Dahl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Has he? Stopped? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanLB Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 As far as I am aware he doesn't speak to other guys, that isn't something I would know though. As for looking at other guys, no, that still very much happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I know a lot of this stems from my own personal insecurities though. Yes, he has hasn't helped in the slightest and I am here because of the things he has said and the constant checking out other guys. It is just so difficult as when we are good we are absolutely amazing and I am ridiculously happy. I think that it is curious that you chose someone who disrespects you, when you have such insecurities. I think that if you were ready to have a healthy, open relationship then you would not be with him. You are with him because it is safe: meaning, it has no future, and you know it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 You do feel comfortable asking for things like a clean bill of health and the like, please say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanLB Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 If by that you mean STI testing, I have been asking him for the past 14months and he just keeps telling me he will go when he has some free time but he knows he hasn't got anything, 14months later and I'm still waiting. Before you say anything, I'm not stupid, I haven't had unprotected sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanLB Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 It doesn't fall down to choosing. You can't help who you fall in love with. I am definitely not with him because it is safe though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 If by that you mean STI testing, I have been asking him for the past 14months and he just keeps telling me he will go when he has some free time but he knows he hasn't got anything, 14months later and I'm still waiting. Before you say anything, I'm not stupid, I haven't had unprotected sex. I don't even know how to respond to this. You need to wake up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 It doesn't fall down to choosing. You can't help who you fall in love with. I am definitely not with him because it is safe though. Yes. You are. This relationship does not have a future. He will never come out (you will always be a secret) and he is openly checking out guys in front of you. Dude, why do you want so little for yourself? Your self esteem is so low. You chose to ignore many red flags. You do have a choice in who you date and stay with. You have a choice now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I loved my ex, too. He also was not respectful, or someone who offered a future. I made the decision that I had to love and respect myself enough to walk away. I survived, as all the other people on this site, who have left unhealthy relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 No, Ryan, I don't think that you are at all stupid and I did not mean to imply it. And you took the time in your very first post to note that with the relevant details. My concern is that you feel able to ask and feel certain you are heard when you do - about STIs, yes, but anything that you feel is important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanLB Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 His family are not as accepting and he worries that his family wouldn't accept him and I would never force him. I just don't want to live a lie forever. I have a choice in who I date, but that doesn't mean to say I will feel with another person as what I feel with him. I do have low self esteem, I can't deny that one. I also do love him as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanLB Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I never hold back to voicing my opinion with him, that is for sure. Whether he listens to what I say or does anything about it is a different matter. I think that is proven with me asking him to get tested for the last 14months and that still not being done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 His family are not as accepting and he worries that his family wouldn't accept him and I would never force him. I just don't want to live a lie forever. I have a choice in who I date, but that doesn't mean to say I will feel with another person as what I feel with him. I do have low self esteem, I can't deny that one. I also do love him as well. So, you chose to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Don't you want to be with someone who integrates you into their life: friends, family etc...? Perhaps, you want to get married some day. Why do yo feel this guy is the end all? As long as you stay with him, you will not have an open, healthy, respectful relationship. Your choice. Have you sought counseling for your self esteem issues? what do your friends say about him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I never hold back to voicing my opinion with him, that is for sure. Whether he listens to what I say or does anything about it is a different matter. I think that is proven with me asking him to get tested for the last 14months and that still not being done. But, he hasn't done it. Good God!!!! That says a lot!!!!! Are you going to continue to ask for the next 5 years, while he completely ignores your requests? C'mon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanLB Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 It isn't as easy to walk away from. I love him and regardless, I know he loves me. My friends don't know. As I said, I'm not out either but I close to that point. I would never force him to come out if he wasn't ready, that wouldn't be right of me. It isn't that I believe he is the end all. I love him, when we are good we are amazing together and I haven't been happier. He pushes me to do the best in life, with university, etc. I have wanted to try counselling, not just for the relationship, for numerous things. I just need to get over the initial embarrassment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 This goes way beyond the initial stuff - you're making excuses. He disrespects you by openly checking out other men, and he refuses to act on your request to get an STI test. You can stay in your bubble of denial, but you know this has no legs. I hope you find a way to value and respect yourself more, and not rely on others for all of your happiness, as it comes from with in. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 One last thing: We teach people how to treat us. By allowing the staring - you should have gotten up and walked out - comments about previous sex exploits and the failure to walk after the refusal to get the test. You have shown him, time and again that YOU do not respect yourself, and neither does he. You can b*tch about it all you want, but failing to take action, shows him that he can continue the behavior.. Stop whining to him, and show him that you will no longer tolerate this! I would cut complete contact, until I saw those test results. All you willing to risk your life for this guy, too? What if he has something that he has been hiding from you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Ryan, if I read this correctly and I apologize if I miss the mark - please know there is absolutely, positively, zero, zip, zilch shame in pursuing any mental health advice, guidance and or professional intervention. Personally, I think it is a basic part of an sound annual overview, same as squaring off with your dentist, your GP, and the like. No professional worth their salt is going to judge you, reject your rights for reasonable, respectful treatment or humiliate you. They're there to help you, only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Ryan, if I read this correctly and I apologize if I miss the mark - please know there is absolutely, positively, zero, zip, zilch shame in pursuing any mental health advice, guidance and or professional intervention. Personally, I think it is a basic part of an sound annual overview, same as squaring off with your dentist, your GP, and the like. No professional worth their salt is going to judge you, reject your rights for reasonable, respectful treatment or humiliate you. They're there to help you, only. Absolutely! Counseling is a great idea!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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