Annieh Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I'm 32 and have just recently split up with my partner of 2 years. After splitting up with my ex of 10 years I really felt like I'd met someone to settle down with; we ended over silly arguments and he won't meet and talk now so have gone NC. I just feel like all my friends are settled and I'm not going to find anybody as I'm 32 now...I know it's not old but I want a family and the happy ending my friends all seem to have Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Sorry to hear this. Stay no contact. Did he feel pressured about settling down or commitment? Just keep following your dreams but do not make it a mission, because dating and love and relationships have to come before marriage, kids, picket fence, etc. What were the arguments about and were there signs earlier that he wasn't on the same page? I'm 32 and have just recently split up with my partner of 2 years.we ended over silly arguments. I want a family and the happy ending my friends all seem to have Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 No we had disagreed on where to live (we only live 20 minutes apart) he lives with his Mum (he's 36) and didn't want to move far from her-we didn't actually split over anything important,just a flippant comment about him liking girls pics on fb and then he said we'll call it a day,since then he has bombarded me with messages and silly pics but won't actually meet and talk so now I'm NC as he's wasting my time,just hurts so much and I've only gone 6 days!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 He said he wanted the same thing...house,marriage maybe kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betterwithout Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Put the calendar away Annieh. Don't use a measuring stick to your friends. Everyone has a different path. 50% of your "happy" friends statistically could probably end in divorce. Many people can and do have children after 40 these days. Don't rush a relationship, allow it to flow with your next man. Time to update the online profile, find a few nice outfits and say yes to those coffee dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 You have just had a break up. Your mind is probably going to race with all kinds of negative thoughts. Try not to take them too seriously. What you are feeling is normal but it shall pass. Being settled and being happy are two different things. Ending over silly arguments indicates that the relationship lacked healthy communication to the point that it became non-viable. Hopefully, you want a HAPPY relationship not just any relationship... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Why does he have to move? Why is he living with his mother after you two were dating 2 yrs? Did he move back there after a breakup or has he never cut the apron strings? Either way. That is a huge red flag to watch out for next time.No we had disagreed on where to live. he lives with his Mum (he's 36) and didn't want to move far from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 He never really moved out,he used to stay at mine most nights but in the whole time never fully moved in,he's never properly moved out of his family home. Thanks for all your comments,they really help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betterwithout Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 He never really moved out,he used to stay at mine most nights but in the whole time never fully moved in,he's never properly moved out of his family home. Thanks for all your comments,they really help Is 36 the new 16? Why is a grown man living with his mum at 36?. smh. Sorry to say, but it sounds like you need to find a real man. Not a man-child living under the safety of his mums' nest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Just for some laughs and maybe some insight into this type of situation read the book: The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 This is exactly what I need!! Thanks,I'm buying it right now!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Put the calendar away Annieh. Don't use a measuring stick to your friends. Everyone has a different path. 50% of your "happy" friends statistically could probably end in divorce. Many people can and do have children after 40 these days. Don't rush a relationship, allow it to flow with your next man. Time to update the online profile, find a few nice outfits and say yes to those coffee dates. The 50% statistic isn't true. That has long since been debunked. Other than that, I agree with this post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 50% of couples that post on FB aren't happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 It seems even more abysmal than that.50% of couples that post on FB aren't happy. "The study, published in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, found that people who use Facebook more than once an hour are more likely to "experience Facebook–related conflict with their romantic partners.” That conflict could then lead to a breakup or divorce. The study, conducted by Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, and his colleagues at the University of Hawaii at Hilo and St. Mary's University in San Antonio, surveyed 205 Facebook users aged 18 to 82. Of those surveyed, 79 percent reported being in a romantic relationship. While previous studies had shown that the more a person uses social media sites like Facebook the more like they were to monitor their partners, Clayton's study was the first to look at actual break up rates. Clayton hypothesized that more frequent social media use and monitoring of one's partner could lead to misunderstandings and feelings of jealousy. The study appears to have proved that hypothesis by noting a strong correlation between Facebook use and relationship stability. Clayton posited that, for most, the correlation probably stems from jealousy and arguments about past partners related to social media snooping. Of course, the study also found that social media makes it possible for users to reconnect with others, including past lovers, which could lead to emotional and physical cheating. Clayton's study is not the first of its kind. In 2012 Divorce-Online UK surveyed British divorce lawyers to determine if there was an anecdotal connection between social media use and divorce. According to that survey, approximately one in three divorces resulted from social media-related disagreements. Similarly, a 2010 survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that four out of five lawyers used evidence derived from social networking sites in divorce cases, with Facebook leading the pack. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 What were the 'silly' arguments about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 I used to moan that he didn't seem as bothered about us moving in together and he said that made him feel that he wasn't good enough, I told him that was not the case but he ended it during one of our rows "lets just call it a day" but then continued to message everyday. It has been 7 days no contact now, it was my birthday and I thought he would wish me happy birthday but he didn't so I'm hurting a lot today. Scared he will move on but I will not break NC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betterwithout Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 The 50% statistic isn't true. That has long since been debunked. Other than that, I agree with this post. Thanks Ms Darcy. I hadn't heard about the debunking...50% does seem high. Through my own observations, it always seems more like 25-30% get divorced (workplace, my relatives, and within my circle of friends. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 It's hard coming to terms with the fact that it's over; he didn't wish me happy birthday the other day and we're on day 8 of NC. I'm shocked he has stopped contacting me and have to assume the worst that he has moved on quickly. It hurts so bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 i think this might be a case where NC has put the nail in the coffin rather than prompting a resolution Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 i think this might be a case where NC has put the nail in the coffin rather than prompting a resolution No, consider it a cool down period. It makes no sense to stir the pot when someone is still angry enough to avoid your birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annieh Posted April 5, 2017 Author Share Posted April 5, 2017 Day 15 no contact and he messaged on day 13...just saying he'd seen an old dog like mine and it was cute and made him sad. No questions asked, no request to talk or meet up so NC continues. I do not understand why after 13 days he broke his silence with this random statement Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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