Problems after threesome

[Anon123411]

I could really do with some advise as unfortunately my go to gal for this type of thing is involved so don't know where else to turn

I have been with my partner for 9 years, we have a pretty good relationship though he did cheat a number of years back, however I feel I'm in a place where I can deal with that and have forgiven him fully.

Anyway, The other night I was out with my girls, with my best friend, who up until now, we've had a great friendship, like sisters, so on this paticular night, I'm at my friend's house and I get a call from my boyfriend asking if he can come round as all his friends have gone home, obviously I say yes and he comes over, we all having a bit of a joke and there's a few of us in the room, then two of my other friends leave and it's just me, my partner and my best friend, I should state at this point we were all extremely drunk and in my drunk state I suggest a threesome (stupid me!) I don't know why I proposed it! In hindsight, I think I thought it's what my partner wanted. I might also add that in the past my boyfriend has mentioned a threesome in passing conversation and as it was my best friend I thought there would be no complications as she wouldn't try it on with him in the future, anyway we start the three some and it's all a bit clumsy and a bit funny, but he asks if she can go down on him and instantly I'm uncomfortable but I say yes and we all fool around but he doesn't have sex with her and they don't kiss, which to be honest I'm grateful for as it was pretty difficult watching them do stuff. Funnily enough half way through our other friend walked into the room and the threeway came to a drunken halt, me and my partner left not long after and I felt weird all the way home, the next day me and my partner did speak about what happened and I told each other how we were feeling, we decided it was a silly idea and wouldn't do it again therefore the awkwardness does not involve me and my partner. Instead I feel incredibly awkward around my best friend! I'm almost a bit annoyed at her for being so willing to do stuff with him but then also understand that I suggested it and we were so drunk it would have been difficult to make good decisions! I've seen her once since it happened and it was okay but I couldn't dissolve this feeling I had, almost close to jealousy, though I'm unsure what I'm jealous of, she used to come round to ours and we'd all hang out, but the thought of three of us being in the same room makes me feel uneasy! I know it sounds silly because I'm sure I have nothing to worry about but how do I shake off this feeling of awkwardness with my best friend, I don't want to lose the friendship we have as we are so close but I'm worried talking to her about it will make things worse, what shall I do?

[nutbrownhare]

You won't be the first to do something unbelievably stupid whilst drunk, and you won't be the last. It hardly seems fair to resent your friend for going along with something which you suggested in the first place, and then agreed to in the second, though!

 

Trying to put myself in your place... it will all blow over I expect, and unless you have real concerns over something which happens in the future, I'd take the "least said, soonest mended" approach and write it off as a ridiculous drunken episode which won't be repeated. There's no need to discuss it with her, unless she brings it up.

[boxingguy]

Ahh, I wish more people would be responsible. Drink responsibly, my friend.

 

It seems you have the answers already. You know being jealous towards her is uncalled for as your the cause of it.

 

Talk to her about it if you feel secure and confident in your relationship with her. Not talking about it and treating her differently will only stand to damage the relationship anyways.

 

If you're not going to talk to her about it, then perhaps it will fade with time. Accept what happen, and press on.

 

Best of luck.

[Snny]

Agree with nutbrownhare. Do not bring it up and let it blow over. Just as you forgiven your boyfriend, learn to forgive your best friend. Like you said, all three of you were extremely intoxicated and did not make a good decision (yourself included).

 

Never, ever go into a threesome when you are in a serious relationship. Let this be a lesson learned. And if your boy asks for another one, tell him the truth; it is not your thing, you learnednit was a mistake and will not pursue it any further besides that one night.

[boxingguy]

Agree with nutbrownhare. Do not bring it up and let it blow over. Just as you forgiven your boyfriend, learn to forgive your best friend. Like you said, all three of you were extremely intoxicated and did not make a good decision (yourself included).

 

Never, ever go into a threesome when you are in a serious relationship. Let this be a lesson learned. And if your boy asks for another one, tell him the truth; it is not your thing, you learnednit was a mistake and will not pursue it any further besides that one night.

Also drink responsibly. Can't stress that enough.

[mustlovedogs]

Your friend and boyfriend should be annoyed with you. It was your idea after all.

 

Does that seem fair?

 

Probably not. So that's why you shouldn't be annoyed with them. It was your idea. Everyone has equal fault at this. So pretend it didn't happen, don't mention it, and work through whatever issues come up with your partner. But never throw this in his face in an argument.

[Longview01]

You suggested it and then gave your blessing for her to do stuff with your boyfriend and now you're annoyed with her?

[rosephase]

It'll feel awkward until it doesn't. I wouldn't suggest avoiding her I would suggest hanging out the three of you as soon as possible. Get past the first phase of awkward and go back to being friends.

 

Not that it sounds like your up for another threesome but if you are:

1) talk about it in detail while sober (what is okay, what is out of line, what you would like)

2) have a safe word that anyone can use that puts a full stop to whatever you are doing no questions asked

3) know yourself well enough to stop the action if it's making you uncomfortable

 

Drunkingly falling into threesomes is, at best, messy. At worst it's a relationship ender. Sex is complicated and people don't always know how they are going to feel when it's actually happening and not a fantasy. Communication and self awareness is necessary when you start playing around with sex.

[Anon123411]

I did state that I understood that this was silly!!

 

 

 

You suggested it and then gave your blessing for her to do stuff with your boyfriend and now you're annoyed with her?

[Anon123411]

Thank you! Sound advice

[Anon123411]

Thank you for your advice

[Anon123411]

Thank you so much!