Don't know how to solve this. BF threw a strop because I haven't moved out yet

[Krankor]

Convo with my mom:

 

"Nomally I would date someone longer before I have her meet the family, but circumstances being what they are..."

 

Mom: "We should meet her. In my day a date had to come in and greet the parents first."

 

Me: "Mom...I'm 40."

 

Mom: "So?"

[Pretzel]

Convo with my mom:

 

"Nomally I would date someone longer before I have her meet the family, but circumstances being what they are..."

 

Mom: "We should meet her. In my day a date had to come in and greet the parents first."

 

Me: "Mom...I'm 40."

 

Mom: "So?"

 

Sounds like my mother

[abitbroken]

You will never "Screw things up" by speaking the truth. You can only 'screw things up by lying - either blatantly lying, cheating or HIDING the fact that you are not okay with things. If you tell the truth about your feelings - and he doesn't like them, it may cause an argument or a break up, then oh well - it did not get "screwed up" = you simply are able to find someone better for you. Don't confuse better for you and "better treatment translated as spending lots of money on you and romancing you." If you go along and do not tell him what's not setting right with you, etc, it will only come out bigger and worse later.

 

Thank you so much for the encouragement regarding talking to my mother about this!! I was so scared to tell her, she's the most difficult woman I know. But I really hope it goes well from here forwards and there are no 'meet the fockers' moments for him if and when they meet - assuming we continue dating despite recent hiccups.

 

I know i have posted a few times about this guy- I just don't want to screw anything up he's good to me in lots of ways that i haven't mentioned perhaps so i don't want to be unfair to him. He did majorly annoy me during this particular dispute but i think we have worked things out. This particular issue probably our biggest dispute. We may well turn out to be incompatible but i guess time will tell.... If I haven't moved out by May then maybe you'll find me in the break up forum who knows

 

What I have learned from moving out of my parents' home in my early 20s, to living out of state, to being married, to moving back in, is that PART of the reason things are difficult with our parents is because we make it that way. Of course, I am not talking about truly abusive situations like parents who are drug addicts, severe abuse, etc... The things you do or don't reveal because "parents are difficult" cause more trouble when we are secretive and it causes them to be even MORE prying. She wasn't born yesterday. parents have a way of sniffing things out or know when we are hiding something. It is better to let her in a little bit.

 

And guess what, I don't find my parents controlling at all. They can get a little funky when they don't hear from me in awhile, etc, or overreact if I don't answer multiple calls (they don't call me 10 times in a row, but over a period of days) thinking i am in a ditch, but that's about it.) On the other hand, I thought they were evil dictators when I was 19 and couldn't figure why my cousins all loved my parents so much and thought they were the best people. I "got" it eventually, though, it was only growing pains of becoming an adult or being a young adult under their roof.

 

If your mother meets your boyfriend, she will probably lay off a little rather than wildly speculating that you are alone injured and in a ditch and know that you are with your boyfriend. But also keep in mind, mothers are protective and if she smells a rat, she might not be afraid to tell you.

[abitbroken]

Convo with my mom:

 

"Nomally I would date someone longer before I have her meet the family, but circumstances being what they are..."

 

Mom: "We should meet her. In my day a date had to come in and greet the parents first."

 

Me: "Mom...I'm 40."

 

Mom: "So?"

 

My parents said I will always be their kid even when I am 80 and they are over 100