Seperating because she needs space.

[Vaporawth]

Wasn't sure where to post this but here goes. Recently my girlfriend of 7 years has decided she did not want to live with me anymore and needs space. I've heard this one before and it has always ended the relationship. I am a recovering alcoholic and it has been the biggest issue in our relationship from the start. The place we we're living gave us an eviction notice and she took that opportunity to tell me that her and our roommate are getting a place together without me (actually I had to guess because she didn't know how to tell me). She said she needs space and time to think because she has spent so long worrying if I will come home or even wake up alive after a bender and if I do how bad it will be (I'm an extremely angry drunk) and she lost parts of herself along the way. She also said I need to be independent (everything was in her name the lease, our car, all the bills) so instead of doing what I usually do and drinking my problems down inside myself, I let it motivate me and for the first time ever got a place to live and a car in my name (kinda late for a 28 year old) and it blew her away and it went from a break up to a seperation. Things seem to be going good we have still been sleeping together and helping each other move to our new places (which are across the street from each other) but any question I ask about the future or how I should act around her even if I can still call her baby, I get an"I don't know" we are still very much in love with each other and agreed not to see other people and focus on ourselves. but it just feels off as good as it's going I'm scared and have no idea what to do other than give her time and space once we are finally living in separate places in a few days, but how much of those will it take to get an answer?

[Andrina]

I would never put myself on hold for someone who needed space from me like I was toxic air. When a woman is done, she's done. Sounds like all the things you did in the past killed any real love she had for you. Congratulations for recovering and starting a better life for yourself. It sounds like she cares for you, but not in the way that you two will have a future together.

 

You can't have closure while staying in contact. At this point, she's probably too cowardly to make a hard stance and is easing herself away. The type of agreement you two have, not dating others, shouldn't exist between you two. Yes, it's best to stay alone so you can mourn the relationship and get yourself together. What she does now is none of your business, nor should it be your concern. She's in your past. Since you've been evicted, I'd move somewhere where you will no longer bump into her. Go no contact for your own good. When you get to a place of being happy solo, only then will you be ready for a new relationship. Good luck.

[MissCanuck]

It's great that you've made some positive steps in your own life.

 

I think you need to focus on your recovery and staying sober rather than spending energy trying to hold on to her right now. If you two even have a slim chance, she would need to see major steps taken to address the alcohol abuse as well anyway. Are you in treatment for, or do you plan to seek it?

 

It would be best to stop sleeping together and spending time together. This might just serve to help her finally detach from you, while it leaves you in the lurch. The truth is what when she decided to move out, she was already very checked out and mentally moving on. It's impossible to say if she will have a change of heart but I don't think it would happen unless and until you two really spend time apart.

[Wiseman2]

Hopefully you are trying to get sober otherwise the dysfunction will continue, even if you are having sex, chatting, etc. She did the right thing because now you have a place a car and will be responsible for your drinking on your own. She did you a huge favor by not enabling you anymore.

 

Why were you evicted? Was there drama and cop calls or financial problems?

The place we we're living gave us an eviction notice and she took that opportunity to tell me that her and our roommate are getting a place together without me (actually I had to guess because she didn't know how to tell me). She said she needs space and time to think because she has spent so long worrying if I will come home or even wake up alive after a bender and if I do how bad it will be (I'm an extremely angry drunk)