Batya33 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I think she's trying too hard. I am 40. Married 11 years - but think I married as I didn't want to be left on the shelf as most of my friend's were married with kids. Now not sure I even married for love or wether it was the right thing. She needs to relax when the right one comes, they come. Don't compare with friends and peers. Live life and enjoy it and be happy. Do the things you want to do and make you happy everything else will follow. I didn't want to settle (and I also got in my own way as far as finding the right person). I think coming across as desperate is off-putting. I think settling or marrying other than because you love the person and want to marry them with all of your heart is a huge mistake IMHO. I think trying as far as being proactive about getting yourself out there, meeting people through on line dating sites, doing volunteer work where you meet other people, asking to be set up to friends you trust -not "trying" but doing -active and proactive - if you're in your 30s and want to meet the right person. I don't think leaving it to fate is good for one's biological clock. I do think doing activities that make you happy is key as long as those activities involve being out there and meeting people in person as much as possible (and meeting people ASAP when the first contact is online works great too -many happy marriages among my friends in their 30s and 40s -and 20s -through on line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rusty60 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 LostNtheDark, I often wonder something that I don't have the nerve to ask my friend: How do you feel about partnered friends talking about their significant others and the everyday news and happenings with them? I keep wondering if I should avoid saying anything about my significant other because of it being a constant reminder to my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 LostNtheDark, I often wonder something that I don't have the nerve to ask my friend: How do you feel about partnered friends talking about their significant others and the everyday news and happenings with them? I keep wondering if I should avoid saying anything about my significant other because of it being a constant reminder to my friend. Why? That's what's happening in your life, so of course talk about your significant other. It's not your problem she's single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 LostNtheDark, I often wonder something that I don't have the nerve to ask my friend: How do you feel about partnered friends talking about their significant others and the everyday news and happenings with them? I keep wondering if I should avoid saying anything about my significant other because of it being a constant reminder to my friend. I think you talk about it as one of many topics. I don't talk about my child to my friends who do not have children or want a child but aren't in the position to have one. There are many other things to talk about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hicham Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 well i m 37 she is around my age i m a single man frankly what i learned that women who are the most likely to have better life without man than the single man the study revealed also single woman live longer than single man it mean that the pressure to have healthy relationship lifetime partener apply more for men than women i m sure that they are plenty available guys there or if you don t mind the long distance relationship it can be easy for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 well i m 37 she is around my age i m a single man frankly what i learned that women who are the most likely to have better life without man than the single man the study revealed also single woman live longer than single man it mean that the pressure to have healthy relationship lifetime partener apply more for men than women i m sure that they are plenty available guys there or if you don t mind the long distance relationship it can be easy for you Please use punctuation, it makes posts a lot easier to read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kktang Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I'm also 37 F single. While I love all my old friends but they're all married with kids busy with life/career/family etc. I found it extremely helpful to meet other single female to go out and do things with, b**ch about dating, men etc. I know so many great guys and gals still single in their late 30s, marriage and kids are not the only options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rusty60 Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 kktang: Right on, I've tried to tell her that she's not alone but I get the impression that she sticks to one crowd of people that includes a lot of couples and families. I once enjoyed a couple of good singles get-togethers a few years ago that weren't hokey or awkward at all, so perhaps I'll suggest finding a Meetup group with such a theme. I'll have to convince her to venture beyond her usual crowd, as she seems to get rather comfortable with situations that end up holding her back. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, which is something anyone could do, regardless of relationship status. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 kktang: Right on, I've tried to tell her that she's not alone but I get the impression that she sticks to one crowd of people that includes a lot of couples and families. I once enjoyed a couple of good singles get-togethers a few years ago that weren't hokey or awkward at all, so perhaps I'll suggest finding a Meetup group with such a theme. I'll have to convince her to venture beyond her usual crowd, as she seems to get rather comfortable with situations that end up holding her back. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, which is something anyone could do, regardless of relationship status. I wouldn't try to convince. Simply make sure in a clear but non-pushy way that if she wants your input on things she can do to change her situation (if she complains again) please to let you know. Hanging out with couples/families is great if they also are trying to introduce her to single people. Also sometimes people complain but they do it just to vent and have no intention of actually doing anything to try to change his/her situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I'm also 37 F single. While I love all my old friends but they're all married with kids busy with life/career/family etc. I found it extremely helpful to meet other single female to go out and do things with, b**ch about dating, men etc. I know so many great guys and gals still single in their late 30s, marriage and kids are not the only options. There are many options besides marriage and kids. But, the OP says his friend really wants marriage and kids (although as I explained in my other post, really wanting and actually doing what it takes are separate things). I never, ever veered from wanting marriage and the opportunity to have a child and I started dating my husband when I was 39. I think it's obvious that there are many ways to live one's life and I think telling that to a single adult who says she wants marriage/kids can come across as patronizing or at least unhelpful. A number of my married friends/acquaintances/colleagues set me up with single men. I think it's great to hang out with single people and also to do activities, including volunteer activities, that expose you to meeting people. Volunteering backstage at a community theater is often a great way to find a spouse, so I've seen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightWave93 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I'm pretty much in the same boat, albeit in my twenties. Not sure really what to suggest, it might just be a case of timing / not meeting the right person. If she's desperate for someone then I agree it may be effecting how she behaves around men, but otherwise I would've thought she'd have a little success. It sounds like she may just need to change-up her environment somewhat, try something new and interesting to help broaden her social circle / dating opportunities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kktang Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 There are many options besides marriage and kids. But, the OP says his friend really wants marriage and kids (although as I explained in my other post, really wanting and actually doing what it takes are separate things). I never, ever veered from wanting marriage and the opportunity to have a child and I started dating my husband when I was 39. I think it's obvious that there are many ways to live one's life and I think telling that to a single adult who says she wants marriage/kids can come across as patronizing or at least unhelpful. Sorry forgot to mention I too wants kids and a partner to raise kids together. That came to my mind when I was about 34, 2.5 years 3 relationships including 1.5 years with a guy who would be a great husband/dad but i wasn't in love with. I have had many moments like OP's friends. Freezing my eggs when I turned 37 definitely eased a lot of the biology clock pressure, accepting I'm happier on my own than with the wrong partner, and having all these great single friends who also struggle to find a life partner make it less a 'me' problem and keep a positive outlook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Sorry forgot to mention I too wants kids and a partner to raise kids together. That came to my mind when I was about 34, 2.5 years 3 relationships including 1.5 years with a guy who would be a great husband/dad but i wasn't in love with. I have had many moments like OP's friends. Freezing my eggs when I turned 37 definitely eased a lot of the biology clock pressure, accepting I'm happier on my own than with the wrong partner, and having all these great single friends who also struggle to find a life partner make it less a 'me' problem and keep a positive outlook. What a great move to freeze your eggs! When I wanted to, 18 years ago, the technology wasn't there yet for freezing eggs as opposed to embryos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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