elloihallvard Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I have been dating someone for one month maybe 6 dates. Last week 3 days in a row. We have been texting each single day of this month but he is so busy during the week because of the job and we don’t text so much during the week, but at least we arrange dates for the weekend, ask about other’s days and he says me good night/morning. During the last 2-3 days I have kept the conversations a little bit cold since he only texts me to say good night and then says I am going to sleep (this only during this week).I find this disrespectful when smn just text smth and then says I am going to sleep if you reply. We have kept things so slow this month I mean just a some small kisses because I wanted this but he said he was ok with this and didnt want to rush things. Then he asked to do something during the weekend. I kept it cold again and said I have plans for Saturday. Then he asked about Sunday. I said just: I would love to… because I wanted to see him even though don't like the way he texts. Then he disapeared on Sunday the day of dating without saying anything. Is this because of me being a little bit cold (because I have too much ego to text him first but I also want him to text me more than good night or small things) or what? I don’t understand. If he lost interest in me why he asked to do smth on weekend. I find disrespectful that he asked for a date and disapeared . Should I move on or write to him? But no way I have too much ego to write to him.Anyway what does this mean when he asks to do smthng and disapears? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 You treat him coldly and thereby not showing him that you are interested in him and then you blame him for returning your behaviour? You better let go of your ego. Why didn't you text him first and ask him if the date was still on for Sunday? I think the days of online dating and the sheer numbers of women available have made the days of playing hard to get a thing of the past. Texting to get to know someone is not a good way to get to know someone. He's been making an effort to get to know you in person. Did you forget that? Did you and he actually make a date for Sunday with a place to meet or was it just a "maybe" thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy123 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Sounds like he's not that into You, sorry I would just move in and if he really is into you he will contact you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elloihallvard Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Actually this could be our 7th date. It is not the first one. The question was: If you still wanna keep seeing each other maybe we could do smth together tomorrow? I said I would love to... and he didnt respond anymore.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Maybe we could do something tomorrow? That is not a concrete date. However: The bottom line is that he's likely given up on you because you are taking things too slow for him and your coldness he has had enough of. It takes two people to make a relationship work... not just the guy to jump through hoops for you. If you wanted to communicate more through text message in between your dates then I guess you're going to have to request such a thing, initiate some of the contact and not "act" anyway but rather communicate your needs in a way that is not over-the-top or pre-mature. He's likely moving on or doing the slow fade on you. Did you contact him and ask him if you were still on to do something together on Sunday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elloihallvard Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 No actually why should I call him? It is to immature to ask about weekend plans on Saturday(too late) and then disapear. And how can you not be cold when he says I'm gonna sleep now at least 3 times per week. I.m gonna sleep means let me alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 No actually why should I call him? It is to immature to ask about weekend plans on Saturday(too late) and then disapear. And how can you not be cold when he says I'm gonna sleep now at least 3 times per week. I.m gonna sleep means let me alone. Then you've answered your own question. Let him disappear and find someone that will jump through your one sided hoops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy123 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Maybe you can try just talking honestly with him about the situation? Ask if he is still interested and where does he see this going. Guys are usually pretty straight forward... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Let it go. You find his behavior "cold," "disrespectful" and "immature" anyway, to which you respond coldly and immaturely yourself, so what's the point? You're not compatible. It's only been a month and handful of dates. Move on and find someone you actually respect and admire and vice versa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elloihallvard Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 But he always writes to me after teh dates and thanks me and says that would be happy to see me. Maybe I am overreacting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy123 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 That's why I said just talk to him about it. Don't try and read his mind just ask him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Sorry but I'm with TWT all the way here. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Getting cold expecting a guy to then put in disproportionate effort isn't the way to do things in 2017. Plenty of women out there who are fully willing and able to keep things simple and equitable. Not to mention, I could easily see how "I would love to... " could be interpreted as a "but..." / rejection. Don't use SMS for expression or inference, especially if you know full well that whole medium really isn't his thing. If you're going slow, putting the effort on the guy, and being overall ambiguous with your level of interest, you're gonna find dating a very unpleasant experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elloihallvard Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Sorry but I'm with TWT all the way here. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Getting cold expecting a guy to then put in disproportionate effort isn't the way to do things in 2017. Plenty of women out there who are fully willing and able to keep things simple and equitable. Not to mention, I could easily see how "I would love to... " could be interpreted as a "but..." / rejection. Don't use SMS for expression or inference, especially if you know full well that whole medium really isn't his thing. If you're going slow, putting the effort on the guy, and being overall ambiguous with your level of interest, you're gonna find dating a very unpleasant experience. I surmise you are a boy? When texting a girl do you usually text things like this: I am going to sleep now? Lets see if I'll sleep now! I'll let you enjoy movie/what you are doing ..etc So this means leave me alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I surmise you are a boy? When texting a girl do you usually text things like this: I am going to sleep now? Lets see if I'll sleep now! I'll let you enjoy movie/what you are doing ..etc So this means leave me alone. Realizing that I'm answering a question to J.Man but compelled to respond. (I am a woman). This means that he does not want to carry on hours of text conversation with you. He wants to sleep so he is letting you know that he won't be responding so that you won't think he just disappeared. He is tired and is ending the convo. It does not necessarily mean "leave me alone" Why couldn't you just say "Okay, have a good sleep, call me tomorrow and we can make plans on what we will do on Sunday" ??? Instead you take offense and say nothing and expect without communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Meh, I think neither of you is very interested, OP. You yourself say you're cold with him, he sounds rather indifferent. What's the point in keeping this going? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annia Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Besides texting not being that relevant to build a relationship and it's nice that people have a life besides texting, if someone was being cold to me despite my attempts of meeting in person and then we talked about meeting Sunday but I wouldn't see any effort from that person in setting the time and place of the date or in further contacting me, I'd be put off too and give up eventually. I don't know if he actually ghosted you, it's too soon to say, but you didn't seem very responsive to him, so why would he be all eager to text and meet? If there wasn't a specific time and place set for the date, I don't see this as him blowing you off. It'd be different if you guys had arranged to meet a certain time and place and he didn't say anything nor showed up. But from what I understand that wasn't the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annia Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I surmise you are a boy? When texting a girl do you usually text things like this: I am going to sleep now? Lets see if I'll sleep now! I'll let you enjoy movie/what you are doing ..etc So this means leave me alone. No, it means that he's tired and wants to sleep. Some people aren't into texting marathons and prefere doing the talking in person. Besides, if he's not a "texter", I'd take it as a sign of interest that he's taking time to wish you good night and to let you know that he's thinking about you, despite the fact that he's going to sleep. And I also don't find it rude or "leave me alone"... he's telling you why he won't be answering you so that you don't text him and then wonder why he didn't answer. (girl here, though) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I surmise you are a boy? When texting a girl do you usually text things like this: I am going to sleep now? Lets see if I'll sleep now! I'll let you enjoy movie/what you are doing ..etc So this means leave me alone. This sounds like he is saying...my other girlfriend is here right now and I am incommunicado. Are you sure he and yourself are exclusive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I surmise you are a boy? When texting a girl do you usually text things like this: I am going to sleep now? Lets see if I'll sleep now! I'll let you enjoy movie/what you are doing ..etc So this means leave me alone.I mean if you're assuming a conversation closer is someone telling you, "leave me alone," then sure, I suppose. It's awfully cynical, but you do you. Personally, I associate it with a simple and friendly "good-bye" or "take care." The ladies above already did a good job conveying what my point would have been, but to piggyback off their sex chromosomes, it's really not an intrinsically gendered thing. While my lady texts more than I do, over the past 3.5 years, she hasn't had a single issue with me not texting during the day or giving her a heads up that I'm gonna crash for the evening. Really, it sounds like this dude's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. What would the story be if he were to not to give you a closing text at all? "Omg, he just dropped off for the night and ignored me?" Just out of curiosity, how many dates have you initiated and organized? I don't mean just "let's hang out again," I mean day, time, place, your wallet. To myself and others (women included), it seems obvious this guy isn't confident in your level of interest or effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elloihallvard Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I mean if you're assuming a conversation closer is someone telling you, "leave me alone," then sure, I suppose. It's awfully cynical, but you do you. Personally, I associate it with a simple and friendly "good-bye" or "take care." The ladies above already did a good job conveying what my point would have been, but to piggyback off their sex chromosomes, it's really not an intrinsically gendered thing. While my lady texts more than I do, over the past 3.5 years, she hasn't had a single issue with me not texting during the day or giving her a heads up that I'm gonna crash for the evening. Really, it sounds like this dude's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. What would the story be if he were to not to give you a closing text at all? "Omg, he just dropped off for the night and ignored me?" Just out of curiosity, how many dates have you initiated and organized? I don't mean just "let's hang out again," I mean day, time, place, your wallet. To myself and others (women included), it seems obvious this guy isn't confident in your level of interest or effort. This would be the 7th date. I asked him if the things werent working out for him and he told me he had to work today. But sorry I should have told you he said. And asked if I will be here next weekend. This means it is over no? I bet he wasnt working today. And about dates I have asked him at least at 2 dates. But maybe he has a big lack of confidence by himself? I dont see the point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I surmise you are a boy? That's not a boy, that's a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elloihallvard Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Thats not the point! It is to define the sex! I stand corrected! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capttrae Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I surmise you are a boy? When texting a girl do you usually text things like this: I am going to sleep now? Lets see if I'll sleep now! I'll let you enjoy movie/what you are doing ..etc So this means leave me alone. Haven't read the rest but, when I tell my ol lady I'm fixin to crash, it means I'm give out and ready to go to sleep. You said he works a lot so he's prolly tired. Then you act pissy about it and wonder why he responds in kind. Real simple, he got tired of your attitude, you ain't the only female out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annia Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 This sounds like he is saying...my other girlfriend is here right now and I am incommunicado. Are you sure he and yourself are exclusive? Yeah, because if someone isn't texting you 24/7 nor uses their sleeping time to text you, then they're absolutely and no doubt cheating on you... :sarcasm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elloihallvard Posted June 19, 2017 Author Share Posted June 19, 2017 Haven't read the rest but, when I tell my ol lady I'm fixin to crash, it means I'm give out and ready to go to sleep. You said he works a lot so he's prolly tired. Then you act pissy about it and wonder why he responds in kind. Real simple, he got tired of your attitude, you ain't the only female out there. Why is everybody attacking me? I told you I asked him at least in 2 dates! And I asked him to do smth for my birthday last week! His behaviour changed during this week only. And the response after I asked about the date he said that had to work that day. This means it is over? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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