Why do I drink and sleep around so much??

[Lalalala]

I'm not really sure where to even begin, but I think I'm starting to get a drinking problem. I don't drink every day and I don't crave it, but I do go out for drinks at least once a week. See the thing is, I don't just have a few drinks. I drink so much that I am not in control of my actions and I do really stupid . It's like I just don't know when to stop and the amount of alcohol that I actually consume is ridiculously high and whenever I'm really drunk I always intentionally make bad decisions, especially with boys. I sleep around and I have gotten with people that I'm not even into at all which I would NEVER do if I was sober. It's like I turn into a completely different person and intentionally sabotage my own life. It's a lot for my friends to put up with too, I have almost ruined friendships in the past for the stupid things that I do when I am drunk. It's like I don't even consider their feelings which is nothing like how I actually am because my friends mean the world to me and I would do anything for them and would NEVER want to hurt or make anyone upset. Then I feel horrible the next day, not only with a hangover but with crippling anxiety because of the things that I did the night before. Even if I have a good night and didn't do anything stupid I still have anxiety the next day and don't even want to leave my bed.. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm not in control of myself because no matter how much I try to talk myself out of it I still go. And I can't go and not drink at all because then I feel like I can't have fun because I feel anxious in social situations and don't know what to talk about with people when I'm sober unless I'm really close with them.... If I don't stop soon I'm going to ruin my life.

 

Problem number 2; a lot of the time I drink, I sleep around and/or kiss different boys. Sometimes even with guys that I'm not into at all and don't really want to but do it anyway.

 

I've been single for about 4 years now and my last relationship was definitely not ideal and I was in a really really bad place when we were together. Now I struggle to connect with boys on an emotional level, but I still can get lonely and crave affection. It's like I get the affection that I need from these boys, it's literally like I do it just because I know I'm going to get kisses and cuddled all night... It's kind of pathetic. And even if I see these guys a few times and spend the entire day with them and hang out with them on other occasions, I never open up about myself. It's like I'm unintentionally holding back my personality to prevent becoming emotionally connected to them and them to me. I honestly feel like no matter how much time I spend with a guy in that way, they never actually end up getting to know me. And then I feel really ty about it afterwards when I get home, sometimes weeks because I feel cheap. This also gives me really bad anxiety and sometimes even panic attacks because I know that everyone would talk about me and let's be honest it's probably why so many of them are interested. Even when I KNOW I'm being sweet talked and it's all bull, it still makes me feel good. It's like I feed off it and I HATE it because I think so logically and I KNOW it's wrong. And even if I ever did learn to open up to a boy and let my guard down, they would probably never want me in that way because of my promiscuity. And the fact that I have sex with them straight away (I've heard that people have called me easy in the past) would also probably rule me out as girlfriend material 100%. Idk what to do

[Lalalala]

Wow that was long, sorry guys

[mustlovedogs]

Wow that was long, sorry guys

 

It's one big wall of text. Could you break it up?

[Jibralta]

You wonder why you drink to much and sleep around... It sounds like you're very impulsive. But "why" is a secondary issue. The more important issue is putting the brakes on this situation. Stop. You're going for the easy way out, basically getting cheap thrills at the expense of your peace of mind. And you remain lonely. Listen, there is no easy way to develop meaningful relationships with people. You do have to make yourself vulnerable to an extent. You will get hurt on occasion. But the payoff is way better. What can you do to rein in those impulses of yours?

[Lalalala]

Yeah, you're right... What I need to do is to stop drinking. It's strange because when I am sober I am the complete opposite. Not impulsive at all... Actually, I'm really withdrawn, shy and never really ever take any risks. After a few drinks I feel more free and it's great, but I always just take it too far

[browneyedgirl36]

I think Jibralta is on the right track: The question here is WHY do you drink to excess in the first place? It sounds, to me, as though you're self-medicating to avoid something or to soothe negative thoughts/feelings. Alcohol and other drugs only mask these feelings and thoughts; they certainly don't fix anything, and they often make things infinitely worse. And, sleeping with/making out with random people is a form of self-medicating as well. You're running away from something -- or trying to anyway. That's my guess.

 

The key here is to figure out what your pattern is -- what you're feeling/thinking as you're getting ready to go out? What do you hope will happen if you drink too much and sleep around? Do you think it makes you feel more social, more attractive, more wanted, do you feel you'll fit in better if you do it? Are there feelings you're trying to avoid having -- like sadness, loneliness, low self-esteem?

 

A good counselor can help you with this, and I'd highly recommend it. Clearly, you don't like what you're doing. It doesn't make you feel good about yourself. Some digging into the reasons behind it could be a lifesaver for you (and I mean that literally -- all that drinking and random hooking up can be dangerous to you in many ways.)

[Jibralta]

Yeah, you're right... What I need to do is to stop drinking. It's strange because when I am sober I am the complete opposite. Not impulsive at all... Actually, I'm really withdrawn, shy and never really ever take any risks. After a few drinks I feel more free and it's great, but I always just take it too far

 

Yes, drinking removes a lot of inhibitions and is fun. But until (or unless) you can get that impulsive side under control, drinking is just hurting you.

[Jeetsun]

How old are you? You know you need to stop drinking. That means, stop buying it, don't be around it, throw all of it out if you have it in your place, don't go out for drinks, shut it down. Doing this will also cause the promiscuousness to slow down if not stop. It sounds like you have some low self esteem and need to be validated by guys you aren't even interested in and just like doing it because you need attention, does that sound about right?

[Lalalala]

Browneyedgirl36- thank you. Honestly, what you're saying is making a lot of sense to me. I am a really big feeling avoider, I don't really talk about my feelings either. And you're right - when I drink these feelings of anxiety, loneliness and sadness are masked.

 

I know these things and in my head I know what I NEED to do to stop this and I know that it's wrong. It's like I just can't help myself.. I definitely need to talk to a professional.

[Lalalala]

Jeetsun- I'm 21. Trust me, I know this and I have known this for a really long time. I'm a very logical person and I know what I'm doing is t okay for myself. Actually doing it though, that's what I'm struggling with.

 

It's not that I have low self esteem- it's that I'm lonely and yes I do feel like I need attention... Rather than having to get close to someone and open myself up and being vulnerable, I get all of the physical intimacy that I need (kissing, cuddles, really nice compliments etc.) without actually being emotionally involved and potentially getting hurt. But then I feel like crap about myself for just sleeping with someone I'm not into and most likely doesn't give a about me.

[Jibralta]

If you allow yourself to get into a relationship with someone and it ends, the pain will be sharp but of relatively short duration. If you continue to sleep around and think of yourself as someone that no one would want, the pain will be dull but it will last forever.

[Wolfshook]

Yeah, you're right... What I need to do is to stop drinking. It's strange because when I am sober I am the complete opposite. Not impulsive at all... Actually, I'm really withdrawn, shy and never really ever take any risks. After a few drinks I feel more free and it's great, but I always just take it too far

 

Maybe you should open up a bit more in your sober life. Drunk you just does what sober you wishes he'd have bravery to do.

[Capricorn3]

I can only strongly recommend professional counselling/therapy to help you figure out where all of this is coming from. Dig deeper.

[Jeetsun]

Jeetsun- I'm 21. Trust me, I know this and I have known this for a really long time. I'm a very logical person and I know what I'm doing is t okay for myself. Actually doing it though, that's what I'm struggling with.

 

It's not that I have low self esteem- it's that I'm lonely and yes I do feel like I need attention... Rather than having to get close to someone and open myself up and being vulnerable, I get all of the physical intimacy that I need (kissing, cuddles, really nice compliments etc.) without actually being emotionally involved and potentially getting hurt. But then I feel like crap about myself for just sleeping with someone I'm not into and most likely doesn't give a about me.

 

I can understand to a degree where you're coming from when it comes to being guarded and putting up a wall to prevent from getting hurt. What's happened in your past that makes you want to pursue relatively meaningless attention from randoms than allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone who actually gives a damn about you and shares a connection?

[Batya33]

Jeetsun- I'm 21. Trust me, I know this and I have known this for a really long time. I'm a very logical person and I know what I'm doing is t okay for myself. Actually doing it though, that's what I'm struggling with.

 

It's not that I have low self esteem- it's that I'm lonely and yes I do feel like I need attention... Rather than having to get close to someone and open myself up and being vulnerable, I get all of the physical intimacy that I need (kissing, cuddles, really nice compliments etc.) without actually being emotionally involved and potentially getting hurt. But then I feel like crap about myself for just sleeping with someone I'm not into and most likely doesn't give a about me.

 

Definitely get therapy or counseling. One of my relatives made these choices around your age, ended up with a (non life-threatening STD) and was incredibly stressed when a few years later she met a good guy who she wanted to marry, things were getting serious and she had to tell him about her STD and of course her past. Luckily he was ok with it and they're happily married (and her STD did not give her fertility issues, but could have). I remember when she called me to ask my advice as to how to tell him because she didn't feel comfortable confiding in her mother. Nip this in the bud now.

[Likejanis]

First you need to be kind to yourself, when we drink and sleep around we are only making the "problem" worst, and ironically the attention, compliments, from a stranger you don't care about are worthless..

 

The pressure we sometimes feel to drink because of it being supposedly fun or simply because it is how our friends catch up, makes it hard to stop drinking, I have wine like 3-4 times a week and a glass with a friend can turn into a bottle each..

 

I don't want to miss this either so what I recommend is what I am doing now, no hard liquor, stick to beer and have a coke or water in between ... I am slowly transitioning into just a coke..and when you are about to order a drink just think of the most ackward-fatal-morning after...besides as I tell my friends if you are really looking to meet someone simply don't drink and explore, read about how to raise your self worth, how to talk to strangers, how to listen to people, focus on your self worth and be kind to your self, take action.

[johnnydanger]

It sounds like you have an underlying issue where you are miserable or unhappy, and like to resort to these booze fests. We all do it once in a while, but you need to try and set some limits.

 

Maybe try sipping on a nice scotch, instead of downing too many beers or shooters. And it's possible you have an active sex drive, but limit yourself to the guys you really do like. It all depends on how drunk you get, so try to slow down. It's good to have fun, but it sounds like there are no limits for you so just try harder to be conscious of the effects of too much alcohol and the wreck less behavior it does.

 

I know I've had a few times in my past where I overdid it and had those recollections of stupid things I said or did. Its possible to have a nice buzz and enjoy your evening, without over doing it. Hence my suggestion on changing up your drink, and reducing the amount.

[fuzzybunny92]

How old are you? I'm the exact same way and I just graduated college, but this past year I've been going out multiple times a week and I have no control whatsoever and I've slept with people and then really regret it the next day. Like you said, I can't get out of bed because I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. Idk why I do this, but I know I'm a very impulsive person, I have no control on how much I drink and I have really low self esteem.

 

I blamed my actions this past year over my ex of 3 years breaking up with me last May, but in reality I was like this even when I was with him (minus the sleeping around part). What has helped me is limiting my drinking. It's the ONLY thing that will help. I'll make sure I'm the DD and only have one or two beers, or I wont go out at all. Even though I get serious fomo and get jealous, I know its for my well being. Maybe you can try that to? I've been getting up at 6am and working out and that really helps me a lot because I'm tired later on, I've also stopped hanging out with a lot of people who I know just want to party. You can go sober, it's all about how much you want to help yourself. I have extreme anxiety and depression and I just have to deal with it. You can do it!

[Jeetsun]

How old are you? I'm the exact same way and I just graduated college, but this past year I've been going out multiple times a week and I have no control whatsoever and I've slept with people and then really regret it the next day. Like you said, I can't get out of bed because I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. Idk why I do this, but I know I'm a very impulsive person, I have no control on how much I drink and I have really low self esteem.

 

I blamed my actions this past year over my ex of 3 years breaking up with me last May, but in reality I was like this even when I was with him (minus the sleeping around part). What has helped me is limiting my drinking. It's the ONLY thing that will help. I'll make sure I'm the DD and only have one or two beers, or I wont go out at all. Even though I get serious fomo and get jealous, I know its for my well being. Maybe you can try that to? I've been getting up at 6am and working out and that really helps me a lot because I'm tired later on, I've also stopped hanging out with a lot of people who I know just want to party. You can go sober, it's all about how much you want to help yourself. I have extreme anxiety and depression and I just have to deal with it. You can do it!

 

I just saw your thread and thought you and lalalala were the same person.

[Angel0880]

Everything you've said is me. It's crazy. 
I don't drink everyday, but when I do it's like I can't stop. I will mix whatever I can just to keep that feeling going. Of course after, I end up with the worst hangovers that lead to panic attacks or become intimate with someone. It's not like me( sober me ). I  know i have my own stresses in life but it's like why can't I just control it? It's like I have no control over anything. I then try to put it all to the back of my mind, which makes it worse because I then lock myself away from everyone and stay in my bedroom for days. I feel like if I don't stop this now then things might get bad.  It's like every time I decide, "no more" I then have my friends around me , sucking me back into it again. It's hard. I probably need a therapist. 
 

Thank you lalalala for sharing your story. I hope you are in a better place today as this post was 4yrs ago! 
 

 

[SherrySher]

You've answered literally every question about yourself. 

On 6/2/2017 at 9:03 PM, Lalalala said:

I think I'm starting to get a drinking problem

 

On 6/2/2017 at 9:03 PM, Lalalala said:

crippling anxiety

 

On 6/2/2017 at 9:03 PM, Lalalala said:

I was in a really really bad place when we were together. Now I struggle to connect with boys on an emotional level, but I still can get lonely and crave affection.

 

On 6/2/2017 at 9:03 PM, Lalalala said:

bad anxiety and sometimes even panic attacks

You are suffering with low self esteem, low self confidence. Anxiety, panic attacks. Your last relationship broke you down so much that you feel you're not worthy of anything more than a cheap fling. You're too scared to allow yourself to open up to anyone else because you don't want to go through the same kind of heartache, same kind of trauma, and yet you're so lonely and want love so desperately.

You are stuck in a rock and a hard place.

Nothing will ever change until you get some help. You need to get counselling, and the sooner the better.

You need help with the trauma you faced with your last relationship. You need help with getting your self esteem back your self confidence back and your self worth back.

You won't find it at the bottom of an alcohol bottle and you're right, if you keep on, you're going to end up destroying your life and pushing the last few friends away that actually care.

No one can fix this for you, but you. YOU have to choose to have a better life, you are the one who has to give yourself better, to get the help you need in order to heal. Get yourself better, seek out the proper help.

I really hope you do, because you deserve so much better than the life you're living right now.