25 days no contact and ex started texting me he loves me and wants to talk

[Anon333]

I posted a thread yesterday about being so depressed and missing my ex. This is our third break up and he was so uncertain of the relationship for months until we parted ways in the beginning of January. His last text was that he hopes to get his head straight and he started therapy and that in the near future he hopes we can be together. He has a fear of commitment I believe and I also think he was getting GIGS....My self esteem has been so low and I have cried every day for so long. He always said he loves me so much and that he feels crazy.

 

25 days have gone by and this morning I woke up to a text through instagram at 4am...it said "I am in love with you and cant stop thinking of yo.. ever.".... I of course didn't respond. a little later around 8 I received a text that said "life sucks so much without you. Ugh....I didn't want to respond because I dont want him to think he can come in and out of my life like this. its awful...SO now just a few minutes ago he wrote me through regular text that he is in love with me and cant shake it and wants to talk to me.

 

I am in love with him and I know trust is important and I dont know if I will have it with him. I have been waiting and wanting to hear from him. Wondering if he has missed me like Ive missed him. But also getting super angry for how much hurt and heart break he has caused. I dont think I can walk away from this though. How can I respond, or how should I. Or should I really try to ignore him which I dont know if I can.

[SooSad33]

Yes..this is not how to have a 'healthy' relationship.

 

3rd break up.. in how long together? (total)

[Anon333]

2 years....the 3rd break up lasted months of uncertainty....and even when we broke up he said he loves me and hopes to be together again soon....Im not responding. I wish he would just write me what he feels so I can know more whether to see him. I know its not healthy and he knows too. I told him not to contact me unless he felt secure in having a healthy relationship with a future...

[SooSad33]

I wish he would just write me what he feels so I can know more whether to see him.

- what do you mean by this?

 

 

 

he was so uncertain of the relationship for months until we parted ways in the beginning of January. His last text was that he hopes to get his head straight and he started therapy and that in the near future he hopes we can be together.

-

- But.. the FACT is... is in 25 days, you KNOW nothing has really 'changed'. Therefore there is no real reason for you to 'respond' to these messages from him.

 

YES, for sure this is emotionally draining on you.. and also him, possibly. But, he also needs to realize what is going on here and deal with it! As it sounds like, he is.

 

The point is,, is that nothing have improved or changed here, yet... and he may be wanting a response from you.. but in ways, he's being selfish. because you're already hurt.

 

I am thinking you should send him a reply, once and for all, explaining how YOU are being affected by this ongoing contact but you can't do it anymore. That you are trying to work on accepting all that has happened and now you as well need to have some time on your own to work on yourself.

Ask him to stop doing this-- and keep working on himself.

 

He needs to work on accepting what is done, as you are as well.

 

This is not healthy.. to push & pull someone like he's doing. Yes, he sure does have some issue's to deal with. And by all means you want someone in your life who CAN give you ongoing emotional stability.

 

A few months ago, I had a guy try and get me to meet up with him- again, after he'd led me on for a cpl months.. then thought he could come back.. I said.. NO.

Explained how I was feeling and said I am not going there again... to get hurt again.

 

Yes, it hurt to have to walk.. and keep walking. BUT... we do need to realize our own worth and our mentality, where we need to stand up and refuse to get used.. or brought into someone else's issue's, being dragged down with them.

 

In the end, we have no one else but ourselves to rely on thru life. Always take care of you.

[Anon333]

Thank You so much for this reply. Were you in love with the person you turned down? Everything you wrote makes sense and sounds like the right thing to do. Now if my heart will allow me to walk away from him right now... Its hard to be rational when I am still so emotional about it all. But the thought of talking to him makes me sick right now as well. So much anxiety. Im worried if I walk away he will find someone else. That has been my worry. And it wouldn't mean he was a bad person. It would mean I denied him trying to come back and he will try to move on. I dont want to lose him. I am going to take what you said very serious and try to get a place in my head where I can do what you suggest. I am not ready to write back right now. I appreciate your response so much and I really do need to protect myself in this time.

[SooSad33]

I understand fully of all those emotions going on in your heart & mind. Things can really become difficult as to what to say or do next, when it comes to someone you have feelings for.

 

I too, deal with anxiety. Ended up going to the dr's and got put on lorazapam to get sleep .. and am taking melatonin too ( natural boost).

 

I don't really see how or why he'd move on? If he is supposed to be working on himself right now....

If he were to do that.. then wouldn't the same thing happen in the next relationship?

Also, he is still admitting his feelings for you.. so I don't think his mind is on anyone else.

Either way.. what is BEST is what he says he is going to do.. or doing. By seeking some professional help?

IMO.. you can NOT 'give' when you, yourself is so messed up.

 

Re my ex? I did feel for him.. but I think it was more 'empathy' and my emotions got caught up really fast ( too fast), for my own good. I was brought into his life issue's and realized I had to get out of it.-- I had to save myself.. but sadly, realized was too late.. I fell. I was a mess for a few months and in therapy.

( But, this is 'my battle'.)

 

I have given up now in searching and expectations. The last few yrs have been too much in regards to getting myself involved again.. that 'search for love'.. etc.

Now.. I feel it's all crap and I do NOT have the energy to 'give' anymore.-- So, why get involved if I can't do it?

 

I am working on me and will continue to do so for a good while. I refuse to get involved again, knowing I can't give myself fully ( mentally & emotionally) to someone out there.

 

Just like this guy shouldn't have done. As he is NOT mentally sound and I feel he's drawing in whomever will give him the time of day... not good

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, this sounds honest. He may love you but not feel equipped for a relationship. That is also evidenced by his stepping in and out of it repeatedly. Give him space and let him sort it out. No contact would be best for both of you. It would help him reflect on things and it would help you avoid confusing maudlin texts.

He always said he loves me so much and that he feels crazy.