Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 I had a pretty good day today. Early in the morning I went to a healing session. The first time I left my house in one week. I came back feeling dizzy but lighter. Yesterday I had a talk to myself and we agreed that enough is enough... I shouted out loud that yesterday was the last time I would cry for him. Then at night I saw some videos to clear emotions such as EFT and Ho'oponopono. I did that and I'll keep doing it. Then I went to take a walk at the beach and I felt amazing. I think of him in my head background but it's not painful anymore. I ate healthy and spent a long time talking to my neighbors - we laughed a lot! Oh! I also went to buy ice cream... I decided I want to be gentle to me and be patient with my healing. I also made an exercise of loving and accepting all these feelings and thank them for being here to teach me good lessons and help me to be a better person... it felt really good stop fighting what I was feeling. Well, hope very soon we all will come to terms whit all this... One more thing: I subscribed a dating site and I have a date next week... Nope, I don't want to get in another relationship but I think it will be good to feel attractive to a guy and probably it's gonna fun to go out, talk, laugh. As I don't have friends and family here, there's no options for me to be around people other than through these websites. But I talked to the guy today and he sounds really interesting... Anyways I just want to go out and talk to someone. This is all great news. I'm so happy to hear you're making progress. Keep it up. I know it's rough but the more you push thru, the easier it gets!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thainara Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 This is all great news. I'm so happy to hear you're making progress. Keep it up. I know it's rough but the more you push thru, the easier it gets!! The thing is, because of the excruciating pain, we can't see any light in the end of the tunnel and it seems now that we've lost the MOST AMAZING person in the world. This is not true! We should try to remember all the times we went through this and we survived and today, those guys who were our world don't mean nothing to us! They should be crying and regretting their loss... after all they didn't value what we gave them and of course we're going to find someone who will... their loss! Let's try to thing this way and value and love ourselves... we can do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 The mornings are the worst. I've just woken up and it hit me like a ton of bricks and it has taken every bit of my energy to get out of bed and get ready for work which I know I will be no way productive at . It's 4 weeks since we broke up but it was a shock and he gave me no closure. I'm finding it awful hard to eat and feel sick each time I do and I know that can't be helping me . I'm missing him at every step of my day even though he wasn't with me doing all these things so it's not even logical what I'm feeling . I know it takes time but I see all of you and think you are making wonderful improvements while there are days I feel I'm going backwards.. Why am I so obsessed with him and feel my life was dependent on him whereas when we were going out we were quite independent and I had a separate life outside the relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 The mornings are the worst. I've just woken up and it hit me like a ton of bricks and it has taken every bit of my energy to get out of bed and get ready for work which I know I will be no way productive at . It's 4 weeks since we broke up but it was a shock and he gave me no closure. I'm finding it awful hard to eat and feel sick each time I do and I know that can't be helping me . I'm missing him at every step of my day even though he wasn't with me doing all these things so it's not even logical what I'm feeling . I know it takes time but I see all of you and think you are making wonderful improvements while there are days I feel I'm going backwards.. Why am I so obsessed with him and feel my life was dependent on him whereas when we were going out we were quite independent and I had a separate life outside the relationship I have these moments too but they're getting better. I'm on NC for 4 1/2 weeks now though and I think once you speak with him (or not if he won't) you'll begin to be able to move on better than you are now. Keep. Your head up and keep pushing forward. We'll all get thru this and we'll all be just fine.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schockobaerin Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hi my dears: I have been just reading and not answering, I kind of understand you all, its a very difficult situation, because this is very painful.. In my case, 6 weeks of BU, LC and totally NC for the last 3 weeks, it had been extremely difficult and I have been very depressed.. On the meantime my exbf is having a very nice vacation and probably a good time, while Im suffering... For me its getting better, but of course I still cry and miss him terribly..But I know its all on my hands, Im the one who decides when it should stop being painful.. This is the most difficult part, because you know it, but you dont know exactly how to do it... Today after a long cry I have talked to myself, and decided that this has to stop, because is not fair to me, that another person has that much power over me, how can it be possible that my happiness depend on another person and not myself.. If he rejected me and took me for granted is his loss.. And anyway if he comes back, or Im going to begin another relationship, I want to be stronger and need to learn how to love MYSELF more, I need to be my own priority, because if this is not the case, how can I expect to become someone else priority.. So Im taking this like a learning experience, a very painful one.. And asked myself what do you want? My answer was: I want him back, but then I though about it, I want a version of my exbf back, a version who cares for me, who appreciates me and who is LOYAL to me, and this version of him doesnt exist, and if ever, is not coming back anytime soon.. And anyway to get this version, I need to be stronger, not for him but for myself and need to learn from my mistakes and keep living my life... I know easier said than done, but its a beginning... I wish you all, a wonderful week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Well I have reached the 4 week mark of NC. I often think how at one time I used to look forward to counting down the work day.. Every minute that passed was a nudge closer to seeing the one I cherished. It's quite comical to think now that I'm counting up the days since the last time we spoke. I find myself adrift somewhere in the midst of the depression/acceptance stage of the grieving process. As I look at my surroundings I realistically have a good firm grasp on what most call life. I have a place I can call home, a career that has elevated me financially.. Where I do lack is a true passion of a hobby. I've always been one to go with flow.. Like liquid I can mold to an any activity.. Yet I find myself never solidifying on a particular passion. Maybe this is what entices the women I have dated at first.. But as the relationship progresses they see that underneath the shell I am mostly hollow. Below is a text I sent to my ex as she laid by my side asleep.. This was the last night we were a "we".. Now it's just a "me". Pardon my terrible grammar and word usage.. It was 3am. As I lay here next to you.. All I can do is let my mind race. I feel like Im reaching out to you but you're just out of grasp. I take a step forward on the beaten path but now you're already two steps ahead. My heart begins to race so I start running but now I see you're no longer on this path.. I look frantically and see you opposite of the path we were just on in a field of sunflowers at bloom. A small stream runs betweens us so I call out to you but my voice falls flat.. As if the particles around me have vanished leaving me to my solidarity while not allowing the vibrations of my voice to reach your ears. The stream is calm but the current flows away from you.. I take step in to the boot high liquid and immediately the water level rises.. I take another step and now the stream is starting to take form of a small river.. I can barely touch the bottom..the current pushing me further away from you. I start to swim but with every stroke that brings you closer.. The current becomes unbearable.. I'm being pushed away from you faster than I can swim. I see your silhouette in the distance leaning over to sniff the aroma of the sunflowers. The stream is now a lake.. And with every wave thay crashes over me as I try to capture the last glimpse of you over the horizon I see the exact reasons why I fell in love with you.. Happy, Loving, Understanding, Intelligent, Good-Natured, Loyal. How did i get us in this situation.. And as the last rays of sunlight scamper across the sunflower laced fields I last saw you in.. It dawns on me.. Dusk too late. I led you down the beaten path, the path I told you we would never use. Where every obstacle whether it be a divot in the ground to a boulder we had to scale referenced the hurdles we have had to make so far. As I get pushed further and further away from shore I know that there is only two outcomes that can transpire. I either get washed back to start of the beaten path, knowing that you are finally free and happy.. The other being that you here my calls to you.. And as you make your way back through the fields under the guidance of the moonlight and walk up to the shoreline the body of water that marooned me from you begins to dissipate. From Lake to River to Stream.. After being able to finally set foot in the sunflower fields with you by myside. All I can think about is how I never want i end up on that beaten path ever again. You reach your hand out to me just as sun peeks over the horizon.. It's dawn now.. I look at you and I take your hand.. And you ask "Are you ready for an adventure?".. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustysuit Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Well I have reached the 4 week mark of NC. I often think how at one time I used to look forward to counting down the work day.. Every minute that passed was a nudge closer to seeing the one I cherished. It's quite comical to think now that I'm counting up the days since the last time we spoke. I find myself adrift somewhere in the midst of the depression/acceptance stage of the grieving process. As I look at my surroundings I realistically have a good firm grasp on what most call life. I have a place I can call home, a career that has elevated me financially.. Where I do lack is a true passion of a hobby. I've always been one to go with flow.. Like liquid I can mold to an any activity.. Yet I find myself never solidifying on a particular passion. Maybe this is what entices the women I have dated at first.. But as the relationship progresses they see that underneath the shell I am mostly hollow. Below is a text I sent to my ex as she laid by my side asleep.. This was the last night we were a "we".. Now it's just a "me". Pardon my terrible grammar and word usage.. It was 3am. As I lay here next to you.. All I can do is let my mind race. I feel like Im reaching out to you but you're just out of grasp. I take a step forward on the beaten path but now you're already two steps ahead. My heart begins to race so I start running but now I see you're no longer on this path.. I look frantically and see you opposite of the path we were just on in a field of sunflowers at bloom. A small stream runs betweens us so I call out to you but my voice falls flat.. As if the particles around me have vanished leaving me to my solidarity while not allowing the vibrations of my voice to reach your ears. The stream is calm but the current flows away from you.. I take step in to the boot high liquid and immediately the water level rises.. I take another step and now the stream is starting to take form of a small river.. I can barely touch the bottom..the current pushing me further away from you. I start to swim but with every stroke that brings you closer.. The current becomes unbearable.. I'm being pushed away from you faster than I can swim. I see your silhouette in the distance leaning over to sniff the aroma of the sunflowers. The stream is now a lake.. And with every wave thay crashes over me as I try to capture the last glimpse of you over the horizon I see the exact reasons why I fell in love with you.. Happy, Loving, Understanding, Intelligent, Good-Natured, Loyal. How did i get us in this situation.. And as the last rays of sunlight scamper across the sunflower laced fields I last saw you in.. It dawns on me.. Dusk too late. I led you down the beaten path, the path I told you we would never use. Where every obstacle whether it be a divot in the ground to a boulder we had to scale referenced the hurdles we have had to make so far. As I get pushed further and further away from shore I know that there is only two outcomes that can transpire. I either get washed back to start of the beaten path, knowing that you are finally free and happy.. The other being that you here my calls to you.. And as you make your way back through the fields under the guidance of the moonlight and walk up to the shoreline the body of water that marooned me from you begins to dissipate. From Lake to River to Stream.. After being able to finally set foot in the sunflower fields with you by myside. All I can think about is how I never want i end up on that beaten path ever again. You reach your hand out to me just as sun peeks over the horizon.. It's dawn now.. I look at you and I take your hand.. And you ask "Are you ready for an adventure?".. As for the hobby part, have you considered writing? It can help tremendously to keep some kind of a journal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 As for the hobby part, have you considered writing? It can help tremendously to keep some kind of a journal. I've considered it, just not really sure as to what I would journal. It would be a new experience for me. My ex had a journal from her previous relationships. She had shown me a few entries when we were dating. I'm usually the type to hold it all in, i have my releases through my close knit group of friebds/family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I have these moments too but they're getting better. I'm on NC for 4 1/2 weeks now though and I think once you speak with him (or not if he won't) you'll begin to be able to move on better than you are now. Keep. Your head up and keep pushing forward. We'll all get thru this and we'll all be just fine.. Part of me feels while we will get through this we will just learn to live with it but will always have a deep sadness inside at how things worked out . Yes I think when I do get to talk to him it will give me the closure I need to move forward. At the moment I still feel in a limbo and think it might not be over even though when I think logically I know that it is . It's crazy how your mind gives you these small hopes just to try and protect you a small bit from the pain. I'm reading a lot of self help books about breakups and they tell you to list all the negative things or things that were wrong and incompatible im your relationship. He changed his mind overnight so we didn't have months of arguments or dislike for each other that I can pinpoint . He treated me so well right up to the end . All my other exes in some ways de prioritised me in their lives so it was so easy to do up these lists and keep reading them to assist moving on . I don't even have that or I start listing things like he snores and was a clean freak and stuff that in the end I was quite happy to live with when I was in his life and weren't major issues . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 As for the hobby part, have you considered writing? It can help tremendously to keep some kind of a journal. That's so well written and great depth to it . You don't sound any way hollow what so ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Part of me feels while we will get through this we will just learn to live with it but will always have a deep sadness inside at how things worked out . Yes I think when I do get to talk to him it will give me the closure I need to move forward. At the moment I still feel in a limbo and think it might not be over even though when I think logically I know that it is . It's crazy how your mind gives you these small hopes just to try and protect you a small bit from the pain. I'm reading a lot of self help books about breakups and they tell you to list all the negative things or things that were wrong and incompatible im your relationship. He changed his mind overnight so we didn't have months of arguments or dislike for each other that I can pinpoint . He treated me so well right up to the end . All my other exes in some ways de prioritised me in their lives so it was so easy to do up these lists and keep reading them to assist moving on . I don't even have that or I start listing things like he snores and was a clean freak and stuff that in the end I was quite happy to live with when I was in his life and weren't major issues . I'm right there with you... There's one thing negative I can think of that I didn't like.... Or has an issue with and it really wasn't that big of a deal as long as he left me out of it.... Oh and he didn't want curtains on the back of his house so the sun shined in at 630am when we were trying to sleep and he could but I couldn't... And the lighting in his bathroom was a little yellowish and made it hard to do my makeup... Hahaha. I mean seriously, these are the only things I can come up with. I have had a GREAT weekend.... But here I am again on Monday at work and feel like I'm struggling again... Ugh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 That's so well written and great depth to it . You don't sound any way hollow what so ever I appreciate the kind words. There are a select few memories I have saved on my phone. That was one of them. I'll look at them time to time for perspective. Not searching for answers but as a way to measure my path of healing. Eventually I may break NC.. With a penned letter .. Forgiveness has always been a big staple in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I'm right there with you... There's one thing negative I can think of that I didn't like.... Or has an issue with and it really wasn't that big of a deal as long as he left me out of it.... Oh and he didn't want curtains on the back of his house so the sun shined in at 630am when we were trying to sleep and he could but I couldn't... And the lighting in his bathroom was a little yellowish and made it hard to do my makeup... Hahaha. I mean seriously, these are the only things I can come up with. I have had a GREAT weekend.... But here I am again on Monday at work and feel like I'm struggling again... Ugh... Hang in there! Take one hour at a time. If you find your mind wandering try to change gears. You have been making leaps and bounds of progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hang in there! Take one hour at a time. If you find your mind wandering try to change gears. You have been making leaps and bounds of progress. I'll work my way thru it but it's always this way. I'm real good when I'm not at work but for whatever reason while I'm here I struggle... And I have plenty to do... Haven't been on his social media or anything for days now... He was on my mind off and on all weekend but mostly off.... And today...... Hasn't been out of my mind at all. Rrrrggg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I'll work my way thru it but it's always this way. I'm real good when I'm not at work but for whatever reason while I'm here I struggle... And I have plenty to do... Haven't been on his social media or anything for days now... He was on my mind off and on all weekend but mostly off.... And today...... Hasn't been out of my mind at all. Rrrrggg. I understand this, I deal with this dilemma daily as well. Stay strong about not going on his SM, I'm attempting to restrain my random urges to view my ex's Instagram as well. SM can be very subjective.. To us as the viewer and them as the postee. As much as this form of loneliness shoruds me I know that for the moment that it's best for me. I can take time to push a little harder whether that be with work, the gym, or trying to find new sources of interest. Granted.. The finding of interests seems to be challenging.. Check my post from earlier today for further detail. Keep up the positivity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 I understand this, I deal with this dilemma daily as well. Stay strong about not going on his SM, I'm attempting to restrain my random urges to view my ex's Instagram as well. SM can be very subjective.. To us as the viewer and them as the postee. As much as this form of loneliness shoruds me I know that for the moment that it's best for me. I can take time to push a little harder whether that be with work, the gym, or trying to find new sources of interest. Granted.. The finding of interests seems to be challenging.. Check my post from earlier today for further detail. Keep up the positivity! Yeah... Part of the reason I unfriended him was because of the things he was posting... Like the next morning after we broke up a picture of the sunrise saying it was going to be a great day. So was that him trying to convince himself or was that a relief for our relationship to be over with?!?! That was a Thursday morning.. Saturday he posted how he hung out with friends and drank beer and had a great night blah blah blah.. I didn't want to see that stuff but then again, I feel like it was him trying to convince himself, not hey look at how good I am without you... But who knows. Apparently I cannot read people as I had no idea a breakup was coming so.. Haha. I'll keep strong. I haven't cried or anything, just thinking about him. I think how can he just drive to work without calling me. Or texting me all throughout the day like he used to. Just little things like that. How's his drive home... What's he doing at night when he was typically talking to me. It sucks but I know it'll all pass with time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchilds24861 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Yeah... Part of the reason I unfriended him was because of the things he was posting... Like the next morning after we broke up a picture of the sunrise saying it was going to be a great day. So was that him trying to convince himself or was that a relief for our relationship to be over with?!?! That was a Thursday morning.. Saturday he posted how he hung out with friends and drank beer and had a great night blah blah blah.. I didn't want to see that stuff but then again, I feel like it was him trying to convince himself, not hey look at how good I am without you... But who knows. Apparently I cannot read people as I had no idea a breakup was coming so.. Haha. I'll keep strong. I haven't cried or anything, just thinking about him. I think how can he just drive to work without calling me. Or texting me all throughout the day like he used to. Just little things like that. How's his drive home... What's he doing at night when he was typically talking to me. It sucks but I know it'll all pass with time. I think most can say that they have dealt with the same. Days after the BU with my ex I had yet to delete her from my SnapChat. I viewed her story for a few days, a visual story of her late nights at the bars with co-workers and individuals I didn't recognize. Part of me wonders if it was done because she knew I would look.. A final "hurrah" for her.. I ended up removing her. I had also heard from friends about several posts most likeley referencing me.. Such as "feckless men stand aside" or song lyrics (I must be fine because my heart is still beating). Where as the route I took didnt involve SM. Again SM is subjective so I most likely read into what I was told more than I needed to. When it comes down to it SM is used to glorify actions with attention. How many likes can I snag.. How many friends can I accept. It in itself can be a vice. A narcissistic dream. I feel you though.. I didnt feel the BU coming myself. Does that make us guilty for taking our significant other at the time for granted? Maybe.. Maybe not. I think everyone is guilty of this at one point or another. One piece of advice I can give is when you do think about an ex.. Turn that feeling from a weakness into a strength. Use it to fuel motivation for whatever you feel like doing. When my ex pops in my head I like to run. It pushes me to test the limits of my fitness and in the end rewards me with confidence that was lost after the BU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I'm right there with you... There's one thing negative I can think of that I didn't like.... Or has an issue with and it really wasn't that big of a deal as long as he left me out of it.... Oh and he didn't want curtains on the back of his house so the sun shined in at 630am when we were trying to sleep and he could but I couldn't... And the lighting in his bathroom was a little yellowish and made it hard to do my makeup... Hahaha. I mean seriously, these are the only things I can come up with. I have had a GREAT weekend.... But here I am again on Monday at work and feel like I'm struggling again... Ugh... Your list is even funnier than mine . Although my sister did say that if a man can change is mind and detach and run so quickly albeit with fear then that is one thing to have on my list and it is probably a lot bigger and meaningful than other people's lists who may have been rowing all the time. In both our cases they were obviously thinking stuff in their head and then fled whereas if they came out and discussed and rowed with and started fighting with us or whatever it probably would have been easier on us even if the result was the same . Whereas they preferred to ride their white horse into the night and leave us thinking they were "Great guy "... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hi my dears: I have been just reading and not answering, I kind of understand you all, its a very difficult situation, because this is very painful.. In my case, 6 weeks of BU, LC and totally NC for the last 3 weeks, it had been extremely difficult and I have been very depressed.. On the meantime my exbf is having a very nice vacation and probably a good time, while Im suffering... For me its getting better, but of course I still cry and miss him terribly..But I know its all on my hands, Im the one who decides when it should stop being painful.. This is the most difficult part, because you know it, but you dont know exactly how to do it... Today after a long cry I have talked to myself, and decided that this has to stop, because is not fair to me, that another person has that much power over me, how can it be possible that my happiness depend on another person and not myself.. If he rejected me and took me for granted is his loss.. And anyway if he comes back, or Im going to begin another relationship, I want to be stronger and need to learn how to love MYSELF more, I need to be my own priority, because if this is not the case, how can I expect to become someone else priority.. So Im taking this like a learning experience, a very painful one.. And asked myself what do you want? My answer was: I want him back, but then I though about it, I want a version of my exbf back, a version who cares for me, who appreciates me and who is LOYAL to me, and this version of him doesnt exist, and if ever, is not coming back anytime soon.. And anyway to get this version, I need to be stronger, not for him but for myself and need to learn from my mistakes and keep living my life... I know easier said than done, but its a beginning... I wish you all, a wonderful week You have your mind set now!! That's what is needed to stay better focused on yourself and start pushing forward to healing. You've come a long way as well as I have. Still a ways to go but we'll get there!! Have you heard from Mandala? I pm'd her a few days ago and she hasn't replied. Doesn't look like she's been on since the 21st either... I hope everything is ok with her as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Your list is even funnier than mine . Although my sister did say that if a man can change is mind and detach and run so quickly albeit with fear then that is one thing to have on my list and it is probably a lot bigger and meaningful than other people's lists who may have been rowing all the time. In both our cases they were obviously thinking stuff in their head and then fled whereas if they came out and discussed and rowed with and started fighting with us or whatever it probably would have been easier on us even if the result was the same . Whereas they preferred to ride their white horse into the night and leave us thinking they were "Great guy "... I'm trying to think of more reasons.. Haha. I know it's funny but I'm trying to find SOMETHING negative... I guess how he can up and leave me should make me dislike him as well but it doesn't... Rrrggg... Haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 I think most can say that they have dealt with the same. Days after the BU with my ex I had yet to delete her from my SnapChat. I viewed her story for a few days, a visual story of her late nights at the bars with co-workers and individuals I didn't recognize. Part of me wonders if it was done because she knew I would look.. A final "hurrah" for her.. I ended up removing her. I had also heard from friends about several posts most likeley referencing me.. Such as "feckless men stand aside" or song lyrics (I must be fine because my heart is still beating). Where as the route I took didnt involve SM. Again SM is subjective so I most likely read into what I was told more than I needed to. When it comes down to it SM is used to glorify actions with attention. How many likes can I snag.. How many friends can I accept. It in itself can be a vice. A narcissistic dream. I feel you though.. I didnt feel the BU coming myself. Does that make us guilty for taking our significant other at the time for granted? Maybe.. Maybe not. I think everyone is guilty of this at one point or another. One piece of advice I can give is when you do think about an ex.. Turn that feeling from a weakness into a strength. Use it to fuel motivation for whatever you feel like doing. When my ex pops in my head I like to run. It pushes me to test the limits of my fitness and in the end rewards me with confidence that was lost after the BU. It's not so easy to occupy myself at work. That's why I do well at home. I can get up and do something when he pops into my head... Ugh. I'll get there. Slow and steady wins the race right?!? Haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hi my dears: I have been just reading and not answering, I kind of understand you all, its a very difficult situation, because this is very painful.. In my case, 6 weeks of BU, LC and totally NC for the last 3 weeks, it had been extremely difficult and I have been very depressed.. On the meantime my exbf is having a very nice vacation and probably a good time, while Im suffering... For me its getting better, but of course I still cry and miss him terribly..But I know its all on my hands, Im the one who decides when it should stop being painful.. This is the most difficult part, because you know it, but you dont know exactly how to do it... Today after a long cry I have talked to myself, and decided that this has to stop, because is not fair to me, that another person has that much power over me, how can it be possible that my happiness depend on another person and not myself.. If he rejected me and took me for granted is his loss.. And anyway if he comes back, or Im going to begin another relationship, I want to be stronger and need to learn how to love MYSELF more, I need to be my own priority, because if this is not the case, how can I expect to become someone else priority.. So Im taking this like a learning experience, a very painful one.. And asked myself what do you want? My answer was: I want him back, but then I though about it, I want a version of my exbf back, a version who cares for me, who appreciates me and who is LOYAL to me, and this version of him doesnt exist, and if ever, is not coming back anytime soon.. And anyway to get this version, I need to be stronger, not for him but for myself and need to learn from my mistakes and keep living my life... I know easier said than done, but its a beginning... I wish you all, a wonderful week You sound like you are moving forward and on the right path . You are right we will all look back and think how crazy we were to see our happiness as dependant on these men. Yes we all think we want them back but there was some part of him that rejected us and hurt us and that part of him is just as much a part as the kind and loving person we remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Another bad morning . It's a struggle to get up washed and out to work. what is it about the mornings that make them so bad. Didn't sleep well last night either. I will be better when I get to work I know and at least I am crying a lot less just feel depressed sad and heavy/sore heart and then the occasional bout of denial that it's over and he will be back to me . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saar87 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 I'm starting NC again after my failed attempt of last week. I hope I'm strong enough this time to make it work even if he keeps sending messages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pto29538 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 I'm starting NC again after my failed attempt of last week. I hope I'm strong enough this time to make it work even if he keeps sending messages. Good luck to you . It is the only way to go forward . However it must be so hard if he keeps sending you messages . If it was him that split with you it's not very fair that he keeps contacting you . He should let you heal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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