When does friendship cross the line?

[lucidaconsole0]

Hi! I am new here and I badly need someone to talk to. I am confused and feeling sad about my current situation with my male best friend. A year ago, I was heartbroken and my best friend right now became my shoulder to cry on. I got really close to him. The problem is we do things that I think isn't normal for platonic relationships. I am scared that I will get used to it and I am scared that one day I might lose him. We wake up each other everyday and he is the last person I talk to at night. He calls me his alarm clock. Not talking to him for a day feels something is off. We even tell and inform each other if we are going somewhere. I don't think I have to tell him about my plans and vice versa. We are friends and not boyfriend girlfriend. Sometimes, we give each other pet names. There would be times that I can get clingy cause I am used to the attention he's been giving me. Is this still normal for friends? I don't want to get too emotionally attached to him. I don't know how to change our current ways. Sometimes I want to avoid him and take some of my attention away from him. The day will come that we can't talk like this but I don't think he gets it. He would always refer to me as his best friend but sometimes things are too sweet for me that they can get confusing. I went away for a few days and didn't talk to him but I inform him of my plan of going somewhere but did not say where and until when. He kept on sending me messages while I was away. I am not sure if he thinks I'm avoiding him. How do I ask for space? Can someone give me some advice? I would truly appreciate any words of wisdom.

[jujusamples]

OP, I could relate to your situation, I once had a best friend relationship that is exactly like yours. We are no longer in touch, let's just say, we totally cross the line with our friendship.

 

You and your friend are borderline crossing the friendship zone at the moment. Do you have feelings for him? Do you think he has feelings for you?

 

Just by reading your posts, I sense that your friend has romantic feelings for you. Not sure about you because you are at the point where you need space. He's giving you an awful lot of attention and you are just friends (that's what my friend was like to me as well)

 

I suggest you talk to him. I know it's awkward to do but you have to. Just casually ask him one day if he thinks how you and him are is beyond what friend do. See what his response is. Then go from there. What do you want? Do you potentially see you two being romantic partners? Set aside losing the friendship. That's the mistake I made, I was so afraid of losing that friendship that I ended up doing things that ended the relationship. It was a mess!

 

Either way, if you want something more or you just want to remain friends, you need to talk to him. If you want to remain just friends, there are boundaries that needs to be set, i.e. you don't need to tell each other your where about all the time.

[lostlove76]

I can't tell if you have more-than-friendship feelings for him, or him for you. Assuming that isn't the case, it sounds like you guys are an emotional crutch for each other. I had a male best friend like that too, many years ago. Sometimes it was great, but complications inevitably arose. I often felt clingy, because he was my main (or only) social outlet. I would feel hurt and annoyed when he distanced himself. But then when he claimed to be in love with me, I brushed it off because we were just friends and I wasn't feeling the same kind of attraction. Things often get complicated with male/female friendships. Not always - sometimes it's just fine. But there are various problems that can occur. When one friend gets a significant other, the other friend is left feeling a bit abandoned. Or one friend has feelings and the other doesn't. Etc. Talking about it would probably be a good idea. Taking space and distancing oneself with no explanation can be very hurtful and confusing to the other party, and isn't really fair. Just tell him how you feel.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, make sure you are not using him too much and rebounding on him. Is he buzzing in the friendzone hoping for more?

 

You don't ask for space you simply stop contacting him and hanging out so much and find better ways to cope with your recent breakup. Get involved in your own life and hang out with other friends.

 

Pull back and don't use him as a bf-replacement. Learn to be single for a while or get on some dating apps or get with him if that's what he's buzzing around for. Have you asked him about that?

We are friends and not boyfriend girlfriend. I can get clingy cause I am used to the attention he's been giving me.He would always refer to me as his best friend but sometimes things are too sweet for me that they can get confusing. How do I ask for space?

[lucidaconsole0]

OP, I could relate to your situation, I once had a best friend relationship that is exactly like yours. We are no longer in touch, let's just say, we totally cross the line with our friendship.

 

You and your friend are borderline crossing the friendship zone at the moment. Do you have feelings for him? Do you think he has feelings for you?

 

Just by reading your posts, I sense that your friend has romantic feelings for you. Not sure about you because you are at the point where you need space. He's giving you an awful lot of attention and you are just friends (that's what my friend was like to me as well)

 

I suggest you talk to him. I know it's awkward to do but you have to. Just casually ask him one day if he thinks how you and him are is beyond what friend do. See what his response is. Then go from there. What do you want? Do you potentially see you two being romantic partners? Set aside losing the friendship. That's the mistake I made, I was so afraid of losing that friendship that I ended up doing things that ended the relationship. It was a mess!

 

Either way, if you want something more or you just want to remain friends, you need to talk to him. If you want to remain just friends, there are boundaries that needs to be set, i.e. you don't need to tell each other your where about all the time.

 

Thank you so much for the advice and I'm glad someone can totally relate to my situation right now. You are right! I really need to talk to him and ask him if he also thinks that our friendship is crossing the line. To be honest, I don't know what I am feeling for him right now. All I know is that I need him and I don't want to lose him. I tried opening the topic of "talking everyday and being in contact most of the time". He is leaving for a business trip and I told him that it's OK if we can't talk for a awhile. He said that he will still talk to me even if he's away. Let's see what happens.

 

 

 

I can't tell if you have more-than-friendship feelings for him, or him for you. Assuming that isn't the case, it sounds like you guys are an emotional crutch for each other. I had a male best friend like that too, many years ago. Sometimes it was great, but complications inevitably arose. I often felt clingy, because he was my main (or only) social outlet. I would feel hurt and annoyed when he distanced himself. But then when he claimed to be in love with me, I brushed it off because we were just friends and I wasn't feeling the same kind of attraction. Things often get complicated with male/female friendships. Not always - sometimes it's just fine. But there are various problems that can occur. When one friend gets a significant other, the other friend is left feeling a bit abandoned. Or one friend has feelings and the other doesn't. Etc. Talking about it would probably be a good idea. Taking space and distancing oneself with no explanation can be very hurtful and confusing to the other party, and isn't really fair. Just tell him how you feel.

 

Thank you for the reply! This is my biggest concern. I don't want to ruin our friendship because we are getting too attached with our routine. I find that I cannot just go to bed without telling him or inform him if I arrived early from work and vice versa. He would always inform me if he'll come home late. I really don't think this is normal but I am not sure if he thinks the same way and that we are definitely crossing the line. Yeah, I really need to talk to him even though I know it'll be hard and it might complicate things even more.

 

 

 

Agree, make sure you are not using him too much and rebounding on him. Is he buzzing in the friendzone hoping for more?

 

You don't ask for space you simply stop contacting him and hanging out so much and find better ways to cope with your recent breakup. Get involved in your own life and hang out with other friends.

 

Pull back and don't use him as a bf-replacement. Learn to be single for a while or get on some dating apps or get with him if that's what he's buzzing around for. Have you asked him about that?

 

I am not using him. I care so much about him and I am over my ex. I am just really confused with our situation and scared of losing my friendship if things get even more complicated. But thank you for the reply and your thoughts regarding my situation.