19 year old sister and 40 year old guy

[providentielle]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible but want to cover all the bases. My younger sister is 19. Her first sexual experience was with a man in his mid 40s when she was almost 17. This man was married and was her employer. The relationship lasted a couple of months and although I found it hard to get my head round I tried to be supportive and thought he was actually a nice guy. Our parents knew this man and my sister told them nothing about it, it ended when hs wife started to get suspicious. The following year she started a realationship with a man in his mid 50s who was a friend of our dad and the 40year old man. This man was also married and had 5 children, some in their 30s. During their relationship his wife died from cancer and she started to stay over at his house. After this point I agreed to meet this man also, this relationship was also a secret so I picked them both up in my car and we chatted. The man put one hand on her knee and one on mine and started suggesting a threesome. He also asked my bra size so he could "buy me a present" The meeting lasted about 30mins and consisted mostly of comments like that, I ended it abruptly and told him he should leave. I was disturbed that my sister accepted this and said "It's just what he's like, don't take it personally, it was just a joke" I tried to be there for her to talk to about this relationship as no one else knew but I found it hard as I found him to be a very creepy man and I could not see the attraction. Nevertheless I didn't want to fall out with her and although she knew how I felt I tried not to impose my views on her too much. After a few months he ended the relationship and told her he was moving to America. I have to admit that although I didnt want her to hurt the way was I breathed a sigh of relief. She had a very casual relationship with someone her own age from school in the weeks following the breakup and one night was out with her 17year old friend who introduced her to her new boyfriend-who was 40. She talked about her relationships with older men in front of this man and two weeks later text me to say him and her friend had split up she had kissed him. This man has 6 aged 2-18 and has an ex wife who has threatened my sister and they now have a restraining order against her. Once again I am trying to be supportive about this but really I want to shake her and say what the h*ll are you doing!? She has told my parents about this relationship and they are not happy about it, my dad is trying to ignore it completely but has furious outbursts occasionally. The man asked her to move in with him and his daughter after only a few weeks and has talked about marriage and wants them to try for a baby after the summer although my sister is unsure that she wants this but cant/wont tell him. He is very manipulative though my sister doesn't seem to see it and just says they are in love. He sends her lots of gushy texts and when she is not with him he goes in the huff and calls and texts constantly until she goes to see him again. My sister and I are close and I will not fall out with her over this man though I think he would love it if I did, but I do feel we are drifting apart because she is with him so often. I spend time with them both and his children and my sister says she appreciates this but I just can't like him. I know I cant make her see sense but this has been going on for four months now and I can't see it ending. I dont think anyone can really say anything to fix this but it helps to get it out there. Thanks for making it to the end!

[singingwolf]

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I think it's great that you're being so supportive of your sister. It can't be easy when you see her making such mistakes!

 

Hopefully, she'll grow out of this.

 

Best wishes,

 

Samantha