Elavohra Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 Competitive exams for recruitment for the designated job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 101 I felt so low today. Everything was rewinding in my mind since I got up in the morning. Regrets, guilt, shouldn't and should. I was upset for my career as well. I was annoyed, sad, lost, weak and emotionally challenged. On top of it my head is aching very badly. Tomorrow gotta wake up early and have to report around 6:45 am. at my institute for Mains exam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 102 I woke up at 6am. with a headache and irritability. Then I got ready and left for my online mock exam at my coaching institute. And I did so bad . After that I came back home at around 10am. Then I had my breakfast and immediately after that I washed my scooter. But since I was having headache and due to which I was so very irritated to talk to anyone. Anyway, write now I am all good. Went for evening run and now my legs are so tired that I am really loving it as my tired legs always makes me sleep better. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 103 Again, failed in the exam to which I thought I would clear it. I really need to work hard. It doesn't matter how bad I feel or my mind tend to make me revisit the past. I have to surpass all this at any cost. Damn it! I am feeling so very bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 104 Not interested to write anything. Had a normal day, invested whole day in studying. Tomorrow is a busy day for me. Need to get up as early as possible. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Maybe you need to change your study methods. Do you find yourself having trouble focusing? Does your mind tend to wander? It's important to find a study method that works for you. Some find it effective to listen to a recorded version of the material. I actually find it effective to write the material down since my mind tends to wander when I'm reading study material. I also visualize the material in the book inside my head. Maybe pair up with someone who's taking the same classes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 29, 2017 Author Share Posted October 29, 2017 Maybe you need to change your study methods. Do you find yourself having trouble focusing? Does your mind tend to wander? It's important to find a study method that works for you. Some find it effective to listen to a recorded version of the material. I actually find it effective to write the material down since my mind tends to wander when I'm reading study material. I also visualize the material in the book inside my head. Maybe pair up with someone who's taking the same classes. Actually, I am poor at mathematics and my calculation are way too slow. I was poor at logical reasoning as well, but now I have improved a lot only practice is required to do reasoning section at minimum time. Previously because of the break up and not knowing many things also at that time I was finding every question so very tough to do. And hence, was lagging behind horribly. But now things are quite different, it's just I need my mathematics most significantly my calculations to be improved. Need a hell lot of improvements, rest sections needs only practice. Practice to do as many as "maximum" questions in the given time. PS: I am regular to my coaching classes. And I am now determined to join a fresh batch again from tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 29, 2017 Author Share Posted October 29, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 105 I had woken up late today, felt so very bad. We had invited a family to brunch. They had actually come back from their native. So to host the brunch, I was busy with mummy after that I had washed clothes, then dried and blah blah... after that I had my lunch, then I went off to bed I could hardly close my eyes and I realised I didn't study today and it was already 4:30 PM. And at about 5 PM. I got up gave an online exam, but my internet was interrupted so bad that I effected my performance. After that, many miscellaneous things happened and I had given a quiet few number of mock tests. I really need to get up early, waking up late daily doesn't make me feel good. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 106 I seriously didn't have a good day today. I was suppose to go to the class, but I didn't go. And I had studied a little. Plus my ex had also come in my dream. And I didn't like it at all. It was like a battle between my conscious and sub conscious mind. F*ck this! Don't know when this drama will get over. Damn it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 107 I am not living a happening life. I stay internally so very low. I just get up, work out study throughout the day, then come back home around 3 have my lunch and sleep, then again go for a jog after that again study for a while, have my light dinner at times then sleep. Again the same thing. But inside my brain I deal with hell lots of chaos, especially related to relationship and break up. Emotionally totally exhaustive! I am losing hope for a better future now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 2, 2017 Author Share Posted November 2, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 108 I didn't post yesterday, so I am posting now: I again failed one more exam. 10+ failures in this single year. I was upset. I hate the feeling how I still miss him. I never met him while in relationship. A relationship lasted over phone calls, texts etc, and I miss him yet unable to forget. I hate this pain, regret, guilt. This sadness which stays in my heart and mind 24*7. Sucks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 2, 2017 Author Share Posted November 2, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 109 Nothing to write, nothing to say, only failures and headaches! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 3, 2017 Author Share Posted November 3, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 110 Trying to work upon myself! Trying to understand myself! And trying to work hard and be patient! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 108 I didn't post yesterday, so I am posting now: I again failed one more exam. 10+ failures in this single year. I was upset. I hate the feeling how I still miss him. I never met him while in relationship. A relationship lasted over phone calls, texts etc, and I miss him yet unable to forget. I hate this pain, regret, guilt. This sadness which stays in my heart and mind 24*7. Sucks! Wait, you two never met in person??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfindependent Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 this is something i've been doing and it helps with confidence and self esteem: do something, something good each day no matter how small. that requires more effort than what you would usually expel. example. I didnt go to the gym yesterday but I DID go on a date with a nice lady. I did something positive, maybe not for my health, but my social life! example: I went to yoga at 6am this morning. It's awesome! example: I'm not going to the gym today. but i'm going to the space museum! example: I ate only half a cup of rice instead of the usual... 5. healthy! set yourself small doable goals, everyday. it's awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 Wait, you two never met in person??? No, we were classmates. We did schooling together and then he was stationed to some other state and so was I. After 5 years gap we got in touch and began to talk a little on WhatsApp, and then it gradually increased then one day he confessed he likes me, though I was very clear that I don't want to be in any relationship with anyone. Feelings get hurts and plus I never felt like to be in any relationship, and it was peak for me to build my career and work hard for exams. But he wanted me to stay anyway. Gradually I began to like him and rest you know.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 this is something i've been doing and it helps with confidence and self esteem: do something, something good each day no matter how small. that requires more effort than what you would usually expel. example. I didnt go to the gym yesterday but I DID go on a date with a nice lady. I did something positive, maybe not for my health, but my social life! example: I went to yoga at 6am this morning. It's awesome! example: I'm not going to the gym today. but i'm going to the space museum! example: I ate only half a cup of rice instead of the usual... 5. healthy! set yourself small doable goals, everyday. it's awesome. That's what I have been doing, but he crosses my mind every time and it kills me deep inside. I want to reach to the day where it'll stop hurting, where he'll stop crossing my mind, where I can breathe and have a awesome life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 You know, it seems to me like your thoughts of him are an escape from your every day life. Maybe when you two communicated it took you away from how things were not going the way you wanted with your schooling. Now that you don't have him to communicate with, you have to deal with your life without that distraction. Plus, it's easier to say it's because you two no longer communicate why you aren't succeeding with your schooling. But weren't you having some difficulties with your studies even while you two were communicating? If your schooling troubles are causing you distress and thought of him just make it worse, you could do well to find some other way to get away from your studies for a while. Do something that requires absolute concentration, like rock climbing or tennis. No way can your mind wander while you're taking care not to slip and fall all the way down or while someone's sending a blistering serve your way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 You know, it seems to me like your thoughts of him are an escape from your every day life. Maybe when you two communicated it took you away from how things were not going the way you wanted with your schooling. Now that you don't have him to communicate with, you have to deal with your life without that distraction. Plus, it's easier to say it's because you two no longer communicate why you aren't succeeding with your schooling. But weren't you having some difficulties with your studies even while you two were communicating? If your schooling troubles are causing you distress and thought of him just make it worse, you could do well to find some other way to get away from your studies for a while. Do something that requires absolute concentration, like rock climbing or tennis. No way can your mind wander while you're taking care not to slip and fall all the way down or while someone's sending a blistering serve your way! Boltnrun- I am so so so very glad that you're reading my entries daily, you're with me since the day I had begun to write here. I totally agree with your above reply. It's just I wasn't aware that this is the crux of my issue. Now, I got it. A little bit of clearance again- I have finished my schooling and college as well. It's been two years since I have mastered in commerce (Master degree holder I am). But to have a well reputable job, I have to clear competitive exams (preliminary if I pass it, then Mains exam followed by interview and then getting into the merit list. Now the problem is- I feel bad about my exams, quite natural to feel sad about it. Being unemployed is not a fun after all. Another issue is: my breakup has left feeling bad about myself, it's like I feel as if I am not a good human. I am the worst person, who had hurt someone like my ex (hurting here means- while arguments a little bit of harsh words, poor listener I was, loved talking to him which made him feel like I was clingy, needy desperate woman. Damn!. This is not me. In fact, I don't talk to many people). Cried in front of him, showed him my weaknesses, basically I behaved like a complete little sissy girl I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 111 Well, I had a pretty above normal good day. I was preoccupied with doing household things. I am glad I was so very engaged in rocking the full day. For tomorrow I am planning to wake up early, then having my medicines with hot water followed by a cup of green tea. Then giving an online mock test after that bathing and thorough analysis of paper. I'll do at least 10 DI, 6 puzzles, 50 simplifications. And a few short mock test. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 5, 2017 Author Share Posted November 5, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 112 Don't want to say anything. Want to make a hell lot of changes in myself and I don't know where to begin from. Somebody please come and kill me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 113 I had a pretty positive day today. I had gone to the hospital for my regular check ups. And one of the medical students was examining me and he initiated the conversation which apparently went into the direction of exchanging the knowledge on how Bio mechanical engineers working in the field of medicine and to my surprise I never knew, I am that smart to engage in this conversation so appropriately. He thought I am a mechanical engineer. Lol 😄. Credit goes to my father and brother. Their impact on me is quite good I suppose. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 7, 2017 Author Share Posted November 7, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 114 Okay, so a few hours back, I had cried very badly in front of my mummy, I confronted her that I have been feeling so bad for not clearing the competitive exam. Plus, I also mentioned how the break up had/ has been affected/ing me. I said I feel I am a loser. I feel he's the best in terms of everything and I am the worst in terms of everything to that my mummy said you're my daughter and I know everything about you. Don't worry, I know how good and bad you're. And then she hugged me and I sobbed terribly. I am really blessed to have such a great mother. My family never ran away from me whenever I had cried but he did, they've supported me whenever I've sounded them desperate. I am indeed so very blessed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 8, 2017 Author Share Posted November 8, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 115 So, today one of my given exam score card was out and I was shocked to score such a poor mark. However, since now I know where I have been making mistakes I have already begun to work upon it. I got to work hard for this whole month and I suppose then I shall be able to clear the next exam which is due in December. Rest, the day was normal involving eating, studying and sleeping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elavohra Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 NO TURNING BACK DAY 116 So, I had a pretty normal day. I woke up at 5:37a.m. and then went for the morning jog. Early morning jog in winters are pretty hard. Then I had studied. Got ready for the classes. Came back after attending classes, then had my lunch and took an hour afternoon nap..... studied again and now hitting the sack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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