s0fly Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 So I found out from mutual friends that the guy i'm currently dating (for the past few months) sent his ex girlfriend's mom flowers for her birthday.. should I be worried? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoobunnie Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Is she dying? If yes, then no worries. If not, I'd ask him about it. He might owe her big time for something. Is she a grandma to his kids? Then, no worries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s0fly Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Is she dying? If yes, then no worries. If not, I'd ask him about it. He might owe her big time for something. Is she a grandma to his kids? Then, no worries. Not dying, it was for her birthday apparently. And no kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoobunnie Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Hmm - how long did they date for? It is still just a rumor though - best to ask him directly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s0fly Posted May 24, 2017 Author Share Posted May 24, 2017 Hmm - how long did they date for? It is still just a rumor though - best to ask him directly. They dated for almost a year. And it's not a rumor, she posted the photo of the flowers on her social media. My friend saw and showed me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyman Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 For some of my past relationships I have made friends with my exes parents. But just because the relationship ended doesn't mean the friendship does as well. I may have connected with the mother or father at a deeper level for example. The mother might have taken me under her wing and cared for me as her own. The father might have been there when my father wasn't. But just because the ex is no longer in my life doesn't mean I can't still be friends with her family. This may be the case with your partner. Of course, if he broke up with his ex by sleeping with her mother, then that is a different story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Should you be worried? No way to tell without talking to him about it and finding out his motivation. Do it in person so you can see his body language. Be sure that you ask the question and then carefully listen without judgment so that he feels free to talk. Once you've heard him out, you'll know if it's something or nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 my coworker and i were out on lunch break this one time. i knew he had one of those exs from hell from years ago, and a new wife and lovely daughter, both of whom he absolutely adored. he had no contact with his ex. so this elderly couple walks up to our coffee table and says hi to him, they exchange a few words, slip in that X is still the same nasty person (their daughter), they wish him a nice day and tell him straight in the face he did the right thing leaving and that he deserves his new happy family. it was pretty weird sitting there hearing all that, but he later said although he doesn't give a hoot how she's doing he didn't mind talking to them and that he never had a single problem with them. parents of one of my ex live nearby and sometimes they give me a wave from the car when we pass each other in the street. dunno. maybe he just had a great relationship with the mother. as long as nothing indicates he's still after the ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 It would weird me out, yes. I mean if there were kids involved I could understand it maybe, good relations with the former in-laws or maybe a thank you to Grandma for all her help with the family, so sure. Or maybe if they'd been together for years, and she was the mother he never had. Heck I'd even take he knew the mom for years before the daughter and she's a beloved college professor who helped him get his degree and believed in him when no one else did, so of course he's going to remember that woman's birthday. Dating the daughter was just incidental to their overall relationship. But otherwise I cannot think for the life of me, why someone would go to the trouble of ordering an ex's mother flowers for their birthday - over a relationship that didn't even make it to the one-year mark is to me anyways yeah a red flag. That reek's of either he fancies the Mom, which may be why they broke up in the first place come to think of it OR he's doing it to in an attempt to gain brownie points with his ex. Ask him about and see what he says and how he acts, but me? I'd back away quietly. I've seen that. Being overly involved with an ex's family is still being involved with the ex. I barely even send my ex mother-in-law anything except a card at Christmas and polite chit chat at family events and that's only because I have kids by her son. And it was an amendable divorce with no hard feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I'm still friendly with the parents of long-term partners. My ex mother-in-law really took me under her wing at the time, and I've always been able to talk to her about things I could never discuss with my own mother. I lost all attraction for my ex-husband decades ago. There was one occasion where I was talking to her at a preview and one of her friends came up; she introduced me as being married to her elder son, but I "was sensible - and got out!" In other words, it's possible to have a relationship with family members which are completely independent of the relationship with the partner, and my guess is that's what's happening here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I'm still friendly with the parents of long-term partners. My ex mother-in-law really took me under her wing at the time, and I've always been able to talk to her about things I could never discuss with my own mother. I lost all attraction for my ex-husband decades ago. There was one occasion where I was talking to her at a preview and one of her friends came up; she introduced me as being married to her elder son, but I "was sensible - and got out!" In other words, it's possible to have a relationship with family members which are completely independent of the relationship with the partner, and my guess is that's what's happening here. the operative word is Mother-in-law. If you were married to your ex husband for quite some time and you were part of her family - and it wasn't a 70 day marriage - I can understand having a relationship with her. But maintaining separate relationships with the ex GIRLFRIENDS family aside from situations like staying friends with the family member who introduced the two (he was besties with her cousin for 10 years before meeting her), the mother was also his 8th grade teacher, etc. - this is something i'd keep my eyes open about and also don't be afaid to talk about it. He should be pulling away from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 OP how long were they in a relationship for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezie Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 One of my friends have Christmas dinner with her ex's mom every year. Not with the ex nut with the mom. Some just have this dynamic. Sure it is slightly unconventional but maybe she really became a maternal figure to him. In a way sending flowers is quite sweet. Talk about it and maybe when he explains their relationship then its easier to understand reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 OP how long were they in a relationship for? "they dated almost a year" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 "they dated almost a year" duh, i could've at least read carefully. that is weird. how close to her parents could he have gotten in under a year? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 duh, i could've at least read carefully. that is weird. how close to her parents could he have gotten in under a year? That's what I was thinking. It's hard to say. Outside of anything else suspicious it may mean nothing. but my spidey senses are up on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulTaker Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 So I found out from mutual friends that the guy i'm currently dating (for the past few months) sent his ex girlfriend's mom flowers for her birthday.. should I be worried? From your update, you are still dating him (not in a relationship). Unless there are boundaries in place (probably not), there is nothing agreed to in preventing him from doing this, and you shouldn't be worried. Not sure if you should even bring it up, if there is no agreement being breached. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 From your update, you are still dating him (not in a relationship). Unless there are boundaries in place (probably not), there is nothing agreed to in preventing him from doing this, and you shouldn't be worried. Not sure if you should even bring it up, if there is no agreement being breached. If you are "just dating him" that's the time to get to know eachother, learn about eachother and decide if he's someone you want to continue dating. If he only dated the ex for a year - so therefore most likely only was with her for ONE of her mother's birthdays, it is very odd to send flowers on the birthday. I would absolutely ask about it "hey, i was wondering, why did you send your ex girlfriend's mother flowers on her birthday? I thought when people broke up they moved on?" And you will get your answer. He may not be someone best for you to date if he is hanging on tight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezie Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 duh, i could've at least read carefully. that is weird. how close to her parents could he have gotten in under a year? Not talking about OP but what if the girl lives at home and they spent all their nights there. Or the mother was poorly and he helped out around. The family was a close family friend and they have know each other a long time but just dated for a year. There are a lot of possibilities how people can get close in a year Could be that they guy is just like that. He is a gift giver and didn't think it's weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 ^^ could really be anything, eh? it is weird, suspicious, and frankly strikes me as rude AF ( so i'm not exactly inclined to hold it back either) when we have to guess what the deal is based on a single sentence post. "he sent his ex's of under a year mother flowers." riiight, i guess we all should just pass the bong and let our imagination run wild then: maybe he took care of her mum. maybe she's a physio nurse who got him to walk again after a car accident. maybe the ex lives with her mum and the card actually says "to princess". maybe he cheated on his ex with her mum, or is courting the latter now. maybe she once loaned him money for college and he is eternally grateful. maybe he is sucking up to the mother because the mother has a strong influence on her daughter and he is hoping that "oh but he is such a lovely young man" would make the ex come back. maybe he is feeling guilty because he ran over her cat. like. eff me if i know. to hell with this once sentence post rubbish. want insight? 'splain yourself. [-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s0fly Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 Well he told me before that him and his ex were just platonic friends for a while before they actually started dating. So i'm thinking maybe he was close with the mom while they were friends as well. And he definately didn't have anything going on with the mom lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s0fly Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 I mean It's a little strange but I have to admit, i've thought about it more and honestly, I dated my ex for almost 2 years and during that time I became close with his mom. And if I had the chance now I would send her flowers for her birthday or something. And I do NOT have any feelings left for my ex. (I ended the relationship) So it's possible he's just being nice and not trying to win over his ex.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s0fly Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 But then again I won't know until I ask him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Well he told me before that him and his ex were just platonic friends for a while before they actually started dating. So i'm thinking maybe he was close with the mom while they were friends as well. And he definately didn't have anything going on with the mom lol. I think its still odd. I would ask if he plans to continue a relationship with her family or he is still friends with his ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 On the face of it I don't find it odd. More info may be revealing, certainly. Don't accuse, but use it as another opportunity to get to know this relative stranger a little better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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