Friends problems are wearing me down...

[janaury storms]

I have a friend who is going through a very tough time. I know what that feels like, believe me. I have been there, and not so long ago. But finally in my life I am extremely happy with who I am and where my life is going. But I feel like the fact that he is so down and out is making my progress begin to regress. I now am reliving all of the tough times I once had and it is starting to really get to me. The thing is is that I am the kind of person that is always there for my friends 110%... but when I have a problem my friends seem to disappear.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love to be the one that is there to help someone out, but I feel like lately I have lost myself in the problems of others. I recently went through an awful break up (I am now seeing a wonderful man) but part of me really aches for my ex... i believed us to be the perfect compliments for one another. (I realize this should be in another forum... but although I am with this man and he is absolutely wonderful and I love him dearly... part of me knows that if the ex came back I would run into his arms.)

 

So anyway, I am obviously going through my own things right now, but lately I have been feeling that I have been ignoring myself and my own emotions to help some friends in need. I have been so exhausted emotionally and physically lately... and I think it has to do with me not taking care of my own needs.

 

I am feeling very sad that my friends are not and were not there for me also. Am I being selfish about all of this? should i just be there for my friends? sometimes i feel like i am being taken advantage of. any advice or support would be appreciated. thanks

[Alabama]

I can understand where your coming from. You want to help your friends. This is very noble. Yet how can you help your friends if you haven't helped yourself? No, your not being selfish. Once you find a way to settle down yourself, like maybe take a day off, then help your friends. If your lost, then your friends are lost. So don't worry, and good luck!

[justsweetgirl]

I had a friend who always had a crisis - or the same crisis - whenever we spoke. I tried to be as supportive as possible, but I became drained after a few years. I tried changing the subject but eventually I had to stop taking her calls. I miss her, but not the drama. And I don't think she can separate the two.

[elizmdavis]

If you are like me, then you care a lot about those closest to you. Sometimes what happens then is that you forget about yourself just to help them. Sometimes this is OK, it means you've got empathy and compassion for the happiness of your loved ones. This feeling in excess though is not the best thing for you, meaning that if you display it to everything and every problem that coems about, then it begins to push your feelings aside until the other person is A-OK.

 

It is great caring so much for people isn't it? One of the best traits in a person if having that emotion for those around you. God Bless you for your love to them, just don't let thier problems eat you up, that is when it becomes unhealthy. When a time comes that a friend calls on you for help, and you do not have the absolute strength in you to comfort them, do not push it. Let them know that you are there for them but only talk when you feel OK to (thats when the best of you gets to come out anyway!). Plus this will regualte thier dependency on you to solve thier problems. They will know that you are there but they too need to help themselves with the advice you have already gvien them.

 

Keep your head up and stay strong with yourself.[/i]