Honeybee002 Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 I'm with my boyfriend a little over a year in our early 30s. We both want to eventually get married and start a family in the next year or 2. Although I really want that, I'm now frightened of the idea of having a child. For many reasons, that I really want to still enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend, just the 2 of us. I'm very happy how my body is and I'm scared it will never be the same again. What if I end up being a single mother!! I'm not sure I want a lifetime of this responsibilty. The more the talk of motherhood comes up the more anxiety I get it. Though I'm not sure where it's coming from. My boyfriend says I'm usually so cynical about children but once I have my own it'll be different. I like the idea of having one or 2 but the more I think of how soon it's approaching - time is ticking - it is freaking me out. I'm at a phase in my relationship where we're planning to move in together, and maybe my anxiety from my relationship is subconsciously just making this a big deal!! Anyone can share if this normal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 I would say it is normal, yes. Raising a human being is very daunting . And it can be a very rewarding experience . You are right to note that motherhood is forever . From the point you become a mother you are a mother until the day you die . This is something that needs to be thought about very carefully . I find being a mother extremely rewarding and it has been the joy of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Nobody asks anyone this but it's worth considering: Why do you want kids? When you see your future, how do you see it? Does it fill you with happiness or dread? Do you have a sense of "I have to have a family because it's expected/it's the "normal" thing to do/everyone else does it/my family would be upset if I didn't..."? Or do you have some other reasons/feelings behind the desire to have kids? What exactly about parenthood gives you anxiety? Is it a specific aspect(s)? Or is it simply the timing of it all in your life today? Or, perhaps, you truly DO want to be a mother but you just want a little more time to be "just a couple" and enjoy your life as a twosome. Just things to think about. Give it some real thought. There is no "right/wrong" answer. Motherhood is desired and wonderful for some women, and for others (like myself), it's not for us. Don't rush into any decision or let yourself be pressured before you thoroughly think out your own thoughts and figure where your own anxiety is coming from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 My boyfriend says I'm usually so cynical about children but once I have my own it'll be different. Not necessarily true. I know people who are parents... and wish they could go back to being child free. It is taboo for a parent to admit that, but kids will change your life so drastically if you aren't prepared. If you are 110% on not having kids.. please don't. I'm pregnant and I am working with a therapist to overcome my fear of hospitals. I just started less than a month ago because I got pregnant unexpectedly (I was planning to try over the summer and get pregnant during the fall... hahaha didn't happen). And yea, I'm also feeling the "my body could change for the worse" during this whole thing. But heck, I'm exercising a bit more so I can stay fit and healthy through my pregnancy. Just enjoy the relationship right now. Seriously. Don't freak about it so soon. Focus on getting to the altar first before trying knocked up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Well, no your body will never be like it was before. Won't mean it will be horrible just different. I don't even remember my old body now. ( my son is almost 20.) You just become different but you can still be fit. You may need to be together longer just to be a couple for a while . We were together nine years before we had our son . Five years before marriage and 4 years after marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Keep in mind too (adding to Sera's point) that your body will change regardless if you have children or not. Children are not the only body-destroyer. AGE will affect your body and it will do it regardless of your parity. The important thing to do is to keep healthy habits when it comes to your diet, exercise, and sun exposure. Keep those habits and adjust them accordingly when you get older and you find that your metabolism may change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Keep in mind too (adding to Sera's point) that your body will change regardless if you have children or not. Children are not the only body-destroyer. AGE will affect your body and it will do it regardless of your parity. The important thing to do is to keep healthy habits when it comes to your diet, exercise, and sun exposure. Keep those habits and adjust them accordingly when you get older and you find that your metabolism may change. Agreed. Your body WILL change regardless. I am 50 now and I notice I am no longer 30. But alas my husband and I grow older together and we are still just as beautiful to each other as when we were young because we love each other more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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