My Odyssey

[Sportster2005]

So I'm sitting with my dance partner in the waiting room at the dance studio when guess who walks in?

 

It was CS. Hmmmmm, coincidence? I've been going almost every Thursday for a year, she's never shown up before? I guess it doesn't matter if it's coincidence or not. It was interesting. She brought a dancing partner. A married friend. She asked me for a dance. It was a foxtrot. Sort of a waltz if you never. She said "we would get really good at this with practice", and "I can show you so much".

 

I don't think it's coincidence. She knows I dance there, and she knows what night practice night is. And she all of a sudden wants to start practicing ballroom again? I think she might like me.

[Sportster2005]

I stopped to pick her up. She invited me in. We hugged and she gave me a kiss. Which was both pleasant and odd. We had not kissed yet. But it seemed natural and very easy. I had messed up the start time of the event so we had lots of time to kill. She gave me the tour of her house. It's an older home, very interesting. The we had a glass of wine and chatted.

 

We arrived. She grabbed my hand as we walked to the venue. She's very forward and speaks her mind. Something I admire. She never crosses the line though. Very respectful of my privacy, whilst learning and sharing.

 

The event was Latin Dancing Night. She is a much more experienced dancer. I as a little nervous. Maybe too nervous. I managed to elbow her in the mouth. It wasn't too hard. No bleeding or swelling. She laughed. I felt horrible. We agreed later that night it would make a good first date story.

 

We started dancing very close together. It was getting quite hot, if you know what I mean.

 

The conversation was always easy and there were no awkward moments at all. She had a hand held fan. She hid us behind it for a kiss. It was a little more than the peck we had earlier. I discovered we kiss similarly. Which is nice. I find it very hard to find women that like to kiss the way I do. We started to make some vague plans. We agreed maybe some private Salsa lessons. Some night do the Salsa dance at another club. Stuff like that.

 

The night was starting to slow down a bit. I was wondering if I should suggest calling it a night. End on a high note. It was then she asked if I wanted to go back to her place and make out. LOL yeah let me think about that. So went to her place.

 

She lit a bunch of candles and put on some nice music. We didn't have sex, of which I'm glad. Not that I was trying too hard. I didn't want to. Well part of me did, I'm a man, duh. But we easily felt it was a first date and there will be lots of time for that later. We talked and talked in between kissing. It mind sound hoaky but I can't remember feeling like that. It was obviously some lust. But it was the ease of conversation. It was the feeling of feeling like I knew her forever.

 

I wondered why I didn't do something sooner. We've known each other since 2013. Or known of each other, bumping into each other at blues venues. She said it's all timing and 'just meant to be'. I mentioned that what I saw her last week she just seemed different to me. I saw her different and really wanted to ask her out. Something about her that night caught my complete attention. She said she was so pleased I asked her out and got her number. She said men just don't do that anymore. Which kind of made me sad. Quite frankly it was very fun and exciting. Much better than over an email online.

 

At the end of the night we had solid plans. We are going to the Salsa dance Tuesday night. I am going to her house warming party next Saturday.

 

That's the short version. We talked about a lot.

 

Oh wait. One of the more important things we discussed is how we both would love to have a partner, that was also a dance partner.

 

LO came up a lot. She doesn't know I know her. At this point I found it funny. I knew they were friends. But I didn't realize they are rather close. If she comes back from Toronto I might bump into her with CS. It's likely me and CS are going to spend a lot of time going out dancing to the same places LO dances. CS and LO actually dance a lot together if there are no leads around.

 

If there are not surprises in the next few weeks I think I'll find myself in a relationship. I said a couple of times I would stay single unless I found someone that made me go wow, and someone who do a lot the heavy lifting. I am chasing her, but she's making it absolutely clear what she wants, and the want is me. It's early, but I can't see this not working out. You just know when you meet certain people. I don't have false hopes. I'm just confident this is it. That and for brevity I'm leaving out a lot of the pillow talk.

[faraday]

I was smiling the entire time I read your post. It sounds like you had an AWESOME night! I love that. I miss that newness....it's so fun. I'm so glad that you were both open to each other at the right time and that last night was a click.

 

I am hopeful and looking forward to future updates

[Clarisse]

Aw, it sounds positively dreamy, Sporster! Isn't it refreshing not to have to keep guessing if someone is into you?

 

What a wonderful beginning.

[reinventmyself]

Off to a great start! Looking forward to the next chapter

[abitbroken]

Yay. I loved reading that. It sounds like you met someone who wants what you want!

[Sportster2005]

Thanks folks.

 

Interesting observation. Her texts are very forward, romantic and sometimes steamy. If this was someone I wasn't too interested I would think it might be too much. But since I am, it I can't get enough.

 

Usually at this point I'm starting to subtly sabotage things. I get a little frightened. For some reason I completely trust her, and there is no fear. I guess it feels safe. I'm not sure if it's progress I have made or I just intuitively trust her intentions. She doesn't strike me as clingy. She strikes me as just wanting to spend time together and make the best of the honeymoon. It's progressing fast. But it's mutual and we both feel comfortable.

 

Salsa night tonight at the bar just down the road. She's coming over first before we go. I hope this time I don't elbow her in the face when I do my right turn.

[Sportster2005]

Things are progressing quickly. I'm trying to walk a balance between caution and not falling back on self defeating habits. I'm torn between thinking this is kind of fast and feeling completely at ease with the pace. It is such a natural fit that I feel there's nothing to do but take it a day at a time and not interfere by thinking and worrying.

 

Last night was date two. We went to a Salsa dance. It was good because we were able to enmesh our two worlds in a very relaxed and unforced state. I met some more of her friends in the Salsa world, and she met some acquaintances of mine, that were/are in the Salsa classes I'm taking. We had a good time again. There is never any awkwardness at all.

 

Afterwards we went to my place. Put on some nice music lit the candles and talked and made out a bit. She mentioned this summer she had two weekends booked away. I'm now going with her on them. I know it's a ways off, but there is no harm in planning them now. Lots and lots of talk interspersed with some heavy making out. We are in no rush for sex, and are really enjoying all this foreplay and fun. She mentioned a guy she met two weeks ago contacted her. She said she had to write a brief Dear John to him. I mentioned I closed by Match account, and while doing so told someone who was interested in meeting that I had decided to date someone exclusively. I asked her if she thought that was too much. She said no. I wouldn't say I'm in a relationship quite yet. I would say I'm dating someone exclusively to see where it goes. I know things can go bad at any moment and strange things happen. But after all that has happened in my life and what I've observed, I would be stunned if this goes down hill anytime soon.

 

The challenge I think is to manage the friendship part and the compatibility side. We are infatuated with one another. I don't see that as a bad thing. I've always maintained there has to be some. It's what people refer to as chemistry. The problem is the chemistry will wear off, and if you haven't been bonding during that time, you won't want to sustain a relationship. That's my theory. But I think the dancing is something that is really going to bond us together. We both think having a dance partner that is a partner is fantastic. In general we have a lot of compatibility and shared interests.

 

Quite simply we are two people who are crazy about one another. We both feel the timing is right. We are both happy and in a place we want someone significant in our lives.

 

Dance night tonight with my ballroom dance partner. In the past she hinted at being more than friends. I don't think she's going to like that I have a Salsa partner, and I will be spending significantly less time with her. We both knew and agreed that our dance relationship would change if and when we met someone. I think she's going to be a bit hurt. That makes me kind of sad. She has been an amazing friend and I hope we can weather this. But ultimately I don't think it can be sustained.

[Batya33]

My friend who was (and is) attractive, successful, educated and a lovely person - and also on the aloof/stoic side, took a salsa dancing class about 12 years ago. She was a former professional dancer in a former life (had to quit because of an injury I think) and wanted to dip her toe back in. She met her husband that way -he was the instructor, 10 years her junior at least (and she was in her late 30s at the time). They've been happily together since then and added a few kids to the mix too.

 

On the chemistry point -if you mean that cloud nine/can't get enough of each other/uber excited -yes, that mellows. The chemistry shouldn't fade entirely though -not even close. Depends how you define chemistry.

 

Enjoy!!!

[Sportster2005]

My friend who was (and is) attractive, successful, educated and a lovely person - and also on the aloof/stoic side, took a salsa dancing class about 12 years ago. She was a former professional dancer in a former life (had to quit because of an injury I think) and wanted to dip her toe back in. She met her husband that way -he was the instructor, 10 years her junior at least (and she was in her late 30s at the time). They've been happily together since then and added a few kids to the mix too.

 

On the chemistry point -if you mean that cloud nine/can't get enough of each other/uber excited -yes, that mellows. The chemistry shouldn't fade entirely though -not even close. Depends how you define chemistry.

 

Enjoy!!!

 

Thanks Batya.

 

I think we have a good balance of chemistry and compatibility. I loosely compare chemistry to physical attraction. But it goes beyond just finding the person attractive. It's when you think of them and you actually feel excited. The thought of being with them gives you the shivers. I'ts rare I think, to find this reciprocated. And when it is it's even rarer if the two are compatible. To me, compatibility is what we have in common. Not just obvious outward things like age and similarities, but values, intelligence, emotional sameness.

 

I like your story. Always nice to hear happy endings

[Sportster2005]

My regular dance partner doesn't want to dance with me anymore I feel very sad about it. We always knew that sooner or later one of us would meet someone and it would change the dynamics of our partnership/relationship. But I was surprised by how sudden and drastic her decision. Last night was our last night dancing together She's been a great partner and friend. It's clear to me now, she was a little more emotionally invested in me, than she let on. She was very hurt when she learned I was seeing someone. She's very happy for me, but obviously sad.

 

It just sucks to lose a friend. I hope after some time she will consider keeping in touch. Right now she seems to want to be left alone.

 

I'm learning the difficulties and politics of dance partners. It feels like a real breakup

[Batya33]

Thanks Batya.

 

I think we have a good balance of chemistry and compatibility. I loosely compare chemistry to physical attraction. But it goes beyond just finding the person attractive. It's when you think of them and you actually feel excited. The thought of being with them gives you the shivers. I'ts rare I think, to find this reciprocated. And when it is it's even rarer if the two are compatible. To me, compatibility is what we have in common. Not just obvious outward things like age and similarities, but values, intelligence, emotional sameness.

 

I like your story. Always nice to hear happy endings

 

Yes, it's rare and I also think that it's still good chemistry later on sans shivers. It might mellow but still great and I think it's part of the glue that holds the couple together over the years. I am sorry to hear about your dance partner and confess I'm not in on all the dynamics/protocol that goes into that but there seems to be some common understanding about how it works. Keep on dancin' and enjoyin'!

[Sportster2005]

Another night of dancing last night. I'm meeting a lot of her friends. She's enthusiastically bringing me into her bubble.

 

We have plans for Swing dancing in June. I'm going to take lessons, and she will be my partner. She wants to teach me Blues style herself. We are going to private Salsa and Bachata classes. Lots and lots of dancing.

 

I have the boys tonight. Saturday night is her house party.

 

We are becoming good dance partners also. We danced Salsa last night effortlessly a couple of times. It was fun.

[faraday]

Swing dancing

[Sportster2005]

Swing dancing

 

It'll be our little secret

[Sportster2005]

Spent a wonderful Saturday together. It was a less a date, and more of spending time together.

 

I met her at her house. She lives close to a designated 'Cultural' area. It is a strip of galleries and cafe's and boutique retailers in brownstone buildings. I was going to ask her if she would like to take a walk down. As I began to open my mouth she asked me if I would like to take a walk down. We seem to do that a lot. We went had coffee and checked out the shops. Went back to her place. I helped her prepare for her house party. Did some sanding and shortened some legs on stools she had. We then took apart her dining room table and turned the room into a dance floor.

 

The party was a blast. Lots of dancing and socialising. I had to leave early, as I had a long run in the morning. Sunday evening I went to her place to watch a movie. We sort of did.

 

We have planned for the upcoming long weekend. It involves me staying overnight. We have agree to wait until then. Although it's getting harder. No pun intended. She continues to fill up my schedule with dancing and dance classes. She has incredible energy.

[Sportster2005]

We were having a walk on the waterfront when she asked me about sailing. Then she started telling me about her friends that sail. Then she mentioned one who was also a dancer. Then she mentioned he also danced with LO. Because she's mentioned LO a few times, she asked me if I knew her. I guess it was inevitable. I said 'yes', but didn't offer anything else. It was weird. It also made me think of her a bit. I checked Viewpoint. She has her house up for sale. I guess she's never coming back. Part of me doesn't care. I'm quite happy. Part of me feels, I wish it didn't end like this. To this day I can't decide why I did what I did. Was I scared to pursue her out of insecurity? Or, on some level I knew she was just bad for me, and refused to follow bread crumbs. I did the right thing, but I can't figure out the reason why.

 

Anyways, still excited about CS. Salsa dancing tonight. Taking her the Blue Nose race expo Saturday to pick up my race kit. Then to the bar we met for some blues and jive dancing. Race Sunday morning, staying at her place Sunday night, our first sleepover. Long drive to the Valley Monday. We are both fearless moving forward. It's nice.

[Clarisse]

Do you think you should just tell her you dated LO so that she isn't blind-sided later? Obviously, you wouldn't offer details, just that you went out a handful of times (I can't remember how long you dated her but it didn't seem long, lol).

 

I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, but things are going so well that I would hate for that to come between you.

[Sportster2005]

Do you think you should just tell her you dated LO so that she isn't blind-sided later? Obviously, you wouldn't offer details, just that you went out a handful of times (I can't remember how long you dated her but it didn't seem long, lol).

 

I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, but things are going so well that I would hate for that to come between you.

 

I don't know. I'm interested in what people think. Maybe it needs a thread in Dating. I really am conflicted.

[reinventmyself]

I was thinking the same thing. When she asked that might have been your opportunity.

You mention your dance community is small. What are the chances she already knows? (women tend to know these things

It's certainly no harm that you dated her but if she is fishing to see if you will say something about it, she could think you withheld the information.

[Sportster2005]

Do you think you should just tell her you dated LO so that she isn't blind-sided later? Obviously, you wouldn't offer details, just that you went out a handful of times (I can't remember how long you dated her but it didn't seem long, lol).

 

I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, but things are going so well that I would hate for that to come between you.

 

I think if she asks anything about LO going forward I will volunteer that we went out a few times, but nothing came of it, and we went our separate ways. I guess my only concern is LO loves drama, and my use the opportunity to create some. However, I'm sure CS must get a sense of this and would take anything LO said with a grain of salt.

 

CS is a confident woman, I don't think she will care too much. But I don't know LO's and CS's history, or how close they really are. If there is any rivalry between them, LO might use it as an excuse to create drama. CS seems stable and reasonable. LO, not so much.

[Sportster2005]

I was thinking the same thing. When she asked that might have been your opportunity.

You mention your dance community is small. What are the chances she already knows? (women tend to know these things

It's certainly no harm that you dated her but if she is fishing to see if you will say something about it, she could think you withheld the information.

 

I don't think she knows. If she did, I think she would have said something by now. The community is small, but it has subgroups. CS does more blues/swing. LO more ballroom/Latin. If she knows, I'm sure it will come again. I will tell her what I said in the above post.

 

I'm going forward assuming she doesn't know, and LO will be staying in Toronto, and will continue to behave as her life here never existed.

[browneyedgirl36]

I was thinking the same thing. When she asked that might have been your opportunity.

You mention your dance community is small. What are the chances she already knows? (women tend to know these things

It's certainly no harm that you dated her but if she is fishing to see if you will say something about it, she could think you withheld the information.

 

I agree. The only real "conflict" (if you can even call it that) in my current relationship involved me omitting the detail that my ex and I work together. My now-fiancee knew about my ex -- we had talked about our exes early on -- but I had never disclosed that I work with him (I had gone back and forth with myself about it and decided that, since there as absolutely nothing going on there anymore, at all, and since my ex and I rarely -- if ever -- speak to each other or even run into each other at work anymore because of vastly different schedules, it wasn't necessary. I didn't want my now-fiancee to worry that my ex would be trying to get me back, etc. (He's not the insecure type, but...when our relationship was in its early stages, I really didn't know that, and I didn't want to upset him needlessly). Well, my fiancee figured it out (it's a long story, but it has to do with social media, of course, and him putting two and two together because of something I mentioned about one of my ex's hobbies) and it led to a semi-tense conversation in which I apologized profusely for not telling him that my ex and I work together. Once we talked about it, though, all was good, but I do wish I'd said something sooner. If I had it to do over, I would have. It's one thing to omit details with people I'm not as close to -- most people aren't entitled to every bit of information about us -- but with someone I'm in a serious relationship with (or see potential for one), nope. Lesson learned. I should have trusted my fiancee to be able to deal with the fact that my ex and I work together; he has, and has no problem with it.

 

I don't think you need to give a ton of detail -- just tell CS that you did, in fact, date LO, for a bit. Clearly if LO has left town, is selling her house, etc., she's not any sort of threat to CS, and if CS really knows LO, she probably knows that anyway.

 

Always better to err on the side of transparency in these things, I think, so that it doesn't come back to bite you later.

[reinventmyself]

I think when someone omits a detail like that it gives it more weight then it deserves.

If I were her I would wonder, if it wasn't a big deal then why not mention it?

You see, we here know that LO was indeed a big deal to you.

 

So let me ask you, if it was someone else you didn't care so much about would you have mentioned it?

 

If I found out after the fact, especially in light of her name being brought up I might wonder why.

[Sportster2005]

We were having brunch on Sunday when we started chatting about Instagram. I turned on my phone to add her. She turned on her phone to accept. Then she turned her phone to face me and asked "Do you know this person"? It was LO. It was her IAG profile pic. I said "LO, yes I know her".

 

I don't if she forgot asking me the other day, or ??? There was something in her tone. It wasn't very nice. And my tone matched hers. It was like we both didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room. But that's only my perception. She may have just been curious. We drove by her house today, while heading out for a country drive. I was wondering if she would say "hey that's where LO lives(d)." But she didn't. Maybe she never knew where she lived.

 

I just don't want to have this conversation with CS. If it comes back to bite me, then so be it. If she knows and she's prodding me, then she is playing games. Not cool. If she knows and is concerned then she can put on her big girl pants and ask. I'm not disclosing it, or volunteering it, because quite frankly I want it in my past, and it's really none of her business. That's my final decision.