Noisy neighbors - talk to them or the landlord?

[stella m]

I'm not sure where this topic fits, but here I go. I live in an old apartment with thin walls. My upstairs neighbor is apparently seeing a new person (wall are so thin I actually heard the breakup with the last girl) and let's just say they have a very active love life. I don't begrudge him for having a sex life. Plus, a while ago I invested in a white noise machine which actually blocks out most of their "funny business". My problem is that for some reason with this girl, EDM is their exclusive mood music. They play this every single time they have sex which is not uncommon to be had at midnight and/or 7am. My noise machine can't block it out due to the frequency of the deep bass beats.

 

Normally if it was just the music, I'd go up and have a polite conversation with them about it. But since the music is tied into the sex, it makes the conversation a little more awkward. Should I go to my landlord instead?

[mustlovedogs]

I don't know if passive aggressive is the way to go, but I once saw a note taped to a door that basically said "I can hear you every time you have sex, I counted it to be 13 times last week alone, it's really loud, etc etc.". A note could work - point out the bass music is coming through your walls.

 

If that doesn't work, talking to them in person would be good, then escalating it to a landlord.

[RainyCoast]

I'd go up and have a polite conversation with them about it. But since the music is tied into the sex, it makes the conversation a little more awkward. Should I go to my landlord instead?

i would first just leave them a note. you, the music- it's wayyy too loud, we can't sleep. the other noises- yay you!

 

eta dogs beat me to it lol.

[Lester]

It depends.

 

If there are a lot on other neighbors, whereas they would never be sure who complained, then talk to the landlord first.

If not, and they seem friendly, talk to the girl.

Not friendly, no neighbors, then talk to the landlord, then police.

 

Do not write a letter to them!

 

Noise is noise. If it's keeping you awake, or disturbing your peace and quiet it's a ordinance violation.

[WithLove]

I don't know if passive aggressive is the way to go, but I once saw a note taped to a door that basically said "I can hear you every time you have sex, I counted it to be 13 times last week alone, it's really loud, etc etc.". A note could work - point out the bass music is coming through your walls.

 

If that doesn't work, talking to them in person would be good, then escalating it to a landlord.

 

I have done this. Left a note on my upstairs neighbor's door because our rooms are right on top of each other and his bed shares the same wall mine does. After a particularly obnoxious evening of bumps and grinds, I left a note saying "Sounds like you had tons of fun jumping on your bed last night! May I suggest moving your headboard away from the wall?" and the very next day, I heard him moving around his furniture. Never had a problem after that!

[RainyCoast]

I have done this. Left a note on my upstairs neighbor's door because our rooms are right on top of each other and his bed shares the same wall mine does. After a particularly obnoxious evening of bumps and grinds, I left a note saying "Sounds like you had tons of fun jumping on your bed last night! May I suggest moving your headboard away from the wall?" and the very next day, I heard him moving around his furniture. Never had a problem after that!

 

*takes notes*

[Seraphim]

I would leave a note saying your music is not allowing me to sleep and I can hear you doing the nasty.

[mustlovedogs]

I think a note helps avoid the awkward confrontation while getting the point across. But notes can be passive aggressive. If my headboard was loud, I would prefer a note instead of a conversation, haha.

[WithLove]

To be fair, I had also put my apartment number on it so he'd know it was me (and therefore understand that we shared walls). Yes, it was passive-aggressive, but it worked, and he didn't retaliate or do anything bad. All he did was what I wanted - moved his bed.

[Lester]

Also, a place that bad is usually a dump.

Dumps have other problems, like fire.

 

Move

[Snny]

I would not confront the neighbors. You can try to leave a note, but they can retaliate and be real jerks if they find out who voiced the complaint.

 

Also, the landlord isn't going to do a damn thing over loud sex. LOL, do you seriously expect the landlord to come over and tell them to stop having sex? That ain't happening.

 

Only option... move once your lease ends. Noise cancellation headphones. Amp out the sound with music. I had to deal with this for 3 years in college. Good luck.

[abitbroken]

Depends on how well you know them. If you are on friendly terms, I would say "hey man, i don't want to embarrass you or anything, i don't know how to say this - but you and the new girlfriend are a little loud at night..." If you don't know them I might bang on the wall once or twice or leave a polite note about you needing to get up early.

[abitbroken]

I have to admit - years ago I lived two stories above a single mom with pre-teens/teens. the music was so loud when she wasn't at home that I resorted to calling their landline whenever the music got loud and hanging up (before they even answered - just enough for them to turn the music down as they looked for the phone). And if they blared it again, I'd do it again until they got the hint. They never knew who it was (i blocked my number and they didn't know my number anyhow).

[Scoe141]

Personally I wouldn't go to the landlord, at least not yet.

 

I would go up to them and introduce yourself. "Hi I'm Stella, I live in apartment 304. How do you guys like living here so far?" [Make small chit chat.] Afterwards you can say, something like "it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun, and I think that's great. However, it's been keeping me up at night."

 

Leave it at that and see how they respond.

 

Most normal people would say, "Oh I'm sorry we'll do this and this to help you out."

 

If they don't comply, I'd go to them one more time. Then to the landlord.

 

If you go to the landlord off the bat, then they'll think you don't know how to handle a situation on your own and probably just sour your neighborly relationship.

 

Hope this helps.

 

dirnt, dirnt, dirnt boom ts boom ts boom ts

[RainyCoast]

I have to admit - years ago I lived two stories above a single mom with pre-teens/teens. the music was so loud when she wasn't at home that I resorted to calling their landline whenever the music got loud and hanging up (before they even answered - just enough for them to turn the music down as they looked for the phone). And if they blared it again, I'd do it again until they got the hint. They never knew who it was (i blocked my number and they didn't know my number anyhow).

i mean, you are like the best prankster above 17.

[abitbroken]

i mean, you are like the best prankster above 17.

 

I started this after I had a phone interview. My interviewer could even hear the music and I about died. After that day, it began....

[Wiseman2]

I wouldn't mention the sex. Embarrassing them is in bad form, it will put them on the defensive and backfire. They will think you are lonely or nosy. There are no rules or ordinances against loud indoor sex. Stick with the loud music. They know what's going on when they get the EMD groove going.

[Fudgie]

Nope, don't talk to the neighbor. You don't know if they will retaliate against you.

 

What I've done in the past is I've filled noise complaints every. single. time. File, file, file with the landlord. Note the date, time, and general loudness, including what the noise is of (your best guess).

 

I reported the neighbors who used to be above me several times. I did not talk to the neighbors, went straight to the landlord. I'd like to think that those reports played a part when they got evicted less than a year into their lease.

[Snny]

I wouldn't mention the sex. Embarrassing them is in bad form, it will put them on the defensive and backfire. They will think you are lonely or nosy. There are no rules or ordinances against loud indoor sex. Stick with the loud music. They know what's going on when they get the EMD groove going.

Exactly. A landlord isn't going to do anything about it and now you've made a bad impression upon your neighbors.

 

Lose-lose situation if you confront.