Cocoapetal Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 I haven't written here for a while.. years. Im at my Wits End, I thought i was doing better, journalling reading, therapy, educating myself, being celibate so i dont mix myself up with his feelings. the last three months ive been secretly planning my end, in my mind its all sorted, i know how and where. its crazy how much detail has gone into this. Over the last year i have been sick - migraine, throwing up, flu- at least 3 days every month. Ive spent time sick in bed just staring at the ceiling... Ive told the therapist - maybe speaking it out makes it loose its power? I hate to be attention seeking, i like being strong and independent. I'm not one to throw around serious issue trivially,. but it has been on my mind - how to end it- who will find me- how to do it- what i need to put in order- who will run my business- i need to sort out my clothes beforehand- give away shoes i no longer wear. do i leave a note? make a video? will making a video make me cry. Will they be angry at me? relieved? maybe they have been expecting it- maybe they've seen me unravel but no one can help. Im drawing and falling through the cracks and no one can help me. Therapy is great- it feels like finally having a mom- i chose a woman this time- someone i wont fall for. But is she right for me? Im still insomniac and sick and dead inside. Im sick again- i missed 3 days of work and money this week- I'm scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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