I'm so torn and tortured by this relationship

[ParisPaulette]

I did omit something in my ex bf's history - the reason he is broke is because he was convicted of check kiting 11 years ago and lost all of his assets and his business - went to prison for a year as well.

If this changes your advice, I'd really appreciate hearing from you!

 

It sure does change my advice. Please make very sure you never give him any access to your bank account or credit cards including statements, what bank, credit card numbers etc. And drop him immediately then put a lock down on your own credit with a credit freeze, credit cards changed, and an alert to your bank. This just went from a guy you can't trust financially to you'll be luck you aren't the target of a con man.

 

How to put a credit freeze on your accounts:

 

It only makes my earlier advice to you stronger. This is someone who cannot be trusted with money to the point of becoming criminal. This is not the man you want to marry or allow to have any access to your assets, period, end of story. The minute you found out about that you should have dumped him, changed all your cards, put a lock on your credit via a credit freeze, and yeah maybe even switched banks or opened up a new account and closed the old one.

 

That you didn't is really concerning, because that's not some little thing he did there. And it's fine that people can go to jail for something, IF they learn from that. But the tell as to whether or not they have been reformed by their past comes from how they conduct their life afterwards. He did not do anything to become more financially responsible from what I can tell. He just uses his own crimes as an "excuse" for now being broke. "I can't rob people or I'll go to prison," is NOT being reformed. And he's done nothing from all you write to make sure that he would never be in a position to do something stupid or criminal financially again based on his own actions of getting a job, keeping it, becoming financially responsible for himself. Instead he just seems to have gone the con man way of finding a lonely widower with money and assets to target.

 

I'm sorry, but this additional information makes him an even worse prospect for marriage or being in your life at all.

[Hollyj]

You block him. If he reaches out from new email addresses and phone numbers, then you get a restraint order.