Jomarie Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I've been in a tricky situation for three years now. I met and fell for a guy who was only visiting my town. We met up and were in touch constantly until I found he was back with his ex. Since then we've stayed in touch although it's an unspoken rule that we're just friends now, despite the strong attraction we both feel for each other. We met recently, strictly as friends, but it was a mistake as the attraction only grew when we saw each other again. I've always been adamant that there would be no physical relationship as he's not single, but the feelings are there for both of us and it's torture having to resist. Our contact mainly consists of phone and video calls where he tries to initiate phone sex. I always refuse. It was my birthday a few months ago and as has always been the pattern, he was AWOL at this time and didn't wish me happy birthday. It's his birthday tomorrow and I don't want to appear immature by not wishing him a happy day, but he's been awol again for about a week now and I'm not sure what do do for the best. Thoughts please! TIA x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Don't do it. He didn't, you're not together, he has a girlfriend, etc etc - there are so many reasons not to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jomarie Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Thanks for your reply. I guess you're right, I just hate to be thought of as mean or unkind. I genuinely care for this guy but I think I should wake up and realise that it's not mutual 😔 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Thanks for your reply. I guess you're right, I just hate to be thought of as mean or unkind. I genuinely care for this guy but I think I should wake up and realise that it's not mutual 😔 If your goal is to gain affection by wishing happy birthday, then it isn't a light and breezy wish despite the brevity and common use of the phrase. Its really a bid for attention, and it will likely will not serve your goals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generica Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 If he wanted to be with you, he would. He is with someone else. Why would you carry on this relationship that is likely making you unavailable to anyone else who is actually single and a potential good partner for you? Someone who would love to treat you special on your birthday and every other day. You're pining after a person your chemistry tells you would be a good mate to breed with. Thats what chemistry is. Nothing more. It doesnt mean you should put your life on hold and listen to that voice. I honestly believe you should be kind to yourself and NC this guy. Its not good for you imho. He sounds like a jerk anyway....never wishing you a happy birthday, always trying.to cheat on his gf for lustful phone sex with you... He's a loser and hes disrespectful of both you and his gf. Rememebrt the popular jock in high school who never had to try hard for anything and always got what he wanted? He never developed any tact or respect for others or appreciation for what he has, nothing has any value because it was all too easy...the list goes on on what he never learned. I could be wrong ofc but that seems similar to the mindset/knowledge/awareness of this guy you're lusting after. Its not him thats treating you poorly...fool me once and all that. Stop putting yourself in harms way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 You should not be in contact with this guy, as he has a gf. Yuck to the phone sex, as he has a gf. He has not treated you well, and forgot your b day. No to wishing him a Happy Birthday! Block and delete this creep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 You need to start realizing this guy just does not care about you the way you care about him. He's a tool. Tools don't get Happy Birthday wishes from their sidepieces - and girl, believe me, that's all you are to him. Start valuing yourself more and cut this dude off. He's not good news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 What do you find attractive about a man who cheats on his girlfriend? Since he thinks so little of her, what makes you think that you'll be the exception to the rule? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Thanks for your reply. I guess you're right, I just hate to be thought of as mean or unkind. I genuinely care for this guy but I think I should wake up and realise that it's not mutual 😔 Yes you need to wake up! Dont contact him. He's got someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jomarie Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Thankyou. Harsh words but very helpful. The truth hurts I know 🙁 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jomarie Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Great quote, thankyou x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jomarie Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 It genuinely isn't for the attention, more for his approval I guess. Pathetic I know. I suppose I want him to know that I'm a caring person, because I am. It doesn't really matter what qualities I may have though, if he really wanted me the way he says he does I'd know about it. I wouldn't need to look for validation. Thanks for your reply x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jomarie Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Fantasy I guess. My head knows it but my heart needs to catch up. Thanks for your reply, it helps x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Would you be cool with this if this were your be? Put yourself in her shoes. Plus, you already know that he is a cheat. Doesn't seem like much of a prize to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 So you're worried he'll be upset you didn't wish him a happy birthday but he has no problem upsetting you by going awol on you and trying to get you to be his side chick? Do you see how backward that is? Are you trying to get him to ditch his girlfriend and be with you by being super nice? You do know your prize if that happened would be having a cheating liar as a boyfriend...right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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