Helpmesavethis Posted September 19, 2017 Author Share Posted September 19, 2017 I don't even know how I feel at this point. Part of me feels like I'm getting over him but then the other part wants him so bad. Ugh. Still on my mind a lot but not quite like before. And yesterday's break in viewing his page was pretty much because I had saw him tagged in something so I just clicked on his name.... Not sure why my reaction was the shaking and nervous feeling other than I was afraid of seeing something that would hurt more maybe?!?! Whatever it was, made me know I need to just stay off his page like I was... I'm typically a very busy person and it helps. When I'm not busy is when it gets to me more. Hardest for me for some reason is while I'm at work and need to be working and all I can think about is him... Otherwise I tend to do really well. Eventually...... I just keep telling myself that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 19, 2017 Author Share Posted September 19, 2017 I just read something that says --- Your heart will NEVER heal if you keep in contact with the one you desperately want and love but can't have... You're ruining your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 19, 2017 Author Share Posted September 19, 2017 [ATTACH=CONFIG]11454[/ATTACH] I'm tying to attach something.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandala Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 I can't see it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 19, 2017 Author Share Posted September 19, 2017 Since I can't seem to post a picture, I'll just post the quote. Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can shine in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life... And you do.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandala Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Thank you for this. I am going through a moment of truth myself right now. I've been trying to keep aware and I've been looking inside of me all day. It's an interesting synchronism to see your post. A switch is happening and I can feel it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 19, 2017 Author Share Posted September 19, 2017 Thank you for this. I am going through a moment of truth myself right now. I've been trying to keep aware and I've been looking inside of me all day. It's an interesting synchronism to see your post. A switch is happening and I can feel it. How are you feeling? I'm doing fairly good still. I just wish he'd get out of my head. Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandala Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 How are you feeling? I'm doing fairly good still. I just wish he'd get out of my head. Ugh. I've been in a roller coaster all day. I keep trying to focus on myself, but my mind still wonders... Not healthy, but can't help asking myself the same questions over and over. I guess I'm better than three weeks ago, but the road ahead still seem so long... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnugget Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 How are you feeling? I'm doing fairly good still. I just wish he'd get out of my head. Ugh. I know that feeling. I can't get him out of my head. My thoughts are totally consumed with him day and night. When I do finally fall asleep... he works his way into my dreams. I don't want to leave my house. Everything reminds me of him. I don't want to listen to music or watch movies. I don't want to eat. I just think about how we might work things out or what I did wrong. I didn't feel this way even when I was getting out of a much longer relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RG38 Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 it has been 4 months. i still can't get him out of my head... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 I know that feeling. I can't get him out of my head. My thoughts are totally consumed with him day and night. When I do finally fall asleep... he works his way into my dreams. I don't want to leave my house. Everything reminds me of him. I don't want to listen to music or watch movies. I don't want to eat. I just think about how we might work things out or what I did wrong. I didn't feel this way even when I was getting out of a much longer relationship. Get out and get yourself busy. You have to make yourself occupy your time or else you're going to go crazy. It's hard to do but you have to do it... And you'll feel better once you do. And it get easier as time goes by. We've all been there... I'm doing a million times better than I was but he's still constantly on my mind... Hang in there. Stay strong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 it has been 4 months. i still can't get him out of my head... Mine is less than he was but unfortunately still there... I still have a little gleam of hope he'll call even though I know that's highly unlikely.... It's 4 weeks today since our BU and 4 weeks tomorrow NC from him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 it has been 4 months. i still can't get him out of my head... By the way, welcome. We're all here to support one another so feel free to share your story, feelings, etc with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pick me up Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Hi, it was suggested I join your chat , I'm officially losing the plot over my ex and reading your posts seems I'm not alone, how do you deal with the gut wrenching emotions the ignored e mails and texts and the fact they happily going about their day whilst I'm just getting through mine slowly,? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnugget Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Get out and get yourself busy. You have to make yourself occupy your time or else you're going to go crazy. It's hard to do but you have to do it... And you'll feel better once you do. And it get easier as time goes by. We've all been there... I'm doing a million times better than I was but he's still constantly on my mind... Hang in there. Stay strong Unfortunately, I work from home. Almost all of my friends have relocated. I was going to relocate until I met my ex and then he became my best friend and his friends became my friends. While his friends did check in on me after we broke up, they are his friends and I know that I won't be seeing them again. I know that my friends are getting tired of hearing me cry over the phone daily. I have kept busy on weekends, but it has mostly reminded me of him since he was already set to attend many of the events I have attended solo. I've tried to get into a few new hobbies, but nothing really feels like it's clicking. I belong to some womens networking and charity groups and I've signed up for events, but bailed at the last minute because I just feel I am bad company right now. Today I checked the scale to find a 10 lbs loss since our breakup. I just feel completely unmotivated to do anything. It's a struggle to wash my face and brush my teeth. I am so exhausted that it's hard to work. I find it hard to focus on anything without my thoughts going back to him. When I was younger I had a live-in ex who I planned to marry. We were together for 3.5+ years and I moved out of state for him and picked my college for him. He cheated on me and stopped coming home at night. We had an absolutely horrible breakup. I remember the devastation and heartbreak. We were back and forth for another 5 or so years. I don't think what I felt with him even compares to how I feel right now. I felt dramatic gut wrenching heartbreak in the past, but I knew I would have a bright future. Right now I feel utter sadness and emptiness because I feel such a mistake has been made and I can't picture my future anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Unfortunately, I work from home. Almost all of my friends have relocated. I was going to relocate until I met my ex and then he became my best friend and his friends became my friends. While his friends did check in on me after we broke up, they are his friends and I know that I won't be seeing them again. I know that my friends are getting tired of hearing me cry over the phone daily. I have kept busy on weekends, but it has mostly reminded me of him since he was already set to attend many of the events I have attended solo. I've tried to get into a few new hobbies, but nothing really feels like it's clicking. I belong to some womens networking and charity groups and I've signed up for events, but bailed at the last minute because I just feel I am bad company right now. Today I checked the scale to find a 10 lbs loss since our breakup. I just feel completely unmotivated to do anything. It's a struggle to wash my face and brush my teeth. I am so exhausted that it's hard to work. I find it hard to focus on anything without my thoughts going back to him. When I was younger I had a live-in ex who I planned to marry. We were together for 3.5+ years and I moved out of state for him and picked my college for him. He cheated on me and stopped coming home at night. We had an absolutely horrible breakup. I remember the devastation and heartbreak. We were back and forth for another 5 or so years. I don't think what I felt with him even compares to how I feel right now. I felt dramatic gut wrenching heartbreak in the past, but I knew I would have a bright future. Right now I feel utter sadness and emptiness because I feel such a mistake has been made and I can't picture my future anymore. I'm so sorry. I have completely felt/feel your pain. I said the same thing that it was easier to get over my ex husband and all we went thru after 10+ years than it is for me to get over someone I was only with for a few months. I thought he was the one. Everything was so perfect. I felt like I had finally gotten someone who would treat me right.. and now here I am.. it's hard. It really is but you have to push thru it all. I had days I didn't want to get out of bed. It was hard to make myself shower etc. But when you do those things and make yourself get out, you'll feel better. It'll slowly get easier to do those things. A few weeks ago I did nothing but want to sit at home because of him.. now I want to make sure I have plans and get myself out and about because it feels better doing so. You'll get there but you do have to make yourself do it. You deserve it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 And you have us to vent and cry to any time. We'll never get tired of hearing it because we're going thru it to and understand better at this time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Hi, it was suggested I join your chat , I'm officially losing the plot over my ex and reading your posts seems I'm not alone, how do you deal with the gut wrenching emotions the ignored e mails and texts and the fact they happily going about their day whilst I'm just getting through mine slowly,? You found us! As I said in my post on your thread.. you have to go NC with this guy first. Delete EVERYTHING. You have to stop contacting him. All you're doing is pushing him further away from you. It hurts, I know. Mine chose to ignore my last message to him. NEVER in a million years did I think he would just ignore me... But it tells me how he truly feels which obviously isn't the same as me. You have to sit down with yourself and accept the fact that it's over. Push yourself into trying to move on without him. We're all going thru it. It sucks but what choice do we have.. if you haven't already, I would read thru this entire thread to see the things we all have done and are doing to help us move on.. hopefully you'll find some things that help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pick me up Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Hi, I have deleted everything but know his number off by heart, I did got 5 days no contact then caved and then did another 8 days and caved... he ignored my e mails, I have read the whole Post and can't believe all these people are feeling the same emotions I am, I see my ex sparodicly as we live in same town we don't have kids together so that helps, I heard today he is back smoking weed again as he lives with his mum he is 48 for crying out loud and I tried to get him to get his own place so we could have some us time but he hasn't I could not have him Move in with me as he keeps ending it and not fair on my son who lives with me.... the hardest thing for me and seems for everyone is " why don't he want me" I even went out on a date the other day but my heart is not in it and I walked out only to bump into him and it hurt like hell he seemed happy and looked well I just smiled and walked away got round the corner and threw up and cried all the way home.... I know NC is the best thing and I go so far then crack but this time I have no choice, I wish I could find friends near me who are going through this so I could meet up but all my friends are in relationships so feel very alone, I'm sitting here on my own writing this and my stomach is in knots and my head banging and crying... I know it will get better and I joined a gym and having counselling next week to help me so I'm trying to help myself... just y do they seem so happy without us I was his soul mate he said and his mum said I was the best thing to happen to him even he was not like that with his wife of 15 yrs the way he was with me... sorry to him on x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 It is crazy how many of us are going thru it but we're all here for each other. You're doing the right things. NC, gym time is GREAT! And counseling even better. Most of my friends are also either married or in relationships so it does make it hard but I still find one way or another to get myself out and about. Even if it is going to the park for a walk, the grocery, grabbing something to eat. It's tough to do alone but I do it. You just have to set your mind to it that you're no longer going to let someone who obviously isn't concerned about your feelings and emotions control so much of them anymore. Push yourself to do things, even if you don't want to. I'm interested to hear what the counselor suggest... I've considered going myself but I feel like I've come a long way in the 4 weeks of NC that i can get thru it with the support from this group and my close friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pick me up Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I don't get how someone like you can be so kind to me it's so nice thank u, wow 4 wks no contact I take my hat off to u, do u feel like ur turning a corner now? It's hard to stop loving someone he was my best friend and I miss him and I miss his smell and his touch and everything , this counselling I'm having I asked my doctor for it she deals with relationship breakdown and the aftermath of it so I will let u know what she says, I have also started listening to wave music as night or jungle sounds music when I get all anxious it helps me sometimes lol I have made myself ill over this and I know life to short but no one explains about un loving someone I wish I could take a pill and I forget him lol the one thing I do know is dating is not for me at the moment x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 We're all here for each other. I do feel a million times better. I wouldn't eat, sleep, was crying 24/7 until I was sick etc. I've totally been in your shoes. It still isn't easy for me but I keep pushing forward and it's getting better each day. I have my moments but it's to be expected. I do have a small gleam of hope he would still reach out to me but I know it's unlikely. I dont think you'll ever unlove him. You're just going to learn to live your life and be happy without him in it. Again, it sounds like you're taking all the right steps so kudos to you for recognizing you need help and are getting it. I think talking to the counselor will do you wonders and of course coming here and talking it out with all of us going thru the same thing should help too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnugget Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I'm so sorry. I have completely felt/feel your pain. I said the same thing that it was easier to get over my ex husband and all we went thru after 10+ years than it is for me to get over someone I was only with for a few months. I thought he was the one. Everything was so perfect. I felt like I had finally gotten someone who would treat me right.. and now here I am.. it's hard. It really is but you have to push thru it all. I had days I didn't want to get out of bed. It was hard to make myself shower etc. But when you do those things and make yourself get out, you'll feel better. It'll slowly get easier to do those things. A few weeks ago I did nothing but want to sit at home because of him.. now I want to make sure I have plans and get myself out and about because it feels better doing so. You'll get there but you do have to make yourself do it. You deserve it.. I really thought I had found the one. He was certainly not perfect. I made a lot of compromises, but it was comfortable and easy. We didn't fight and we enjoyed each other's company. I really thought we would start a family and grow old together. I was willing to sacrifice certain things. I'm not looking for a fairytale, but I want to feel safe when I fall asleep and I don't want to wake up alone. The older I get, the less idealistic I am. I thought love was one of the things I wouldn't compromise on, but now I guess I was wrong... I would have stayed in that relationship even if he couldn't fully love me. I know he did love me even if he was a bit confused at times. I really am happier when I interact with people. I've always been very social. For a moment I even thought about forcing myself to work from a coffee shop some of the time, but I don't think it would be appropriate with my line of work. Maybe I could find some sort of morning coffee group? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 I really thought I had found the one. He was certainly not perfect. I made a lot of compromises, but it was comfortable and easy. We didn't fight and we enjoyed each other's company. I really thought we would start a family and grow old together. I was willing to sacrifice certain things. I'm not looking for a fairytale, but I want to feel safe when I fall asleep and I don't want to wake up alone. The older I get, the less idealistic I am. I thought love was one of the things I wouldn't compromise on, but now I guess I was wrong... I would have stayed in that relationship even if he couldn't fully love me. I know he did love me even if he was a bit confused at times. I really am happier when I interact with people. I've always been very social. For a moment I even thought about forcing myself to work from a coffee shop some of the time, but I don't think it would be appropriate with my line of work. Maybe I could find some sort of morning coffee group? I think that's a great idea and I feel more positive energy from this post then your last. I promise it'll get easier. Easy, not quite there yet but easier, definitely. Just keep swimming... Keep coming here for support. Vent all you need, we're listening (well reading). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpmesavethis Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 I suggest everyone go read the advice from HaileyM I think it is on the why is it so difficult to accept reality and move on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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