Should I try to get him back?

[sylvialanders1]

I am seeking out some help because I'm having trouble coping and leaving behind my previous relationship. I am working with a counselor, so I'm not looking for help coping, this is just something I don't know if she'd understand if I'd ask, and I'm not paying her to help me get my relationship back! To begin, my ex-boyfriend and I had been in a relationship for 2.5 years. We had a healthy amount of arguments that were never truly bad and usually just based on lack of communication or lack of correlation, something that can be fixed, NEVER cheating or emotional/physical abuse. Besides that, we were very happy, we both went to college at different schools, but they were close to our hometowns so we still saw each other every weekend. I am now choosing to live at home this coming year and so is he. Our breakup happened about 2ish months ago, it was a rash breakup after an angry fight, where I asked about a girl that I had seen a lot of on his social media, I did not accuse him of cheating, but people had been pointing it out to me and I was becoming a bit uncomfortable. I went ahead and asked and we began to fight, which lasted all day. My ex has been suffering from issues with depression and anxiety, something that I really helped support him in, but I made it clear that he could not blame all his anger in life on me. He broke up with me over text message on a whim, keep in mind nothing had really seemed wrong so this completely blindsided me. I was very upset and took to texting him many times for closure, I realize this was a mistake, but he eventually came around. We didn't start dating again, but we did see each other, went on a few (platonic?) dates, and kissed a few times. He said things such as "I won't be over this for a long time" and "I won't start dating for awhile because nothing can compare to us." I decided to start No Contact after a night he wouldn't respond to me and was looking to come back so we could work it out. I came to find a week ago that he has moved on to the girl that started the fight on the day of the breakup after just 6 weeks of us being broken up. But when questioned, he honestly stated nothing had been going on between them until I started NC. This girl is nothing like me and he stated on multiple occasions that he would not date her ever. Obviously, I was devastated because I believed we may come back together. We had spoke about marriage and planned to stay together for awhile to come during our relationship. I am more confused then ever because this relationship seems like a rebound and the new girl is a complete and utter downgrade. I don't tell anyone that may tell my ex this and I'm not trying to brag about myself, but I am very smart, well-liked, beautiful, and I have a really good future ahead of me. This girl (from what I have heard) is unkind, dramatic, and not as pretty as me. Our paths haven't crossed in awhile, but we have texted. I told him that I loved and still cared for him and asked him to be careful with his new relationship because he should heal himself first and not try to fill the void, and he seemed to be trying to make me jealous and hurt. He was telling me things such as "I'm committed to her" and "sorry I didn't respond we were on a date", or "a lot has changed this month" but then told me things such as "my new girlfriend thinks you are stunning and that she is a complete downgrade", "I am blocking out my feelings for you because I was sad and I am angry", "I still think highly of you", "if we were meant to be it will happen". I know this has been a situation due to complete lack of communication, but I still love this man with all my heart and I am very depressed to think about us not being together. I know I want him back, but I'm afraid that I will work through the process and then get my heart broken again. I have again started no contact and have arranged to go on some dates. I want to text him after no contact as a friend/rebuild attraction and maybe invite him to see me. I know he doesn't want to see me now because he is afraid of letting me back in and feeling what he used to feel for me, but I feel this relationship is worth a shot. I know that we belong together. I've heard that I shouldn't let him back in, but not everyone understands and I'm not looking to hear this again. He is so stubborn, so I feel he may try to make this new relationship work just because he doesn't want to be "wrong". He has done this with past relationships, but ours have been longer and better than any relationship he's had before. I'm very terrified of getting on with my life and then he comes back and puts me in this place again. Is there anyway I can go about this to where I can move on but still keep the door open? Should I even consider trying to get him back or does it sound like he is gone forever and I will just get hurt again?

[SherrySher]

Your gut instinct told you long long time ago that something was wrong and that there was something going on between him and this girl, and you were right!!

They started in with each other before you broke up by the sounds of it.

The words he told you about not dating and "he will take a long time getting over you", etc...it's all hog wash. He had this girl on the back burner for a while now and he broke up with you to be with her.

Don't trust him ever again. His words are lies, even the crap he tells you now about she thinks you're stunning and that he's blocking out his feelings for you....that is utter bs.

He tells you what he thinks you want to hear, but he has moved on and has a new gf.

 

I know it hurts, I know you want so badly to believe that he loves you and will realise that he made a mistake. But he is manipulative and a liar. You don't need a man like that, you never did.

You can and will heal from this and find someone better in time. He isn't as great as you're fooling yourself into thinking he is.

I know it's so easy for me as an outsider to see it and to tell you these things, but honestly, this guy is a dud and you can do so much better. He is a game player and a liar.

I really do hope that you will see it for what it is and stay away from him for good. You deserve better.

[sylvialanders1]

Your gut instinct told you long long time ago that something was wrong and that there was something going on between him and this girl, and you were right!!

They started in with each other before you broke up by the sounds of it.

The words he told you about not dating and "he will take a long time getting over you", etc...it's all hog wash. He had this girl on the back burner for a while now and he broke up with you to be with her.

Don't trust him ever again. His words are lies, even the crap he tells you now about she thinks you're stunning and that he's blocking out his feelings for you....that is utter bs.

He tells you what he thinks you want to hear, but he has moved on and has a new gf.

 

I know it hurts, I know you want so badly to believe that he loves you and will realise that he made a mistake. But he is manipulative and a liar. You don't need a man like that, you never did.

You can and will heal from this and find someone better in time. He isn't as great as you're fooling yourself into thinking he is.

I know it's so easy for me as an outsider to see it and to tell you these things, but honestly, this guy is a dud and you can do so much better. He is a game player and a liar.

I really do hope that you will see it for what it is and stay away from him for good. You deserve better.

 

Thanks for your opinion, to be honest this man had assured me that he 100% felt nothing for this girl, while we were still dating and on many occasions made fun of her. He told me this now that they have started dating, so he wouldn't have any reason to lie to me. He said he wanted to get back together but things went wrong. I am truly much more than her and I do believe him because he hasn't led me astray before. I am scared about him coming back when he realizes she isn't as good as me.