I over gifted my boyf and now i regret it!

[quantumgirl65]

Hi. I feel kinda terrible saying this. But here it is: i just went through a first anniversary with my partner and i bought him a very expensive watch.(500$). I am a generous person so i didnt mind as i cared about him. I also just spent a lot of money ( $700)on his birthday even tho im not super welloff.

But its 2 months later and now my feelings for him are changing due to some issues that have going on for a year, and during a recent disagreement i found out some things that have really changed my mind about him. I now want to break up with him but im kicking myself now for kinda wasting money on this guy who treats me less well than he ought to (hes controlling jealous and can be very cold with me ). So i know this sounds bad but im reluctant to break up cos i spent over 1k on him recently. Duh!! Stupid dilemma yes but i feel torn. Why cant i just accept i over spent on someone who wasnt worth it? I feel like i need to get that money back in value, before i break up. Obviously i put value on money more than i realised. It is just money. But i feel so annoyed that if i break up with him he will keep the watch and all the other stuff ive given him. I need to just get over the money stuff but not sure how. Its unfair to not to tell him i want to break up. What do i do to get my head straight? Thanks!!

[1a1a]

Extremely unfair. If you let go of the money you get your freedom back, it's worth it.

[jujusamples]

You MADE the decisions to buy him all those gifts on your own. Sorry, but you can't blame him for YOU spending all that money on him. I'm not sure why it's now a big deal to you? I understand, you want to break up with him for various reasons. Then just break up with him.

 

Just keep a mental note that if you give someone something, it's unreasonable to want it back. It sounds to me like you want to buy his love and affection. Now that you didn't get that, you feel ripped off? It's not right, if you are adamant that the relationship isn't working out, is it worth it over $1000? Or I've seen case were the person uses that exact reason so they could constantly keep in contact, then use the gifts against the person. So so wrong and unfair.

[sara-pezzini]

How long would you stay with him to get your money's worth? And how would he have to pay that?

This is a lesson to not spend such crazy amounts of money for a one year annoying and birthday.....

Plus those issues you mention have been going on for a year so why spend those crazy amounts at all? Were you trying to but his love and he didn't respond as you would have liked him to do?

[Keyman]

Money is something you can earn back again. Time cannot be earned back. Let it go and move on. Happiness is more important.

[nutbrownhare]

I'm really not following your reasoning here...

 

Sure, you spent a lot of money on a total jerk. Wisely, you've realised he is a jerk and are thinking of ending the relationship. From what you say, spending more time with him - in a relationship which is making you unhappy - will somehow make you feel better???

 

He's going to keep the watch whether you break up with him today or in three weeks/months/years from now. The money's gone. It's now your choice how much more time you spend in an unhappy relationship which is only likely to get worse.

 

I guess the problem is that you were hoping for a partner who'd be worth what you'd spent on him. He isn't. Effectively, you gambled and lost, so you really need to move on before you waste any more of your time, money or emotional energy on him.

 

There might just be an outside chance that he'll punish you by returning your gifts if you break up with him, of course...

[Wiseman2]

Continuing to stay in a bad relationship is not "getting your money's worth". Are you reluctant to break up for some other reasons?

[DancingFool]

What's the price of your freedom, happiness, and being rid of a jerk? I'd say that's worth way more than a $1K....way more..... If that's all it costs you, you are getting away cheap.

 

I really don't see how sticking around for more bad treatment would be getting your money's worth. Other way around, not only did you spend the money, but you are continuing to put up with his sh$t longer. That's a lose/lose proposition for you.

 

Ultimate lesson to take away here is in the future don't spend so much on gifts and b-days and never ever give gifts that you will end up resenting giving. Relationships are NOT an investment with an ROI. If you want that, put your money in stocks or cd's or interest bearing accounts or whatever that actually functions to give you an ROI. Never expect ROI's from relationships.

[j.man]

Personally, unless we'd exchanged gifts that were more or less on par in value and it would be a wash for both to leave with them, I wouldn't be comfortable keeping a $500 watch. Yes, it was a gift, but it also was a gift conditioned on us being in a relationship. If you know you've been the primary recipient of expensive bling, I consider it common courtesy to at least offer to return whatever has significant value. That said, I'd never make a point to ask for a gift back. You're kinda at his mercy as to how he'd react, but I'd just assume he'd keep it.

 

The same lesson has been learned under much worse circumstances than being $1200 out. Sit down with anyone who's had to pay alimony to a spouse who cheated on and divorced them if you want to feel a little bit better about your situation.

 

Don't know your relationship to be able to comment on the faults, but if you're unhappy, you're unhappy. Though I'm assuming the money is more of an excuse than a reason not to pull the trigger.

[journeynow]

Consider it tuition to the School of Relationships for the masters course in A Lesson Learned. We all take that course at some point in life, usually unexpectedly or while on that proverbial "road paved with good intentions". It's ok to learn, just don't stay on that road to H___.

[Wiseman2]

What happened recently that changed your mind about him? What kind of stuff does he get you? When is your bday?

my feelings for him are changing due to some issues that have going on for a year, and during a recent disagreement i found out some things that have really changed my mind about him but im reluctant to break up cos i spent over 1k on him recently.

[Heart of gold]

Put it down to life's lessons. Don't buy anyone anything you might regret if things didn't work out. As they were gifts not money, you can't really ask for them back. But I wouldn't stay with him because of it... Because there will only be more anniversaries and bdays to pay for.

[saluk]

This is what is known as the "sunk cost" fallacy. In business, if a product line is losing money, your reasoning for continuing to put money into that product line CAN NOT be "well we've spent so much on it already". The only reason to keep putting money into something that is losing money is if you have a reasonable prediction of a return on that investment.

 

Every day you are spending not breaking up with this guy is a cost. It's like, now he actually owes you $2005. Tomorrow he owes $2120. If he is very controlling or obnoxious, maybe that's another 400 or 500$ that he really should pay you to make it right. You're never going to recoup your cost if you factor in your time and quality of life into the equation. Find a more profitable product line to invest in and let this one sink.