My Odyssey

[Sportster2005]

I know those couples and used to see them a lot when I did my few hours at a cafe most Sundays while my child was at a local activity. And I thought it was nice - it looked comfortable. My husband I have been teleworking together and we sit about two feet away from each other, TV on in between and chat occasionally but also respect that we each need to get work done.

 

We found ourselves here this weekend. Instead of a cafe it was in the morning, in bed. The weather wasn't nice, so we had to improvise. C started looking on her phone for ideas, and generally checking her mail. I figured I would check mine. Initially I was annoyed that we weren't talking and instead being phone zombies. But I realised we were both comfortable and enjoying ourselves. We continued to talk. Showed each other interesting things, discussed plans. It was nice. Later in the day we had brunch. No phones, lots of nice conversation. Finding balance.

 

I may be over training a bit. I felt some anxiety at the beginning of the weekend. Pondered if it might be because I was giving up an entire weekend. After a good sleep Saturday night and a nice 16k run Sunday morning, my mood had changed. C texted me and wanted to walk downtown in the afternoon. Normally we take this time to ourselves. But I wanted to see her some more. A good sign.

[Sportster2005]

Nothing but gossip.

 

I can't remember how the conversation started. C told me LO used to work at the head of anaesthesiology. She took advantage of that to get some surgery done. Tummy tuck, new boobs, some face work. It just seems to be one big reveal after another with LO. I'm at that point now where I'm kind of embarrassed. Guess I shouldn't be. I didn't know a lot at the time.

[Sportster2005]

I'm starting to feel strongly for CS. I've managed to keep any insecurity in check. I've managed not to sabotage. I have a thriving relationship with a wonderful woman who is very much into me. Scary AF.

[IAmFCA]

I'm starting to feel strongly for CS. I've managed to keep any insecurity in check. I've managed not to sabotage. I have a thriving relationship with a wonderful woman who is very much into me. Scary AF.

 

i feel you.

 

Moment by moment. The moments will string themselves together so you don't have to.

[Sportster2005]

i feel you.

 

Moment by moment. The moments will string themselves together so you don't have to.

 

Very nice Poetic.

[Sportster2005]

Feeling ambivalent today.

 

It feels like the beginning of the end. It started Saturday night. We were out. She invited a friend along. Then when we left there we went to her place. Then we decided to do something else. She invited her border along. I didn't mind so much she invited her. I minded that the decision wasn't mutual. She made it without my input. I stayed the night but it didn't feel the same.

 

Sunday evening she wanted to do something with just her and her friends. Which is fine. All day though she didn't text. It's not like her not to text. Said she was busy. Yesterday she said she felt 'cramped', we shouldn't be in each other's pocket. Wanted to spend more time doing our own things. Have a chance to miss each other. I think I'm just being let down slowly and easily. I'm ambivalent about it. I can't keep up with her spending wise. We don't go to expensive places, but we are constantly out. There's no so thing as just relaxing in her world. She has too much energy for me. Or maybe I'm tired more because of all the running and dancing. I guess it doesn't matter. Sometimes I get to her place and just want to relax. Watch a movie or something. Never happens. If it's not going out, it's chores.

 

We don't fight. But she's extremely extroverted. I'm not.

 

She used to initiate good morning texts. Lately I have. I didn't this morning. She didn't. This is exactly how it feels before getting dumped. It sucks, but I think it would be for the best. I've said it a million times. When they come on strong and fast, they leave strong and fast. My biggest concern is what am I going to do for a dance partner. Maybe we can stay friends and dance partners. I'll miss her. But I miss myself more.

 

This is exactly how it feels right before you get dumped. Maybe time away will freshen us up a bit. I wouldn't bet on it. I thought Sunday was going to be our last day. I think she just doesn't want to admit it out loud. But she's slowly drifting away. I can feel in my bones.

[Batya33]

I hear you AND as hard as it may be can you maybe just treat this as more of an individual situation so that you back off a bit, give each other space in a calm way, and see what happens - I get it -you are of an age where you've seen this before. Again and again. But why not suspend judgment just in case you can avoid a self-fulfilling prophecy and see if giving space (which is not a major investment on your part, i wouldn't think?) might rejuvenate/revive things?

[Sportster2005]

I hear you AND as hard as it may be can you maybe just treat this as more of an individual situation so that you back off a bit, give each other space in a calm way, and see what happens - I get it -you are of an age where you've seen this before. Again and again. But why not suspend judgment just in case you can avoid a self-fulfilling prophecy and see if giving space (which is not a major investment on your part, i wouldn't think?) might rejuvenate/revive things?

 

Very wise, and a gosh darn good approach.

 

I've learned not to push in these situations. I haven't learned to just be quite and let things play out. I'm out of my comfort zone. I want to bolt. I need to breath and let things be. It's probably not as bad as it is in my mind. I think maybe? the honeymoon is waning and we are just falling into a normal couple hood. Thanks Batya.

[reinventmyself]

Very wise, and a gosh darn good approach.

 

I've learned not to push in these situations. I haven't learned to just be quite and let things play out. I'm out of my comfort zone. I want to bolt. I need to breath and let things be. It's probably not as bad as it is in my mind. I think maybe? the honeymoon is waning and we are just falling into a normal couple hood. Thanks Batya.

 

Choose to look at this as a good thing instead. You are in need of some down time to recharge and she's in need of alone time/girl time.

It's what healthy couples do.

 

Besides, one can read between the lines that the two of you have been spending a lot of time together. Again, normal in a new relationship.

 

Step back, readjust, come back together at a pace that suites you both. win/win

 

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. . It's kind of your knee jerk response.

[abitbroken]

I think that this might be the normal progression of settling into a relationship. If you decide to continue, i would make sure i was scheduling things with your guy friends and then do one on one dates so its more quality time over quantity. YES no knee jerk responses.

[faraday]

Just saw this. Sorry you're feeling down right now. Take a couple of days to do whatever it is that you do to recharge. Watch all of the movies! Take some time to chill out and get feeing balanced again.

 

It is hard not to assume the worst...it's like...mentally preparing yourself. But it might not be the way you think it is.

 

I've got my fingers crossed for you. I hope it doesn't go how you think it will.

[Larkin]

Sorry, Sportster. Thought you hit the jackpot with this one. Hope the ladies here are right, but I'd say trust your gut instincts - if it feels like the relationship is headed south, it probably is. No advice, just commiseration. Been there. It sucks.

[Clarisse]

I agree with the others and think you've just reached the phase of the relationship where you negotiate couple time and alone time. It's normal and healthy.

[Sportster2005]

I agree with the others and think you've just reached the phase of the relationship where you negotiate couple time and alone time. It's normal and healthy.

 

THIS.

 

Looks like you were all correct and I was just being a worrisome willy. Things have settled back down to normal. There are less texts and we took a night off last night. It felt good. We have a big weekend this weekend. There's a Jazzfest and we are both taking Monday off, prollly take a long drive to my old home town.

 

I think it was just more of a milestone than a bump.

[Clarisse]

THIS.

 

Looks like you were all correct and I was just being a worrisome willy. Things have settled back down to normal. There are less texts and we took a night off last night. It felt good. We have a big weekend this weekend. There's a Jazzfest and we are both taking Monday off, prollly take a long drive to my old home town.

 

I think it was just more of a milestone than a bump.

 

That's GREAT news, Sportster! Enjoy your fun weekend together.

[IAmFCA]

Extrovert / introvert, as you point out. How she seeks stimulation and how you seek relaxation are both, in a way, the same thing. Passive energy for her is doing chores. Passive energy for you is couch time.

 

I am like her. I am learning, with limited success, to schedule time staying home to read the mail even. If I am in the house past 10 in the morning, I am freaking out. When I am home, I am hopping up to do something every 15 minutes. I don't want to text or talk. Just want to see you when I can. It isn't personal.

 

This shift is necessary to make your connection sustainable. I am excited to see you two negotiate it.

[Batya33]

THIS.

 

Looks like you were all correct and I was just being a worrisome willy. Things have settled back down to normal. There are less texts and we took a night off last night. It felt good. We have a big weekend this weekend. There's a Jazzfest and we are both taking Monday off, prollly take a long drive to my old home town.

 

I think it was just more of a milestone than a bump.

 

So lovely to hear this! Enjoy the weekend!

[IAmFCA]

Maybe this is relevant .... reinforces the normative... seems easy enough. Less scary when we think of skill sets and preferences not rights and wrongs.

 

 

[Sportster2005]

Annnnnd we are done. My intuition was right all along. I didn't ask for an explanation. They don't really matter. We are going to try and be friends. I don't feel any ill feelings toward her. Actually the last couple of times together it was clear to me we are a lousy match.

 

It is kind of sad though. It did start off so promising. We had some great times. I can't complain. Think I'll wait a week and then put a profile back up.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry. I suggested what I did because -and I think you agree - I didn't see a need to throw in the towel right away. Friends sounds good if you have to see her at dance events, etc. I hope you're doing ok.

[Sportster2005]

I'm sorry. I suggested what I did because -and I think you agree - I didn't see a need to throw in the towel right away. Friends sounds good if you have to see her at dance events, etc. I hope you're doing ok.

 

Thanks Batya. And yes, I did agree. I wouldn't do it differently. But now my problem is, it's going to be even harder to give the next gal the benefit of a doubt when the same things happen. I seem to be brilliant at sensing when someone is pulling away.

 

I'm sad mostly because it started off so wonderful. And it's hard to reconcile our start with our ending. But I guess every relationship starts out well. It's only when you spend some time together I guess you really get to know someone and how you feel. I made the mistake again of getting involved with someone who comes on strong and fast. This is how they all end. After a little infatuation they realize you're not the one for them and they move on to the next one.

 

Sad but not hurt. I honestly couldn't see it going anywhere. As much as I like her she has some annoying habits that I could never live with. It's an odd feeling.

 

Lol and I also find myself without a dance partner for a while

 

And I find after a breakup one can't help their mind wandering into "what is wrong with me?"

[abitbroken]

I would only agree to "friends" as far as "we are not enemies". I wouldn't let her hang on as far as seeing you and texting you the same amount as normal - just with no label. That's just my two cents. Nothing is wrong with you --- you said you didn't see it going anywhere longterm.

[Batya33]

All normal reactions and I only disagree that it's always like that in the beginning -the click you described, what you had in common, how you enjoyed hanging out with each other -that's not so easy to find. Sure, it doesn't mean long term or forever necessarily but that is why I suggested holding out a bit before pulling the plug. I did notice that she was a bit too focused maybe on that woman you dated who she knew so that would suggest (again maybe) that there's not something at all wrong with you.

 

Compatibility and maintaining the connection is hard to come by ,that's for sure.

[faraday]

That sucks. Sorry Sportster

[Sportster2005]

I would only agree to "friends" as far as "we are not enemies". I wouldn't let her hang on as far as seeing you and texting you the same amount as normal - just with no label. That's just my two cents. Nothing is wrong with you --- you said you didn't see it going anywhere longterm.

 

For sure. I don't think she'll be around much. I just want to be able to dance with her when we bump into each other. That's more for selfish reasons until I find another dance partner grrrrrrrr.