Almost 2 months later, still not over fling/whirlwind romance.

[Dominique]

I laughed out loud at that metaphor! You're totally right though, even if I did do something wrong, and he didn't stick around because of that, it was doomed anyway. I can't be little miss perfect all the time!

 

Thanks, Dominique. You've really helped me through all of this

 

I'm glad you smiled today. 💙

[Batya33]

I laughed out loud at that metaphor! You're totally right though, even if I did do something wrong, and he didn't stick around because of that, it was doomed anyway. I can't be little miss perfect all the time!

 

Thanks, Dominique. You've really helped me through all of this

 

I used to refer to it as Twinkie Love after the hostess snack cake.

[Anna Bell]

Hi Everyone,

 

I wish I could say I was doing better than I am. I'm really lost in how to continue to heal. I've dealt with heartbreak before, I think probably more than most my age, and yet I find myself completely stuck and unable to heal. I've written about this whirlwind romance before, but basically I dated someone who fast forwarded our relationship (1.5 months) and then just as quickly disconnected.

 

What I think I'm struggling most with, is that when we were together, I felt the happiest I ever had. Finally I had found someone that I was amazingly attracted to, was so attentive and caring, and wanted to be with me long term (or so he said then). It was so wonderful, I was over the moon.

 

However, since it ended, I have come to learn he is not the same man I fell for. He's flawed, has a history of hurting women, and is very insecure himself. What I can't seem to get over, is the "other" him, the one I fell for. I truly feel as though I am losing my mind, as I miss someone that wasn't real, every. single. day. It's almost like I feel like the other version of him will come back one day, that who he is now is an imposter rather than the other way around.

 

In the time since it all ended, I've been trying to do things to heal. I see friends more frequently, I work out regularly, I'm going to interviews after recently losing my job (I have no doubt this break up contributed to that unfortunately), and yet I feel no closer to healing than I did 2 months ago. I miss him constantly, I grieve the future we had planned, I doubt that I will be able to find someone I could connect with on that level, someone I am as attracted to and has the same sense of humour, style, and interests. I also struggle to understand why he let all of that go, what happened for him to change his mind about me, to stop seeing my value and the life we could have had. Maybe this is why I can't seem to fully let it go. I honestly do not understand, and I'm left in a state of confusion and hurt.

 

I've been on a few dates with other men, but none have even come close to how I felt about him early on. When I visualize who I want to marry one day and have a family with, it's him I see. Well, his body, his face, his voice, his mannerisms. I don't feel attracted to other men, I don't understand how he has been with so many women after me and has not ever looked back and wondered if he made a mistake letting me go. I can't seem to reconcile this in my mind, considering he was the one to say lovingly to me looking me in the eyes that he never wanted to be with anyone else, that he was absolutely smitten with me, that he wanted to marry me. I truly believe at the time that is how he honestly felt, he seems like a hopeless romantic in a sort of immature way like that. Yet almost as soon as his intense feelings for me came on for him, the next they were completely gone.

 

Anyway, I guess I'm looking for suggestions on how to move on, how to go on dating others when you feel like it is a lost cause, that everyone else will be "settling" on some level.

I'm so sorry to hear your suffering. You're not alone, I've been through the same difficult healing process, nearly 4 months now, after a short term relationship too. Some days are better than other days. I was suggested by a member to have therapy. I'm not sure how much it can help. I do believe positively, one day, hopefully soon, we will heal, carry on all the activities you've been doing, one day, this day will come. Bless you( hugs)

[Anna Bell]

I read this once before and it makes sense in these situations.

When a relationship of short duration ends it's very painful. It ends when you are in an acute infatuation stage and your feel-good hormones are at their highest.

So when you are walking on air it's an awfully long way to fall when it ends. You literally crash.

 

Compared to a relationship of long duration, you can often make sense of why it ended and often times the couple is detaching slowly prior to the actual ending.

Even if one party isn't able to admit it, there were often signs. You can make some sense of the insensible.

 

Just know what you are feeling is normal.

I think at the time I read this I had an 'Ah Hah' moment and I was able to stop flogging myself for feeling the way I did. . and it more or less broke the spell.

 

Hope this helps

This certainly helps, with my situation at least. How did you get over in the end? Any therapy involved?