sylvialanders1 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 My ex and I broke up 3 months ago and were together for 2.5 years. He was my biggest fan and supporter, thought I was a goddess and told me we would get married all the time and was so happy he found me. I was the same to him! But then one night some stuff just exploded. There was some promise of getting back together, but because of lack of communication and begging we aren't. He moved on to a new relationship after 6 weeks. It follows the characteristics of a rebound: they were friends before, happened quickly, he's not a super big social media user but has been kinda throwing it in my face lately, he told me he's blocking things out, his friends and family are surprised, and finally the biggest point: the new girl is VASTLY different from me. The type of girl he would honestly never go for. I don't mean to brag (and I wish I could include photos) but this girl is a downgrade. She is nowhere near as pretty as me. She's not smart and seems to have no friends. People who are unbiased to the situation or that don't know me or have anything for me will reach out to me to let me know she is psycho, dramatic, a huge nightmare. And that she isn't well liked in her town. I am very respected and well-liked and I have a big future ahead of me. After discussing it with some different friends, male and female, they all believe the same thing: my ex-boyfriend will realize and come back. I'm looking for an outside opinion. What do you think? Also, I'm in no contact right now. What should be my next move? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 What was the stuff that just exploded? Why did he break up with you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sylvialanders1 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Share Posted June 12, 2017 I think he was feeling insecure and depressed. I said that I didn't want everything blamed on me, an honest request and then it blew up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 I think he was feeling insecure and depressed. I said that I didn't want everything blamed on me, an honest request and then it blew up! What was he blaming on you? And when you say "and then it blew up!" what did that look like? Who blew up? How? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sylvialanders1 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 He was blaming a lot on me after a fight we had about an array of issues being built up mainly centered around his depression and mental health. As well as about the girl he's dating now, she was overstepping her boundaries and I pointed it out (he wasn't showing any signs of being interested in her, she was just being very overbearing and in his face). It blew up because we were arguing and then just a on a whim he broke up with me with no warning. We then spent the next few weeks talking, hanging out together, and even kissing. He reassured all my doubts about the girl in question constantly bagging on her and saying that she has absolutely nothing on me. I started NC shortly after we had a small argument about how he was giving me bad communication and how everything was really uncertain, I broke contact a few times but remained in light contact slowly back into no contact and the next I heard he was in a new relationship with the girl from the argument. I'm not really fearful of him coming back right this moment, but I'm afraid once he realizes how this girl is and has had time away from me, he'll come right back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Do not fool yourself with this kind of thinking. That relationship may last the same amount of time yours did. Or...it may not and he may move on to someone else. Even if he came back there is now fresh drama on top of old drama. No matter how awful you and everybody else thinks this girl is, she is interesting enough to him. I went through similar. My ex in my and everyone else's eyes hooked up with the town hoodrat. I remember him having a good laugh at this girl's expense, telling me all about one of his best friend's romp with her. I don't think it was a full 6 months later we broke up and instantly he was with her. The shock that rattled everyone! Boy did that HURT. This girl was broke, busted and disgusting. Had ran through his friends...the town ho Im tellin ya! He'll be back everyone said. That girl is this, that and the other, they all said. She's got nothing on you...yup. It had all the classic signs of a rebound relationship. Good thing I didn't take that to the bank! Four years and two kids later they are still together. Knocked me square off that high horse I was on. I knew deep in my soul it didn't matter if he left her or not, I could never be with him again after that. It would have never been the same; our relationship was tainted, and would not recover from such an event. I would have been too embarrassed to be seen with him, to be the girl who took him back after that fiasco. Even with that knowledge in my heart I had to fight those thoughts of him coming back and declaring that it was the biggest mistake he'd ever made. You should do the same. I'm not saying this will be your ex's story, but what I'm saying is you do not know what the future holds, and you should not put your life on hold thinking he will come back and things will be hunky dory. Your next move? Stay complete nc. Move on. It's a done deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Past behavior predicts future behavior. He broke up with you once and you declare it was a complete surprise. He will shock you once again and break up with you when you're least expecting it. A man who loves you will try everything in his power to work things out. He doesn't care. Maybe he once did and the relationship ran its course for him. Maybe he didn't care but was too cowardly to break up until now. Women with low self-worth always focus on the new woman, like it's a competition, instead of blaming the man for his poor behavior. If you valued yourself, you'd realize he's a bad risk for your heart, and that he did you a favor by leaving. This frees you to be single for when a man who treats you as the special woman you are comes along. Make sure you feel good about yourself so you attract the right man. Subconsciously, people choose who they think they deserve. Leave your ex to the type of woman he thinks he deserves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Just asking.. why do you still want him? Do you want the Ego boost and prove that you are better than the girl he is with or do you want to find true happiness with someone you can be yourself with? I ask because it seemed like there were a lot of stipulations and rules and he couldnt be 100% himself around you, but with this other girl he can be himself around her. You might be hotter and smarter but that always doesnt equate to a better match. If he cant be himself then whats the point of being with someone? Much like you. It sounded like you wanted to be who you were but wanted to mold your X into something that maybe he wasnt prepared to be or someone he cant be. Im sure you are beautiful and amazing and there isnt a guy who wouldnt love to be with you. You just have to find the right match for you. Now your original question was if you should prepare for your X to come back? Why dont you move forward and place yourself in a place that IF your X decides to come back then you can have the option of accepting him back or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy525 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Majority of the time they come back, trust me. Just last night I got a call from an ex from 5 years ago! He said he misses me so much, that he loves me and wants another chance, that no one compares to me, you know the usual crap. My bestfriend also had 2 exes come back not too long ago. The thing is they always come back when it's too late. Right now I'm still heartbroken, my ex bf ended our long term relationship 2 months ago and although I still have hopes he'll come back I've accepted the fact that I need to try to move on and just give him time to realize what he lost. Stay strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sylvialanders1 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 he texted me the other day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 he texted me the other day... Yeah, my ex used to text me whenever he was fighting with the girl he'd dumped me for. Of course, as soon as they made up he went back to ignoring me. Fortunately, I was wise to his tactics and didn't respond when he contacted me. I'd wait a day and he always had some excuse why he'd texted me ("I was hammied! Oops, I butt-dialed! Oh, I got your number mixed up with someone else's!") And she too was a "joke" to his friends and family. She'd actually been engaged to his nephew, and she and my ex had been having a secret relationship and they decided they wanted to be together. She cheats on him, he cheats on her, but it's been 8 years and they're still together. They've been together longer than he and I were. So, OP, did your ex's text say he made a mistake and he wants to get back together and he's dumped the other girl? Or was he "just saying hi" or "seeing how you're doing"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sylvialanders1 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Yeah, my ex used to text me whenever he was fighting with the girl he'd dumped me for. Of course, as soon as they made up he went back to ignoring me. Fortunately, I was wise to his tactics and didn't respond when he contacted me. I'd wait a day and he always had some excuse why he'd texted me ("I was hammied! Oops, I butt-dialed! Oh, I got your number mixed up with someone else's!") And she too was a "joke" to his friends and family. She'd actually been engaged to his nephew, and she and my ex had been having a secret relationship and they decided they wanted to be together. She cheats on him, he cheats on her, but it's been 8 years and they're still together. They've been together longer than he and I were. So, OP, did your ex's text say he made a mistake and he wants to get back together and he's dumped the other girl? Or was he "just saying hi" or "seeing how you're doing"? Here is everything that has been said/done: -He has texted me about random things that have to do with stuff he did for me -Told me once (pre new-gf) it will be a very long time before he gets over this and that he's going to be alone a very long time if it doesn't -Made fun of the new-gf prior to dating -He says he cares a lot about me and will always be there for me -He says me leaving his life was one of the worst things to ever happen to him -Says he is very lost -ALWAYS says he's happy/committed to his gf but ends the comment with RIGHT NOW -Constantly tells me he doesn't know what the future holds, that we may find each other again -Has said he is very regretful and must live with his mistakes -Girlfriend is jealous/insecure about me -He says he still thinks about me, but his gf "helps" him -He wants me in his life -Wants to talk again and go get coffee soon -when I met up with him he seemed very sad about his life -He will talk to our common friends about me -Asks how I am -Always accidentally slips and says he is "wondering" about me/the things I'm up to -Throws the new girl in my face a bit -He has contacted a person close to me, but not that close to him, about stuff. Something I KNOW he has many people he could ask about. -Many people in my life believe he will try to come back. -Still talk every once in awhile -Brought me food when we met up once (I know some of these things are stupid, but sometimes it's the little things) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawnfawn Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Sorry to say, and don't mean to sound callous or harsh, but the fact remains, "little things" or big things, he isn't with you, he isn't leaving his gf, and a lot of what you listed sounds like speculation on your part. If you want to continue to drag yourself through this, read into every little thing. If you want to eventually let it all go and come out of this with more self-respect, and eventually attract someone who is more worth your time and energy, then stop communication (for the meantime, as he's still with his current gf and if anything, respect HIM enough to let him give them a chance, even if he is messing it up by contacting you) and just work on moving forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Here is everything that has been said/done: -He has texted me about random things that have to do with stuff he did for me -Told me once (pre new-gf) it will be a very long time before he gets over this and that he's going to be alone a very long time if it doesn't -Made fun of the new-gf prior to dating -He says he cares a lot about me and will always be there for me -He says me leaving his life was one of the worst things to ever happen to him -Says he is very lost -ALWAYS says he's happy/committed to his gf but ends the comment with RIGHT NOW -Constantly tells me he doesn't know what the future holds, that we may find each other again -Has said he is very regretful and must live with his mistakes -Girlfriend is jealous/insecure about me -He says he still thinks about me, but his gf "helps" him -He wants me in his life -Wants to talk again and go get coffee soon -when I met up with him he seemed very sad about his life -He will talk to our common friends about me -Asks how I am -Always accidentally slips and says he is "wondering" about me/the things I'm up to -Throws the new girl in my face a bit -He has contacted a person close to me, but not that close to him, about stuff. Something I KNOW he has many people he could ask about. -Many people in my life believe he will try to come back. -Still talk every once in awhile -Brought me food when we met up once (I know some of these things are stupid, but sometimes it's the little things) Yet he is not with you.. Take all those things and throw them out the window. He is not with you because he doesn't want to be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyBoots Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 You probably need to leave him completely with her.....if you're still around for him to talk to, he has the best of both worlds. Just do you and leave them to get on with things.... if he is ever going to realise your worth to him, then it will not be when he still has you around AND her.....but the best thing is, you don't get to have to hear about them or wonder about them or his intentions....you don't get hurt by his confused comments....block or ignore....you really don't have to be party to his games....this is holding you back.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 He's throwing you crumbs while he is with someone else. How is this demotion OK with you? PS: My ex told me "No one knows me the way you do". But he stayed with his girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eidetic Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 He's emotionally cheating on her with you -- just as he did on you, with her. Go ahead and try NC. He has a responsibility to be emotionally faithful to the person he's with RIGHT NOW -- which is not you, and I'm sorry, because I know that hurts. This is a learning point for everyone in the triangle. He left, apparently to be with her; she "won", but not really, because he is throwing you somehow in her face and willingly hurting her; and then there's you, and as if being left wasn't hurt enough, he is using you to rattle his current partner. That's all pretty mean. Tell him not to contact you again, ever, while he is in relationship with someone else. Then block him. He made this bed and he can sort it all out on his own without dragging you into it; it's no benefit to you to participate, even and especially for "the little things". You deserve a partner who is equal to commitment and who will not lark with your heart this way. Give him a consequence: no more you. Just try. It's possible you will enjoy the peace you find in NOT being a part of that story. This is not the best guy, right now. You don't have to decide about "forever", but decide for right now. As long as he is fooling around with someone else, you're so much better off just tending solely to YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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