Online men not taking me seriously even after meeting, help?

[Ms Darcy]

I've been told by friends in the past that before they knew me, I appeared stuck up. I have a resting B-word face syndrome, if you know of the term.

 

This is not good.

[TheOutsider1]

Well, first of all I don't think one has to be gorgeous to meet men in real life.

 

Regardless, if you are an introvert with social anxiety dating in general (whether it begins in real life or online) is going to be difficult. Have you thought about working with someone to help you with your anxiety?

 

I don't think that either. I didn't insinuate that either, and I also don't think I'm gorgeous. Maybe there is a misunderstanding somewhere. I am beginning to talk to a therapist about my social anxiety. We just started with our sessions.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think that either. I didn't insinuate that either, and I also don't think I'm gorgeous. Maybe there is a misunderstanding somewhere. I am beginning to talk to a therapist about my social anxiety. We just started with our sessions.

 

Agreed, you didn't insinuate that. That was from a different post.

 

Hope you can also work on your low self-esteem as well with the therapist.

[SherrySher]

I actually understand where you're coming from. People can get the wrong impression if you're quite pretty and shy, or socially awkward. They can assume that you are stuck up or snotty.

But you sound as though you are just very shy and as you've said, needing help with your anxiety.

I think maybe it's possible that you are attracting the wrong type of men online.

 

It's good that you are getting help with your self esteem and self confidence, but do you have any hobbies or things you enjoy doing when you have extra time?

I only ask because maybe if you found a group to join or an activity group, you might possibly meet men in person and it would be easier for them to get to know you.

Do you have any friends that could set you up?

 

If you still decide to try to find someone online, just keep in mind that all of us have problems finding someone we are compatible with and are attracted to.

It really is a tough go whatever the problems might be in finding a match. You could go through heaps of profiles or short chats and not meet one who suits you. Best of luck to you.

[akrngrl]

I've experienced this before, but not to the extent you have. I also suffer from classic RBF, but I work it to my advantage. People have told me that I am unapproachable or intimidating. I usually deflect catfish or "are you real?" comments with a witty or sarcastic remark and tie it to another, non physical trait. Granted I usually don't end up meeting those men, so I can't say how well it works after you meet in person, but it gets the conversation off what/how I look and focuses on my better/more important qualities. Also allows me to find out more about them and if there are any deal breakers.

[TheOutsider1]

It was a coincidence that this YouTube video popped out just when I was having these dating concerns. The examples in this video are what I have to go through often, except the guys I talk to are a bit more mean about it, by trying to make me feel bad for being attractive. Here is the video

[TheOutsider1]

Also, I just recalled another thing that they say to me online : "So you're all looks, but does your personality match that," or "does your brain match your looks" or "You're appealing to look at or F**able but you don't look like someone I'd have something long-term with." I usually block these kinds of comments without giving them a reply. I am tired of it.

[Batya33]

Also, I just recalled another thing that they say to me online : "So you're all looks, but does your personality match that," or "does your brain match your looks" or "You're appealing to look at or F**able but you don't look like someone I'd have something long-term with." I usually block these kinds of comments without giving them a reply. I am tired of it.

 

We've all received inappropriate messages on online sites - and just move on. Nothing unusual about that.

[TheOutsider1]

We've all received inappropriate messages on online sites - and just move on. Nothing unusual about that.

 

I agree that many people receive inappropriate messages online, but I am specifically being told that I am undatable because I am attractive. So I am trying to understand what I can do to change my situation. Like I stated before, I have a good heart, I'm very giving and loving, I want to have a meaningful relationship. I have been single for 5 years due to the fact that I am constantly told that being attractive and single at the same time equals being crazy, so men want nothing to do with me because they believe this.

[mustlovedogs]

I'm going back to the attire question. I know women who think they dress modestly but in fact don't. What's the outfit of your profile picture? What are you doing?

 

If you look like the girl next door, I really don't think you'd get this kind of attention.

 

And I know you shouldn't have to change how you dress - but 5 years is a long time.

[TheOutsider1]

I'm going back to the attire question. I know women who think they dress modestly but in fact don't. What's the outfit of your profile picture? What are you doing?

 

If you look like the girl next door, I really don't think you'd get this kind of attention.

 

And I know you shouldn't have to change how you dress - but 5 years is a long time.

 

I already answered this question regarding what I wear in pictures and on dates. As to what I am doing in my pictures, I am smiling. Some smiles are showing my teeth, other smiles are not showing my teeth. I am by myself in these pictures.

[mustlovedogs]

I already answered this question regarding what I wear in pictures and on dates. As to what I am doing in my pictures, I am smiling. Some smiles are showing my teeth, other smiles are not showing my teeth. I am by myself in these pictures.

 

You said it's modest in your opinion. Like I said, I have friends who think they are modest but then wear 5" heels to their office job.

 

We are trying to help. I have been reading and I acknowledged you already answered it. Describe what your outfit is (unless you are convinced that nothing is wrong with your profile and everything is perfect)

[TheOutsider1]

You said it's modest in your opinion. Like I said, I have friends who think they are modest but then wear 5" heels to their office job.

 

We are trying to help. I have been reading and I acknowledged you already answered it. Describe what your outfit is (unless you are convinced that nothing is wrong with your profile and everything is perfect)

 

 

I'll copy and paste what I previously wrote. What I wear in person is the same as my pictures. I don't wear heels. I can't walk in them lol.

 

"I dress modestly. There is one picture on my profiles where my shirt is a little low cut so a bit of cleavage shows, but nothing exaggerated, however I will remove that picture. The rest of my pictures are modest. In person I dress modest too. No cleavage showing and I only wear pants. I have an hour glass figure type body, so my clothes fits nicely, but even then, my tops are always flowy, not skin tight."

[mustlovedogs]

Fine. I've tried. Like I said - personal perspectives of modesty can be skewed.

 

The girl next door doesn't get called too hot to date. At least not that I've ever seen. You're the common denominator, but I'm out of ideas.

[Capricorn3]

My self esteem is not that good. They say that people with low self esteem attract bad partners.

 

I've been told by friends in the past that before they knew me, I appeared stuck up. I have a resting B-word face syndrome,

^ There's your answer (imo). When people who know you, tell you this, it's because they see first hand how you interact with people and how people react to you. So, when your friends tell you this, believe them. And going by this thread and all your past threads, I think they are on the money. Strangers on the internet can only guess, but these are people who KNOW you personally.

 

It is unfortunate that you have the B-word resting face syndrome and appear stuck up, because very few people will approach and/or feel comfortable. The low self esteem and anxiety doesn't help either, but if you are seeing a therapist about your anxiety issues, that's a good start.

[TheOutsider1]

Fine. I've tried. Like I said - personal perspectives of modesty can be skewed.

 

The girl next door doesn't get called too hot to date. At least not that I've ever seen. You're the common denominator, but I'm out of ideas.

 

WOW. Is this a bad joke? I literally just described it, for the third time now, so let me make it bold this time. I don't wear heels. I can't walk in them lol.

No cleavage showing and I only wear pants. my tops are always flowy, not skin tight."

[TheOutsider1]

^ There's your answer (imo). When people who know you, tell you this, it's because they see first hand how you interact with people and how people react to you. So, when your friends tell you this, believe them. And going by this thread and all your past threads, I think they are on the money. Strangers on the internet can only guess, but these are people who KNOW you personally.

 

It is unfortunate that you have the B-word resting face syndrome and appear stuck up, because very few people will approach and/or feel comfortable. The low self esteem and anxiety doesn't help either, but if you are seeing a therapist about your anxiety issues, that's a good start.

 

I agree. I am starting to see that this is in issue when I am in a public place, which is when my social anxiety acts up. However, I don't have social anxiety when I am one on one with someone, especially if I have already talked to them online. I smile in my pictures and I'm very friendly, and relaxed on my dates. I can feel the difference when I am in a crowd, which is when I'm unable to relax, hence resting B Word face lol.

[TheOutsider1]

Fine. I've tried. Like I said - personal perspectives of modesty can be skewed.

 

The girl next door doesn't get called too hot to date. At least not that I've ever seen. You're the common denominator, but I'm out of ideas.

 

Also, I don't really get told I'm hot. I get told I'm gorgeous or beautiful. And I am aware that I don't have the girl next door kind of look. Although I don't dress revealing, I dress nice and dressy but covered up. Like I said before, pants, and tops that are flowy and dressy, not skin tight. I have a very feminine look, as is my dressing style

[Ms Darcy]

I go for very attractive men. They seem to have a good personality at first.

 

I think it's a combo of who you are going for (bad people basically) and your BRF or something off-putting about you.

 

I have female friends who are absolutely stunning who have never really had this problem.

 

I do think if you try to work on your anxiety and meet a guy in real life, your experience would be very different. I'm not saying stop online, but that you may need to learn some social skills as it relates to interacting with men.

[lostandhurt]

Reading this thread and reading the titles and some content of your other threads I can tell you a few things.

 

It isn't how pretty you are that is causing this problem. Sure your looks are attracting a lot of men and in turn a lot of communication with very good looking men but their problems are not caused by you. These comments are from men that either have been burned by gorgeous women in the past or guys that think being cocky and blunt is a way to get beautiful women to be attracted to them. Remember this is online and it is easy for people to be bold and say things they would never say to your face.

 

You are lucky that you get a lot of attention so you have many men to choose from so you need to sharpen your skills on who you talk to, how long you speak to them before meeting, what you will and will not tolerate and decide exactly what you value more in a possible relationship partner.

 

Just because someone is very attractive doesn't mean they have a bad personality or are a player, it means they are judged in our society as more attractive than most but how these people are treated and allowed to treat others can definitely affect how they interact with others. Being judged before someone gets to know you is not fair but it happens all the time and especially in online dating. Try to be above it all and as soon as I guy says anything that you don't like delete his message and block him and then move on. Your insecurity and social anxiety is what you should be most concerned about, not what some D-bags type in a message online.

 

Read through your old threads (just the parts you typed) and see what you see. When I read through them I saw a woman that seeks and needs acceptance and validation from others. You have a lot going for you physically so once you get your self esteem built up some you will view your life and others interactions with you differently I am sure and then these jerks online will be to you just what they are...Jerks.

 

Lost

[TheRawTruth]

Then there are those very few men that decide to go through with meeting me in person, and once they meet me, they start acting like jerks by saying things like “You’re too pretty to be single, gorgeous girls who are single are crazy or psycho.” They then decide that I am undateable because I am “attractive and single, so I must be crazy.” This really hurts. Then there are those men who say that I’m too attractive to be single so they accuse me of being married or sleeping around with multiple men, so they end up not giving me a chance either.

 

Your immediate response should be "Then why are you here? You into crazy chicks or something?" (you can even laugh it off after you say it if you're afraid of being confrontational.) It doesn't say much about their judgment if they're meeting chicks that (by their OWN admission) THEY think are PSYCHO, just because they're PRETTY. (The guys you go for sound pretty stupid, honestly.)

 

I feel very alone and it hurts to not be taken seriously. I have a good heart and I’m very giving and loving, but no one ever takes the chance to get to know me because they either think I am a catfish or they assume things about me that are not true. Does anyone else have this issue? Any advice on what I can do? I have been single for five years and I would like to have a real relationship one day.

 

So basically, they're men who are intimidated by an attractive woman, and don't think there's ANY WAY POSSIBLE that a lady who's nice looking can possibly be interested in THEM. (Making them insecure, actually.)

 

You said (in another response) that you go for good looking men whose personalities seem good at first. Well look beyond their looks for a second. What else do they have if this is their behavior?

 

Maybe you should even put (ON YOUR PROFILE) that your pics are real, (and you can prove it) but if they have to make excuses for your hotness, just because they're too intimidated to meet/date you, don't message you in the first place. You're not looking for boys. You're looking for REAL MEN. (Put it in your own words obviously. I'm just paraphrasing for you.)

 

Don't be afraid of scaring anybody off either. Women have TONS of options online. You'll NEVER run out of guys messaging you. The only people you'll scare away, are those you don't want to be bothered with ANYWAY. Good luck.