Rezie Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 It's not really fair, OP, to only give half the story when you come here seeking advice. You left out a HUGE element to this whole thing in your initial post, and I wouldn't have given any support or sympathy had I known the real situation. Nor can you get accurate advice when you don't tell the whole story. Waste of time. I'm not sure if your wife is a cheater also, but if so, then the only innocents in this whole mess are your kids. Is it really cheating if the couple have a mutual agreement that they can have relationships outside the marriage? I think cheating needs to have a betrayal. In OPs case they have a monogamy agreement with the girlfriend, not with the wife. So girlfriend sleeping around was cheating. Not that I understand or agree with their marriage and relationship I think we need to accept that people have different types of agreements in the relationship. It's a bit unfair to look for truthful advice when you have a lot of important details missing. Also I don't follow your logic on why you are married for the kids. I personally don't understand how parents being roommates serves them in any way. I also don't understand why you are with the girlfriend and let her live in your condo, help her invest in her companies. I think she is over it.she has been with you since she was in her early 20s (?) and now she is over the relationship. She can do anything she wants and you keep financing her lifestyle and taking her back. She just takes till you stop giving and then she will move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 Is it really cheating if the couple have a mutual agreement that they can have relationships outside the marriage? I think cheating needs to have a betrayal. In OPs case they have a monogamy agreement with the girlfriend, not with the wife. So girlfriend sleeping around was cheating. Not that I understand or agree with their marriage and relationship I think we need to accept that people have different types of agreements in the relationship. . But from what he shares. .there is no agreement, apparently on all three corners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 Is it really cheating if the couple have a mutual agreement that they can have relationships outside the marriage? I think cheating needs to have a betrayal. In OPs case they have a monogamy agreement with the girlfriend, not with the wife. So girlfriend sleeping around was cheating. Not that I understand or agree with their marriage and relationship I think we need to accept that people have different types of agreements in the relationship. It is a confusing arrangement, and possibly a double standard? He has his wife and his girlfriend; isn't she allowed similar (i.e, him and another guy, possibly a live-in partner?) So from her point of view, texting other men isn't so different from you having a wife, which she probably can't fully know what you and your wife do or don't do. This is not a moral judgement, just pointing out how messy it can be in situations like this. Maybe not messy for the kids (or maybe so, they pick up things from you two as their primary role-models) but messy for someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 Do you have an open relationship either openly knowing about outside lovers or 'turning a blind eye'? Either way the mistress seems to be causing more headaches than it's worth, no?My wife has many other guy friends and we never question what our own free time are doing. As a matter of fact, she's out tonight and disappeared. I'm with the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 Is it really cheating if the couple have a mutual agreement that they can have relationships outside the marriage? I think cheating needs to have a betrayal. In OPs case they have a monogamy agreement with the girlfriend, not with the wife. So girlfriend sleeping around was cheating. Not that I understand or agree with their marriage and relationship I think we need to accept that people have different types of agreements in the relationship. It's a bit unfair to look for truthful advice when you have a lot of important details missing. Also I don't follow your logic on why you are married for the kids. I personally don't understand how parents being roommates serves them in any way. I also don't understand why you are with the girlfriend and let her live in your condo, help her invest in her companies. I think she is over it.she has been with you since she was in her early 20s (?) and now she is over the relationship. She can do anything she wants and you keep financing her lifestyle and taking her back. She just takes till you stop giving and then she will move on. We don't know if the wife is cheating, as he did not say that they had an open marriage. we do know that he is cheating, and throwing away a lot of family money on the mistress . I don't think the wife is open to that. Terrible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quidam Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Op left the building guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Op left the building guys Seems like they always do when they realize they won't get any sympathy here for cheating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youngatheart88 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 I ask for advice and not personal attacks. No it does not affect the family or my children. How do you know and pass judgement? Just because I don't have sex with my wife, does not affect the rest of my life. My involvement with my girlfriend is limited in time and my family always come first. The children are content and achieving the top of their schools. Everyone's life is different and have different lifestyles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youngatheart88 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 Sorry guys, I don't live online. Didn't disappear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 You're living in a different world than most of the people here. Most people don't see cheating as okay or as no big deal. I guess you didnt answer the question of whether this is an open marriage and if your wife knows about the mistress? (sorry if I overlooked it). Surely the children can sense something is up. I, for one, will never suggest to someone that a situation like this is okay. Maybe someone else here can relate to it better. But if it's straight-up cheating, then you're going to have a really hard time finding any sympathy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 The children are content and achieving the top of their schools. That's good. Their current contentment and school activity isn't the issue. What they learn from you about relationships is. Kids do pick up on the undercurrent. My parents didn't fight, we kids were content, were high achievers in school, but we didn't want our parent's relationship because it wasn't loving. Nonetheless, if you are not happy with your mistress after 7 years, sure, leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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