He is moving too fast for my comfort

[Wiseman2]

Read up on crazy-making, it's deliberate :

I feel Im going crazy...

 

 

"Crazy making in relationships is a subtle dynamic that can leave you full of self doubt, wondering if you might be going crazy. Crazy making is a form of emotional abuse involving things such as mind games, intended to make you question yourself. It destabilises your confidence and slowly allows the other person to gain more control over you and the relationship.Thoughts such as “Is it just me?”, “Am I imagining things?” and “I am not sure anymore of what is wrong or right” all suggest that you might be in a crazy making relationship."

[Tanzi]

I feel so awful. I hate it... I know what he is doing and I still have doubts. I really thought I am strong and fairly headed, how can one person turn you into an unstable. I feel Im going crazy...

 

What should I say so he can leave me alone....

 

Probably NOTHING. By all means reiterate one more time that it is over if it makes you feel more comfortable but then stop communicating altogether. Sometimes the only way to get through to someone is by saying nothing at all because all the while you are responsive to him, he still sees an opportunity to get to you.

[Dahl]

Sorry to come here again...He is trying to pull "I will change" act. Can I ask you to confirm this is all part of his strategy and I should just let it go? Why is doing this?

 

You come here any time you please! You are welcome and wanted.

 

You are not the only person to resolve, revise, ponder, speculate and any other mental exercise that occurs to you.

 

I'd be more worried if you refused to consider ever changing your opinion. Please don't hesitate to challenge and check, recheck and renew your ideas. Any intelligent person does.

 

I would submit for your consideration this - when he responds to your desire to part ways by ignoring your desire and pressing to overwrite your concerns with his assurances, recall how he has demonstrated his capability to change when you have presented other qualms and feeling to him.

 

Your feelings regarding staying over, for instance. Did you feel heard, respected, and accommodated? Or did he smile and nod and proceed to do precisely what his agenda dictated, rather than honor your wishes?

 

His behavior on a point by point basis may be a good predictor as to how he will treat you and your concerns at large and across the board.

 

Please continue to post and update us. We sincerely care about you and we are rooting for you!

[Silky Vixen]

Thank you.... he sent me hundrends of texts, tried to call, sent 19 text messages. In the end he stated he will delete me of messenger, fb and phone. Which he did for fb for sure.

 

I hope it is over cause he disturbed me today so much. I honestly started wondering if I should give him second chance, cause maybe it will be as great as it was when he was his nice self.

 

I feel sad, I really wanted us to work... But I know I couldn't trust that he will change.

 

I feel empty.

[ParisPaulette]

Okay, stop. Read and reread these quotes by Gavin de Becker, while you go directly to Chapter 11 and read the entire thing, because that's the situation you are in right now. The chapter called, "I was trying to let him down easy."

 

"No" is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you... Declining to hear "no" is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it.

Gavin de Becker

 

AND:

 

Persistence only proves persistence-it does not prove love. The fact that a romantic pursuer is relentless doesn't mean you are special-it means he is troubled.

Gavin de Becker

 

So this guy is not special, this is not some grand love. He has something wrong with not to take your no on board and accept it. This is scary and it's scary how easily manipulated you are being by this guy, who is clearly, CLEARLY, got something wrong with him.

 

He is not respecting your boundaries, not respecting you. Never ever respond to him again. You already told him it's over, you told him no, it's a complete sentence. End of discussion. So block and delete him and have 9-1-1 at the ready to call. If he shows up do not let him into your house, I mean it.

 

Go to your mirror, stand in front of it, and say "No" with as much force as you can muster. And keep saying it until you can say it without flinching, without anything but total certainty.

 

You.have.the.right.to just say NO. Repeat that until you believe it, believe in yourself. And finish reading that book, but right now yeah go straight to Chapter 11. I've had this happen to me, I have been stalked both by romantic partners and by people through my work. You don't cave in the face of their persistence. You say no as a complete sentence and you block any and all contact. And that's all you do and you don't let this guy into your house or near you even.

 

Stay safe. I know it's scary, and you really wanted this to work out. But when you date someone the sole purpose first is to get to know them and know if they will be okay and someone you should have in your life. You did that, you gave the guy a chance, you got to know him and what you found are serious red flags. So now it's time to bow out, admit it wasn't what you thought it was, and move on. Just remember you have that right to say no. No is a complete sentence and niceness and persistence are strategies, not a trait of a person the way their height or hair color is. This guy is so frantic to get you to say yes to him, aren't you at all alarmed at what his agenda is? Suspicious even? He has an agenda, and it doesn't sound like a good one at all.

[notalady]

Thank you.... he sent me hundrends of texts, tried to call, sent 19 text messages. In the end he stated he will delete me of messenger, fb and phone. Which he did for fb for sure.

 

 

This is a huge red flag, the relentless harassment, not taking no for an answer. It's not an indication of his feelings for you, it's an indication that he doesn't respect your wishes and your boundaries. And you need to look deep inside to understand why you feel you should give him another chance after this harassing behaviour.

 

I hope he genuinely stopped. If he contacts you again, tell him please do not contact you again, you feel harassed. If he doesn't listen, tell him you'll have to report him to the police if he doesn't stop. Be firm.

 

I will also point out, if it isn't clear enough yet, something is seriously wrong with this guy. Run away, as far away as you can.

[Silky Vixen]

Thank you All. I wouldn't make it through without you. I need that voice you speak to me here to be in my head. If it was here I wouldn't go this far with him. I feel relieved today somehow. I hope this is over.

 

Also I went straight to Chapter 11. It gave me a lot of courage. I thought maybe I am too shallow, because he said if I made a mistake he would forgive me and give me second chance. But I didn't want to let him try, so how can he repay me for what he has done. But he didn't even respect my last wish to leave me alone, so how can he change.

 

What got me doubtful was when he said he will try to respect me more. So he knew he is not respecting me yet kept on doing it. I thought maybe he was not aware, but it looks like he was. I am truly naive thinking people cant be bad.

[ParisPaulette]

Keep going, you're doing good. Take this a life lesson that your instincts are on the money, really good, and you need to listen to them more often. Trust yourself always, your intuition has only your best interests at heart. Denial and arguing against what you know is a problem? Not so much.

 

Be proud of the fact a deeper part of you knew there was a problem, you asked for help, you got it. And you know it's the right thing. And keep posting here if you need to, this is an amazing community with some great people in it. So welcome and take care of yourself.