . I need to think what is best for me in the long terms I'm honestly back and forth on what you should do, only Because of what I've done.... I did reach out to him after 2 weeks to be ignored. It was what kicked my butt to make myself work on healing and moving on. I visited his Facebook last week and that also helped more so than hurt... I didn't find his profile picture attractive and if he is seeing someone else, I didn't find myself crazy jealous... It helps to make me lose the little hope o had of him coming back.. so.... It could go either way for you... Be just what you need or put you back to square one. It's really hard to say... Whatever you do decide, we'll be right here supporting you along the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I'm honestly back and forth on what you should do, only Because of what I've done.... I did reach out to him after 2 weeks to be ignored. It was what kicked my butt to make myself work on healing and moving on. I visited his Facebook last week and that also helped more so than hurt... I didn't find his profile picture attractive and if he is seeing someone else, I didn't find myself crazy jealous... It helps to make me lose the little hope o had of him coming back.. so.... It could go either way for you... Be just what you need or put you back to square one. It's really hard to say... Whatever you do decide, we'll be right here supporting you along the way. Well I'm trying to look at the different possible outcomes and the pros and cons of each . Option 1- he ignores me . I will feel a bit rejected and upset but at least he makes me realise how inconsiderate of my feelings he is to not even reply to me . This will emphasise further how he can be emotionally cold and help me move on Option 2 he rings me back and tells me it was his fears and he panicked again and couldn't continue on but is all nice to me on the call . I will have concrete answer as to what happened so no longer blaming myself and I will know there is nothing I could have done Option 3 he blames it on being too busy or some other random excuse as he doesn't want to go into his feelings . This one would upset me as you don't split up with someone after 11 months because your life became busy for a few weeks . It would make me feel unwanted and that he didn't really feel the depth of what he did say to me . However again at least it brings some clarity to me Option 4 he says no hope in future for us . This would make me upset as part of me has the hope but maybe I need to hear this Option 5 he is cold on the phone and not himself and had only rang me because he feels obligated. As hard as that would be it would show we how he can emotionally shut down I've written down all these options but still don't know my answer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 Well I'm trying to look at the different possible outcomes and the pros and cons of each . Option 1- he ignores me . I will feel a bit rejected and upset but at least he makes me realise how inconsiderate of my feelings he is to not even reply to me . This will emphasise further how he can be emotionally cold and help me move on Option 2 he rings me back and tells me it was his fears and he panicked again and couldn't continue on but is all nice to me on the call . I will have concrete answer as to what happened so no longer blaming myself and I will know there is nothing I could have done Option 3 he blames it on being too busy or some other random excuse as he doesn't want to go into his feelings . This one would upset me as you don't split up with someone after 11 months because your life became busy for a few weeks . It would make me feel unwanted and that he didn't really feel the depth of what he did say to me . However again at least it brings some clarity to me Option 4 he says no hope in future for us . This would make me upset as part of me has the hope but maybe I need to hear this Option 5 he is cold on the phone and not himself and had only rang me because he feels obligated. As hard as that would be it would show we how he can emotionally shut down I've written down all these options but still don't know my answer Really tough decision to make. Try to mentally prepare yourself for the worst then if it isn't worst case scenario, it's easier to take even if it isn't what you want to hear... I'm continuing to make strides of improvement.. 6 weeks Wednesday since we split and he has been on my mind but very little... Thank goodness.. Keep pushing forward. You'll get thru this and come out stronger in the long run. It isn't easy to do but it's what you have to do for your sanity on top of the other zillion reasons why.. Ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Really tough decision to make. Try to mentally prepare yourself for the worst then if it isn't worst case scenario, it's easier to take even if it isn't what you want to hear... I'm continuing to make strides of improvement.. 6 weeks Wednesday since we split and he has been on my mind but very little... Thank goodness.. Keep pushing forward. You'll get thru this and come out stronger in the long run. It isn't easy to do but it's what you have to do for your sanity on top of the other zillion reasons why.. Ha Mine is actually 6 weeks today but maybe the reason I'm not half as good as you is because I've been holding out to talk to him and we have had messages of exchange etc re his father etc Also I find the shock of it very bbad as I didn't expect it so sometimes I still nearly drive over to his house and forget I'm no longer with him. I still think of him most of the time and cry every day and everything reminds me of him . I improving . I just hope this call doesn't set me back hugely as I don't want to go back to those days when I couldn't leave my house . I'm hoping I won't though as no matter what he says on call it's not going to be as devastating as the initial breakup which wiped me completely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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